After a long week and an eventful yesterday i made my journey back on the train to my temporary home away from home. As usual i scrolled through my ipod so my tunes could keep me company. And before the train even left the station the music suddenly stopped half way.
At first i thought i had it on pause and after close inspection it seemed to have stalled even though the battery showed it was full. It's never happened before where i couldn't even switch it off or restart.
It seemed ironic that the song that it had decided to have a mini heart attack was Nelly Furtado's All Good Things Come To An End. And since i left the charger at the office, i let the battery drain itself until it switched off on its own.
It so happens that this one piece of equipment was my very last birthday present my ex had given to me 2 years back. Although a sentimental gift, i was more concerned that it suffered a mini heart attack and i may have lost my tunes... all 40+GB worth.
Then this afternoon when i got home i charged it and it seemed to have been given a second chance at life. And in some strange coincidence it seemed to have paused at the most appropriate song, one that seemed to have summarised my thoughts entirely.
And without getting into a lengthy explanation, i'll give you a somewhat shortened version of the past 2 weeks...
To start off there was a murder in the apartment below me which not only has given me the creeps but since then have not been able to be at home after dark. Even to the extent of staying elsewhere just so i can breathe easier and sleep soundly.
And if that's not enough to fuck me up, on top of that, the past weeks the emotional abuse at work has increased 3-fold! I'm not exaggerating. It has gotten to the point that whatever i do is never good enough... which was probably true long time back but have only JUST decided to realise it now. Why? Because i'm adumb arse loyal dumb arse.
So yea, i've come to the conclusion that it's a chemistry thing that CANNOT be fixed. And sadly, it's no longer a professional but personal matter. I'm not the only one that sees it and it's obvious who is being bullied.
Once again my emotional state is tested and as a result my health is at risk. So my only choice was to resign. Seriously, i don't need to be yelled at for no apparent reason, treated unfairly and neither do i appreciate being spoken to rudely.
For months i've been surrounded by signs to indirectly tell me that my time here is coming to an end. So at last, i've given in and without having to go against it and let it feed on my unhappiness, i have decided to leave... Leave this country that i've spent 4 and half years at and a good portion of my teenage years growing up in.
Yes, i'm in the process of sorting my life and beginning to pack up my things. Then eventually finding refuge in the comfort on my parents place down South momentarily.
My plan is to take a break from the stress that seems to have followed me over the years and nurse myself back to tip top condition with the help of family. Then start my life again in a new environment, country code and perhaps this time out will give me a chance to look at everything from a more positive perspective.
I can only look forward to a better future because in reality, it can only get better and anything is better than [NOW]. And like a cat that has 9 lives... i will take this opportunity and embrace it with open arms in hope that in return i can wipe my slate clean.
At first i thought i had it on pause and after close inspection it seemed to have stalled even though the battery showed it was full. It's never happened before where i couldn't even switch it off or restart.
It seemed ironic that the song that it had decided to have a mini heart attack was Nelly Furtado's All Good Things Come To An End. And since i left the charger at the office, i let the battery drain itself until it switched off on its own.
It so happens that this one piece of equipment was my very last birthday present my ex had given to me 2 years back. Although a sentimental gift, i was more concerned that it suffered a mini heart attack and i may have lost my tunes... all 40+GB worth.
Then this afternoon when i got home i charged it and it seemed to have been given a second chance at life. And in some strange coincidence it seemed to have paused at the most appropriate song, one that seemed to have summarised my thoughts entirely.
And without getting into a lengthy explanation, i'll give you a somewhat shortened version of the past 2 weeks...
To start off there was a murder in the apartment below me which not only has given me the creeps but since then have not been able to be at home after dark. Even to the extent of staying elsewhere just so i can breathe easier and sleep soundly.
And if that's not enough to fuck me up, on top of that, the past weeks the emotional abuse at work has increased 3-fold! I'm not exaggerating. It has gotten to the point that whatever i do is never good enough... which was probably true long time back but have only JUST decided to realise it now. Why? Because i'm a
So yea, i've come to the conclusion that it's a chemistry thing that CANNOT be fixed. And sadly, it's no longer a professional but personal matter. I'm not the only one that sees it and it's obvious who is being bullied.
Once again my emotional state is tested and as a result my health is at risk. So my only choice was to resign. Seriously, i don't need to be yelled at for no apparent reason, treated unfairly and neither do i appreciate being spoken to rudely.
For months i've been surrounded by signs to indirectly tell me that my time here is coming to an end. So at last, i've given in and without having to go against it and let it feed on my unhappiness, i have decided to leave... Leave this country that i've spent 4 and half years at and a good portion of my teenage years growing up in.
Yes, i'm in the process of sorting my life and beginning to pack up my things. Then eventually finding refuge in the comfort on my parents place down South momentarily.
My plan is to take a break from the stress that seems to have followed me over the years and nurse myself back to tip top condition with the help of family. Then start my life again in a new environment, country code and perhaps this time out will give me a chance to look at everything from a more positive perspective.
I can only look forward to a better future because in reality, it can only get better and anything is better than [NOW]. And like a cat that has 9 lives... i will take this opportunity and embrace it with open arms in hope that in return i can wipe my slate clean.
2 comments:
Hey Chrissie!
Just read your latest post babe and I hope everything is ok. I also wish you the best in working out where to go from here.
You're right though, one can't go through life being miserable or brought down by others. It's just not fair!
I found taking an extended period of time off work really helps rejuvinate one's self and puts things into perspective. When I went back to work after my break, I was enthusiastic, energetic and full of life again. I hope it does the same for you.
As for a new country code, I can think of one for ya. AU!! You're always welcome here babes!
Chin up Champ!
heya dave! Well AU will always be on my destination list, who knows what the future holds =)
But yea... it's time for a break and perhaps this is what i need to revive myself. I'm sure you'll read up on it in days/weeks to come ;)
And thanks...
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