Dental Issues.

About three weeks ago i was moping around and whingeing that my upper left molars were hurting. As usual, i was convinced something was wrong.

What if my weakness for chocolate and sour candies had finally left me with cavities?

Or worse, i cracked a tooth!?

But after three days of ingesting various painkillers i decided enough was enough. I made an appointment with a recommended dentist and hoped for the best. As a resident in Germany i am forced to pay close to 200 Euro a month for health insurance and whether or not i need it makes no difference.

However, it seems like the average waiting period for a new patient to even get an appointment is about three weeks. And depending on their popularity the wait could even be longer. But it's nice to know that in case of an emergency they allow for exceptions.

I, of course, forgot to mention i was in pain when i made my appointment in grammatically correct German sentences. But was relieved i was even available to get a slot at all [even if it meant i had to wait a week].

J rang the office again, this time slightly exaggerating the truth, and said i may have cracked a tooth.

They ended up squeezing me in at 8 in the morning the very next day and my teeth/jaw couldn't have been any happier.

After several minutes of prodding around in my mouth with various tools the lady dentist tells me she can't see anything and suggests i get an x-ray.

Here's the photo i took with my hand phone whilst waiting for the dentist to return...

[click to enlarge]

It turned out, there was nothing out of the ordinary.

And her only explanation as to why i was experiencing a dull pain was probably caused by stress and unknowingly clenching my jaw.

Take a closer look and it shows i don't have any cavities either.

Yay!

Holding Tight.

As a child i remember not being so fond of the monkey bars. And taking the shortcut via sliding down the metal pole was an absolute no-go. I think my fear was that i'd lose my grip and land face first on the ground. Or worse, end up like that kid who was hanging upside down on the monkey bars and then fell, landing awkwardly on a partially buried brick. This unfortunate accident had caused him to split open the skin around his elbow leaving his arm drowned in blood and his bone exposed.

I, of course, being the champion of being at the wrong place at the right time, witnessed this and was immediately traumatised.

More than two decades later, i still avoid the monkey bars.

But to this day, i'm still fascinated with how people can slide down the metal pole like a fireman without getting burns on their hands. Do they have a special ointment or powder? Or are they really that feather light?

So after sitting in awe watching Karol, Doris and Felix work the poles on YouTube videos, i was convinced that that is a fitness regime that i am willing to strive for. OK, so maybe i will never be or look as good as them, but did you see how amazingly fit they are and how incredibly sensual they look?

It's insane.

Obviously, it takes many months/years of hard training and stretching.

Seriously though, i can't even begin to fathom how anyone could even hang upside down with only a small part of their body twisted around a pole, let alone do the splits side ways whilst holding on.

Pure dedication and absolute craziness right there!

And so in an act of randomness and distraction i found myself yesterday cruising online for Pole Dance/Fitness classes in Cologne. I figured since we're moving to a big city, there's bound to be a class there and true enough, there is.

And i even read on their website the beginners' level doesn't even involve getting ones' feet off the ground - so we'll see how far my fears will take me. They also recommend Arnica, in a form of a pill or cream, as they say it works wonders on bruises.

I'm so on it like white on rice!

I bruise REALLY easily.

But i'm hoping by joining a class, it will not only work on my fitness and inner strength but also my self-confidence.

Or at least to accomplish my personal goal of getting my feet off the ground, even if it's for a few seconds. And maybe, just maybe, even have a decent two-way conversation with someone who isn't covered in fur and walks around with four legs.

My lack of any kind of social life has started to take its' toll on me.

So after telling J of my plans on starting classes in January, he said he couldn't be happier.

Of course, he would say that, which boyfriend wouldn't?

Unless of course J thought Pole Dancing was distasteful, which he doesn't. In fact, he fully encourages me and insists i register, like, NOW.

And although i know it may take me years to even be close to being as slinky as some of the girls out there, for now, i'm motivated to try something new. And be forced to suffer the consequences by means of serious muscles aches and major bruises.

Who knows, if this pole dancing catches on, i may just ask for a X-POLE for Christmas 2011.



Watching her work the pole gives me goosebumps. So beautiful and smooth. I love it!

At 4 mins 30 secs, there's a guy that spins on the pole next to her and proves that just because one is all muscles, doesn't mean one is stronger. Check out how graceful she is.



One day... one day.

