Where did November go?

Time keeps passing me by. Is it just me or has 2009 felt like one big blur? With every new month that begins i can't help but wonder what happened to the last. And here i go again wondering, what the hell happened to November?

Now my mornings until 1pm are occupied with German classes and when i get home i'm usually going through my list of household chores. Before i know it i'm already preparing dinner and simultaneously trying to do my homework just so i can at least spend some time with J before we head to bed which is around 10pm.

J's been really busy with work lately. So we haven't really spent so much time together. Whatever free time he does have he's either catching up on lost sleep or playing a few games on his computer. Which explains why my facebook wall has been recently flooded with an indecent amount of Zynga game applications.

I will admit, i crossed the border into LameVille the minute i added FishVille. But gawddamnit i can't resist checking up on them and hell yeah for not having to touch dead fish with my bare hands! Online games are so practical sometimes.


But the past weekend was a lazy one. One that kept us indoors and taking several naps at various times during the day. J prepared a yummy Sunday brunch which so happened to be the first weekend of Advent. Not that we're religious or anything, it was just coincidental. I do know there's three weekends to go till Christmas.

We also bought Little L an Advent Calendar. More specifically a Lego Advent Calendar. We wrapped it up and secured it with cling wrap and sent it in the post.


She's crazy over Lego, so i thought it would only make sense to get her something that she likes. Last year we got her a Lindt chocolate version and i remember every weekend that she came to visit she would always look forward to eating the 5 days she had missed from having not been at our place.

And of course, if you buy one child a present it's only fair that you buy the other child one too. So we got BabyA a little Playmobil boat that he can take with him next time he's in the tub.


Apparently BabyA is at the stage where he wants to run all over the shop. Which is crazy since it was only in June when we last saw them in Ireland and he had just learned to pull himself up.

Kids grow up so fast - as i'm sure every parent will agree.

Little L practically speaks English fluently. It still amazes me to think a year ago, her and i could barely communicate. With my limited German and her non-existent English vocabulary, our times together was ruled by watching cartoons and finger pointing.

So much has happened in the last 12 months, it's insane. One day i will sit down and recollect my thoughts.

...

But it is obvious that J misses Little L a lot.

And i can't help but feel sorry for J when he calls and Little L doesn't feel like talking. I guess she's too young to understand and fully comprehend the whole situation. But then again, she is only seven. Miraculously, it's all worked out for the better.

Proof that no family is "perfect" and everyone has their imperfections. One just has to make the most of what they've got and appreciate what they have.

Uh-oh i'm rambling. I can hear my bed calling...

Knee Duh Land Duh

:: Borrowed from macobra historic ::

Sometimes my pronunciation of certain German words just don't roll off my tongue as easy as i wish they would. But i guess that comes down to practice. One particular word that i keep messing up is the country that i'm from. The Netherlands. It's a bit embarrassing that i can't pronounce my own country of citizenship.

For non-German speakers i'll try my best to break it down to how i think it sounds like if you'd use the English language. For German speakers, well, don't laugh.

So here it goes, in English it's the Netherlands.

In German it's die Niederlande.

Now for god knows how long i've always pronounced it "Neh-duh-land" - without stretching the "a" in land and sounding nasal like an American [no offense to Americans] but more like i was trying to speak the Queen's English with an accent.

But my pronunciation was totally off. Maybe because that's how i think the Dutch say it: Nederland. Again, i could be wrong there too.

So yea, many thanks to dict.cc - my trusty online English-German dictionary for their fancy button which enables people to hear the pronunciation of words.

And i got it! My sure way of remembering...

Knee [like when i fell off my bike and i bruised my KNEE]
Duh [like, DUH you should know how to say this by now]
Land [like where did you LAND? *Spoken in a Queen's English accent*]
Duh [like DUH, see KNEE example]

Now stitch it together and it's Knee-duh-lan-duh.

So when anyone asks me where i'm from, i can say:

Auf deutsch:
Ich komme aus den Niederlande.

Sounds a bit like:
Ish com-muh ow-ss den Knee-duhlan-duh.

Back to school and bonding.

So i made it through my 2nd day back to German classes and i have to say i'm almost thankful that i took that 15-month break from the last course i took. Because now i actually understand most of what people are saying. Plus i think if i had no prior knowledge on the current topic we're doing right now, i'd be so lost and back to wanting to pull out my hair out of frustration.

The realization that i'm here to stay has sunk in and just being able to comprehend what anyone says prevents me from tuning out more than i used to.

All that TV watching and subtitle reading actually did me some good.

But i think i'm a little bit more focused. I've even gone as far as purchasing the extra work book from the previous level just so i can get my arse back into gear and understand it all. Yes, i know i'm a nerd.

As for the teaching method, it's somewhat different from the previous school i went to. VHS is subsidized by the government hence it's slightly cheaper and dare i say not as thorough. Many who attend the German courses are there because they need a certificate that says they know enough German to apply for citizenship, a visa or that their work place requires them to learn the language.

I, on the other hand have a European passport so i don't require a visa to live here. But i'm learning German because, well i have to. I know i can't always have my personal translator/speaker a.k.a J with me at all the times to do even the simplest errands.

