One hospital after another.

I don't know what happened but Time has escaped me once again. But i have several perfectly valid reasons why i've been missing. So i'll try my best to regurgitate my thoughts.

To start off with Christmas was relatively non-existent for J and i. Seeing that we had planned on being away for Christmas we didn't bother getting a tree and going overboard with the decorations. And by the time we actually were back from our short getaway to Mainz, we were too busy trying to keep warm and hoping our apartment would heat up faster.

So anyway when Christmas finally came around we made our phone calls to wish our families Merry Christmas. And J found out his grandmother had a heart attack the week before and was still in hospital. So we decided on Sunday Dec 27th, to pack our things and drive to Walsrode. We ended up staying 2 nights instead of 1 at his grandmother's place and spent a few hours at the hospital each day with J's dad and Oma.

I had a slight fever then but i thought it was just me getting a cold. After all it is flu season.


We brought along a Monopoly travel set, which helped pass the time.

The night before we left, we went to play billiards with his younger brother and his girlfriend. I can't really play but seeing we were in pairs, i had to play. We eventually ended up at a different place to have dinner and drinks where they had a special deal that night for cocktails. "Überraschung Cocktails" which basically translates to "Suprise Cocktails" that the bartender chooses and at a cheaper rate. So J and i were intrigued and a had few of them.

The next day we left to go back home and drove through Hannover to say hi to his friends. By the time we were back home it was past midnight and i was exhausted and feeling slightly nauseous.

Fast forward to new year's eve...

We weren't sure what we wanted to do since the town we live in isn't exactly bursting with activities. And seeing that it was so last minute, anywhere we did want to go would cost us quite a bit. So while i was at the point of giving up and in no mood to do anything, J was persistent and searched online what was going on in neighboring cities.


Made a nice salad with salmon, then cooked a steak for J and for myself i had fried Calamari.


We eventually went to a club called Fusion in Münster, which is about an hour away. The club is relatively big and has 3 rooms playing Techno, Hardtec, Minimal, Electro and House. It was free entry that night one just had to pay for the 10 Euros drink coupons at the start. The vibe was great and there was a constant flow of people coming in and out of the place.

People were super friendly there. One girl even came up to me and gave me her 5 Euro drink coupons cause she was leaving early. I offered to give her the 5 Euros back but she refused and said it was a gift. I was nicely surprised since something like that would never happen in the club we used to go to in Düsseldorf.

By the time we got home it was light and my stomach was cramping like there was no tomorrow. I've had cramps before but by the time we got to our front door, i couldn't even lift my legs to get out the car. I sat there crying whilst J tried to lift me out of the car.


I spent the rest of the day resting and taking a bath hoping the pain would disappear.

It didn't.

J insisted i go to the doctor but i was stubborn enough to say it was only cramps and after a day or two i'd be fine. The next day the pain was slightly less but my lower abdomen hurt so much i found it hard to walk. I eventually agreed to go to a doctor. J found one online that was open on the weekend and rushed there before they closed. I think that was around 6:30pm on January 2nd.

I think the doctor had some hearing problems because he kept asking J to repeat himself. I was told to lie down and then he touched my stomach twice. And each time he pressed down i yelled out that it hurt. Immediately he said i had to go to hospital and declared i had Appendicitis.

Great.

So we back into the car and a couple hundred metres ahead was the hospital.

After waiting an hour or so and feeling like i was going to pass out, it was finally our turn to see the doctor. At first they weren't sure what was wrong and so they took some of my blood to find out.


I had told them i had been bleeding since my last period and that was about 3 weeks already. Let me just add that i've been taking the Pill for the past 2 years, so i didn't suspect anything except that perhaps stress had caused my cycle to go a bit haywire. But they said bleeding for that long isn't normal and rushed me to the gynecologist to do an ultrasound.

And then i was told, i was pregnant.

As i watched the screen while she was probing inside me, i saw the clearly defined fetus that measured 2cm. Apparently i was already 9 weeks pregnant. The second she told me, i felt my heart drop. J was waiting for me in the next room with the door slightly open and i immediately said, "J... Did you hear that!?" His response was "Yeah".

There was silence.

