Peddling forward

J's teaching Little L how to ride her first bicycle. Over the weekend we went to the store to purchase her first bike. And we stood by the helmuts while she pointed to the one she liked best. She was quick to choose a white safety helmut with the spotted Dalmatians puppies on it. And she couldn't wait to put it on and wear it around proudly.


So as J prepared her for many fun filled days ahead, i trailed behind hoping that neither one of them fell. By her 3rd day she was able to peddle solo and i watched J attentively chasing after her. It was a memorable moment and i could see that J was very proud.


Little L asked me whether i could ride a bicycle and since I can't remember the last time i sat my arse on a bike, so i said i couldn't. She gave me a puzzled look as i'm sure she assumed every adult knew how to. I didn't think much of it until J asked whether she wanted me to run alongside her when she rode her bike while J took a break. But she gave me "that" look again and declined.

Great. I should have said i HAVE learned but have forgotten. At least that sounds better than not knowing at all.

Damn it, now i have to ride a bicycle to prove to her that i can. I'm sure it can't be THAT hard to get back into the swing of things. Right? I can't remember the exact age i got my trainer wheels off but i do remember sunny Sundays racing through the park with my dad and sister.

Those were some fun times.


And before the sun set we went to feed the ducks nearby. We threw our left over bread over the side of the bridge and watched them fight over the pieces. One was daring enough to try and flap it's way up to us and that was the time that i let out a girly scream. Little L found that amusing and later spent the next few minutes making "QUACK" sounds, as if she were one of them.


We later sat down for our first dinner nibbling on sandwiches and she asked whether she could sing a song. She sat up and sang her morning song in English. It was very cute and it went something like this, "Good Morning, Good Morning, How Do You Do?" I'm not sure whether she totally understands what she's saying but it was still very cute considering she doesn't speak any other language other than German.

We later drove her home and we said our good-bye's. But just before she unbuckled her seat belt to hop out of the car she held out her hand and offered me the plastic bag with her last piece of candy. I thought that was very sweet and the very act made me want to cry with happiness.

I was so nervous that she wouldn't like me but it seems like she has no issues. I let out a big sigh of relief and we drove home smiling.

SHE knows

Not only was yesterday my mother's birthday but it certainly was a day to remember. Less than 24 hours ago J told HER and guess what!? Apparently she took it well.

We can only hope there will be no more dramas or unnecessary stresses for the future. And that SHE will find a true happiness that J and i have found.

At last we can now live our lives without having to hide.

That is not to say that i will stop screening my incoming calls. And no, i'm not going to start hanging around her neck of the neighborhood... i don't do well with confrontations.

Not only am i losing hair because of my lack of interest in getting back into my field but i stress over the day that Little L finally stays over. Her non-existent English vocabulary and my minimal knowledge in German bumps the communication stress level one step higher.

Oh gawd, why am i stressing? One step at a time.

[full stop]

The other day i was playing around with my labret [the piercing that i have just below my lower lip] and i managed to unscrew it. Curious to see what i may look like without it, i took it out.

J and my sister make fun of my lips since they say i look like i'm "pouting" but seriously, they have a mind of their own and much like oversized breasted women, i can't simply tuck my lips away.

Anyway, i'm not sure when i got my labret done but i'm thinking around 2003 shortly after i started working at an advertising agency. It's 2008 and already it has been 5 years that i've had this piece of metal protruding from my face.

J came home and i asked him whether he noticed anything different. I made it easy for him because seconds after i caved and said, "Look... i took my Labret out." "You took your what out??? He replied in shock.

Arty farty picture created with Photofunia

He stared at my face a little too long and much to my discomfort and said, "You look... like a... normal girl".

"Normal???" I wasn't sure whether that was good or bad but suddenly i felt naked.

A small hole was left behind between my chin and lower lip and the scar made me feel slightly more self-conscious. It wasn't like i thought i'd be drooling but the extra attention on my face made me very uncomfortable. It was then that i was grateful that my over-sized Puffer fish-like lips concealed it perfectly.

