Can you believe it's been already 7 months since i made my 13-hour journey to this side of the world? A decision made based purely in support of a sibling who was in desperate need of emotional support. Funny how Times have changed.
I remember one of many frosty Spring mornings when i sat in my sister's previous kitchen trying to drown out her muffled cries by staring out of the window. Or those times i'd be washing the what seemed to be the never-ending-supply of dirty dishes. The 2-room apartment in a small town that she shared with her then husband reeked of the Past and was now slathered with Sadness.
I wondered daily how long it would take for her Life to get back to normal? And how long it would be before the tears be replaced with Happiness. There were several moments when it got too much too handle and i questioned my own sanity. How much longer could i stay "strong"? Unlike the stress one gets from a deadline, this was unlike any kind that i had experienced.
Helpless and trying to keep the Storm from getting out of control was my mission.
I didn't think too much about what my Life would end up like and being thrown into a new environment was something that i had not prepared for. It wasn't like i was doing anything anyway and my job hunting skills were in need of evaluation.
Weary of what i might say may aggravate or trigger tears, the Bottle-It-All-Up syndrome only built up the frustration. My only sources of release were the daily calls to my parents and perhaps when i spoke to J over the phone. Unsure what would become of J and i, i only hoped that our relationship would blossom. I believe that chapter was strenuous for everyone.
It wasn't all Peaches and Cream, we had our moments where our Past interfered but it was through reassurance that kept us together. We have an understanding and there's a surreal calmness that i don't even understand but we work well together.
Proof that Time has its way of healing most wounds, Life between us siblings have somewhat improved. Boobers bubbly self has returned and the sister that i knew so long ago, i believe, is here to stay - well not literally since she too is moving to a new flat with her boyfriend.
I remember spending days on end on my own feeling somewhat abandoned. Suddenly, my company was not needed and was replaced by her newly developed relationship that seemed to evolve almost over night. They spent most of their free time with one another and like most couples, they share a World that inhabits only 2. It's hard to explain but witnessing a new relationship evolve can be rather ummm... uncomfortable and one can see how the others attitude/tone changes.
Oh well, that's relationships for ya!
But i guess i am happy that Fate had it that she would find someone new. And for her sake, i hope that it works out for the best. [I know she's one of my silent readers, so there... it's in black and white.]
I am now able to get back to my own Life. And last night as J explained in detail what the Rental agreement was about over the phone, i calmly thought to myself, "... well this is it, my fate is being sealed," and i signed along the dotted line.
I think this is one of the biggest decisions i've had to make and one that i thought i would not have to do. I mean, i've lived on my own since i was 17 so the thought of sharing a home with another was one that i wasn't too fond of but Times have changed! I read the opening 2 paragraphs of my September Horoscope on Astrology Zone and it says;
Hell, now that i think about it, i'm learning a bloody new language just so i can stay in this country with him and so that one day i can earn a living again. As they say, No Pain, No Gain!
...
Oh and guess what!? This coming Monday we celebrate our 1 year together!
Isn't that crazy? It still amazes me that 1 year ago if J hadn't gone on holiday to the other side of the world and hadn't recognised me after 13 years, i am more than certain that our lives would be so very different. Who knows where i'd be today and whether or not i would have returned to Asia after my adventures in Deutschland.
I remember one of many frosty Spring mornings when i sat in my sister's previous kitchen trying to drown out her muffled cries by staring out of the window. Or those times i'd be washing the what seemed to be the never-ending-supply of dirty dishes. The 2-room apartment in a small town that she shared with her then husband reeked of the Past and was now slathered with Sadness.
I wondered daily how long it would take for her Life to get back to normal? And how long it would be before the tears be replaced with Happiness. There were several moments when it got too much too handle and i questioned my own sanity. How much longer could i stay "strong"? Unlike the stress one gets from a deadline, this was unlike any kind that i had experienced.
Helpless and trying to keep the Storm from getting out of control was my mission.
I didn't think too much about what my Life would end up like and being thrown into a new environment was something that i had not prepared for. It wasn't like i was doing anything anyway and my job hunting skills were in need of evaluation.
Weary of what i might say may aggravate or trigger tears, the Bottle-It-All-Up syndrome only built up the frustration. My only sources of release were the daily calls to my parents and perhaps when i spoke to J over the phone. Unsure what would become of J and i, i only hoped that our relationship would blossom. I believe that chapter was strenuous for everyone.
It wasn't all Peaches and Cream, we had our moments where our Past interfered but it was through reassurance that kept us together. We have an understanding and there's a surreal calmness that i don't even understand but we work well together.
Proof that Time has its way of healing most wounds, Life between us siblings have somewhat improved. Boobers bubbly self has returned and the sister that i knew so long ago, i believe, is here to stay - well not literally since she too is moving to a new flat with her boyfriend.
I remember spending days on end on my own feeling somewhat abandoned. Suddenly, my company was not needed and was replaced by her newly developed relationship that seemed to evolve almost over night. They spent most of their free time with one another and like most couples, they share a World that inhabits only 2. It's hard to explain but witnessing a new relationship evolve can be rather ummm... uncomfortable and one can see how the others attitude/tone changes.
Oh well, that's relationships for ya!
But i guess i am happy that Fate had it that she would find someone new. And for her sake, i hope that it works out for the best. [I know she's one of my silent readers, so there... it's in black and white.]
I am now able to get back to my own Life. And last night as J explained in detail what the Rental agreement was about over the phone, i calmly thought to myself, "... well this is it, my fate is being sealed," and i signed along the dotted line.
I think this is one of the biggest decisions i've had to make and one that i thought i would not have to do. I mean, i've lived on my own since i was 17 so the thought of sharing a home with another was one that i wasn't too fond of but Times have changed! I read the opening 2 paragraphs of my September Horoscope on Astrology Zone and it says;
It certainly has not been easy being a Pisces, but each day you have shown that you can flourish - not merely survive - under recent pressures. You appear to be working on at least one big dream that you have been hoping to materialize, either in your personal or business life.
Each day you gain more strength, and when Saturn departs Virgo in October 2009, you will be a new and improved version of yourself. These days you seem to be tackling big life endeavors and commitments, ones that only a few years ago would have seemed too daunting to take on. Whatever you are doing now won't be easily undone, which is what you want - something that will form part of the very foundation for years to come...
Hell, now that i think about it, i'm learning a bloody new language just so i can stay in this country with him and so that one day i can earn a living again. As they say, No Pain, No Gain!
...
Oh and guess what!? This coming Monday we celebrate our 1 year together!
Isn't that crazy? It still amazes me that 1 year ago if J hadn't gone on holiday to the other side of the world and hadn't recognised me after 13 years, i am more than certain that our lives would be so very different. Who knows where i'd be today and whether or not i would have returned to Asia after my adventures in Deutschland.
2 comments:
nugget.. u've come a long way and i can't believe it's been 7 mths! i'm very glad u've found your strength and place in life for now.
be good!
hugs
NUGGET!!! *hugs* I know riiiite!? How scary is that. And thanks, fingers crossed for the next leg of the journey!
xox... TheOthaNugget
PS. Be good? Aren't i always =p
Post a Comment