Once again, i've had the motivation of a sloth this week in terms of trying to regurgitate my thoughts. Sorry for my lack of posts. And whilst i had good intentions to writing something midweek, before i knew it Friday got here and i'm wondering where the week had gone.
Workwise, i'm currently waiting for feedback and translations for the visuals i sent to my client nearly a month ago. And the longer i wait, the more anxious i'm starting to get. Not because i'm worried about my work but more like i'm concerned as to when i'll finish the projects and when exactly i'll get paid.
Unfortunately, bills don't wait for no [wo]man and i know i'm going to be broke by the end of the month.
As for last weekend, not much happpened.
J spent both nights gaming and in turn spent most of a normal persons' day sleeping. Although i did convince him to go the recycling centre and get rid of the crap that was filling up the backseats. Then to add the excitement factor, we spent the next two and half hours cleaning his car and changing the covers of the car seats.
oOOo fun times!
Then on Sunday, i wanted to get out of the apartment. The weather was gorgeous at 12˚C and it deserved to be taken advantage of. But J was passed out from the lack of sleep he's had the last week and so i ended up going by myself. I knew if i just stayed in i would just get annoyed, so i decided to walk to the nearby park.
I then spent the next two hours on a bench watching individuals walking back and forth, kids playing imaginary games and couples walking hand-in-hand observing the ducks on the pond.
Then on Monday came the carnival parade but that deserves a whole new post which i will eventually get to but something else has captivated my thoughts. I'm still a little shaken up and J was right when he said, he didn't want to tell me straight away because he thought it would scare me.
So J gets a phone call last night from his brother. And seconds into the call, i notice J's facial expression goes almost blank. They're talking in German and i'm trying to dissect parts of their conversation. He doesn't say too much but i'm bugging him to tell me what happened.
At first i thought something happened to his grandmother. But as he's on the phone, he tells me that it's not that. I continue to guess what could have happened but he interrupts me and tells me he'll tell me later. He then walks over to the kitchen pours himself some vodka and mixes it with juice and turns to the the kitchen exhaust and lights a cigarette.
It must be serious.
And at that point, my mind is swimming around trying to think of all sorts of things.
He gets off the phone and remains quiet.
I ask him again what happened but he says, he'll tell me later because it might scare me. At which point, i'm starting to freak out because he's never said anything like that me before. J gets back on the phone and starts talking to somebody else. This time it's his other brother.
And what felt like ages later, J gets off the phone and says, do you want to know what happened?
I'm sitting on the sofa half-heartedly watching Germany's Next Top Model and i turn to him bursting for him just to tell me what happened.
His mother's boyfriend committed suicide in the cellar of their family's house.
My jaw almost dropped when i heard the news.
The very house that J grew up in as a child and the home where his mother is now living since J's parents have separated. The same house that J and i were at when we spent boxing day with his mother playing Mahjong.
So anyway, this is what happened...
The mother and her boyfriend got into a heated argument, so she went to go stay with her friend on Tuesday. When she returned yesterday the doors were locked. So she sent him a text message, telling him to open the door otherwise she'd call the police.
He didn't answer, obviously.
So then Police came and opened the door. They searched the house and that's when the police found him hanging in the laundry room. He was dead for two days. And according to the mother the TV was on and there was no note. I can't imagine what would have happened if J's mom had been the one to find him. I think that would have been more traumatic for her.
The second he told me, i got chills. I still get the chills each time i read the paragraph before.
Thoughts of what could have happened leading to his final breath and the fact that i now have a permanent visual in my head of where it happened has got me feeling almost sick.
It's so sad.
Not only because it's a suicide of someone we both know but also that J's told me of many fond memories of the house he grew up in and now the house is tainted.
Some of you may know that four years ago when i was living in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, my neighbour's mistress was killed in the apartment. And i can't begin to tell you how freaked out i was. I knew i couldn't physically go back to living in my apartment knowing that somebody was brutally killed in the apartment right below me and i had to pass their door as i went up the stairs.
I ended up living in a hotel for a month. At which time, it so happened that i had also quit my job two months prior to that and i had a month left to go till i had to leave. I took the murder as a sign that it was time for me to leave.
Yup, the murder was just the icing on the cake.
So yea, now J has to take time off work next week to drive to his parents' house. Most probably to clear some things and do as much as he can to sort through the house.
I told J, as much as i love him, i can't accompany him. He understood. And i went on to say, i don't think i can handle going near the house full stop.
The last time i remember seeing the mother's boyfriend was in the late Summer of 2010. J had borrowed his mother's car because the boot was bigger and so J lent his car to his mother. When they switched cars, the mothers' boyfriend had polished J's car and put J's car keys on a key chain and said that it was for protection which i thought was very nice. Now that i think about it maybe he needed the protection more than J after all.
And although i don't really know him as a person or what his motive was, i'm saddened knowing that he decided to end his life but the other side of me is angry that he decided to do it in J's beautiful family house.
Then there are moments when i think, life can be so unpredictable.
One moment you could be standing there breathing, the next you could be catching your last breath. Whether it was intentional is besides the point. What i really meant was, you never really know whether it's the last time you'll ever really see a person.
So on that note, i'm saying a silent prayer for him.
I'm hoping that he rests in peace and prays to all good things that his spirit isn't lingering anywhere that it shouldn't be a.k.a the house.
