Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Grey patches

They're naked. Nearly all of them are showing their stick thin branches. The sky remains a cool grey and the air smells icy cold. The sun is no where to be seen. I think i'm starting to miss it.

I can see the side road now. Suddenly it feels like our privacy is invaded. They can't see us but their visibility refrains me from walking around in my birthday suit. The random pedestrian walks by trying to fight the cold, i just stand by the window frame trying to hide my figure.

Comfortable in my surroundings, the world outside still feels so foreign.

I contemplate Change and try to round up the courage. I seek motivation but soon fall flat. Is it wrong that i have yet to find a passion? My urge to join the rat race has worn thin and the weekly Sunday phone call only adds to the pressure.

But i've started to translate my CV even though i'm unsure what i want to apply for. My frustration is that i still can't write proper sentences and am unable to express what i want to say. And now with new issues popping up, it doesn't help in my overall outlook.

I'm trying to stay positive and every week learning to accept things that i cannot change.

Yes, it is true that that it takes a lot of work to keep a relationship going. And with so many little issues surrounding us now, it was no surprise that finally the cookie crumbled. Was i naive to think that nothing could go wrong?

It dawned on me, i had no where to go and no person to see. Seeing the ugly side of any person, puts a real dampening on things. And at that moment i missed everything and everyone that i once knew.

I cried myself to sleep that night and woke up only to continue. I wanted to blame the full moon. I felt lost in my own home and my only escape was the little river parallel to our window. I found comfort listening to the Ducks and i hoped the fresh air would clear my thoughts. But i returned home feeling like i was treading on eggshells.

During the day our conversations were set to a bare Minimum and our expressions were as cold as the temperature outside. Avoiding eye contact and each others' presence was the only way to keep the silence bearable. Numbing it all would only help prolong the confrontation.

We both know it takes more than a smile and obedience to keep a relationship progressing. We also know a few lit candles, attention to detail and home-cooked meals won't forgive everything but it sure helps avoiding what is really bothering us deep inside.

Now that the issues have been lightly sprinkled out on the table and we can still look at each other with love in our eyes. The question still remains, what do we do to make this better?

Meet my friend, Spots.
[I'm hoping he brings with him Good Luck].

Last month, Germany was invaded by these Asian Ladybugs in search for a place to hibernate [click].

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