Because The Stars Says So...

[source]

Sometimes [and when i remember] i'll check my monthly horoscope on Astrology Zone. Ya know, just to see what the stars have in store for me. Well not 'me' per se since it's obvious that there are thousands of Pisceans around the world reading her site.

But just knowing that there might be some relevance to my own life, makes me want to read further.

Believe it or not, months leading up to my ectopic pregnancy in January of this year, she kept mentioning about a pregnancy. Of course, i didn't think much of it because deep down i thought i was immune to such things. Meaning, i never thought i'd ever be expecting.

So when i was sitting awkwardly in the emergency room, i wondered why i didn't act upon my gut feelings way sooner when i thought something was going on inside my body. Feeling nauseated and continuously bleeding should have been a good warning.

Anyway, it was a painful chapter i only hope i'll never experience ever again.

And whether it's a huge coincidence, i dunno, but she's stopped mentioning about pregnancies and has moved on to talking about work lately - which i have to admit, has been going rather well lately. Not forgetting all the traveling i'm supposed to be apparently doing.

I'll stop now because i don't want to jinx it.

So anyway, after skimming through November 2010, i zoned in on the following;

At the time just prior to the full moon, November 21, you may travel a short distance.

Uhhh... we'll be driving to Cologne again this weekend to look at that apartment we like.

Are you attached? You've been through many relationship difficulties since late 2007, but that phase is now over. If you are still together, it seems your relationship is very solid... In all ways, life is about to brighten in a very exciting way. Dear Pisces, this is your time!

WoooOh.

I don't know about you but if that's not accurate, i don't know what is. I thank our long conversation over the weekend. It proved to me that whatever fucked up phase we were in, we were able to recognise it and try and work through it. But what is really nice, is having the reassurance that i won't need to be looking for a one-bedroom apartment next year.

The planets have been in a very disruptive, even angry, mood during most of 2010, especially during the middle months from June through October.

No shit Sherlock! Now i know who to really blame. Stupid planet.

November will finally break that tense pattern, instantly lifting your spirits. Any doubts or fears will be replaced with a feeling of optimism (as remarkable as that may sound) and your positive feelings about the future will grow in months ahead.

Feeling optimistic already, thanks! Hence the reason why i'm not stressing so much that we haven't yet found an apartment. We will find a place to live, it's just a matter of when and where.

[Where i get all this optimism is beyond me, seriously.]

As for my relationship with J, well, it couldn't have gotten worse. Except maybe if we had broken up and i flew back to my parents place which is on the other side of the world.

7 months later and a new Chapter begins...

Can you believe it's been already 7 months since i made my 13-hour journey to this side of the world? A decision made based purely in support of a sibling who was in desperate need of emotional support. Funny how Times have changed.

I remember one of many frosty Spring mornings when i sat in my sister's previous kitchen trying to drown out her muffled cries by staring out of the window. Or those times i'd be washing the what seemed to be the never-ending-supply of dirty dishes. The 2-room apartment in a small town that she shared with her then husband reeked of the Past and was now slathered with Sadness.

I wondered daily how long it would take for her Life to get back to normal? And how long it would be before the tears be replaced with Happiness. There were several moments when it got too much too handle and i questioned my own sanity. How much longer could i stay "strong"? Unlike the stress one gets from a deadline, this was unlike any kind that i had experienced.

Helpless and trying to keep the Storm from getting out of control was my mission.

I didn't think too much about what my Life would end up like and being thrown into a new environment was something that i had not prepared for. It wasn't like i was doing anything anyway and my job hunting skills were in need of evaluation.

Weary of what i might say may aggravate or trigger tears, the Bottle-It-All-Up syndrome only built up the frustration. My only sources of release were the daily calls to my parents and perhaps when i spoke to J over the phone. Unsure what would become of J and i, i only hoped that our relationship would blossom. I believe that chapter was strenuous for everyone.

It wasn't all Peaches and Cream, we had our moments where our Past interfered but it was through reassurance that kept us together. We have an understanding and there's a surreal calmness that i don't even understand but we work well together.

Proof that Time has its way of healing most wounds, Life between us siblings have somewhat improved. Boobers bubbly self has returned and the sister that i knew so long ago, i believe, is here to stay - well not literally since she too is moving to a new flat with her boyfriend.

