Not Yet Dead.

As the world shows off their iPhones and fancy Apps, my three-year old Sony Ericsson has been showing signs of Schizophrenia.

It all started a few weeks ago when she decided to change my ring tone all by herself. Then she took it upon herself to remove all my photos from the camera album simply because she didn't like them. And when it came to operating the in-built camera, she had issues concentrating. Her ADD tendencies means she often switches to the main menu when she's in camera mode and then returns as if nothing had happened.

At first i was upset that all my photos were missing but then i thought what if she developed Alzheimer's disease and decided to delete all my phone numbers. Believe it or not, i don't even know my own phone number by heart. But then again, it wouldn't make much of a difference because the only people that actually call me are my parents, sister and J.

So i decided to do some minor surgery and check her insides. Twenty minutes later and a quick rubdown, i managed to bring her back to life.

It seems like her memory has been restored and i was able to retrieve all one hundred and twenty-five images.

2007-2010

Looking at my past through stills sometimes leaves me with a bittersweet aftertaste. But my past has made me the person that i am today and today i feel content.

Before and After.

J, also known as Grumpos, spent part of Monday night battling his allergies. By 3 AM Yoshi decided he wanted to bring random toys in the bed because he wanted us to play with him. I tried kicking him out of the bedroom but Yoshi just ended up scratching at the door, which was more annoying.

So my only solution was to sleep on the sofa, hoping that Yoshi would follow me. And in turn, hope J wouldn't get annoyed that he didn't get enough shuteye. Yes, i am a thoughtful girlfriend.

My typical week day starts at 6:10 AM, so you can imagine my annoyance when my alarm went off just as i had fallen back to sleep.

I must have clicked the snooze button again because before i knew it J storms out of the bedroom in a frantic mess because he had forgotten to switch on his alarm and had only 15 minutes to get ready and be at work.

I don't know about you but waking up before the crack of dawn AND then getting yelled at, is not exactly how i like to start my day.


Later that afternoon Grumpos came home from work with a bunch of I'm Sorry flowers.

***

But let's rewind back...

After J came back from sorting through and packing up the contents of his parents' house the other weekend, he brought home with him a bunch of stuff including a huge box full of tools which he inherited from his mothers' late boyfriend.


It looked like we were in a mechanics' heaven.

The remaining half a dozen or more duplicates are now in another box collecting dust. But instead of throwing them away, i'm thinking we should rent out a space in a flea market and sell all the crap that we don't want.

As they say, one Man's Rubbish, is anothers' Treasure.

***

Originally, J was supposed to use the small room that leads to our bedroom as his work area but since we moved here, he hasn't once used the space. The area has turned out to be an area to hang our laundry. So to make use of our apartment, we decided to rearrange the furniture and make that area a place to put our closet as well as our deep freezer. We then moved all of J's stuff to my workroom.

But when we moved here in January, J promised me he would help me sort through the leftover boxes in the workroom/guestroom. With no place to put the contents, we were desperate for extra shelves.

So after dinner on Friday, we checked out IKEA online and the Expedit shelf series we wanted were on sale until Saturday. J's ex-colleagues had given him a 88 Euro IKEA voucher and so we decided to make use it.

And after a quick calculation, we found out we would end up having to pay 40 Euros more if we didn't make use of the sale plus whatever extra we needed for other items. So with one hour left until closing, we got into the car and made our way to IKEA.


And thanks to the faulty boot lock on J's car, we weren't able to open the boot. But lucky for us we managed to squeeze the 150cm long boards through the back door.

Had we got them delivered, it would have cost us 75 Euro - which is just as much as a set of 4x4 shelves!

How crazy is that!?

At last, gone are the days i have to walk through a maze to get to my desk.

Before • After

Before • After

We turned the IKEA 2x4 Expedit shelves on its' side and used it as a divider to separate J's working area and my space. I've taken over the open shelves and have used it for my folders, working files and German books. And i've had to leave a gap in between one of the folders since Yoshi and Luna like to use the space as their shortcut to the kitchen.