Maybe i should look at it like it's my way of getting back my Independence.

...

So anyway, at the moment there are 20 of us in the class, which i think is too many.

Every time we have to read out our homework or to get through a simple exercise it takes up to 30 minutes till we're all done and can move on to the next question. But apparently the teacher's going to ask the secretary if the group can be split into 2 groups. So who knows, maybe i'll have another teacher.

Overall i'd say the people in my class are quite friendly. I'd even say majority could carry on a basic conversation but their main trouble, like what i have, is understanding the grammar.

I'm the only English speaking person in my class, so i'm pretty much whipping out whatever German vocabulary i know and stitching together what i think sounds like proper sentences. So far so good. Nobody's given me weird looks and said they didn't understand me.

More than half of the class knows one other since they had started the course together a few months back, most of the women are housewives so when they get their chance they huddle together and chit chat. But there's a few interesting characters, one in particular i foresee has excellent stalker qualities.

...

Oh but what i really wanted to say is that i made a new friend today!

She so happens to be Asian [the only one i've seen so far in the building] and who has longer hair than i have, hers is past her arse! The first thing she said to me when she saw me was, Are you Chinese? And then it went on to something like, Oh my gawd you speak English too!

I soon found out she's from China, speaks perfect English, just arrived in Guetersloh 2 months ago and recently got married to a German guy.

No, she's not a catalog bride and no, i didn't ask her.

But after class we ended up chatting for ages in the hallway like a bunch of school girls gossiping. Basically she met her husband when he was studying in some kind of exchange program in Peking last year and they fell in love. And basically a year later they got married and now she's 2 months pregnant. She's 26. However, as part of her visa requirement she needs to complete 600 hours of German lessons hence the reason why she's doing the beginner's course.

Oh and she's Vegetarian too. Whatta-kwinky-dink!

But isn't it funny how when you're not in your home country and you see some other person on the street that's of the same race or perhaps Nationality, you tend to attract one another. It's like that invisible shield gets lifted and you almost feel like there's that bond. It's that initial eye contact which sparks the curiosity and makes you wonder where the other person is from and whether they too speak your language.

Or maybe that's just me.

If You Don't Succeed, Try, Try again.

There's a little walkway down the road that takes us through some field. I'm not sure what they're growing there, i can only assume the plot belongs to the Gardening centre up the road or some farmer that has too much land. So J being the curious one wanted to go for a walk and see where the path led to.


We soon found out it connected to a cemetery - not somewhere i'd like to be at when it's pitch black. The combination of an overactive mind, glowing red candles and the rustling of the leaves makes me think all sorts of ridiculous scenarios.

I'll let you know, i'm not a fan of graveyards. I could even say i'm even petrified of them.

Anyway, the weather has been amazing the last few days and the passing warm front has forced the temperatures up to 17˙C. Sunshine and perfect blue skies are always appreciated. I don't remember last year to be this warm though. Isn't Winter supposed to be just around the corner? This time last year i was in Düsseldorf and there was that huge snow storm. I wonder if there'll be snow this year?

So on Friday i decided to take advantage of the weather and took my bumble bee bicycle out for a spin. I need all the practice i can get, especially if i have to ride to school one day. Although i wish i could take the bus daily, my bank balance tells me otherwise.

I decided to ride around my area in circles, hoping the longer i was on it, the more confident i'd feel. And everything was going well until i made the stupid mistake of trying to ride up the sidewalk from the road. Clearly there was enough space for me and an oncoming car but i don't know what possessed me to be all fancy and not choose the safer choice by riding on the very flat, dry road.

And let's just say, the stupid sidewalk snuck up on me. Sneaky lil' bastard!

As the car slowed down beside me, i looked up and the dude smiled. I'm not sure whether he was laughing at me or was simply smiling cause he thought my out-of-the-blue accident was entertaining. And in return i gave the guy a half-arsed smile and hoped that none of my neighbors saw me.

But here are my bruised knees to prove it... Aua!


As you can see i bruise really easily, so it's no surprise that they're turning a darker shade of purple by the hour.

Then when J came home i told him my story but he insisted we go back out and practice out in the street again. Yes when it was dark! It was still early but the sun sets around 5pm now, so you could imagine my hesitation.

Don't worry nothing happened. There was no drama.

I stayed clear of the gutters and made sure i walked across the pedestrian crossing with my bike. We figured we'd celebrate my achievement of stepping out of my comfort zone by going to the pub for a beer and pizza. Yes, i know "drinking & driving/riding" isn't wise but i made sure the beer settled before i jumped back on the bike. And all i have to say after that was it sure calmed my nerves.

But i do wonder, how long does it take until your arse and crotch gets used to the seat? Seriously. My knees aren't the only thing that's bruised.

G. If only it was that simple.

Yesterday i heard a whole lot of banging, as if someone was installing or fixing something to the roof. I could hear plaster trickle down in between the walls. I didn't think much of it since i knew the owner of the house is still doing renovations and insulating parts of the house. And as long as our walls were intact, i didn't make much of a fuss or had any reason to be worried.