There's more to just Breathing.

Yesterday evening i did the unthinkable and did something totally random. I agreed to attend a Qigong class [pronounced Chi Kung] with J. Originally skeptical and worried that there would be physical contact involved, i of course hesitated.

I'm still not in top shape and the last thing i need is to injure myself. And although i know there's a lot of health benefits from being more active, more than often i choose the couch potato route.

I was also concerned that my German was not good enough to understand the instructor. It's all good and dandy if i can learn how to breathe properly but if i'm given instructions in German to visualize things so i can channel my Chi but i don't know what is actually being said, it kinda defeats the purpose and makes the whole experience rather stressful.

So two hours before the class was to begin, J and i were googling and watching videos on Qigong and Chi on YouTube.



Intrigued by the power of Chi, i still managed to pull out every excuse not to go. And like many other times blatantly said, "I don't want to" without even giving a reason for my "disinterest".

But as J continued to persuade me with his puppy-dog-sad-eyes so i would change my mind, i eventually gave in.

After all, i didn't want my lack of involvement and motivation be another reason for us to argue. Plus it would mean we could spend more time together since last week J tried out Kung Fu and liked it. And that would mean twice a week he would be gone for the training all evening and would be home by the time i was getting ready for bed. He also had intentions of going to Qigong on two extra days of the week, so that would definitely mean less time together and more strain on our relationship.

...

The class is held at a Sports Academy which focuses on Kung Fu, Tae Won Do, Thai Boxing and Qigong classes. Located in a neighboring city about 25 minutes away, we realise if we are serious about this, there needs to be commitment and a regular schedule.

So anyway the instructor was kind enough to throw in a few English words to help in the visualization part for my benefit of course but for most parts of it i stitched together what i understood and kept my eyes open so i could just mimic what she was doing.

However there were times when she didn't translate the important words and i found myself rummaging through my brain trying to figure out what object or animal she wanted the group to visualize. And later i found out from J i had in fact pictured something totally different.

Oh well.

At the end of the class i was feeling quite relaxed and good. It must have been all that oxygen!

By the time we got back home it was 11pm and it was way past our bedtime. I'm usually passed out by then but last night my mind was active and found it difficult to sleep. I woke up feeling unrested and by the time it was 5am, my body was urging me to get up. I read that it could be because the activities i engaged in were too stimulating [source].

So in an act to improve our relationship and more importantly ourselves, we're trying out Qigong and seeing where it takes us. It's not like we have anything to lose and anyway, it's not like we've got much of a social life.

So as J simply put it, why not?

...

I managed to stumble upon this amazing site that explains in detail the health benefits of Qigong and i've taken the liberty to list the points below. Here is the link for those of you who are interested.

Benefits of practicing Qigong [Chi kung];

• It's an excellent way to keep fit.
• It is also a good way to lose weight.
• Very relaxing.
• Qigong heals both the practitioner and the person to whom the healing is directed.
• It encourages long-term health and longevity,
• It builds invigorating energy.
• It gives an overall sense of well-being.
• It helps improve coordination and balance.
• Helps build confidence and self-esteem.
• Teaches pain management.
• It balances right- and left-hemispheric brain activity.

The site even describes the Basic Qigong Yogic Breathing exercise [click] and is similar to one of the exercises we did in class yesterday. Basically it follows the principles of all diaphragmatic breathing techniques and was actually harder than i thought.

"Most people take quick shallow breaths when they breathe. When they breathe from the top half of their chest they are actually wasting more than half of their lung capacity."

Apparently not only will you feel more relaxed, but it claims to promote mental clarity, better concentration, a stronger immune system and longevity.

How are you?

I dreamt of my ex last night. I haven't written about him in ages that i can't even remember whether i abbreviated his name. I haven't spoken to him or heard anything about him since i sent him that out-of-the-blue sms in the middle of 2007 to see how he was. Then for him to reply with, Great, i just got married...

Once and awhile - not too often though, that day replays in my head.

How i broke down in the middle of my living room wailing like someone had just butchered someone dear to me. My heart felt like it had been sucked out of its' cavity and as drama as i could be, fell to my knees. I cried not because i thought we'd get back together but for some other reasons that's probably irrational and typical of an ex-girlfriend who had difficulty letting go.