And the other IKEA 4x4 Expedit shelves are on the opposite wall and is used to house some of Js books, my design books and various other bits and bobs.

All that's left are half a dozen boxes or so and a wardrobe that still needs to be put together - the one item that we couldn't be bothered to put together once we dismantled it in our previous apartment in Düsseldorf over a year and a half ago.

Working at my desk feels so much better now.

It actually feels like i'm in a proper office just minus the colleagues and an irritating boss.

Pasty was SO last Season.

Once again, Friday has crept up and bit me from behind. Is it just me, or is this month... year so far speeding up?

[via : Twisted Swifter]

I know Spring just got here but at the rate time is traveling, Winter will be back here and i'll be moaning again about how i can't feel my fingers/face/insert body part.

It makes me wonder whether or not i'm fully making use of my day. I'm sure i'm not the only one who feels this way.

Ya know, whether or not we're actually grabbing life by its balls or just simply wasting away. Because before we all know it, Arthritis will take over and/or we'll be old and crusty.

Hmmm. There's a visual i can't get out of my head.

Well not much has been happening in my world the past few days except that my attempt to stick to a fifteen Euro per week grocery bill failed miserably. I have now bumped my budget up to twenty.

OK. I lied, i spent twenty-five on my last bill.

Although, technically, if i split the ground coffee + 8 pack of 3-ply toilet paper + 18 x tissue packs over a duration of three weeks, i sort of, kinda, still stuck to my budget.

Well at least i'm not broke... yet.

My client tells me there's promise that i might get paid next week, so i'm staying optimistic. But then again, i won't believe it until i see those digits in my account.

Sticking to a budget continues to be a challenge. And so does wanting to attend to the sink full of dishes and the rest of the housework.

Procrastination is my friend and i'm in desperate need of a tan.

Eleven more days to go until i go back to German classes - believe it or not, a part of me is actually excited.

Yay for the weekend and random cuddles!

Thank You!

On Tuesday we went to go register as residents. It turned out the nearest office was up the road and by bike it took us a casual two minutes. The wait wasn't even that long and before we knew it our number was called.

In Germany it's compulsory for every new resident to register. Although the authorities are willing to extend the time frame in which to register to about a month, one is meant to register within a week of moving into their new home.

Uh oh.

So the guy serving us then questioned us about why we wrote 'January' as our move in month. When J explained that's when we actually started moving our stuff over. He went on to say, we were still technically paying our other rent as well - which was true. Lucky for us the guy was in a good mood because he changed our move in date on our forms to February. Which meant just like that we managed to escape paying a fine.

So anyone who's thinking of moving to a new city in Germany, remember to register straight away!


J then asked whether new residents received a welcome pack. When we moved to Guetersloh, they gave us a bunch of vouchers and information leaflets to take home for free. So when the guy went to ask his colleague, he came back with a booklet and said if we wanted we could purchase a booklet full of vouchers for 5 Euro.

And inside were about 50 or so discount/ 2-for-the-price-of-1 entry vouchers for various museums, theaters, sport events, tours and activities for family and kids.

I'm totally looking forward to checking out the chocolate museum.

And here it is, i am now an official Kölnerin.

***

Then when we got back, i checked our mail box and there was a yellow A4 size envelope stuffed inside. It could only be one thing, the present from one of my silent readers. I still can't get over that somebody, especially one whom i've never met, would bother buying lil ol' me a pressie.

So anyway, protected by an oversized ziplock bag and wrapped in pink tissue paper, a small note was attached to say who it was from, Lian Sim * of Malaysia. I pixelated her surname just in case she didn't want everyone to know her full name.

For those of you who would like a better look, the following photos were taken from the sellers' Etsy page. And if you would like a Boojiboo apron too, go ahead and click here.

The BELLA Vintage Inspired

Black and White Polka Dot with Red Full Apron

This is a very cute vintage inspired full apron with a sweetheart neckline! This apron has a cute polka dot print, black with white dots. The pocket and straps are in a solid red! Reminds me of I Love Lucy !!