After a few hours it was done and then our doorbell rang. I figured it was the owner wanting some help so i made my way downstairs to the front door.

But it wasn't the owner, it was some contractor. He rang the doorbell to tell me something. I say "something" because i don't actually know what he said. He was speaking in German and apart from, "i'm sorry to disturb you" and "i saw the window open...", everything else was pretty much a blur.

After replying with, "Ja", he quickly went on to explain some other detail.

Details that are beyond my German comprehension.

And at the time i was thinking, maybe now is a good time to tell him my German isn't so good and that i don't understand.

But i didn't.

I don't know why but i have a tendency to get temporary amnesia when faced with unfamiliar conversations or language confrontations.

So anyway, there he was standing at the front rambling on and on, hand gestures included about whatever he was installing/fixing up on the roof. I say the roof because that's where i thought the sound was coming from.

For all i know he could have said, "Oops i made a huge hole in the roof please don't kill me or tell the landlord" and i just said, "Ja" [yes] and "Alles klar" [It's all good].

A few hours later J came home and i told him the story of the mystery contractor and how i simply agreed to everything he had said even though i had no idea what he was saying. My main worry was that maybe there was something wrong and who knows, maybe there was a hole in the roof!

So i begged J to SMS our owner in German no less, and say that the contractor had come and that it would be best that he ring him back.

It's moments like those that i wish i lived in an English speaking country. I reckon daily life would be so much easier.

...

Note to self: Next time someone gives me instructions or rambles on in German and i don't understand, don't just nod my head and agree!

Important words to say/remember: "Entschuldigung. Sprechen Sie Englisch?" [Sorry. Do you speak English?]

And if all else fails, shrug/smile and say: "Ich verstehe nicht" [I don't understand] and hope he gets the picture.

A New kind of Schedule.

I had one of those restless nights. The kind of sleep where you're half conscious and every little squeak or movement jolts you awake. It didn't help that the temperature in the room kept fluctuating. I made sure my legs didn't dangle off the side of the bed, in fear that the boogieman would come out and saw off my feet for being careless. Yes, i am months away from turning 30.

Don't you just hate it when your mind plays tricks on you?

It's the crack of dawn and i've had my first cup of coffee. I'm taking advantage of this spurt of energy, because who knows, maybe in a few hours i may just end up passing out whilst doing the dishes. Maybe i should take advantage of the fact that i can lounge around in my PJs all day if i wish. Or sneak in a mid-morning nap, only to decide whether or not i should do the household chores then or later.

My days of being cooped up and playing the unofficial hauswife are now numbered.

Anyway, guess what came in the mail for me yesterday...


A DL-sized card confirming that i've registered for German classes and that it starts on Monday. For a moment there, i wished it was all a dream and i had dreamt up going to the VHS to do the placement test. Maybe even pretend i could speak the language fluently. Why was i not born with the gift of Learning Languages?

It's moments like those that i wish i could put my Life on pause for a little longer.

But staring right back at me in black and white was my printed-out schedule. There was no turning back. And my eyes immediately zoomed in onto when i start my Christmas break.

Wasn't it, like last week, that i sat down for that placement test? Or has it been a month already? Why is everything moving so fast? What happened to 2009?

And like a slap to the face, it hit me - my Life as i know it, is going to change as of Monday.

I detest 'first days' and having to deal with first impressions. I know, i know. I just have to suck in my gut and do it! Convince myself that i'm fabulous and that i won't fuck up.

Oh. my gawd. Why am i so nervous?

Five more days and counting...

Deutsch subtitles: ON.

Ever since we found out that most library's have a decent selection of DVDs for rent, we've made sure to take advantage of that fact. Although they're not the latest, there's always a few that are worth watching.

Image courtesy of Stadt Gütersloh.

What makes it more appealing is that renting them is free, well it's part of the annual fee but seeing that we didn't end up having to pay for the first year, renting them has made it even better. The interior of the library here is quite impressive. We usual take out anywhere between 6-10 at one go and one has a week to watch them.

So the past weekend was very much a lazy one - not including our midnight road trip.

We ordered pizzas and pretty much locked ourselves behind closed doors and had one of those movie marathons kind of weekends. We haven't had one of those in a while since J's been pretty busy at work and has had to work. So it was great to spend some quality time together and not worry that he/we had to be some other place.

Two movies that caught my attention were 2005 Derailed with Jennifer Aniston and Clive Owen.



The other was called Hooligans also released in 2005 starring Elijah Wood. I'm not a violent person and neither am i a football fan. In fact, i don't really have a liking towards Sports full stop. And the sight of blood and watching somebody's head being bashed in isn't something that i call entertaining, although i really liked Fight Club - i am an Edward Norton fan.

I read some mixed reviews after watching this movie but i have to say, i quite liked it.

Midnight Road Trip.

J called me yesterday afternoon to inform me he would be done with work around 7pm and thought it would be a good idea that we go out for drinks. I think his exact words were, "Tequila shots helps to cure a cold right? After all it is the weekend.

And for a change i decided to dress up a little. Hang on, let me elaborate... Not too long ago, J took me shopping - not because i asked but he thought it was necessary. For quite awhile now he's been hinting that i should really consider dressing up more like a "woman". Apparently i blend in very well with the local teens. Fashion conscious i am not. I practically live in baby-Ts and jeans.

