More than an eggshell

:: Stolen from Dark Roasted Blend: Exquisite Eggshell Carvings ::

This has absolutely no relation to what i did today or any other day for that matter, i just thought it looked pretty damn cool. [Click here to view the other master pieces]. I'm absolutely amazed at the creativity, detail and steadiness.

Check out the concentration. Go grandpa, GO!

Gawd, i have issues trying to operate the 1-hole egg piercer contraption just so i can hard boil my eggs. Imagine how many egg cartons i'd go through if i busted out with a drill? WoooOoooh.

Mixing booze + the green fairy

I had planned to do a little write up yesterday but the unplanned hangover meant i was bedridden most of the day. Apparently, it was 21˚C and the sun was shining so bright but the closest i got to being outdoors was keeping the window wide open and inviting the random fly to join me whilst i hibernated on Sunday.

But Saturday night was good fun although there were no consumption of Margaritas that night. Happy hour cocktails meant that between 6pm-9pm all cocktails were half price.

:: Half priced Strawberry Daquiris + Jumbo Sized Long Island Ice Tea ::

:: Deciding on a Cocktail ::

We arrived at 7.30pm and were eager to begin our intoxication mission. Intrigued by the Jumbo-sized drink section, i noticed Long Island Ice Tea was listed. Oh what fond memories i have of that potent beverage - or lack of since it is the cause of me blacking out most of the time. Never mind. A refreshing drink to start off with but sooner than later hits you like a ton of bricks.

So after 2 jumbo sized cocktails, i opted to have a Mango Daquiri [i think that's what it was] whilst munching on my Vegetarian Quesildillas. Boobers experimented with various cocktails and happily sipped away her 'Swimming Pool', 'Zombie' and random Daquiri's. Eventually, Happy Hour ended so i switched to beer. Which for most experienced drinkers would know that it's not good to mix your alcohol. "Bubbles stick with bubbles etc". And should you want to mix, it's wiser to start off with say beer then move on to hard liquor.

Feeling sightly happy but nowhere near wasted, i thought beer would be fine. After all i was drinking rather slowly. So i ordered a Weißen beer which so happens to come in 0,5 litre glasses... YUM!


M arrived arrived much later and so i continued on drinking beer - far more affordable since it was post-Happy hour. Everyone had left by that time but we continued on drinking. And then at some point i thought it would be a fabulous idea to have a shot of Absinthe.

Why?

Well i'm actually not sure. Somehow the conversation steered towards what to drink next but since i hadn't tried it before, i figured why not. I was surprised to see it proudly displayed in the list of shots. But i thought it was banned in most countries?


Maybe i've watched too many movies but for some reason the green fairy played by Kylie Minogue in Moulin Rouge was the only image i had flashing in my head at the time. That's not to say i was expecting to hallucinate something chronic after just one shot but i was curious as i've never tasted it. Alcohol does wonders.

I begged M to have a shot with me but she refused since it only reminded her of that one initiation she had to do when she had to work at some bar in her home town. She swore she would never have it again but had a tequila to keep me company.

"Absinthe does have a very high alcohol content -- anywhere between 55 and 75 percent, which equates to about 110 to 144 proof. It makes whiskey's standard 40 percent (80 proof) seem like child's play..." [source]

Unsure of the process of how one should drink it. Yes i was an Absinthe virgin. The waitress was kind enough to ask the bartender the steps and she returned with a teaspoon, a box of matches and a packet of sugar. I eventually soaked the sugar with the potent liquid and set it ablaze...

Gawd damn!

I can't say i liked it AT ALL. In fact, anything that tastes like Aniseed i try and avoid. I absolutely detest the taste! But since i didn't know what it tasted like, i couldn't have known. For example, Sambuca shots are ones that i can't seem to digest... the taste is just OFF in my books.

Eventually the place closed and i made my journey home by foot. Boobers had left earlier since she couldn't handle anymore cocktails and needed to lay down. I can't say i remember the whole journey back but i'm very sure i wasn't walking in a straight line.

Can't say i enjoyed Absinthe but i'm totally up for another night of Happy Hour cocktails!

Margarita Time

Yay!

:: oooOooo ::

The sun is shining and we're headin' out for some cocktails and some Mexican food. Will be back later...

Multiple meanings of 'x'

Every time i log onto fb it redirects me to the home page and i've noticed in the corner there is a section that is titled People You May Know. 7 out of 10 times fb has suggested HIM as someone i should add and i can't help but feel a range of emotions flood in each time.

For those who have stalked me for awhile will know that HIM and i have had a very long history that spans over a decade. One that ended years back but somehow managed to fuck me up big time. I know it. One would hope i'd just get over it and just move the hell on.

Don't worry i have. Now.

Maybe it's just a huge ass coincidence or the fact that we may have a shit load of mutual friends in our lists. But i'm totally over that chapter of my Life and i'm staying clear of any Negative paths. Yes i have found a Happiness that i am more than grateful for and will continue to boast about.

