Every time i log onto fb it redirects me to the home page and i've noticed in the corner there is a section that is titled People You May Know. 7 out of 10 times fb has suggested HIM as someone i should add and i can't help but feel a range of emotions flood in each time.
For those who have stalked me for awhile will know that HIM and i have had a very long history that spans over a decade. One that ended years back but somehow managed to fuck me up big time. I know it. One would hope i'd just get over it and just move the hell on.
Don't worry i have. Now.
Maybe it's just a huge ass coincidence or the fact that we may have a shit load of mutual friends in our lists. But i'm totally over that chapter of my Life and i'm staying clear of any Negative paths. Yes i have found a Happiness that i am more than grateful for and will continue to boast about.
But seeing that 15 mm x 15 mm frozen image of HIM every bloody time i log on is like ripping a scab off my knee and watching the memories bleed over AND over.
I'm not sure why it bothered me.
I will admit it did cross my mind to add HIM as a Friend. But then again, i could just tear open the wound with my mechanical pencil, pour salt and squeeze lemon in it, it may just have the same effects. Yes it's so fuckin' High School, it's pathetic. Instead i clicked the little 'x' beside HIS name.
Friend.
A term i think is loosely used nowadays and often taken for granted. Somehow it has managed to lose its' meaning. Or maybe, some people just don't know what the true value of friendship is. But then i think, why should I be the one to initiate contact? HE was the one after all who tossed me away for someone else. Our history digs deep and doesn't need to be unburied. Mark my word it will not be forgotten.
But HE got one thing right when HE insisted that i'd make SOMEONE a very happy person one day. In other words, that SOMEONE was never going to be him.
Not only was i blind but was i deaf too!?
Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much if HE hadn't of said it to me repeatedly when we were a couple. Although the tone was in a joking manner, deep inside there is always some Truth behind it. HE then would bet that I would get married first and ask whether i'd invite HIM to my wedding. Who asks their girlfriend of 8 years that? Then state that he'd only get married after he's 40 and would never have children.
Hmmm...
Well, well, well... one should never say, NEVER because it's bound to happen, eh!
After all that shit, i will thank HIM for a few things. Had we stayed together, i would be a completely different person. I would have never known what it truly feels like NOW to be appreciated as a girlfriend/friend. I would not have pushed myself. I may have only cried tears of sadness and frustration AND i would probably continue to polish the pedestal that i had put HIM up on.
WHY?
Fuck would i know. Love can make you do strange things.
...
And because i can, i'm going to share with you a track i so happened to have found tucked away on my iTunes. It's complete with an ass shakin' beat and the video is so cheesy, i can't help but LOVE it!
Flaunt It - TV rock
For those who have stalked me for awhile will know that HIM and i have had a very long history that spans over a decade. One that ended years back but somehow managed to fuck me up big time. I know it. One would hope i'd just get over it and just move the hell on.
Don't worry i have. Now.
Maybe it's just a huge ass coincidence or the fact that we may have a shit load of mutual friends in our lists. But i'm totally over that chapter of my Life and i'm staying clear of any Negative paths. Yes i have found a Happiness that i am more than grateful for and will continue to boast about.
But seeing that 15 mm x 15 mm frozen image of HIM every bloody time i log on is like ripping a scab off my knee and watching the memories bleed over AND over.
I'm not sure why it bothered me.
I will admit it did cross my mind to add HIM as a Friend. But then again, i could just tear open the wound with my mechanical pencil, pour salt and squeeze lemon in it, it may just have the same effects. Yes it's so fuckin' High School, it's pathetic. Instead i clicked the little 'x' beside HIS name.
Friend.
A term i think is loosely used nowadays and often taken for granted. Somehow it has managed to lose its' meaning. Or maybe, some people just don't know what the true value of friendship is. But then i think, why should I be the one to initiate contact? HE was the one after all who tossed me away for someone else. Our history digs deep and doesn't need to be unburied. Mark my word it will not be forgotten.
But HE got one thing right when HE insisted that i'd make SOMEONE a very happy person one day. In other words, that SOMEONE was never going to be him.
Not only was i blind but was i deaf too!?
Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much if HE hadn't of said it to me repeatedly when we were a couple. Although the tone was in a joking manner, deep inside there is always some Truth behind it. HE then would bet that I would get married first and ask whether i'd invite HIM to my wedding. Who asks their girlfriend of 8 years that? Then state that he'd only get married after he's 40 and would never have children.
Hmmm...
Well, well, well... one should never say, NEVER because it's bound to happen, eh!
After all that shit, i will thank HIM for a few things. Had we stayed together, i would be a completely different person. I would have never known what it truly feels like NOW to be appreciated as a girlfriend/friend. I would not have pushed myself. I may have only cried tears of sadness and frustration AND i would probably continue to polish the pedestal that i had put HIM up on.
WHY?
Fuck would i know. Love can make you do strange things.
...
And because i can, i'm going to share with you a track i so happened to have found tucked away on my iTunes. It's complete with an ass shakin' beat and the video is so cheesy, i can't help but LOVE it!
Flaunt It - TV rock
2 comments:
hi ya!
i dont want to comment on THIS post as i agree with everything you said but on a completely different irrelevant note re: your previous post: dock leaves, mate, that's the antidote to stinging nettle! wherever stinging nettle grows you wont be far from some dock leaves, grab one, bruise it and rub rub rub on the sting... always works!
you google it to see what it looks like la!
big hugs!
ooOOooo... well i'm staying clear of them stinging nettles. It's all good. But cheers for the heads up, i'll have a hunt around in the garden next time i'm out there!
*big hugs backatcha!*
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