I mean we weren't even on talking terms. In fact, i can't even remember the last time we saw one another without me feeling bitter and rejected. Oh wait. Maybe it was that one drunken night i walked right up to him and planted a kiss on his lips only metres from the girl he had dumped me for. I think that was in 2004.

I can't be sure.

Alcohol does funny things to people, to me anyhow. It makes me do stupid things sometimes and even blacks me out. In that particular case, it helped to fuel the Jealousy and chased me around like a shadow.

So in my dream, it looks like his wife has had another baby and they're each pushing a stroller side by side. They're walking down a hotel lobby and for some reason i'm in the lounge. Why? Seriously WHY? Out of the thousands of hotels built, why do i have to be sitting in the very same one as him!

He passes me and looks directly at me but makes no effort to slow down. I duck down like i have something to hide.

I imagine him saying, "Hi Chris", as he would but this time, he says nothing. He's looking rather stressed. I think he's been up all night taking care of a screaming baby who at this time is sound asleep and spreadeagle like a starfish. They turn the corner and i can't remember whether i bother to chase after him or i just walk out and turn the other direction.

Not like it matters. But i know our paths won't ever cross again.

...

And not because it's of any importance but i do wonder how he's doing sometimes. How fatherhood and married life are treating him. You know, all the questions that a friend would ask. And i can't help but wonder if he wonders about me sometimes. After all we've known one another since we were 15. All this wondering is stupid, i know. I've cut him out of my life completely, not because i think he's a bad person but because i had to.

It was a case of Life or Death. I was at the pinnacle of my depression and was very sleep deprived. And who knows what craziness or the stalker in me could do. That said, i wonder if he's one of my silent readers.

I doubt it.

So my only solution to my curiosity is to imagine a typical conversation, "Hi Chris. How are you?" And for the first time actually mean it when i say, "I'm doing great, thank you. And yourself?"

Time-Out.

All sorts of rubbish and recent catty remarks were filtering through my brain resulting in a restless sleep the night before. I won't get into it too much but let's just say accumulated stress, unspoken frustrations mixed with external irritations made life at home suddenly... stressful.

Slightly desperate for something to calm my nerves, i knew i had a stash of Xanax in my medicine bag. But to my extreme disappointment each strip i found was expired. Damn it. The strips clearly had EXP JUL 2007 stamped on them. A part of me wanted to close one eye and pretend i didn't see it but alas, i thought i better not risk it and took a Stilnox to force me to sleep.

...

I woke up relatively early today. I think it was around 9. And after clearing what little dishes was sitting in the kitchen, i knew sitting in the living room waiting for J to wake up could be anywhere between a few hours to a whole day. So i scribbled a note to say i was taking the garbage out and that i was going for a walk. And if he wanted he could call me.


After dropping off the rubbish, i decided not to circle the block as i had earlier planned. Walking down the same trail i already know seemed pointless since it would lead me right back to our block within 5 minutes. And that's when i made the choice to venture outside my comfort zone.

I knew there was a green covered pathway somewhere off the main road and so i tried my luck. I found it but it didn't look at all different from the little river near our place. But i didn't want to turn back, so i just kept walking. I followed the river even though i was still unsure where i was going. The path eventually lead to a park populated mostly by young parents with strollers and toddlers.

I caught up with the river and hidden behind overgrown plants a swan was gracefully skimming the surface of the water. And like a tourist seeing something for the first time, i was eager to take a closer look and looked for a bridge to cross over.

I found one up ahead and he/she didn't seem at all too bothered with my presence.

I turned around and found myself directly in front of this huge lake. Unaware that it even existed i was taken aback by its size.

I lay on the grass with my book for about an hour and a half and breathed in the beauty.

I couldn't help watch this little girl throw pieces of bread at the swans, geese and ducks. At one point she stood there having a conversation with them as if they understood. And i think in her head she thought they did. I'm guessing the birds are used to humans feeding them because they came in from all directions hungry for a feed. And if it weren't for the little girls' mother shooing them away, i'm sure they would have dared to peck the pieces right out of her little hand.

My little wander through the park finally came to an end when my bladder rudely interrupted and started calling out for attention. There were no public restrooms nearby and i wasn't too keen on finding a bush either. I got a bit lost at one point on my way back but i tried not to panic. I just looked out for landmarks peeking over the apartments and hoped my memory served me right. I knew the names of the main roads so worst comes to worse i could always practice my German by asking some friendly looking citizen for directions.