I put my piercing back and then suddenly the focus was put back onto the metal ball. Which somehow before, the piercing was able to blend into the background.

Funny how just one little fleck of metal could make such a difference. It's like when one spends a lot of time with someone, one doesn't notice the fine details anymore.

Where Is My Money???

I was rudely awaken by a vibration this morning. J was already in the shower and thought to myself, "5 more minutes, JUST 5 more minutes". I had buried myself under his duvet i like to call, "The Cloud Formation". Seriously, without fail i am able to pass out each time, i can't believe how comfortable his feather down duvet is.

"BrrRrrrrrr brrRrrrrr..."

There it goes again! It can't be my alarm because usually by now i would have switched it off. It's not even 9 yet. Finally i found it. It must have been those Pixie stealers again! Movin' my stuff around without my knowledge. Or maybe i was responsible for not being arsed enough to put it back on the side table.

*shrugs* The word, Withheld flashed impatiently across my Sony Ericsson.

For a second there i thought it was an overseas call and a bolt of excitement ran through me. Maybe a random "hello" from back home? Or maybe Mediamarkt was calling to tell me that the DVDs for Season 10 of Friends that we ordered had arrived. At 9:10 am? That's a bit eager!

In a puzzled voice i answered, "Hallo?"
"Guten Morgen. Ist Frau R** da?" The familiar voice on the other line began.

My brain hadn't switched on properly but i was still able to answer the phone. And like a game of Simon Says i attempted to put on a perky voice and was able to spit out, "Guten Morgen. Ja. Hallo. Frau R** hier."

It was the Bank to tell me that my money that i had in my previous account in Bonn had not yet transferred into my Düsseldorf account. Even though i was able to withdraw and use my ATM card to make purchases, which i had done, i, in fact was not allowed.

Uh-oh.

How dangerous is that!? Even though i'm not that much in debt, i'm sure there are people out there making MASSIVE purchases and withdrawing the maximum.

So slightly confused and concerned, all i could think about was, OhMyFuckinGawd, where did my money go? I got J to call the Bank and now we just wait.



Not quite the same but it's like the scene in Jerry McGuire and Tom Cruise yells into the phone, "SHOW ME THE MONEY!"

Apparently it takes 5 working days. But today is already the 6th. Nobody informed us it would take so long for one branch to inform the other of a new account. And should i have known, i wouldn't be simply withdrawing money and i would have taken out a sufficient amount to last at least a week.

Damn it, i'm now marked as being in the "minus" ranks. So here i say, "SHOW ME MY MONEY!"

PS. I must remember to answer the phone with my Surname. A common practice known by all, as a way to inform the person on the other line who is speaking. Then to say "Ja" when asked a question and to sound convincing.
...

Today was the kind of the day that one stayed in bed. I later took a nap and found myself in the 2-storey townhouse that i used to live in in Melbourne. Everything was in its place, just how i remember it to be. I had reenacted the day my flat got robbed. Except this time, nothing was taken. A message was left on my answering machine to inform me that the area had many break-ins.

Suddenly, i had a fear that the Robber was STILL in the house with me.

And like a scene from a soap opera, the background music changed and Camera 1 zoomed into the windows... they were wide open! They were the kind of windows that opened from the bottom and out at an angle. I tried desperately to hear the full message on my answering machine but was unable to comprehend the number because the volume was so low. Pressing the rewind button only meant i had gone back through a years worth of messages.

Seriously, why didn't i erase these messages?

Oh my gawd, i lost the number to the Detective! Panicked and stressed, i fumbled with the phone. Pressing all the numbers and hoping i would return to the right message. But had FAILED.

I woke up confused and confronted with the miserable looking grey sky outside.

Why wasn't my subconscious not so S-M-R-T as to call the police?

I Googled what the dream could symbolise and concluded that the incident with my Bank calling and the late transfer of money may have heavily influenced my Dream. And that perhaps i have a fear of losing my Material Things or being penniless.