I have to admit my daily outfit is anything but inspiring or creative.

Every time J and i pass a shoe store that sells FM boots or pumps, he tries to steer me towards the door in hope that i'll try on something. I honestly think he has a fetish for heels.

Yes i know you must be thinking i must be crazy that i didn't jump at the chance but i had my reasons.


Eventually i caved and like my own personal shopper J was more than happy to help me pick out ones that suited me. He ends up buying me two pairs of boots; FM boots minus the stiletto and casual brown ankle boots. And before i know it, i'm out the door with a new pair of boots on.


We get home and like a sign from the fashion gods, my beloved bootlegged jeans that i bought circa 2001 at Dangerfield in Melbourne died-ed! I still remember the painful ripping sound it made as i lifted my leg up on the over-sized step that our washing machine sits on.

It was a very sad moment for me.

So the next day J takes me out shopping... again.

Yes i know, you're probably thinking i should be thrilled. But the thought of speed-racing around town before shops close and trying on one too many pairs isn't my idea of fun. And the oh-so popular skinny jeans are a total no-go for me. I'm more than certain my proportions are a little off in that department. Skinny-anything tend to transform my legs into chicken drumsticks.

But just as the 2nd store is closing and i've tried on the dozenth pair, i hit gold!

Then J finds a knitted grey dress-like top and suggests i try it on so i can see what the jeans look like with something other than a baby-T. And it's only until we get home do i notice he's also purchased the grey top too. Isn't he lovely?

But i haven't found occasion or reason to wear the top. Personally, i didn't want the supermarket to be the first place i show it off.

Which brings me back to last night and this what i wore...


I paired it up with some black tights, a 3/4 sleeve black top and a black decorative hairband. I also managed to find my collection of accessories and found a suitable necklace i bought 2 plus years ago at a store i've already forgotten the name of but i do know it was in Bangsar, KL.


By the time J got back from work it was just past 9pm and i could feel myself getting sleepier by the minute. Proof that the daily 6am wake ups has made me less of a night owl. Again, please excuse my fringe for its unruly behavior.



But if it weren't for J's determination to make the most of our Friday, i'm sure i'd be passed out until morning.

Although i'm not sure at what point the plan changed from let's have a few drinks to let's go to a club and go dancing! At which time, i had found a blanket and buried myself under it, hoping that my actions were speaking louder than words.

I guess it wasn't that loud after all.

Looking for a decent club that played Tech-House or even Minimal proved to be more difficult than we expected. Those clubs we did find were unfortunately not in our area. And those we fancied were a bit too far away. At that point i started missing Saturday nights at Rheingold in Düsseldorf.

After much dilly-dallying it was already past midnight. So we jumped in the car and ended up driving the 1 hour and 15 minutes to Düsseldorf to see some friends.

...


And as spontaneous as our midnight road trip, on our way back home we decide to make a pit stop in Osnabrück [an hour and a half away] to check out Boris Dlugosch play.

Speaking of Osnabrück, did you know last month authorities found another random WWII bomb that hadn't exploded. Scary shit right!? They ended up having to evacuate 10,0000 people so they could defuse it: read the article here. And in January 2009 they detonated two and defused two others! Check out the article and the crazy hole it left here.


Anywaaaay, i've always been impressed by the massive bottle-for-a-key-chain found at petrol stations. Its ridiculous size is used as a means to prevent customers from running off with the key. I think at this point i was actually gagging because the smell in the Mens loo was beyond words.


I later notice we've parked beside a brick building with a fake stairwell painted on its exterior. How trippy!

Finally we get to the club at 6:15am and the bouncer tells us that he's not letting anybody else in. Apparently, the club was going to close at 7am. I guess we had no other choice but to buy a 6-pack and head home.

So we didn't end up dancing and neither did we get to check out a new club. In fact, we totally forgot about Tequila shots.


But i did find an example of a cheap alternative to branding ones' identity: stencil one's logo on a wooden fence with spray paint. By the way Strandwerk in English translates to Beach Factory hence the palm tree.

"Poor Little Bunny"

Since J got back on Sunday, he's been sniffing and sneezing. I guess standing out in the cold for 14 hours at the event on Saturday didn't quite help. So yesterday just before lunch he calls me to say he's coming home.

He's sick.

The doctor says it's only a cold. So no worries, it's not the swine flu. No need to quarantine and lock myself up in the house. All he needs is rest and soon he should be good to go.

It's been awhile since i've had company during the day. It wasn't so lonely especially with the occasional nose blowing in the background as an indicator that he's still alive.

We still haven't got around to getting a sofa, so the spare mattress is still lying in the middle of the living room. And once and awhile he'll peel himself from under the covers and make his way into the kitchen. Dragging his hotel slippers and looking all sorry for himself. At which time, i'm up from my chair because he's mumbled something that he wants with the energy of a sloth.

Then i thought of The Man Cold and couldn't help but laugh.



