Back in Black 2008

:: HS is back ::

Tonight's the night... the night many of us have been waiting for, the return of Hardsequence. This time they're back in black and eager to put on a show. Here's hoping the night is a huge success for them and it brings in the same growing dedication that was present once upon a time.

Sadly, this will be my first HS night that i will not be present.

I will not be standing by the door checking off the guest list, neither will i welcome familiar faces and hug randoms. I will not have my chilled beer beside me and neither will i join in mindless chatter to buy time.

I'll be honest and say there's a mix of emotions on my side. I even spent the last few days questioning whether or not my presence was needed. Would my attendance be expected seeing that i had never let them down? I'm still not sure but the show must go on. But i figured with the upcoming holiday and the roads being completely packed, i didn't think it was wise to travel... for some reason, i had an eerie feeling. I'm not sure why.

I can almost predict what the night would entail; a dozen or more drinks guzzled down, a depleted camera battery, tunes that would hope to bring me back to the days that i felt carefree and probably even a last minute after-party with those same faces. Only difference would be later i'd have to take part in a solo journey back to the concrete jungle.

But if i look back at the last 2 and a half years, it was an enriching journey that taught me so much. I saw what friendship could do, dedication and love. It allowed me to meet various people from all walks of life, many of which were much younger and eager to be part of something. I believe it gave some individuals a purpose and although it may sound obsessive, there was a selfless loyalty in many. And although i speak for myself here, i am grateful and appreciative to those who stuck by. It's nice to be considered and be taken noticed rather than be just a number, a blank face in the crowd... i like to think we're all in it together.

Perhaps deep down inside i've always had a yearning to belong when in reality i couldn't be any different from any of you. Maybe that's how cults begin. So instead, i found much satisfaction in seeing each night succeed by documenting the night with 100s of images, where i'd hide behind the lens to disguise my own discomfort but really because i want to one day look back and remember only those happy faces and not necessarily what plagued my thoughts.

True Joy is nearly impossible to fake.

Each person in the HS crew had their part. No matter how big or small and although i was not in the forefront, it didn't matter, seeing it all unfold and seeing the smiles that it brought to the punters and amongst ourselves was enough to make all the anxiety and stress worth while.

Even to the extent where my own existence very much evolved around being their Pimpstress. My career came second and my own health was not even so much in the equation. I didn't care. It was very much about us... about Hardsequence. It was all for the love of the music but more importantly, it was for them... my boys. As it always has been.

But alas, the tables have turned and now it's only fair that i attend to some personal matters. I wish you boys luck, although i'm sure it's not needed and i'm certain our paths will cross again.

Much love & summersaults,
Your Pimpstress... xox

:: 11 Feb 2006 ~ HS & friends @ SAX ::