12 hours to go

It's my last night in the flat and everything that needs to be packed, i've shoved in marked boxes and are ready to be whisked away. J and his colleague are driving down early tomorrow morning and helping me move my things to the new flat.

I still can't believe J and i are going to be living together and that i'm moving to yet another city. I'm trying not to freak out about starting all over again. And sooner rather than later i will have to start REALLY thinking about that dreaded word... w.o.r.k.

Nervousness, Happiness, Anxiety and Excitement are all wrapped up like a Spring roll and are all fighting for attention. This will be the first time that i'll be moving into a place and living with someone. Family don't count AND neither does that woman that i stayed with for 2 months. The one who indirectly forced me out with her absurd rules, menopausal mood swings and yelling, and i quote, "Are YOU stupid!?" JUST because i double locked the door and was unaware that she was out for the evening.

...

Today was my last day at the Language School. Five Schritte International books later, i received a certificate to say i completed the German Grundstufe A1.1 - B1.1. It even said that i did well and completed the course successfully. Not sure how that happened but it did... YAY for me!

S-M-R-T
Not.

On paper it looks good but seriously, in my head i still feel like i'm still at the beginning... *sigh*. One day... i'll makes sense of it all and dribble foreign words without stuttering... *extended sigh*.

...

7 months ago i arrived with a severely overweight suitcase, a design folio and a roll-away bag weighing 10 kg with miscellaneous items.

Tomorrow i leave with the Above PLUS 7 additional boxes, mirror, wooden writing desk, 160x200 mattress, red carpet and light fixtures. That's not including the items that i inherited from my sister's old place; ironing board, a tool box, a clothes drying rack, a vacuum cleaner, cleaning bits + bobs and a wooden dining table with 2 benches + 4 wooden chairs.

So now there's a strange echo in my room.

The crispy air seeping through the windows adds to the It's-Time-To-Go feeling. Gawd, i'm not looking forward to Winter. My feet are slightly numb from the draft and the internal speakers on my MacBook are terrible. The speakers honestly don't do any justice to my overplayed tunes *shakes her head with disapproval*.

And yes, i cannot be arsed to hook up my already packed speakers even though they're just 2 metres away from reach.

7 months later and a new Chapter begins...

Can you believe it's been already 7 months since i made my 13-hour journey to this side of the world? A decision made based purely in support of a sibling who was in desperate need of emotional support. Funny how Times have changed.

I remember one of many frosty Spring mornings when i sat in my sister's previous kitchen trying to drown out her muffled cries by staring out of the window. Or those times i'd be washing the what seemed to be the never-ending-supply of dirty dishes. The 2-room apartment in a small town that she shared with her then husband reeked of the Past and was now slathered with Sadness.

I wondered daily how long it would take for her Life to get back to normal? And how long it would be before the tears be replaced with Happiness. There were several moments when it got too much too handle and i questioned my own sanity. How much longer could i stay "strong"? Unlike the stress one gets from a deadline, this was unlike any kind that i had experienced.

Helpless and trying to keep the Storm from getting out of control was my mission.

I didn't think too much about what my Life would end up like and being thrown into a new environment was something that i had not prepared for. It wasn't like i was doing anything anyway and my job hunting skills were in need of evaluation.

Weary of what i might say may aggravate or trigger tears, the Bottle-It-All-Up syndrome only built up the frustration. My only sources of release were the daily calls to my parents and perhaps when i spoke to J over the phone. Unsure what would become of J and i, i only hoped that our relationship would blossom. I believe that chapter was strenuous for everyone.

It wasn't all Peaches and Cream, we had our moments where our Past interfered but it was through reassurance that kept us together. We have an understanding and there's a surreal calmness that i don't even understand but we work well together.

Proof that Time has its way of healing most wounds, Life between us siblings have somewhat improved. Boobers bubbly self has returned and the sister that i knew so long ago, i believe, is here to stay - well not literally since she too is moving to a new flat with her boyfriend.

I remember spending days on end on my own feeling somewhat abandoned. Suddenly, my company was not needed and was replaced by her newly developed relationship that seemed to evolve almost over night. They spent most of their free time with one another and like most couples, they share a World that inhabits only 2. It's hard to explain but witnessing a new relationship evolve can be rather ummm... uncomfortable and one can see how the others attitude/tone changes.

Oh well, that's relationships for ya!

But i guess i am happy that Fate had it that she would find someone new. And for her sake, i hope that it works out for the best. [I know she's one of my silent readers, so there... it's in black and white.]

I am now able to get back to my own Life. And last night as J explained in detail what the Rental agreement was about over the phone, i calmly thought to myself, "... well this is it, my fate is being sealed," and i signed along the dotted line.

I think this is one of the biggest decisions i've had to make and one that i thought i would not have to do. I mean, i've lived on my own since i was 17 so the thought of sharing a home with another was one that i wasn't too fond of but Times have changed! I read the opening 2 paragraphs of my September Horoscope on Astrology Zone and it says;

It certainly has not been easy being a Pisces, but each day you have shown that you can flourish - not merely survive - under recent pressures. You appear to be working on at least one big dream that you have been hoping to materialize, either in your personal or business life.

