Moving on... again.

I am back. Well back to blogging that is. I can't believe how fast Time has flown by [an overused sentence but still valid]. I'd like to say not much has happened since the last time i wrote but i think i'd be lying. Hopefully, i haven't lost my silent readers but then again, if they're expecting bitching, whining and dramas, i think they'll be disappointed. Perhaps this site needs a face lift or at least a new masthead.

Mental Note to Oneself: Something to think about and perhaps do in the next few weeks.

I may need to brush up on my writing flair as it has been quite some time. Oh gawd! My fingers are already starting to cramp! So anyway, back to my update, in some twist of fate, my Life has made a 180 degree turn. I believe i've used that phrase before but you know what i mean.

Well in the past 2 plus months, quite a number of things have happened. I'm sure i've done much more but these are the major events:

I've gone to the Love Parade in Dortmund. Which was not anything that i imagined it to be. 2008 had the biggest turnout: 1.6 million people! The weather was unpredictable and i ended up dragging my fluffly leg warmers through the mud, which definitely was a pain in the arse. J and i ended up not making it to the main stage because it was getting really cold and we had already been dancing/walking around the circuit for about 5 hours. But had we known where and what the plan of the place were, we may have been more prepared.

[Images stolen from various sites]

J brought me back to his home town. There i was in the house that he grew up in and had a taste of what Life would be like in a small town. I met up with his brothers and one who so happened to be part of my past back in my Teenage years. It was nice to see familiar faces but for a moment slightly awkward with the current situation. But i got through it and was glad that it was over and done with.

J's folks place is unlike any home i've ever lived in; surrounded by trees, far from skyscrapers and embraced by open spaces. It was quiet and the quality of air could be simply described as, "Fresh". I even met up with his grandmother, where we stayed the night and i tried my best to understand what she said with my limited German vocabulary. I've learned to speak in short bursts but still i couldn't help but get nervous!



As for my Lump update, well they're still there. No, they're not Cancerous and neither do they require me to be hospitalized. Blame it on the hormones but i think they have a mind of their own. Nothing to be freaked out about. I just have to monitor them and should i notice any major changes, i should just make an appointment to see the Gynie. Simple, good advice for anyone, i think.

Other news: My parents celebrated their 37th year Anniversary on the 11th of this month. So big congratulations to them! Nowadays, it seems rare to see couples stay together through thick and thin but more importantly, their Love for one another seems to remain strong.

Oh.

Bigger news: J and i decided a few months back that we'd take the next step in our relationship. NO, not the big M. We've decided we want to live together. Yup, i'm moving to Düsseldorf. Well for those who didn't pay attention in Geography class, that's about an hour away from where i'm currently living.

Yup. That's Move #3 before 2008 ends. Well technically it's like Move #4.

There was no hesitation and the next step was to find a place. Which is what we were doing for the past 2 months. Looking daily online and hoping we'd find a flat that met our requirements was a pain in the arse. There was a moment where i thought we'd NEVER find a place. Never Say Never...

Lucky for us, we found the "perfect" place and being the eager beavers that we are, were the first ones to apply for the flat. And after 2 weeks of waiting for an answer from the Property owner, they said, YES. So all that needs to be done is for us to transfer the deposit and sign along the dotted line.

...

Yes, i remember there was a time when i declared that i'd end up being Single, miserable, possibly hibernating in my 1 bedroom flat and smelling of cat pee. Well a year has passed and so much has changed. More importantly, my attitude towards Life My Life has changed. My suicidal thoughts have diminished although i do think back and get sad. But i am grateful that chapter is over.

Yes, i am still happy and i am happy to announce that i'm in full control of my meds. I've been reducing them over the past few months and it's been a month since i took my last AD. *Claps* I still have my stash but i'm keeping an eye on my progress and so far, things are turning out better than i had ever imagined.

Apart from my mental state update, i can understand random German words. And although i still get nervous when i have to speak. I know that's normal. I am forcing myself to listen to the radio and watch t.v. Never mind, that i don't understand them fully... but i'm hoping, one day i will.

Give me a break, it's only been 6 months! Yes, i'm a slow learner.

But this Friday will be my last day at the Language School, part of me is sad that i will be saying good-bye to the group of friends i have made but like with every farewell i've had to make, it's just part-in-parcel of what my Life has been all about...

1 lump? No... 4

02. Juli. 2008 // Health. Something that often is taken for granted.

And unless something is wrong, chances are one doesn't think twice about it. But should there be SOME kind of disturbance or imbalance, often paranoia sets in. I believe the brain has its way of blowing things out of proportion. Maybe it's human nature to think the worst in most situations. Unless of course one is just pessimistic and can't see the good in anything. Then i guess there's no helping in the matter.

So the other night i woke from a restless sleep. I dreamt i had a lump on my breast. And immediately i lay there checking. And low and behold, i found one. How come i never noticed it before? It was the size of ones finger joint! For a second there i thought i was dreaming and wondered whether it was just my imagination.

It wasn't. And i had troubles going back to sleep.

I waited till it was a decent hour to call J and informed him of my findings. I spent the rest of the day distracted in class, wondering the dreaded "What if's".

J insisted i get it checked out but assured me it would be fine. So i made an appointment with some random Gynie for the next day. J drove down right after work to keep me company [THANK YOU SO MUCH!] And so he could be there during my appointment the next day, should there be any complications... both with the language AND should the dreaded What Ifs be true.

The next day, as usual, i went to class and was later picked up by J during my break.

We made our way to the doctor's office and waited till it was my turn. We sat in silence as we watched one of the patients' toddler stick random communal toys in her mouth. I tried to ignore her elder brother who seemed more concerned with grabbing our attention than the safetely/comfort of his little sister. I believe if you encourage their behavior [good/bad] they will CONTINUE to do so. I was in no mood and made no eye contact.

J browsed through a booklet about Breast Cancer. I drifted off thinking about of all sorts of things other than THAT.

When it was finally my turn. We were ushered to another room and soon met the American Gynie. I went into detail about my findings and was told to go to another room where the examination would take place. After a bit of prodding and having KY Jelly smeared on the suspected area an ultrasound was done.

"It's not my imagination right? There IS something there, right?" i said.
" Yes, i can definitely feel it."
"Oh".

Her findings were a cluster of cysts. What i felt was just 1, but after further investigation it ended up being 3. She recommended a mammogram. She said i don't have anything to worry about but "just in case" she'll make an appointment with the Radiologist.

SO after rushing home to stuff food in my mouth, we made our way to my 2pm appointment.

Ushered into a little cubicle with the number 2 inscribed in metallic on the front, it was then connected to the x-ray area. I stood half undressed whilst answering random questions about my past. Then allowed the lady to manoeuvre my breasts around like putty on a some kind of machine/apparatus.

4 x-rays was all that was needed to determine the outcome. It was over sooner than i expected and was back out in the waiting room.

Then was told i had to wait til the Radiologist returned and would explain the findings. Another ultrasound was needed. There i lay half undressed... again, whilst this stranger in a white coat examined my chest and went over the various areas.

I reckon i was his youngest patient for the afternoon because the 2 other ladies that were after me must have been at least in their late 60s.

CONCLUSION: 4 were found but was informed that they are benign [non-cancerous] cysts and have nothing to worry about. But have been recommended that i should go twice a year for an Ultrasound, just to make sure nothing else creeps up.

But i have another appointment on Monday with my Gynie... apparently she's going to go through the x-rays in detail with me.

I guess it's better to be safe than sorry.