Anyway, after fiddling with my blog's template last night, i eventually passed out sometime after 2am. But then i overslept, well i thought i overslept. It was 7:45 and i frantically wake up J to say he's late for work. So i rush to the kitchen to make him a quick breakfast and whilst i'm waiting for the water to boil for his cup of chamomile tea + honey, i stroll over to the window to see what the weather will be like.

What shade of grey will be on the menu today?

The sun has gone missing for the past few days, so to open the shutters to see this was a real nice surprise...


So i'm rambling on about something to J and i don't hear an answer. Our apartment is not that big and there aren't that many hiding places. But it takes me a few minutes to find out he's not taking a shower and isn't getting ready for work. He's snuck back into the work room where i was just in and has passed out on the guest bed and buried himself under the blanket.

"Poor little Bunny".

Why does IE have to be so difficult?

I just spent the past 4 hours trying to figure out which part of the code to edit so i can replace the default typed out blog title to the one featured in the image above. It was a slow and tedious process. I change one thing, something else shifts. I forget a letter or delete something by accident, the preview doesn't work and i can't publish it online.

It was all so very confusing and damn right frustrating.

And only by accident did i manage to remove the menu bar that was at the top [featuring links and blogs that i frequently visit]. But that wasn't what i wanted to do to begin with. Even though the designer had designed it that way, somehow i wasn't feelin' it. So that took an hour or so to figure out which part of the script that was.

So everything looked fine and dandy in Firefox. But then Safari decides to add the 'Title' to the top - which i didn't want but then managed to fix.

And just when i thought i could go to bed, i thought i'd check on J's PC what the blog looks like on Internet Explorer.
.
.
.
And damn it, it wasn't even there! My header was missing. All that work for nothing.

So for all you Internet Explorer users out there, it's because of YOU that i'm changing my template... again! But i can't be arsed to do it right now, it's way past my bed time.

As a wise fellow designer once told me, i must remember to K.I.S.S: Keep It Simple Stupid.

A healed wound but scarred for Life.

You know what rattles my chains? What gets my heart racing and gets me all defensive? When people make silly comments about a subject matter that they have no clue about.

It's so easy to make a smart arse comment sound clever when you've got the gift of words.

Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion and each are subjective. Maybe i'm just overreacting which is why i've decided to spew it out here, after all this is my place to rant and rave. I need to get it out of my system before it starts eating me away.

Maybe i'm just a more compassionate person and tend to empathize with those in pain or in need of support. Yes, i will admit i did cry when i saw the World Trade Centre get hit and when there was that Tsunami in 2004. But when it hits closer to home and it relates to me personally, i find it hard to keep my mouth shut.

...

So i wonder, why is it that if a person suffers from depression, he/she is considered weak. And if they cry for help that automatically makes them an attention seeker? What absolute bollocks!

Maybe there are some people who use the word "depression" loosely and it's lost it's meaning. But seriously, it makes my blood boil to know how naive some people are or how unwilling they are to understand it. I'm sure there's enough studies and research out there to prove it's not some made up excuse.

[Vincent Van Gogh's "At Eternity's Gate". Stolen from Wiki]

Speaking from personal experience, the feeling is so intense that it tends to wipe out all forms of emotions. It's hard to fathom a world without emotions but it's as if your senses are put on mute and that's only just a small part of it.

Waking up each and every day with a stronger urge to end your life is not how Life's supposed to be. Although i can understand why some people are driven towards suicide. I admit i danced with the idea of Death. Call it selfish but when a person's mind is so flooded with negativity, feelings so out of their reach that it affects the person both mentally and physically, an easy option would be to just silence it.

Take ones' breath and end it all.

There is no text book or internet definition that can come close to how dark ones' world can get. It's so horrible, i wouldn't even wish it upon an enemy.

Yes the mind works in mysterious ways and just like an abused or rape victim, one never truly forgets.

Sure people can say, "You're fine", "Nothing's wrong with you", Move on and snap out of it!" Some may even try and convince them that they're making it all up and that they're delusional.

I've heard it all before and the more i hear it, the more i despise those comments. Just hearing those words makes my pulse quicken. I'm not sure why. Maybe that wasn't the answer i was looking for back then. Deep down i was probably hoping someone would give me the cure to feeling "normal" again.

And that probably explains why those who are suffering from depression tend to hide it from others - in fear that they will be looked down upon. Not every culture accepts it as a serious issue. And so by "putting on a happy face", it protects them and steers the attention away. At the end of the day, it's so much easier to say you're "fine" than to get an earful from people telling you, "it'll be ok, you'll get over it" or "why are you embarrassing me and our family?"

You think a person wants to be depressed?

They say it's a state of mind. A mind over matter kind of deal. A result of a tragic or traumatic event. A chemical imbalance. Maybe it's due to your thyroids being out of whack. Some result to therapy and medication as their only way to handle Life as they know it.

And in my case, taking meds made it far worse before it got better. Unfortunately, shrinks don't tell you that when they're writing you your prescription. At the end of the day, they've gotta make a living too.

I just find it odd that society as we know it has somehow convinced us it's taboo to speak about ones' mental illnesses. As if by speaking out automatically makes them less of a person or that he/she lacks character.

I just don't get it. Who are they to judge?