Each day you gain more strength, and when Saturn departs Virgo in October 2009, you will be a new and improved version of yourself. These days you seem to be tackling big life endeavors and commitments, ones that only a few years ago would have seemed too daunting to take on. Whatever you are doing now won't be easily undone, which is what you want - something that will form part of the very foundation for years to come...

Hell, now that i think about it, i'm learning a bloody new language just so i can stay in this country with him and so that one day i can earn a living again. As they say, No Pain, No Gain!

...

Oh and guess what!? This coming Monday we celebrate our 1 year together!

Isn't that crazy? It still amazes me that 1 year ago if J hadn't gone on holiday to the other side of the world and hadn't recognised me after 13 years, i am more than certain that our lives would be so very different. Who knows where i'd be today and whether or not i would have returned to Asia after my adventures in Deutschland.

Moving on... again.

I am back. Well back to blogging that is. I can't believe how fast Time has flown by [an overused sentence but still valid]. I'd like to say not much has happened since the last time i wrote but i think i'd be lying. Hopefully, i haven't lost my silent readers but then again, if they're expecting bitching, whining and dramas, i think they'll be disappointed. Perhaps this site needs a face lift or at least a new masthead.

Mental Note to Oneself: Something to think about and perhaps do in the next few weeks.

I may need to brush up on my writing flair as it has been quite some time. Oh gawd! My fingers are already starting to cramp! So anyway, back to my update, in some twist of fate, my Life has made a 180 degree turn. I believe i've used that phrase before but you know what i mean.

Well in the past 2 plus months, quite a number of things have happened. I'm sure i've done much more but these are the major events:

I've gone to the Love Parade in Dortmund. Which was not anything that i imagined it to be. 2008 had the biggest turnout: 1.6 million people! The weather was unpredictable and i ended up dragging my fluffly leg warmers through the mud, which definitely was a pain in the arse. J and i ended up not making it to the main stage because it was getting really cold and we had already been dancing/walking around the circuit for about 5 hours. But had we known where and what the plan of the place were, we may have been more prepared.

[Images stolen from various sites]

J brought me back to his home town. There i was in the house that he grew up in and had a taste of what Life would be like in a small town. I met up with his brothers and one who so happened to be part of my past back in my Teenage years. It was nice to see familiar faces but for a moment slightly awkward with the current situation. But i got through it and was glad that it was over and done with.

J's folks place is unlike any home i've ever lived in; surrounded by trees, far from skyscrapers and embraced by open spaces. It was quiet and the quality of air could be simply described as, "Fresh". I even met up with his grandmother, where we stayed the night and i tried my best to understand what she said with my limited German vocabulary. I've learned to speak in short bursts but still i couldn't help but get nervous!



As for my Lump update, well they're still there. No, they're not Cancerous and neither do they require me to be hospitalized. Blame it on the hormones but i think they have a mind of their own. Nothing to be freaked out about. I just have to monitor them and should i notice any major changes, i should just make an appointment to see the Gynie. Simple, good advice for anyone, i think.

Other news: My parents celebrated their 37th year Anniversary on the 11th of this month. So big congratulations to them! Nowadays, it seems rare to see couples stay together through thick and thin but more importantly, their Love for one another seems to remain strong.

Oh.

Bigger news: J and i decided a few months back that we'd take the next step in our relationship. NO, not the big M. We've decided we want to live together. Yup, i'm moving to Düsseldorf. Well for those who didn't pay attention in Geography class, that's about an hour away from where i'm currently living.

Yup. That's Move #3 before 2008 ends. Well technically it's like Move #4.

There was no hesitation and the next step was to find a place. Which is what we were doing for the past 2 months. Looking daily online and hoping we'd find a flat that met our requirements was a pain in the arse. There was a moment where i thought we'd NEVER find a place. Never Say Never...

Lucky for us, we found the "perfect" place and being the eager beavers that we are, were the first ones to apply for the flat. And after 2 weeks of waiting for an answer from the Property owner, they said, YES. So all that needs to be done is for us to transfer the deposit and sign along the dotted line.

...

Yes, i remember there was a time when i declared that i'd end up being Single, miserable, possibly hibernating in my 1 bedroom flat and smelling of cat pee. Well a year has passed and so much has changed. More importantly, my attitude towards Life My Life has changed. My suicidal thoughts have diminished although i do think back and get sad. But i am grateful that chapter is over.

Yes, i am still happy and i am happy to announce that i'm in full control of my meds. I've been reducing them over the past few months and it's been a month since i took my last AD. *Claps* I still have my stash but i'm keeping an eye on my progress and so far, things are turning out better than i had ever imagined.

Apart from my mental state update, i can understand random German words. And although i still get nervous when i have to speak. I know that's normal. I am forcing myself to listen to the radio and watch t.v. Never mind, that i don't understand them fully... but i'm hoping, one day i will.

Give me a break, it's only been 6 months! Yes, i'm a slow learner.

But this Friday will be my last day at the Language School, part of me is sad that i will be saying good-bye to the group of friends i have made but like with every farewell i've had to make, it's just part-in-parcel of what my Life has been all about...