But i guess my sense of direction isn't so bad after all because i found my way home.

J was finally awake and dressed. And as random as my urge to go for a walk on my own, he said he wanted to play basketball. I asked where he was going and he said he didn't know of any place. I remembered the park that i had just come back from had a cage with hoops in it and so i shared with him my recent find.

...


And it wasn't long after until i found myself right back in the park reading my book lying on a blanket but on a different patch of grass soaking in more of the sun whilst J shot a few hoops.

Ready, Steady, Let's go!

The weather man says it's going to be a lovely 16˙C
and one can only hope that it won't dip down any lower.

And not forgetting to take along what is left
of the homemade chocolate chip muffins i baked yesterday
.
.
.

and proof that
packing "light" is not part of our vocabulary.
.
.
.
Ready? Let's go!

Secret Birthday Getaway

We got on the topic of my birthday and J busted out with, "Don't forget to bring your swimming clothes."

"Why? Where are you taking me?"

"It's a surprise."

"Great. You're taking me to the public swimming pool down the road, aren't you?"

We've been talking about checking out the indoor public pool for quite some time. So last week i bought a pair of 99 cents slippers from Rossman's because i don't fancy getting athlete's foot from walking around the changing room barefoot. I'm sure i told you that my trusty GAP slippers that served as a second skin in KL committed suicide sometime in Summer 2008! Tragically by dislodging its strap from itself.

Believe me i'm still in mourning.

As J continued to ramble on about how great the pool would be, deep inside i was hoping i wouldn't have to celebrate my birthday wading through strangers' flakes floating on chlorinated water. Maybe if i were turning 10 and it was followed by a round of Pin The Tail On the Donkey.

Hmmm... or not.

Then J started scribbling on a piece of paper and then handed me a list of things i should bring...


I have no idea where we're going and J refuses to reveal its' location. So i'm just going to pack my roll-away bag and see where Saturday takes me.

So in the mean time, i will try to get more clues. So far all i've managed to squeeze out of him is, it's about 80km away and we're staying over Saturday night. I wonder how many secret getaways are tucked away in a 80km radius from where we are?

Hello Google!

I Got Mail!

Yesterday i received my first postcard in what seemed like ages. In fact, i think the last time i received one was close to a decade ago. So thank you MissSeniorPisces, i really appreciate the fact that you took time out and even bothered. Like you said, Old Skool Is Still Cool!

I mean, even if it's a short "hello, i thought i'd invade your mailbox or wish you were here" kind of a deal, it's always nice to receive something other than bills or notices once and awhile.

But then again, in order for that to happen, it would help if "friends" had my address to begin with OR they were even bothered to want to know what my address is. But we all know it's far easier to construct a message on either facebook or ones' email account and just click SEND.

The internet has made Life so much easier. In fact, there's no excuse why one shouldn't be contactable. We all have our own excuses for being lazy. "Oh the internet was down", "...there was no electricity", "i'm so busy" or simply, "i forgot".

I know i am guilty of that.

However, there is no doubt, that the good ol' pen-on-paper form of communication ranks as far more personal. So, if anyone would like to send some snail-mail my way, feel free to message me/shoot me an email and i might just send you my details.

[PLEASE NOTE: Perverts and Dodgy people should NOT apply - you can never be too careful nowadays ya know.]

...

So anyway, here's some useless/interesting information for you. Since arriving, i've noticed that addresses here are written unlike any other place i've been stationed at.

A TYPICAL GERMAN ADDRESS FORMAT

1) Title + Receivers' first name or initial + Surname
2) The Street Name + the Street/House/Block number.
3) Postal code, City.
4) Germany [if the sender is sending it from elsewhere]

But where is the unit number?


Well there isn't one.

I live in a 4-storey block with 3 other blocks connecting in a row one right after each other. And each block of 8 units is designated a number but there are no individual unit numbers.

I guess one just hopes prior to moving into a new place that he/she doesn't live in a block with another resident with the exact spelling of the surname, name/initials and title. I'm not sure what the chances of that are but i'm sure it's happened.

And we all know how annoying it is if you're expecting mail and it doesn't arrive.

...