I remember spending days on end on my own feeling somewhat abandoned. Suddenly, my company was not needed and was replaced by her newly developed relationship that seemed to evolve almost over night. They spent most of their free time with one another and like most couples, they share a World that inhabits only 2. It's hard to explain but witnessing a new relationship evolve can be rather ummm... uncomfortable and one can see how the others attitude/tone changes.

Oh well, that's relationships for ya!

But i guess i am happy that Fate had it that she would find someone new. And for her sake, i hope that it works out for the best. [I know she's one of my silent readers, so there... it's in black and white.]

I am now able to get back to my own Life. And last night as J explained in detail what the Rental agreement was about over the phone, i calmly thought to myself, "... well this is it, my fate is being sealed," and i signed along the dotted line.

I think this is one of the biggest decisions i've had to make and one that i thought i would not have to do. I mean, i've lived on my own since i was 17 so the thought of sharing a home with another was one that i wasn't too fond of but Times have changed! I read the opening 2 paragraphs of my September Horoscope on Astrology Zone and it says;

It certainly has not been easy being a Pisces, but each day you have shown that you can flourish - not merely survive - under recent pressures. You appear to be working on at least one big dream that you have been hoping to materialize, either in your personal or business life.

Each day you gain more strength, and when Saturn departs Virgo in October 2009, you will be a new and improved version of yourself. These days you seem to be tackling big life endeavors and commitments, ones that only a few years ago would have seemed too daunting to take on. Whatever you are doing now won't be easily undone, which is what you want - something that will form part of the very foundation for years to come...

Hell, now that i think about it, i'm learning a bloody new language just so i can stay in this country with him and so that one day i can earn a living again. As they say, No Pain, No Gain!

...

Oh and guess what!? This coming Monday we celebrate our 1 year together!

Isn't that crazy? It still amazes me that 1 year ago if J hadn't gone on holiday to the other side of the world and hadn't recognised me after 13 years, i am more than certain that our lives would be so very different. Who knows where i'd be today and whether or not i would have returned to Asia after my adventures in Deutschland.

Fish and building bridges

As usual i check my horoscope when i get online. I guess it's become routine. One that doesn't necessarily dictate how my day should/will end up but it adds to one of my many procrastinations. Sometimes there is SOME relevance but majority of the time it is rather vague and all honesty, could apply to ANY zodiac sign and be recycled words.

Pisces Horoscope
Wednesday, April 16 2008

Christina,
When you let your instincts guide you down the path, you're sure to end up someplace you want to be. Tempers could flare today unless you make the effort to see another's point of view. Keep an open mind and listen to other people's concerns. Family members and partners may be in the mood for an argument.

Well let's just say the Astrology feature on facebook couldn't have summarised my day any better. I'm not sure about the other thousands of Pisceans, but it sure highlighted what was running through my head the past few days.

After Sunday's emotional outburst, i've taken some time to collect my thoughts and have looked at the situation from all angles. I've decided it was a miscommunication and built up frustrations. So for the sake of my own sanity, the Peace and keeping the family ties strong, i feel it's time to mend the broken bridges before it gets completely out of control and war breaks out. Lay the cards on the table and be honest.

Oh gawd... Be still my beating heart!

Advice to me: Think before you Speak. Believe in yourself and do what you feel is right for YOU. Remember to lower your tone and slow down your speech. And keep in mind the saying, "don't bite the hand that feeds you".

It's a Pisces thang!

''Some challenging aspects from Pluto suggest that there might be a clash of personalities at work or in school! The moon in fiery Leo will be at odds with your watery sign for a large part of the day. If someone is being a little too in-your-face then remember this is just their way!'' [source]

I refuse to make a big deal about it. In fact, i'm going to ignore the message you sent because i know you're upset and emotional right now. But because I AM YOUR FRIEND [whether you like it or not] i'm going to let you roll with your emotions and be the drama queen that you have become and we all know and love.

And in true Chrissie fish fashion, i'll have the last say...

Don't worry, i won't be around after next week to "jinx" your life or predict any unfavorable events... and yes, i'll try and keep my mouth shut and not give you anymore advice/suggestions [which obviously is not welcomed]. So here's me wishing you, good luck and sending you positive vibes!

So Sat Nam and let's not ruin my LAST DAY.

PS. Thanks Bunny for the link.