But it's been over a year since i stopped regularly taking my anti-depressants. I find myself in a much better place, mentally and physically. Maybe i'm just one of the exceptions. One of the lucky ones.

But i wrote this post in the chance that maybe someone out there is going through a hard time or maybe wants some reassurance that they're not going crazy. And to tell them that they're not "alone" in this subject matter.

So my advice is, DON'T GIVE UP - as lame and fortune-cookie-like it might sound.

But if you feel like you have nobody to talk to? You could always try starting a journal to jot down your thoughts, at least it's out of your system. So when your so-called bad days stretches into months, you know that can't be normal. I suggest you speak to a counselor or shrink - there's a reason why they're there, to get deep down into your psyche.

And most importantly, educate yourself on the matter because the more you understand it, the less overwhelming and scary it will be. And if you can't talk to your friends or family, there are quite a number of forums and support groups online that you can browse through and join.

Peace.

Rollin'... rollin'... rollin'...

The cool grey coloured blanket for a sky is back. It looks so depressing.

It's been spitting pretty much since yesterday and the temperature hovers around 6˙C. Yesterday i spent most of my day indoors keeping myself busy doing all the housewifey type things that one does to keep things in order like the laundry, ironing J's work shirts/trousers, doing the dishes, making the bed, sewing back on missing buttons, so on and so forth.

I pretty much live a life of a housewife minus the kids.

I'm not complaining. For those of you who've stuck by me and followed me through the past years, isn't it funny how things have turned out?

Anyway, yesterday J finished work early, so i accompanied him to the train station to purchase a ticket to Hamburg. There's a big meeting with the other managers, one that he has to be present for. Originally he was going to drive but with the shit weather and endless number of traffic jams/accidents, he figured he'd save himself the extra stress. So 2 and a half hours of sitting on the train catching up on paperwork, ain't all that bad.

Plus he's been pretty much driving non-stop. He just got back from Hannover on Sunday.

And no he didn't end up taking photos of the ungrateful person's apartment. He said there was no time. But apparently, she was OK with everything. And her only comment about the curtains were, "those aren't mine!"

But it's done. The keys have been handed over and now we just wait.

As for J's health, well those weird bruise-like bumps that appeared on his legs last month are now completely gone - we're still not sure what caused them. And i can't help but think back to this time last year when he was admitted into hospital. I remember how scared and worried i was for him. I count my lucky stars that he hasn't had any more serious pains and didn't end up having to get that operation.

A year later, we're in a whole new environment. A new chapter unfolds, one that i could have never predicted.

I would say i've adjusted to the new routine of waking up at 6am and making sure J's out the door so he can make it to work by 7am. After which, i'm back to my household chores and multi-tasking.

I am happy to say, i have successfully trained myself to not sneak back into bed.

And in less than 2 weeks i'll be back to my German classes again.

I am still a mixed bag of emotions although i am determined to get my arse into gear and in turn hope to one day earn money again.

I'm hoping my teacher is super friendly and isn't hardcore i'll-beat-you-with-a-ruler-if-you-don't-get-this-right strict. So many questions. So many concerns but i know it just has to be done.

I'm even looking forward to meeting new people, perhaps even call them friends one day. Hell, i may even get to have a taste of what it's like to have friends a social life again.

It ain't over... yet.

On Thursday morning we drove to Hannover again to do the finishing touches to the ungrateful person's apartment who shall be left unnamed. Of course that person was not contactable. In fact, he's nowhere to be found! How so fucking convenient. To be honest, we can't be bothered to waste anymore of our time trying to hunt him down.

I reckon if we did find him, it would have just ended up in an argument and added to the whole stress package.

We were better off doing it on our own even though a little help would have been much appreciated and would have saved us a shit load of time. Never mind.


So J organised a van to transport the 2nd-hand fridge all the way from our place to the apartment since J's Audi wasn't big enough. We needed one that was high enough to stand the fridge and the only car available at short notice was a 9-seater Mercedes van.


Yes, that's us before the stress of the day began, looking all fresh and eager to get the job done.


The van was massive and the fridge only took up the area where the boot was. There was heaps of space and tonnes of leg room. It felt like we were traveling in first class except we weren't going on a holiday. And neither was there any champagne or an endless supply of honey roasted peanuts.

Anyway...


We were just about to get onto the highway and the traffic radio tells us that there's a massive jam on the exact highway we want to go on, so J decides to drive inland and go around it. There's a strip in between Guetersloh and Bielefeld, which only days ago the trees were full of autumn coloured leaves. But the weather's been so crap lately that all the leaves have fallen.

Now they're just naked - signs of Winter temperatures approaching.


So after a 25 minute detour we get to the A2 highway and we're faced with a long line of trucks and random cars. Great another traffic jam! It's not even the weekend, why are there so many cars on the road? I blame the road works for this delay. Three lanes merging into two, sometimes even into one lane.


So we decide to go off the highway and cut through some other little town. Passing through more fields and hoping to get back onto the A2 somewhere.

An hour later we get to Hannonver and the locksmith guy calls to say he's already at the apartment and is waiting.