Speaking of expecting, J and i are finally going to meet our babies [Derry and Darcy] tonight! Our appointment is at 7pm and i'm hoping to take lots of photos.

[full stop]

The other day i was playing around with my labret [the piercing that i have just below my lower lip] and i managed to unscrew it. Curious to see what i may look like without it, i took it out.

J and my sister make fun of my lips since they say i look like i'm "pouting" but seriously, they have a mind of their own and much like oversized breasted women, i can't simply tuck my lips away.

Anyway, i'm not sure when i got my labret done but i'm thinking around 2003 shortly after i started working at an advertising agency. It's 2008 and already it has been 5 years that i've had this piece of metal protruding from my face.

J came home and i asked him whether he noticed anything different. I made it easy for him because seconds after i caved and said, "Look... i took my Labret out." "You took your what out??? He replied in shock.

Arty farty picture created with Photofunia

He stared at my face a little too long and much to my discomfort and said, "You look... like a... normal girl".

"Normal???" I wasn't sure whether that was good or bad but suddenly i felt naked.

A small hole was left behind between my chin and lower lip and the scar made me feel slightly more self-conscious. It wasn't like i thought i'd be drooling but the extra attention on my face made me very uncomfortable. It was then that i was grateful that my over-sized Puffer fish-like lips concealed it perfectly.

I put my piercing back and then suddenly the focus was put back onto the metal ball. Which somehow before, the piercing was able to blend into the background.

Funny how just one little fleck of metal could make such a difference. It's like when one spends a lot of time with someone, one doesn't notice the fine details anymore.

Love and Loyalty

Here's an excerpt from one of the new additions to my library; OSHO: Intimacy: Trusting Oneself and the Other. I bought it yesterday at Kinokuniya and i can't seem to put it down. I find it really interesting and all together enriching to look at life from a whole new perspective. It sure beats running around in circles and spending money uncontrollably - which i don't really do anyway. Don't worry i'm not going to preach, neither am i going to insist that the teachings are my new way of life.

There were many other sections that i found just as interesting but then that would mean i'd be sitting here all night typing out the whole book and to be honest, i have better things to do then practice my typing skills.

This particular section pays attention to False values and the more i think about it, it actually makes sense, one just has to be open.;

Love is a dangerous experience because you are possessed by something that is bigger than you. And it is not controllable; you cannot produce it on order. Once it is gone, there is no way to bring it back. All that you can do is pretend, be a hypocrite.

Loyalty is a totally different matter. It is manufactured by your own mind, it is not something beyond you. It is a training in a particular culture, just like any other training. You start acting, and by and by you start believing your own acting. Loyalty demands that you should always, in life or in death, be devoted to the person whether you heart is willing for it or not. It is a psychological way of enslavement.

Love brings freedom. Loyalty brings slavery. On the surface they look alike; deep down, they are just the opposite diametrically opposite. Loyalty is acting; you have been educated for it. Love is wild; its whole beauty is in its wildness. It comes like a breeze with great fragrance, fills your heart, and suddenly where there was a desert there is a garden full of flowers. [p.93]

If you're wondering how does this passage have any relation to the eve of Chinese New Year? Well it doesn't. I just felt like sharing. What you make out of it is up to you. And if those words brought some sense then Well Done! Now you can go on your merry way! If not, well at least it got your brain ticking.

Oh and before i forget, to my silent readers who are celebrating Chinese New Year this year, here's hoping it brings with it better times, love, luck, happiness and good fortune!

DID YOU KNOW: A Rat Year is a time of hard work, activity, and renewal. This is a good year to begin a new job, get married, launch a product or make a fresh start. Ventures begun now may not yield fast returns, but opportunities will come for people who are well prepared and resourceful. The best way for you to succeed is to be patient, let things develop slowly, and make the most of every opening you can find. [source]

When?

[Thanks Getty]

They say age is just a number
which is true to some extent.
So why do i have issues with it?
...
When will i stop running away?
The day that i forget.

She keeps me wondering about What If...

I am contemplating whether or not i want to exit my sanctuary. But the blinding sun is out in full glory, it's past mid day and my curtains are still drawn shut. Each time i pass my bed, i can't help but have a lie down.

I have a few errands to do. I lied.

I am tempted to do what most women like to do and that is to spend money. Of course money in the form of plastic. Plastic that i am THIS close to paying off. But there always is a reason to purchase clothes that i don't really need and probably don't have space in my wardrobe for.

