You know what rattles my chains? What gets my heart racing and gets me all defensive? When people make silly comments about a subject matter that they have no clue about.
It's so easy to make a smart arse comment sound clever when you've got the gift of words.
Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion and each are subjective. Maybe i'm just overreacting which is why i've decided to spew it out here, after all this is my place to rant and rave. I need to get it out of my system before it starts eating me away.
Maybe i'm just a more compassionate person and tend to empathize with those in pain or in need of support. Yes, i will admit i did cry when i saw the World Trade Centre get hit and when there was that Tsunami in 2004. But when it hits closer to home and it relates to me personally, i find it hard to keep my mouth shut.
...
So i wonder, why is it that if a person suffers from depression, he/she is considered weak. And if they cry for help that automatically makes them an attention seeker? What absolute bollocks!
Maybe there are some people who use the word "depression" loosely and it's lost it's meaning. But seriously, it makes my blood boil to know how naive some people are or how unwilling they are to understand it. I'm sure there's enough studies and research out there to prove it's not some made up excuse.
Speaking from personal experience, the feeling is so intense that it tends to wipe out all forms of emotions. It's hard to fathom a world without emotions but it's as if your senses are put on mute and that's only just a small part of it.
Waking up each and every day with a stronger urge to end your life is not how Life's supposed to be. Although i can understand why some people are driven towards suicide. I admit i danced with the idea of Death. Call it selfish but when a person's mind is so flooded with negativity, feelings so out of their reach that it affects the person both mentally and physically, an easy option would be to just silence it.
Take ones' breath and end it all.
There is no text book or internet definition that can come close to how dark ones' world can get. It's so horrible, i wouldn't even wish it upon an enemy.
Yes the mind works in mysterious ways and just like an abused or rape victim, one never truly forgets.
Sure people can say, "You're fine", "Nothing's wrong with you", Move on and snap out of it!" Some may even try and convince them that they're making it all up and that they're delusional.
I've heard it all before and the more i hear it, the more i despise those comments. Just hearing those words makes my pulse quicken. I'm not sure why. Maybe that wasn't the answer i was looking for back then. Deep down i was probably hoping someone would give me the cure to feeling "normal" again.
And that probably explains why those who are suffering from depression tend to hide it from others - in fear that they will be looked down upon. Not every culture accepts it as a serious issue. And so by "putting on a happy face", it protects them and steers the attention away. At the end of the day, it's so much easier to say you're "fine" than to get an earful from people telling you, "it'll be ok, you'll get over it" or "why are you embarrassing me and our family?"
You think a person wants to be depressed?
They say it's a state of mind. A mind over matter kind of deal. A result of a tragic or traumatic event. A chemical imbalance. Maybe it's due to your thyroids being out of whack. Some result to therapy and medication as their only way to handle Life as they know it.
And in my case, taking meds made it far worse before it got better. Unfortunately, shrinks don't tell you that when they're writing you your prescription. At the end of the day, they've gotta make a living too.
I just find it odd that society as we know it has somehow convinced us it's taboo to speak about ones' mental illnesses. As if by speaking out automatically makes them less of a person or that he/she lacks character.
I just don't get it. Who are they to judge?
But it's been over a year since i stopped regularly taking my anti-depressants. I find myself in a much better place, mentally and physically. Maybe i'm just one of the exceptions. One of the lucky ones.
But i wrote this post in the chance that maybe someone out there is going through a hard time or maybe wants some reassurance that they're not going crazy. And to tell them that they're not "alone" in this subject matter.
So my advice is, DON'T GIVE UP - as lame and fortune-cookie-like it might sound.
But if you feel like you have nobody to talk to? You could always try starting a journal to jot down your thoughts, at least it's out of your system. So when your so-called bad days stretches into months, you know that can't be normal. I suggest you speak to a counselor or shrink - there's a reason why they're there, to get deep down into your psyche.
And most importantly, educate yourself on the matter because the more you understand it, the less overwhelming and scary it will be. And if you can't talk to your friends or family, there are quite a number of forums and support groups online that you can browse through and join.