Our apron design is 100% original and made by us! NO store-bought patterns used! The top isn't just a flat piece, but has shape for a better fit. We've tested and made sure our aprons fit and look flattering on ANY body type, so rest-assured it will look good on you!

The Apron is fully adjustable with two straps that go around the neck [29.5 inches each] and two straps for the waist [32.5 inches each] so you can adjust how high or low you would like it. From top to bottom the apron measures 30 inches, and the waist itself measures 20 inches. One size fits most!

BELLA VS. CLASSIC APRON
The straps on the bella are a little bit longer, and the waistband & waist straps are thicker as well. The skirt is a flared circle, no gathering. The apron is about three inches longer.

So cute, i love it!!!

Yes, i know. I've become quite domesticated.

Spring has finally Sprung.

Yesterday was the official beginning of Spring and J took the day off. I woke up around 7:30 AM and was greeted by the sun shining down on our balcony and a perfect clear blue sky. I checked the thermometer and i couldn't believe my eyes...

What!?

How could the temperature jump from 9˚C the day before to 25˚C the next? I wasn't going to question it because surely my eyes wouldn't lie.

I then, practically, ran to the bedroom and jumped on the bed with excitement. J was still asleep but soon responded with one eye open, a smile and a quick roll over.

Obviously, he didn't share my enthusiasm.

So i grabbed a cup of freshly brewed coffee and stepped out onto the balcony hoping to soak in some rays and breathe in the fresh air. But the moment i stepped out, the damn sun started moving away.

And that's when i found out the truth.

Hmmpf.

The sun must have warmed up the thermometer and in turn, made me out to be a liar. But the temperature eventually made its' way up to about 15˚C, which is a lot warmer than what we've been having lately but still no where near Sweat Ville.

***

But our plan was to register ourselves as official residents in the afternoon. J checked for the address and found out the office was closed at the time that we wanted to go, so we're going later this afternoon when J gets back from work.

Since we were already dressed and minutes from stepping out the front door, J then suggested we take a walk on the other side of the Rhine river.


We found ourselves a spot on the pebbles to sit and with the binoculars J found at his parents' house, we tried to figure out how to focus so we'd stop seeing double.


J, then, decided he wanted to break a bunch of rocks. I think it was the inner child/cave man in him that thought it was cool to destroy things. And i looked around for pretty rocks to fill my pocket.


But before we knew it, the sun started to make her way down and hunger got the better of me. Overall, it was a somewhat lazy day but at least we managed to get out of the apartment for a few hours.


I realised then how much i really missed J when he was gone but how glad i am, now that he's back. All our petty arguments we had days before J had left, seemed to have been suddenly forgotten.

It's true, distance can make the heart grow fonder.


And here's our new additions before i added them to my Succulents and Rock garden.

On A Budget.

J is coming home tonight and i'm so happy. The original plan was that he would be gone for two nights but that soon changed to a week. I'd be lying if i said, i didn't miss him.

I did miss him. Especially when it hit day four.

But even though he spends a huge chunk of his normal day at work and i rarely see him, it's nice to know that i expect to see him walk through the front door just in time for dinner.

Well i now have about fifteen hours until he's supposedly back, which should give me ample time to do what i need to do to sort out the apartment and mop the floors.

The weather has been miserable the last few days with grey skies and occasional showers. The temperature has even dropped down to about 8˚Celsius which means there's a need for extra layers. But after a quick peek out the window, it looks like the weatherman may have lied when he said there was going to be rain.

At the moment the sun is shining and i'm tempted to go outside and shop.

[source]

However, in order to keep afloat financially, it looks like i'm forced to keep myself on a 15 Euro per week grocery budget for the next month. Which, theoretically, is not that much considering that that amount is for the both of us. Our usual weekly bill would come up to about three to four times that amount. But at the moment 15 Euro is all i can afford, especially with all our upcoming bills.