But my mission is to look for a dress.

I currently own ONE dress and it hangs in my cupboard and fashionably sports a "so 6 years ago" aura. I'm not a boob tube kinda girl and neither do i like fabric clinging to my body. In other words, i'm quite fussy when it comes to details. Simple is my motto. Which makes me a somewhat easy person to shop with, i'm in and out of stores and i much prefer to go shopping on my own.

But i'm trying hard not to splurge on unnecessary items, at least through the month of May. It is a balancing act but i know it can be done. I just have to learn how to restrain myself.

Oh well, instead i'll treat myself to a few drinks tonight and show some love and support at Baze.

...

Oh, i received another email from HER. I shall rename her LittleMissNaughty.

And once again our past lingers in my thoughts. It's been over a year since we saw one another and how so much has changed since then. It was a mutual infatuated case of Should-Have-Could-Have-Would-Have-But-Didn't.

It may be true that ignorance is bliss but at the same time curiosity and lust still hold hands in its shadow.

i heart tokidoki

+

SHE sort of reminds me of HER

An impromptu late night geography lesson.

For those who know me well enough, i can be rather impatient and having to wait 5 full days to find out WHERE exactly MonorailTim is from would not only bug me but my imagination will run wild to the breaking point of craziness.

So last night i texted him to confirm the time and place [seeing that he did ask that i SMS him the exact location]. And i took the opportunity to try my luck in asking him where he got his accent from since it was a little hard for me to understand him earlier.

After much coaxing and dozens of messages later, i eventually asked him if he could tell me his full name, that way i could at least get a gist of which ethnic background he belonged to. And with much help from google i managed to type in key words that i dissected from the conversation. [Hey, i like to do a bit of research, just so i know what i'm getting myself into].

Eventually he came out with Central Asia. And my first guess was Kazakhstan. And when i told AnBloodyMum this morning, she laughed and said, "You probably only knew about that place from Borat". Which i admit, the country is NOT exactly one of the top places on my Places to Visit list and it's not exactly an area that i know anything about.

So anyway back to the informal interrogation, he finally came out with I'm from Kyrgyzstan. And with the instant help from google and wikepedia, i was able to get a short geography lesson. Which probably explains the accent and his mixed features.


I also found out that;

• Kyrgyzstan is a landlocked country in Central Asia, bordering Kazakhstan, China, Tajikistan and Uzbekistan.
  
• The mountainous region of the Tian Shan covers over 80% of the country.
• "According to July 2005 estimates, the population was 5,264,000, the large majority (76.1 percent) being Muslims." Which gives me a 23.9% chance that he's of another religion.
  

And that was when he asked the question "tell me about yourself" my answer was...

Well... im a graphic designer. i've been working in malaysia since 2003. I drink and i smoke. I'm open minded, blunt & a non-practicing Catholic. What about u?

[Images stolen from various people on Technorati]

So far i have managed to gather the following info;

• He is a 24 year old foreign student studying to be a public administrator.
• Is originally from Central Asia, more specifically Kyrgyzstan.
• Is learning English whilst finishing his degree. Example "... of cause, we have lot of friends, but sometime we feel along..." TRANSLATES TO "... of course we have a lot of friends but sometimes we feel ALONE..."
  
• Was quite apologetic when he left a large time gap between messages.
• His birthday is 1st of May, which makes him a Taurus.
  

Monorail Tim: So... Maybe after chatting, you won't meet? ;")
Tattoo Girl: No i was just curious about ur accent since u didn't tell me where ur from. of course we'll meet. it's not every day i get a stranger passing me his number.

Moronic POSSIBLE scenarios of WHY he's in this country;

• He's escaped from his semi-nomadic lifestyle because herding goat/sheep were too troublesome and he needed to do better for the community.
• He is in fact scared of horses because as a young child he fell off one whilst riding up one of the mountains tending to sheep and yaks.
• He isn't really a student but is in the country to find his 4th wife and figures my tattooed arm would bring good luck and i'll bear him his 1st son.
• He is able to make alcohol from fermented yaks milk and has been drinking since the age of 10. He is an alcoholic trying to mend his past.
  
• He is actually running for President or some high ranking official in his town and wants to know more about the Government hence getting an education in ummm... this country.