Lately i've been thinking about how much my life has changed. From one extreme to another in just a matter of months. If someone were to tell me a year ago that i would pack up my things, fly to the other side of the world to live with my sister and then start a new life, i think i'd laugh in their face and say, suuuuuure and in what lifetime?
But it did happen. Always remembering, Never say Never cause it's bound to happen.
I browse through the thousands of photos that i took during the countless events that i attended over the past few years and i can't help but feel a little sadness.
I cherish all the times i had.
It's amazing how many chapters one can have in ones' Life time. And if only i had the drive to write a biography, i wonder whether people would read it. I think of all the people i met and eventually called 'friends'. People come and go. Situations evolve and one is able to learn so much from experiences. I guess for me the reality of the life i once had that was filled with multi-coloured lights, heavy bass, sleepless nights and booze filled mornings are starting to drift further away from me.
Or perhaps it is I, that's floating away... hmmm.
Remembering those intoxicated mornings when i'd sit in my mates' car and catch myself feeling a sense of happiness. Appreciating moments and declaring how great of a night i had. Or even those times that i'd bitch and moan to another mate of mine of how stressed i was or how i felt like JUST a promoter and nothing more. Maybe it's the Asian mentality that one should not share their feelings or maybe it was just the alcohol talking.
I look back at those people whom i shared an intimate moment with behind closed doors. I was scared to let my guard down but managed to drink myself to the point of blacking out just because it was far easier to deal with reality that way. After all i was, "Chrissie" and i wore my mask of confidence like a pro. No strings attached. I like to believe i was their perfect little secret. But all i did was lose respect for myself and that's when i knew that wasn't for me.
But those times are far gone.
It's been 6 months now and i've got a man that appreciates me and cares for me deeply. Someone whom i connect with on so many levels. A person who is willing to understand and share his life with me. And most importantly, makes me happy. An emotion i seemed to have lacked in my previous relationship. So yea, it's all so very new but having no expectations and taking each day as it comes is the only advice i have to give to anyone.
But who am i to give advice to? It's been 4 months since i stepped out of the office.
A resignation that proved to be probably the best thing that i ever did. But in exchange the process and months leading to its end caused more emotional damage. The passion i once had for a career that i thought would inspire me to change the world has in fact faded.
I havelost misplaced my mojo.
In exchange for a healthy monthly wage, i will start classes next week to learn a foreign language and introduce myself to a whole new circle of 'friends'.
But being jobless and 28 is not all that bad.
Sometimes i wonder why people lie about their age once they blow past their 21st candle. Are they in denial? Life only really begins when one has experienced and battled through emotions. There's nothing wrong with getting older. I'm proud to be 28. Although people sometimes mistake me as being 18 but that's ok i know i'm not that naive. And i sure wouldn't want to pretend that i'm anything else either.
No expectations, is my new moto. Expectations only leads to disappointments.
So lately, i've been starting to think i may not fit in the world of Design. I'm talking about job wise. Stress that obviously did more damage than good has pushed me to look at my health more closely. The human body can only withstand a certain amount of beatings before it tries to shut itself down. And i'm sure no matter what country i'm in, that degree of stress will follow. I don't think i'm ready for that. But then again, who is?
My mission continues...
But it did happen. Always remembering, Never say Never cause it's bound to happen.
I browse through the thousands of photos that i took during the countless events that i attended over the past few years and i can't help but feel a little sadness.
I cherish all the times i had.
It's amazing how many chapters one can have in ones' Life time. And if only i had the drive to write a biography, i wonder whether people would read it. I think of all the people i met and eventually called 'friends'. People come and go. Situations evolve and one is able to learn so much from experiences. I guess for me the reality of the life i once had that was filled with multi-coloured lights, heavy bass, sleepless nights and booze filled mornings are starting to drift further away from me.
Or perhaps it is I, that's floating away... hmmm.
Remembering those intoxicated mornings when i'd sit in my mates' car and catch myself feeling a sense of happiness. Appreciating moments and declaring how great of a night i had. Or even those times that i'd bitch and moan to another mate of mine of how stressed i was or how i felt like JUST a promoter and nothing more. Maybe it's the Asian mentality that one should not share their feelings or maybe it was just the alcohol talking.
I look back at those people whom i shared an intimate moment with behind closed doors. I was scared to let my guard down but managed to drink myself to the point of blacking out just because it was far easier to deal with reality that way. After all i was, "Chrissie" and i wore my mask of confidence like a pro. No strings attached. I like to believe i was their perfect little secret. But all i did was lose respect for myself and that's when i knew that wasn't for me.
But those times are far gone.
It's been 6 months now and i've got a man that appreciates me and cares for me deeply. Someone whom i connect with on so many levels. A person who is willing to understand and share his life with me. And most importantly, makes me happy. An emotion i seemed to have lacked in my previous relationship. So yea, it's all so very new but having no expectations and taking each day as it comes is the only advice i have to give to anyone.
But who am i to give advice to? It's been 4 months since i stepped out of the office.
A resignation that proved to be probably the best thing that i ever did. But in exchange the process and months leading to its end caused more emotional damage. The passion i once had for a career that i thought would inspire me to change the world has in fact faded.
I have
In exchange for a healthy monthly wage, i will start classes next week to learn a foreign language and introduce myself to a whole new circle of 'friends'.
But being jobless and 28 is not all that bad.
Sometimes i wonder why people lie about their age once they blow past their 21st candle. Are they in denial? Life only really begins when one has experienced and battled through emotions. There's nothing wrong with getting older. I'm proud to be 28. Although people sometimes mistake me as being 18 but that's ok i know i'm not that naive. And i sure wouldn't want to pretend that i'm anything else either.
No expectations, is my new moto. Expectations only leads to disappointments.
So lately, i've been starting to think i may not fit in the world of Design. I'm talking about job wise. Stress that obviously did more damage than good has pushed me to look at my health more closely. The human body can only withstand a certain amount of beatings before it tries to shut itself down. And i'm sure no matter what country i'm in, that degree of stress will follow. I don't think i'm ready for that. But then again, who is?
My mission continues...
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