So with no chance for an extension, there needs to be mini sacrifices made and careful planning done.

I know J has a little money stashed away in his account from the security deposit we got from our old apartment. But seeing that this is probably the first time he hasn't been broke at the end of the month in years, he deserves every right to hang on to it. Plus both of us can't be broke at the same time - that would just be depressing.

But my fingers are crossed that my client gets all the necessary signatures they need in order to pay me what they owe me by April.

After which, i need to seriously start saving my money because there's no telling when my next job will be completed or whether i'll get anymore big contracts.

With everything going on in this world, life, as we all know it, can be so unpredictable.

But if there's one thing i dislike about being a freelancer, that would be not having a steady monthly income. It's ridiculous how fast money can come in and how quickly it can go out.

Money, is truly the root of all evils.

Version 3.1 - Making The Most Of It.

Before i get into a long-winded story about how i tried to make the most of my birthday being alone, i have to share with you something that happened to me last night.

So last night when i posted my last blog entry i found myself browsing Etsy and choosing my favorites... again. I swear, Etsy browsing is total time suckage and is starting to get seriously addictive.

Then half way through, something possessed me to check my favorite list and that's when i noticed one of the items i had clicked "favorite" to was no longer for sale.

A part of me felt a little bitter at whoever it was that bought my favorite. Never mind that there were multiple others who thought the same when i decided to favorite the item they had chosen as their favorite.

Then the most unexpected and random thing happened...

I got an email from one of the sellers from Etsy explaining that one my sweet readers [Lian Sim - i know you're reading this] had bought me one of the items she was selling and wanted to send it to me as a gift. Yup, the very item that had SOLD printed below it just minutes before. But seeing that she didn't have my address, she asked the seller to contact me.

And let me tell you in my six years of regurgitating my thoughts online, never did i expect such generosity especially from someone i don't know in person or have even met.

I won't tell you what she bought me, so you will just have to wait until the package arrives. I just received an email from the seller saying the item has been sent and it will arrive in 6-10 working days.

How crazy is that!?

[I so hope that that angry DHL delivery man changed his delivery route and is on leave for the next few weeks].

***

So anyway moving on...

I've been up since 7:30 AM because my sister called to sing me the birthday song, followed by my dad and then my mom. J even called me several times during the day and each time sang the whole birthday song which brought a smile to my face every time.

But today i figured instead of moping around at home smelling of my own funk, i figured i would shower, change and venture out into the city.

So after replying to all my facebook birthday wall wishes and Twitter messages, i was ready to conquer my day.


I couldn't believe how warm it was today when i checked the thermometer on the balcony. It honestly feels like ages since we've had double-digits above freezing point. For awhile there, i almost forgot what it was like to sweat.

But i was soon reminded of that icky feeling when i sat in the overcrowded train carriage beside a bunch of prepubescent girls spreading their germs as they coughed all over the place.

It was gross.

Parents need to seriously teach their kids to cover their germ infested mouths in public when they cough. How hard is it to cough into the fold of your elbow?

Seriously.

***

So anyway, after buying my compulsory German course book, i decided to search the shelves for a book that basically explained the rules and vocabulary in English. I found some cash earlier and took it upon myself to use it to help fund my Ich spreche Deutsch [: I speak German] foundation.

My issue, if you really want to know, is i'm finding that all my material and books i've got so far are in German. So not only will finding a book that basically explains the vocabulary in a language i comprehend will not only make my life easier but i may even learn more.

I'm hoping.


Feeling pleased with myself, i decided to treat myself by making it a point to find that cupcakes store i had found randomly online. But after walking in circles because i took the wrong turn, i ended up where i started half an hour before.

Yes Christina, if you turn right enough times in a row, you will end up where you started.

D'oh!


One of the many side streets that all seemed to look the same after a while.

Here's a bit of history for you...


Further down the main road, standing proudly beside the tram tracks, is the Hahnentor on Rudolfplatz. It is said that it is one of the original twelve gate castles built around 1180-1220 and was part of an eight-kilometre-long medieval town wall [source]. It is one of only three that remain standing.