And then the doctor told me it was an Ectopic pregnancy and that the fetus had embedded itself in my left fallopian tube and both had to be immediately removed. If the tube would burst i could die due to internal bleeding. In fact the doctor was amazed that the tube was still intact.

As the doctor explained the procedure i began to cry. It may have been the whole shock of it all. I was a mixed bag of emotions.


She explained the operation would be done by laparoscopy (keyhole surgery) and that they had to fill my abdominal area with carbon dioxide gas. They basically make 3 cuts; one for the camera, 1 for the scissors and the other for some other instrument. And seeing that my tube was still intact, i didn't need to get a bigger cut much like a c-section.

I signed the paper and was scheduled to be operated within minutes.

I think it was 9:46pm when i was being prepped to go into the operating room. The last thing i remember was watching the sleeping gas mask being placed over my nose and mouth.


The whole procedure took an hour and i spent about an hour passed out in the recovery room. J was busy contacting my family and insurance company.


He even managed to get me in a private room with my own toilet and shower. Which i am so grateful for since if i had had to share a room i would have had to walk down the hallway to the bathroom with my arse hanging out.


I then spent 4 nights in the hospital. The first 2 days were absolutely horrible. I felt bloated and could barely stand up. I had a pipe with a bag attached to my abdominal area for any excess blood. It was so gross to look at and felt so uncomfortable. The doctor took it out after the 2nd day because i complained of more pains. Apparently the doctor said they found quite a lot of blood in my abdominal area already prior to the operation.

I was told my iron level is below the "normal" level which could explain my tiredness even before the operation and since i lost some blood i have to take iron supplements to bring the level back up.


I think they forgot that they put a plastic drip thingamijig in my arm, so for 3 days i had 1 near my elbow and one in my hand - and that definitely wasn't comfortable! They eventually took me off the drip because my hand had swollen up so much that i could barely bend my fingers. My wrist is still slightly sore from the internal plastic tube.


But this was my view, my mini TV that could be moved around. I had to wear these white stockings the whole time i was there to keep the blood circulating. They were so tight, my legs felt like sausages. And every day the nurses would give me an injection in my leg to make sure my blood wouldn't clot, so now i've got all these puncture wounds in my upper right thigh.

The view from my window...


It snowed throughout the night...


It was was super cold outside and was about -5 degrees Celsius. And every day more and more snow fell.


But i was really happy that J was still on holiday until that Tuesday. Everyday he brought me cake and cheese rolls. And spent his days with me laying beside me on my bed and watching TV. He brought me a beautiful small bouquet of flowers with a single beautiful rose in the middle and that sat on my window sill to keep me company.


But yesterday i decided that i was fit enough to go home (Wednesday January 6th) and J came to pick me up after work. Even though i've developed some kind of cough, i just wanted to be at home. My hair was greasy and i was already smelling kind of funky. J was sweet enough to help me wash my hair and scrub me down so i wouldn't slip.


It's still uncomfortable to walk but i'm improving each day. Although lying down can be bit of a problem and i need help sometimes getting up, i know it'll be a couple of weeks till i'm fully recovered. And hopefully by then my German classes will have begun and i'll be back to my old self.

Emotionally, i'm doing ok i guess.

Although i do have my moments when i start crying. Not because i wanted to be pregnant now but because of the whole situation. So many factors are involved; i was pregnant, now i'm not. My left fallopian tube had to be cut out. The fact that i could have died if i had waited any longer still messes with my head once and a while. Then having to go into surgery. Being in pain and of course the dreadful What-ifs.

So many things are rolling through my head right now. But as they say, Time heals all wounds and i guess i should be grateful that it wasn't any worse.

Tomorrow i need to make my way by bus to the hospital to get my blood taken so they can measure whether my pregnancy hormone levels have gone down to '0' and whether the infection [caused by a cough] that i have developed is under control.


But there's heaps of snow outside and it's been snowing all morning. I reckon another 10cm have fallen. Even icicles are formed at the bottom of cars. I hope the ground isn't too icy because i'm walking on my own tomorrow and falling down would definitely not be a good idea.

So yea, that was my Christmas and New Years in a nutshell for ya. Oh and to add to it all, i've also stopped smoking. It's only been about 11 days now - if you don't count the 3 cigarettes i had at New Year.

How was your Christmas and New Year? I'm sure it was a helluva lot better than mine.