The balcony door is broken and we thought we'd get it fixed before we hand over the keys to the landlady. Half an hour later the guy dismantles the lock and tells us that he has to get back to the store to see if he can find a replacement.

Which is fine since we have to run some errands anyway.

He later tells us that the door is too old and can't be fixed. And goes on to say, the heavy wooden doors and locks must have been installed back during the Hitler days and they don't make those lock mechanisms anymore.

All we're thinking is oh fuck, the door's not fixed and there's still so much to be done to the place.

The paint job on the wood panel was streaky and desperately needed a second coat - the results of painting under very poor lighting. And there's no way we could hand over the apartment to the landlady at 5pm as promised.

It was 1.45pm already and we arranged to meet up with J's friend for lunch but were already half an hour late.


Why is it when you need to get somewhere fast, every traffic light has to go red? And why do people drive so damn slow!? Our day was getting more stressed by the minute. Hello bald patches! And as we stopped at each traffic light some kind of swear word would come flying out of J's mouth.

Seriously.

At that point we were so pissed off at everything, more so at the certain person who remains unnamed.


But then J manages to call the landlady and made up some story that he was on a business trip and wasn't able to be in Hannover as planned to hand over the apartment. So they arrange for Sunday at 2pm. Which should give us some breathing space to sort out all the things that need to be fixed.

And we're able to enjoy our spring rolls and Vegetarian tofu dishes in peace, without worrying that we need to be back at the apartment for a show and tell.

Time escapes us and before we know it, it's past 4pm. We head to OBI - a hardware store to buy ourselves a ladder and a brush so we can reach the dodgy paint job. Plus whatever items we need to beautify the place.

And 63.55 Euros later we're back into the car trying to find IKEA to buy 4 heavy curtains. J ended up throwing the old ones away cause they were in such bad condition. Plus it would have been better to just buy new ones.

The contract clearly states that curtains are part of the apartment, along with a 6 sets of cutlery and random dishes. Some have gone missing and needed to be replaced. We also included other kitchen items like a pot and a set of pans to at least make the kitchen look a little more impressive. And even added even a small carpet to the list for the main room, so that the legs of the glass table wouldn't scratch the newly laid laminat flooring.

We aren't taking any chances. Attention to detail is vital at this point.

We don't want any reason for the landlady to bitch at us if anything is missing, broken or scratched.


Oh and those gnome printed paper bags have nothing to do with this story, i just thought they were cute. I can't believe Christmas is next month! I can't even think straight let alone figure out what to buy for presents.


Oh and did you know IKEA bags are made in Vietnam? They're now available in a Medium size. I couldn't resist, i had to buy one for 1 Euro. Cute right!? Just the right size to go to the supermarket or to put your laundry in.

Germany is all about recycling.

Supermarkets strongly suggest customers to bring their own shopping bags to pack their goods. But if you don't have your own bag, you can buy a plastic bag for 10 cents. Isn't it funny, how those simple plastic bags - usually free at a supermarkets can be taken for granted.

Anyway, the IKEA bill came up to 133.37! Thank god we're getting reimbursed by the dad. It was already 7pm and it was pitch dark outside. The sun usually starts setting around 5pm now.

I suggested we take advantage of IKEA's bright car park lights and switch the direction that the fridge door opens there. The apartment doesn't have any electricity and trying to find a lost screw with only a battery-operated lantern can be a bitch.


Yes we came prepared with our bag of tools and necessary whatnots.


Yes, the block of flats have a lift. Can you imagine having to carry all that shit 4 flights of stairs? It would have been absolute hell. The lift was so small, i could barely fit. Beggars can't be choosers. Did i mention i was grateful that there was an elevator.


Here's J looking very pleased with himself that 1) the fridge was the correct size and fit exact, 2) he was able to switch the door and 3) was able to install it.


Trying to scrub off 4 years, if not more, worth of caked on fat and food bits off the stove top can be a bit challenging. But with a bit of Scheuermilch; a scrubbing milk used to clean the bathroom, it worked wonders.


We're not being paid for our effort spent cleaning the ungrateful person's apartment but i found a jar of coins he left behind which i fully intend to bring to the bank to get exchanged and keep! It ain't much but at least it's something.


You can't really see the dodgy paint job near the window but during the day it's really visible. It was already past midnight and we still had to make the hour and a half journey back home. I think the new IKEA carpet gave the place a homey touch.


Lucky for us there was no traffic and we were able to pretty much drive straight through and where there was no speed limit we cruised at 153km/hour.


The car rental place included 300 km into the rental price but with all the detours and pit stops we went over. Every km we went over costs 15 cents and so that's an added 6.30 Euro to my card.


By the time we returned the van and reached our front door it was 2:20am. We were so exhausted but so relieved to be finally home. J had to be up for work at 6am, which would only give him 3 hours of sleep.

I really feel sorry for him.


I, at least, managed to get 3 hours extra sleep after he left but was soon up to run some errands. Yes, i even braved the outside world and rode my bumble bee bicycle to save me some time. There's a little store up the road, one that doesn't require me to cross any traffic lights, just a few side roads.