I was determined to find the cupcake place and when i eventually found it, i couldn't have been happier. As i sipped on my lactose-free milk coffee and savoured my King of Pop, i received my first birthday sms from Ms. Redd... thanks again!

***

So when i eventually decided to head home because my feet were aching, i forgot which escalator i was supposed to take when i reached my station. There's a shorter route that takes me directly home and then there's one that exits on the side of the supermarket - which is where i wanted to get my birthday slice.

So i left it to fate and it turned out...


I was meant to eat more cake after all.

It was a slice of a chocolate roll which was filled with a chocolate mousse. Full of fat but after all the walking i did today, i sure deserved it.

But before it strikes midnight [Germany time] and it's no longer the 15th of March, i'm going to say, i had a happy thirty-first birthday.

And to all my readers; friends and silent followers, thank you. It amazes me to know that there are people out there that care.


And here's one last photo of little Miss Luna wanting to cuddle and get in on some of Lisa Kahlen's Essential German Vocabulary.

Gute Nacht!

The Eve of my 31st.

Originally, J was supposed to come home tonight because tomorrow is my birthday. But after speaking with him on the phone last night, it turns out he has a lot more things to take care of including arranging the funeral. I told J it makes no sense for him to rush back just because it's my birthday since i know his mind will be elsewhere.

And knowing that his mother, who had admitted herself into hospital since the incident, is finally checking herself out today, i know J wants to just make sure everything is taken care of before he does finally leave including finding a suitable service apartment for her to stay at.

And so he's decided to stay on until the end of this week.

Sensing that i was disappointed, J suggested that i take the train to Hannover, a neighboring city from where his parents' place is and meet up for my birthday. Then later drive to his grandmothers' place [where he's staying the nights at] and i would stay over.

But after checking my bank account, i soon realised my bank balance didn't support the idea. With an upcoming German course and a reoccuring monthly health insurance to pay, there's no extra money for any random getaways.

I later found out that J had planned to take next week off too and that he wanted to surprise me by taking me to Rome or somewhere.

But i ruined his plan when i asked him who was going to take care of the kitties and i informed him of our financial situation.

Yup, he forgot about Luna and Yoshi.

-__-

Oh well, at least he had good intentions.

But it looks like he's canceling his leave next week because i told him there's no point in using up most of his leave when it's only March.

So i guess the decision has been made. I'll be spending my thirty-first birthday all alone tomorrow.

*sad face*

Oh well. That's life, i guess.


So anyway, i've checked my weather widget and the weather, for once, looks promising this week. I think Tuesday will be the warmest we've had in months.


I thought of going to a museum or an exhibition but i'm trying my best to refrain from spending money unnecessarily. In fear that i may want to go shopping and buy random items. Unless of course it has to do with food, then there's no point in starving myself. I just have to be price conscious. Currently, i still have enough food to last me a few days, so i'm making the most of what we have.

However, i have decided i will buy myself my own birthday cake [or slice].

J has agreed to have a Skype date with me tomorrow, that way he can sing me happy birthday and i won't be such a sad case singing the song and blowing out my candle by myself.

***

So until my client pays me, it doesn't look like i'll be spending any money anytime soon.

But there's no harm in window shopping, right?

> Click to see my list of Etsy Favorites <

Show Me The Money!

Several weeks ago i decided to rearrange my desk. I had read that it was bad Feng Shui to have my back towards the door. And looking at the position of my desk, i noticed everything that they had said not to do, was exactly what i had done.

Oops.

"In Feng Shui, the bagua incorporates the nine areas of life, with the center being the health area. The upper left corner of the desk is the wealth area, the upper right corner of the deck is partnership, the lower right corner of the desk is helpful people and so on." [source] And therefore, by placing a plant in my upper left corner of my desk it may improve my financial situation.

Now seriously, who could say no to that?