Peace.
It's so easy to make a smart arse comment sound clever when you've got the gift of words.
Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion and each are subjective. Maybe i'm just overreacting which is why i've decided to spew it out here, after all this is my place to rant and rave. I need to get it out of my system before it starts eating me away.
Maybe i'm just a more compassionate person and tend to empathize with those in pain or in need of support. Yes, i will admit i did cry when i saw the World Trade Centre get hit and when there was that Tsunami in 2004. But when it hits closer to home and it relates to me personally, i find it hard to keep my mouth shut.
...
So i wonder, why is it that if a person suffers from depression, he/she is considered weak. And if they cry for help that automatically makes them an attention seeker? What absolute bollocks!
Maybe there are some people who use the word "depression" loosely and it's lost it's meaning. But seriously, it makes my blood boil to know how naive some people are or how unwilling they are to understand it. I'm sure there's enough studies and research out there to prove it's not some made up excuse.
Speaking from personal experience, the feeling is so intense that it tends to wipe out all forms of emotions. It's hard to fathom a world without emotions but it's as if your senses are put on mute and that's only just a small part of it.
Waking up each and every day with a stronger urge to end your life is not how Life's supposed to be. Although i can understand why some people are driven towards suicide. I admit i danced with the idea of Death. Call it selfish but when a person's mind is so flooded with negativity, feelings so out of their reach that it affects the person both mentally and physically, an easy option would be to just silence it.
Take ones' breath and end it all.
There is no text book or internet definition that can come close to how dark ones' world can get. It's so horrible, i wouldn't even wish it upon an enemy.
Yes the mind works in mysterious ways and just like an abused or rape victim, one never truly forgets.
Sure people can say, "You're fine", "Nothing's wrong with you", Move on and snap out of it!" Some may even try and convince them that they're making it all up and that they're delusional.
I've heard it all before and the more i hear it, the more i despise those comments. Just hearing those words makes my pulse quicken. I'm not sure why. Maybe that wasn't the answer i was looking for back then. Deep down i was probably hoping someone would give me the cure to feeling "normal" again.
And that probably explains why those who are suffering from depression tend to hide it from others - in fear that they will be looked down upon. Not every culture accepts it as a serious issue. And so by "putting on a happy face", it protects them and steers the attention away. At the end of the day, it's so much easier to say you're "fine" than to get an earful from people telling you, "it'll be ok, you'll get over it" or "why are you embarrassing me and our family?"
You think a person wants to be depressed?
They say it's a state of mind. A mind over matter kind of deal. A result of a tragic or traumatic event. A chemical imbalance. Maybe it's due to your thyroids being out of whack. Some result to therapy and medication as their only way to handle Life as they know it.
And in my case, taking meds made it far worse before it got better. Unfortunately, shrinks don't tell you that when they're writing you your prescription. At the end of the day, they've gotta make a living too.
I just find it odd that society as we know it has somehow convinced us it's taboo to speak about ones' mental illnesses. As if by speaking out automatically makes them less of a person or that he/she lacks character.
I just don't get it. Who are they to judge?
But it's been over a year since i stopped regularly taking my anti-depressants. I find myself in a much better place, mentally and physically. Maybe i'm just one of the exceptions. One of the lucky ones.
But i wrote this post in the chance that maybe someone out there is going through a hard time or maybe wants some reassurance that they're not going crazy. And to tell them that they're not "alone" in this subject matter.
So my advice is, DON'T GIVE UP - as lame and fortune-cookie-like it might sound.
But if you feel like you have nobody to talk to? You could always try starting a journal to jot down your thoughts, at least it's out of your system. So when your so-called bad days stretches into months, you know that can't be normal. I suggest you speak to a counselor or shrink - there's a reason why they're there, to get deep down into your psyche.
And most importantly, educate yourself on the matter because the more you understand it, the less overwhelming and scary it will be. And if you can't talk to your friends or family, there are quite a number of forums and support groups online that you can browse through and join.
Peace.
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