So go hug a loved one or a good friend and tell them how much you appreciate and love him/her.
Workwise, i'm currently waiting for feedback and translations for the visuals i sent to my client nearly a month ago. And the longer i wait, the more anxious i'm starting to get. Not because i'm worried about my work but more like i'm concerned as to when i'll finish the projects and when exactly i'll get paid.
Unfortunately, bills don't wait for no [wo]man and i know i'm going to be broke by the end of the month.
As for last weekend, not much happpened.
J spent both nights gaming and in turn spent most of a normal persons' day sleeping. Although i did convince him to go the recycling centre and get rid of the crap that was filling up the backseats. Then to add the excitement factor, we spent the next two and half hours cleaning his car and changing the covers of the car seats.
oOOo fun times!
Then on Sunday, i wanted to get out of the apartment. The weather was gorgeous at 12˚C and it deserved to be taken advantage of. But J was passed out from the lack of sleep he's had the last week and so i ended up going by myself. I knew if i just stayed in i would just get annoyed, so i decided to walk to the nearby park.
I then spent the next two hours on a bench watching individuals walking back and forth, kids playing imaginary games and couples walking hand-in-hand observing the ducks on the pond.
***
Then on Monday came the carnival parade but that deserves a whole new post which i will eventually get to but something else has captivated my thoughts. I'm still a little shaken up and J was right when he said, he didn't want to tell me straight away because he thought it would scare me.
So J gets a phone call last night from his brother. And seconds into the call, i notice J's facial expression goes almost blank. They're talking in German and i'm trying to dissect parts of their conversation. He doesn't say too much but i'm bugging him to tell me what happened.
At first i thought something happened to his grandmother. But as he's on the phone, he tells me that it's not that. I continue to guess what could have happened but he interrupts me and tells me he'll tell me later. He then walks over to the kitchen pours himself some vodka and mixes it with juice and turns to the the kitchen exhaust and lights a cigarette.
It must be serious.
And at that point, my mind is swimming around trying to think of all sorts of things.
He gets off the phone and remains quiet.
I ask him again what happened but he says, he'll tell me later because it might scare me. At which point, i'm starting to freak out because he's never said anything like that me before. J gets back on the phone and starts talking to somebody else. This time it's his other brother.
And what felt like ages later, J gets off the phone and says, do you want to know what happened?
I'm sitting on the sofa half-heartedly watching Germany's Next Top Model and i turn to him bursting for him just to tell me what happened.
His mother's boyfriend committed suicide in the cellar of their family's house.
My jaw almost dropped when i heard the news.
The very house that J grew up in as a child and the home where his mother is now living since J's parents have separated. The same house that J and i were at when we spent boxing day with his mother playing Mahjong.
So anyway, this is what happened...
The mother and her boyfriend got into a heated argument, so she went to go stay with her friend on Tuesday. When she returned yesterday the doors were locked. So she sent him a text message, telling him to open the door otherwise she'd call the police.
He didn't answer, obviously.
So then Police came and opened the door. They searched the house and that's when the police found him hanging in the laundry room. He was dead for two days. And according to the mother the TV was on and there was no note. I can't imagine what would have happened if J's mom had been the one to find him. I think that would have been more traumatic for her.
The second he told me, i got chills. I still get the chills each time i read the paragraph before.
Thoughts of what could have happened leading to his final breath and the fact that i now have a permanent visual in my head of where it happened has got me feeling almost sick.
It's so sad.
Not only because it's a suicide of someone we both know but also that J's told me of many fond memories of the house he grew up in and now the house is tainted.
Some of you may know that four years ago when i was living in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, my neighbour's mistress was killed in the apartment. And i can't begin to tell you how freaked out i was. I knew i couldn't physically go back to living in my apartment knowing that somebody was brutally killed in the apartment right below me and i had to pass their door as i went up the stairs.
I ended up living in a hotel for a month. At which time, it so happened that i had also quit my job two months prior to that and i had a month left to go till i had to leave. I took the murder as a sign that it was time for me to leave.
Yup, the murder was just the icing on the cake.
So yea, now J has to take time off work next week to drive to his parents' house. Most probably to clear some things and do as much as he can to sort through the house.
I told J, as much as i love him, i can't accompany him. He understood. And i went on to say, i don't think i can handle going near the house full stop.
The last time i remember seeing the mother's boyfriend was in the late Summer of 2010. J had borrowed his mother's car because the boot was bigger and so J lent his car to his mother. When they switched cars, the mothers' boyfriend had polished J's car and put J's car keys on a key chain and said that it was for protection which i thought was very nice. Now that i think about it maybe he needed the protection more than J after all.
And although i don't really know him as a person or what his motive was, i'm saddened knowing that he decided to end his life but the other side of me is angry that he decided to do it in J's beautiful family house.
Then there are moments when i think, life can be so unpredictable.
One moment you could be standing there breathing, the next you could be catching your last breath. Whether it was intentional is besides the point. What i really meant was, you never really know whether it's the last time you'll ever really see a person.
So on that note, i'm saying a silent prayer for him.
I'm hoping that he rests in peace and prays to all good things that his spirit isn't lingering anywhere that it shouldn't be a.k.a the house.
So go hug a loved one or a good friend and tell them how much you appreciate and love him/her.
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