So i went to the gardening centre and looked around for a plant that i thought would be happy to come home with me.

And whether it was a major coincidence but a few days after tidying my desk and moving it, i received an email from a potential new client saying he will get back to me with regards to a huge new project he wants me to work on. And a week or so after that, another client that owed me money finally paid up.

Hmmm... needless to say, i'm keeping my desk tidy and that plant ain't going nowhere.

***

So anyway, J left yesterday around about lunch time to spend a few days with his mother and sort through the parents' house. Living further south on the map means the drive would take about 4 hours. But J managed to get a few days off from work next week so he could organise the funeral, speak to the authorities and along with his two brothers help their mother deal with the current situation.

I, on the other hand, spent a huge chunk of yesterday sorting through and rewriting my quotations and invoices i had written for past and current design jobs. The reason being was, apparently, there was some confusion with the sequence of the invoice numbers.

As a designer previously working in a design studio and an advertising company, there was no need to be involved in the billings and/or for me to chase clients for payment. All that dirty work was done by an Account Executive.

Thinking about it now, i definitely took my A.E's for granted. Kudos to all my previous A.E's!

So before J got in the car and left yesterday, he was sweet enough to help me figure out a better bookkeeping system. Knowing how stressed i was about it all, he sat down patiently and explained it to me despite saying he wanted to leave earlier.

Seriously, when it comes to excel documents, i'm a little retarded.

J created an excel sheet in which i could easily key in all the important information such as my billings and basically track how much money i'm still being owed.

Yup, having my own business also means doing my own bookkeeping, which i have learned can be quite complex and super irritating.


But thanks to some sticky notes and a better bookkeeping system courtesy of J, i'm hoping it'll get easier over time.


Six hours, numerous wasted A4 sheets and a depleting black ink cartridge later, i finally completed sorting out my jobs for 2011 so far.


Eventually, i finished and figured it was time to eat. Dinner was spaghetti with some light cream, oregano, vegetable broth powder, garlic, onions, chives and smoked tofu. Easy to prepare, delicious and filling.


As for the rest of my day, it doesn't look like i'll be doing too much. I may consider taking a shower since that is on my To Do List.

I can't believe it's the weekend before my thirty-first birthday and where am i? Home alone with the kitties.

Oh well, the weather is looking kind of grey at 13˚C, so there's no point heading outside. Plus it's Sunday and none of the shops are open, which in a way is good since that would only mean i'd be lured in to spend more money.

I'm on a mission to save money and cut down on my snacking this month. I'm starting to rock a muffin top and i'm feeling self-conscious.

And so i'm off to watch reruns of another reality show that i'm slightly obsessed with called, Dr. 90210. A show focused on plastic surgery in Beverly Hills. And only because i was curious, i found out breast augmentation prices in Germany are way over my head.

If only, i had that much disposable income to begin with.

Life and Death.

Once again, i've had the motivation of a sloth this week in terms of trying to regurgitate my thoughts. Sorry for my lack of posts. And whilst i had good intentions to writing something midweek, before i knew it Friday got here and i'm wondering where the week had gone.

Workwise, i'm currently waiting for feedback and translations for the visuals i sent to my client nearly a month ago. And the longer i wait, the more anxious i'm starting to get. Not because i'm worried about my work but more like i'm concerned as to when i'll finish the projects and when exactly i'll get paid.

Unfortunately, bills don't wait for no [wo]man and i know i'm going to be broke by the end of the month.

As for last weekend, not much happpened.


J spent both nights gaming and in turn spent most of a normal persons' day sleeping. Although i did convince him to go the recycling centre and get rid of the crap that was filling up the backseats. Then to add the excitement factor, we spent the next two and half hours cleaning his car and changing the covers of the car seats.

oOOo fun times!


Then on Sunday, i wanted to get out of the apartment. The weather was gorgeous at 12˚C and it deserved to be taken advantage of. But J was passed out from the lack of sleep he's had the last week and so i ended up going by myself. I knew if i just stayed in i would just get annoyed, so i decided to walk to the nearby park.