FACT: Did you know the number to call in Germany in case of an emergency is not "911" like in the movies but 110 (Police) and 112 (Fire Brigade & Ambulance).

Rabbids!

J's younger brother came to stay for the weekend. So i spent part of Friday tidying up and hemming trimming + sticking together the edges of IKEA's white curtains that we inherited from the flat in Bonn. It had been resting in its' original pack for the past 6 months.


Neither my sister or i got around to attending to our windows, so we taped paper and cardboard onto the glass to shield the interior from prying eyes *nods*

And although slightly Ghetto looking, it did the job! We ain't complaining.

SO anyway, J's younger brother brought with him his Wii, collection of games and controls. It was the first time i tried out the Wii. Suddenly flashbacks of my Sega and Ninento days came flooding in. Unfortunately, that didn't help in my scores when we played Mario Brothers Kart or Wii Table Tennis. Proof that my Hand-Eye co-ordination is not as good as i remember them to be.

Sigh.

And lately they've been showing the Wii bowling commercials. I find it fascinating.
Exercise in one's own living room + Fun + Entertainment = BRILLIANT.

*Chants: Buns of Steal... Buns of Steeeeal*


And sooner rather than later, i tried out Rayman: Raving Rabbids 2. Oh my gawd, can you say, F.U.N! I couldn't stop crackin' up and with 3-players playing makes it all more exciting.


Rayman Raving Rabbids 2: Launch Trailor

Seriously, not only does my stomach ache from all the laughter but playing against 2 boys can definitely bring out the competitive side in anybody. And yes, after a days' worth of playing, ONE does get a workout.

The Way I Am > I H*TE CLOWNS

I don't often use the word "HATE" but there are a few exceptions. Or maybe my fear lies because i nearly pissed my pants when i was tricked into watching Stephen King's IT?

Ingrid Michaelson - The Way I Am
[Kiersten H does a beautiful cover of this song which sounds just as great].

OH and i THINK this is the song i spent weeks looking for after hearing it once on the radio. I later spent days scrolling through EINS LIVE's radio playlist but was unsuccessful. However one cool feature on their site allows listeners to track back what songs have been played. Super handy as all one has to do is remember the day and time that they heard the song. Plus one can listen to the radio through one's computer with the web radio.

However, in my case, my sieve for a brain forgot the lyrics, melody and artist.

So it took me awhile until recently that i heard it again on the radio. But even now, i'm still not 100% sure whether THIS is the song i heard over a month ago and fell in love with.

But it's a beautiful song nevertheless.

On the other side.

So i was browsing through some random blog and scrolled passed dozens of chiseled smiles, and i thought to myself, "i wonder if i was ever like that?"

I don't think i'm THAT high maintenance and neither do i really have A style. I pretty much wear the same clothes even with the change of Seasons and country codes. I don't match my jewellery according to what top i have on. My range of handbags are unbranded and now come up to a grand total of One.

I don't have a bunch of mates to hang out with over the weekend. No girlies to call and whine with about what kind of week it had thrown us. I am unknown. And i now walk-in and out of clubs as a stranger.

I'm starting to get holes in my shoes and my socks are soaking up the rain. So i have returned to wearing my trusty 6-year old Royal Elastics on a regular basis. I can't afford the make-up that i used to buy. I have yet to decide on whether Graphic Design is for me, although i do love good Design. I have no interest in getting my hair cut - yes i know it's been 10 months already.

But you know what? It doesn't matter.

I am very grateful for everything that i do have. I am loved and feel appreciated for what i do and what i have become. Every morning i smile when i wake up and when i look out of our living room window ,which takes up most of our wall, i can't help but think...

"holy shit, it's so pretty.
I can't believe i made it all the way to...
now."

Beyond the window frame,
nestled between the trees and side road sit The Ducks.

Full moon across the Kitchen.

14 minutes
from the city centre by tram.