I then spent about 3 hours altering and ironing the dark turquoise coloured curtains. And finished them just in time so J could take them with him in the car. It so happens that today J has to work in Hamburg for an all day event catering for 15,000 people.

Hamburg is about 3 hours away from where we live. So instead of driving at 6 in the morning this morning, he left last night. His plan was to drive to Hannover - where the apartment is and try and paint the walls, then drive back to where his grandmother lives which is half the distance of driving back home. But apparently the traffic was so bad last night, he was delayed by 2 hours and so he decided to just drive directly to the grandmother's place. That way he could at least get some 6 hours sleep.

J's event today runs until midnight, so we're hoping J's little brother was able to do the painting today.

Then tomorrow morning, J will drive back to Hannover which is less than an hour away from his grandmother's place, to do the finishing touches like hang the curtains, mop the kitchen and scrub down the oven. Then wait for the landlady to arrive to do the final inspection.

I've also given my camera to J so he can take photos of the place, proof that we've given the apartment back in a good state as well as a reminder of all our time spent and the hard work.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the paint is dry and that everything runs smoothly. But more importantly that the landlady takes back the apartment as it is and doesn't expect us to pay for anything more. We're supposed to be receiving a bill from her lawyers but it hasn't arrived yet.

Let's hope we're not in for another big surprise.

Bumble Bee Bicycle

Every month we receive the free GT-Info magazine in the mail. It basically informs residents of what's going on in the month ahead. There are random articles, special deals and a reasonable sized Classified section.

And that's where J found the ad for the bicycle. It apparently had been barely used and was in a really good condition. So we made an appointment to see the woman last night.

J's been talking about getting me a bike for some time now. And as i've mentioned before getting to the city by foot takes about 40 minutes. The bus, although it takes less than 10 minutes, the frequency of the buses in this area is every 2 hours. And a one-way trip [equivalent to 6 stops] costs me 2€ which in the long run adds up.

The decision on a bike was much more do-able than getting a car.


I reckon the city council invested a lot of money in making sure the infrastructure was sound. Paying particular attention to the bike paths which in most cases run along side the roads and shares the path with the pedestrians. All in all, the town is very bike friendly and the roads here are pretty much straight forward. And since living here, it's just as common to see a bicycle on the road as it is to see a car.

But i can't remember the last time i owned a bike.
.
.
.
I think it may have been over 20 years ago.

Back when we lived in Paris it made sense to have one. The weather was kinder, there were tonnes of parks and taking the bike out over the weekend was regarded more of a family ordeal than part of an exercise regime. Now i remember, it was that time period when my sister and i used to wear matching pink jogging suits.

Oh dear God. Why?

I was 8. My excuse was i was too young to make rational decisions. Plus it was the 80s.

Anyway, back to my bicycle... the woman was in her late 60s, i'm guessing originally from the UK because after speaking German to us and hearing us speak English she immediately switched to English.

The bike was locked up in the garage for quite some time and when J asked if i could test it out on the roadside she was a bit hesitant. She probably thought we were going to steal it from her. No wonder she blocked the garage exit with her car and left the motor running.

She later went on to tell us a story of how she knew someone who got his bike stolen twice in a row. And insisted on reminding us that thieves run ramped in the city and to get a proper lock.

But apart from the dust and random cobwebs, it's practically brand new. You can tell it's new by its tires, they squeaked on the roadside as i tested it out.

No. I did not fall.

A little shaky at the start but i didn't fall.

20 minutes later we agreed to her selling price of 100€. A damn good deal, apparently, since she bought the bike for more than double that price. She even included a black wire basket that attaches to the front which ordinarily one would have to buy separate. I took it off cause the extra weight distracts me.


A European city bike [with a step through frame], or simply city bike is a bicycle designed for frequent short, moderately paced rides through relatively flat urban areas. It is a form of utility bicycle commonly seen around the world, built to facilitate everyday riding in normal clothes in a variety of weather conditions. [source]

I feel more German already.


And as an extra road safety measure the internal ring where the tires go is bright yellow - i've only seen them in white. This feature makes the bike more visible at night. Hallo Chrissie! Can i be anymore obvious?

The stark blackness of the rubber with the yellow reminds me of a bee, which is why i've decided to call it my Bumble Bee Bicycle.

Don't worry i'm not heading out into the city yet. Are you crazy?

Even though most of the bike paths here are on the side walk it's still damn scary. Getting used to moving cars is one thing but having to signal with one hand and turn with the traffic is a whole different ball game. I still get confused which side i have to look first when crossing a road. In that sense, i'm so happy cyclists share the pedestrian crossing to get to the other side of the road.

As they say, practice makes perfect.


So the road leading up to the area where we live is pretty quiet and the straight road ahead makes it easier to see oncoming traffic. The roads are wide enough which makes it a perfect practicing ground and a place where i'm less likely to get run over.

Examples used to improve my Handling Skills "is to maintain a straight line along a painted line, both looking ahead and to the rear, and to swerve to avoid some colored paper cut-outs prepared ahead of time. Practice almost stopping without putting a foot on the ground and then starting again. Practice mounting and dismounting under different conditions, including on slopes." [source]


Please excuse my fringe, it has a mind of its own sometimes.