I then spent the next two hours on a bench watching individuals walking back and forth, kids playing imaginary games and couples walking hand-in-hand observing the ducks on the pond.

***

Then on Monday came the carnival parade but that deserves a whole new post which i will eventually get to but something else has captivated my thoughts. I'm still a little shaken up and J was right when he said, he didn't want to tell me straight away because he thought it would scare me.

So J gets a phone call last night from his brother. And seconds into the call, i notice J's facial expression goes almost blank. They're talking in German and i'm trying to dissect parts of their conversation. He doesn't say too much but i'm bugging him to tell me what happened.

At first i thought something happened to his grandmother. But as he's on the phone, he tells me that it's not that. I continue to guess what could have happened but he interrupts me and tells me he'll tell me later. He then walks over to the kitchen pours himself some vodka and mixes it with juice and turns to the the kitchen exhaust and lights a cigarette.

It must be serious.

And at that point, my mind is swimming around trying to think of all sorts of things.

He gets off the phone and remains quiet.

I ask him again what happened but he says, he'll tell me later because it might scare me. At which point, i'm starting to freak out because he's never said anything like that me before. J gets back on the phone and starts talking to somebody else. This time it's his other brother.

And what felt like ages later, J gets off the phone and says, do you want to know what happened?

I'm sitting on the sofa half-heartedly watching Germany's Next Top Model and i turn to him bursting for him just to tell me what happened.

His mother's boyfriend committed suicide in the cellar of their family's house.

My jaw almost dropped when i heard the news.

The very house that J grew up in as a child and the home where his mother is now living since J's parents have separated. The same house that J and i were at when we spent boxing day with his mother playing Mahjong.

So anyway, this is what happened...

The mother and her boyfriend got into a heated argument, so she went to go stay with her friend on Tuesday. When she returned yesterday the doors were locked. So she sent him a text message, telling him to open the door otherwise she'd call the police.

He didn't answer, obviously.

So then Police came and opened the door. They searched the house and that's when the police found him hanging in the laundry room. He was dead for two days. And according to the mother the TV was on and there was no note. I can't imagine what would have happened if J's mom had been the one to find him. I think that would have been more traumatic for her.

The second he told me, i got chills. I still get the chills each time i read the paragraph before.

Thoughts of what could have happened leading to his final breath and the fact that i now have a permanent visual in my head of where it happened has got me feeling almost sick.

It's so sad.

Not only because it's a suicide of someone we both know but also that J's told me of many fond memories of the house he grew up in and now the house is tainted.

Some of you may know that four years ago when i was living in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, my neighbour's mistress was killed in the apartment. And i can't begin to tell you how freaked out i was. I knew i couldn't physically go back to living in my apartment knowing that somebody was brutally killed in the apartment right below me and i had to pass their door as i went up the stairs.

I ended up living in a hotel for a month. At which time, it so happened that i had also quit my job two months prior to that and i had a month left to go till i had to leave. I took the murder as a sign that it was time for me to leave.

Yup, the murder was just the icing on the cake.

So yea, now J has to take time off work next week to drive to his parents' house. Most probably to clear some things and do as much as he can to sort through the house.

I told J, as much as i love him, i can't accompany him. He understood. And i went on to say, i don't think i can handle going near the house full stop.


The last time i remember seeing the mother's boyfriend was in the late Summer of 2010. J had borrowed his mother's car because the boot was bigger and so J lent his car to his mother. When they switched cars, the mothers' boyfriend had polished J's car and put J's car keys on a key chain and said that it was for protection which i thought was very nice. Now that i think about it maybe he needed the protection more than J after all.

And although i don't really know him as a person or what his motive was, i'm saddened knowing that he decided to end his life but the other side of me is angry that he decided to do it in J's beautiful family house.

Then there are moments when i think, life can be so unpredictable.

One moment you could be standing there breathing, the next you could be catching your last breath. Whether it was intentional is besides the point. What i really meant was, you never really know whether it's the last time you'll ever really see a person.

So on that note, i'm saying a silent prayer for him.

I'm hoping that he rests in peace and prays to all good things that his spirit isn't lingering anywhere that it shouldn't be a.k.a the house.

So go hug a loved one or a good friend and tell them how much you appreciate and love him/her.

The Prick of the Month Award goes to...

I was going to write about my weekend but something just happened and it's got me all upset.

So on Sunday i decided i wanted to order some contact lenses online. I've been using a brand from the supermarket which costs me 6.99€ per lens and since i need two, i pay about 14€ for a pair of monthly. Which is pretty expensive considering that overseas i can get a pack that contains three pairs for the price of one pair here.

So anyway this morning around 10:30 AM i checked my emails and saw that Deutsche Post DHL had sent a link to say that my order from Linsenplatz was on its way.


I clicked on the link and it said that at 1:38 AM today the shipment had been processed at the destination parcel center. There was no mention that it was actually in the delivery van on its way to be delivered.

Then at around 11 AM the door bell rings.

The apartment doesn't have an intercom or a camera, just a buzzer that one presses so one can open the front door. Which theoretically makes life easier since that means one doesn't have to walk down the stairs and manually open the door oneself. But the problem with not having an intercom is you can't tell who's at the door, which brings me to my real issue.

So i press the buzzer assuming that it's the rubbish man.

DHL couldn't possibly be here so early since the usual delivery man i know arrives in the mid afternoon. I look out at the back but don't see any of the rubbish men walking past.

The door bell rings again.

This time i hold the buzzer down longer and look through the peephole to see if i can see anyone walking up the stairs.

There's no one.

J specifically told me i shouldn't open the door for anyone especially after that incident where i let that electrician in the apartment unannounced to fiddle with the antenna and those other times those strangers came to our actual door and tried to convince me to switch electricity companies.

A minute or so later, i hear the buzzer again.

I then hear a man shouting from down below.

I walk downstairs and see a man with two small packages in his hands. My guess is he's Turkish, in his late twenties or early thirties [and is sexually frustrated]. I ask him in German which name he's after since it's happened before that the delivery man has given me my neighbors' package. He says my surname and so i walk downstairs barefoot.

Then he starts yelling at me and saying all sorts of crap that he went up the stairs twice and nobody was there.

Which is bullshit.

I was by the door and i didn't hear or see nobody walk up the steps and pass our door.

Clearly, if he's a delivery man he knows that the order of the doorbells at the front door correspond to which floor the customers are on. For example, if the name is on the last row of buttons that means the apartment is on the ground floor, so on and so forth.

So anyway, i apologize again but he doesn't seem to want to accept my apologies. And by the tone of his voice, i can tell he's pissed off.

What for? I have no idea. If he can't handle walking up stairs, he shouldn't be a bloody package delivery man to begin with.

I sign for my package and start walking up the stairs but the dude is still rambling on about something. I say once again, i'm sorry in German and under my breath tell him to "calm down".

What i really meant to say was, calm down, bitch!

I get upstairs and the realisation that i was confronted by such an asshole has got me all upset and i start to cry.

I'm more than certain everybody who was at home in the building heard because sound travels really well up the stairs. So not only was that embarrassing but i thought he was damn right rude.


I then decide to call J and start balling my eyes out as i'm telling me him what happened. He asks me to scan the cover of the package and to tell him the code of the package so he can call and make a report.

Half an hour later, J calls me back and says he's made a complaint at Deutsche Post DHL and has even spoken to the person in charge. I'll find out exactly what he said when he comes back from work later. J then continues to say he's called the property management to request for a speaker system to be installed for security purposes. That way when somebody is downstairs one can announce themselves before anybody presses the front door open.

My fingers are crossed that the property management agrees to installing the speaker system in the apartment block and the DHL delivery man gets his arse kicked by his superior for being such a rude prick.

*Double locks our front door just in case the dude comes back and wants revenge*