But seeing that 15 mm x 15 mm frozen image of HIM every bloody time i log on is like ripping a scab off my knee and watching the memories bleed over AND over.

I'm not sure why it bothered me.

I will admit it did cross my mind to add HIM as a Friend. But then again, i could just tear open the wound with my mechanical pencil, pour salt and squeeze lemon in it, it may just have the same effects. Yes it's so fuckin' High School, it's pathetic. Instead i clicked the little 'x' beside HIS name.

Friend.

A term i think is loosely used nowadays and often taken for granted. Somehow it has managed to lose its' meaning. Or maybe, some people just don't know what the true value of friendship is. But then i think, why should I be the one to initiate contact? HE was the one after all who tossed me away for someone else. Our history digs deep and doesn't need to be unburied. Mark my word it will not be forgotten.

But HE got one thing right when HE insisted that i'd make SOMEONE a very happy person one day. In other words, that SOMEONE was never going to be him.

Not only was i blind but was i deaf too!?

Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much if HE hadn't of said it to me repeatedly when we were a couple. Although the tone was in a joking manner, deep inside there is always some Truth behind it. HE then would bet that I would get married first and ask whether i'd invite HIM to my wedding. Who asks their girlfriend of 8 years that? Then state that he'd only get married after he's 40 and would never have children.

Hmmm...
Well, well, well... one should never say, NEVER because it's bound to happen, eh!

After all that shit, i will thank HIM for a few things. Had we stayed together, i would be a completely different person. I would have never known what it truly feels like NOW to be appreciated as a girlfriend/friend. I would not have pushed myself. I may have only cried tears of sadness and frustration AND i would probably continue to polish the pedestal that i had put HIM up on.

WHY?

Fuck would i know. Love can make you do strange things.

...

And because i can, i'm going to share with you a track i so happened to have found tucked away on my iTunes. It's complete with an ass shakin' beat and the video is so cheesy, i can't help but LOVE it!



Flaunt It - TV rock

Midweek priorities sorted

We've pretty much eaten most of what's in the fridge. But how does one attend to their hunger, alcoholic taste buds and nicotine addiction AND still have money to spare?

Be smart. The challenge was for 2 people to survive on 20 Euros until Friday. Obviously, this was not something planned but somehow we made it work. A pack of plastic cheese, a loaf of super cheap bread, milk and 6 eggs. But wait there's more...


Clearly, "FOOD" was not so much of a priority today. The weather has been fabulous the past few days and definitely deserved to be appreciated. So why not indulge in 6-bottles of Weiss beer and a shared pack of cigarettes too. Best part is, we still have 7 Euros left.

WoooOOooh... watch out!

SO yea, once that was sorted we shifted ourselves outside to where the sun was. We positioned my speakers on the window sill and cranked up the music. What a great way to enjoy the rest of the afternoon... 18˙C air and knockin' back a bottle or 2... mmm.

So there i was in my moment of taking random macro shots of nature when suddenly i felt like something was biting my foot. A bunch of leaves got trapped under the strap of Boobers' size 40 crocs that i borrowed.

"Oh my fucking gawd! What the fuck was that!? Owwwwie it hurts!"

As a result of trying to take a photo of a Dandelion - which i found out is actually just a weed. A pest actually, as it does little for the environment except enhance Hay fever symptoms. Somehow Stinging Nettle attached itself to me and left its' trademark effects. And almost instantly it felt like there was a paragraph of Braille on my foot!

The name itself already screams discomfort but if you've never had the pleasure of touching Stinging Nettle, i can only describe it as an army of miniature needles stabbing you... from the inside!

No, no, no, not nice at all!

IT STUNG like a bitch and definitely ruined the moment. And if you touch it, it just gets worse! Which of course, i touched and it made it even worse. But here's the stupid Dandelion that i tried to use my macro lens on before being stung...


DID YOU KNOW? Stinging Nettle has many medicinal properties. It helps clear the body of toxins amongst other things. But whatever! They're a pain in the ass and they grow wild just outside my window. So this weekend is reserved for pulling them out, so good-bye to YOU devil plant!

The temperature is rising...

Is it just me or does it feel like the days are flying by much faster now?

Not only has yet another weekend come and gone but believe it or not, i'm already on my third week of learning German! *Gasps* But i must say, even though it's only week 3 i can understand a big percentage of what i'm reading now in class. It's just trying to construct the sentences in the right order and with the correct grammar is what i'm having slight issues with.

I guess it comes down to practice. They do say, Practice makes Perfect. Well i'm not sure about Perfect, but i'm sure as hell thinking positive.

Anyway, apologies for my absence. I was away for the weekend and was too knackered to do a write up last night.

Friday afternoon, i made my way to the train station. This time when i went to the information centre to get my ticket, the guy said i could just purchase the local train ticket with the machine outside. And pointed me in the direction. Thinking to myself, OK it can't be SO HARD. Just follow what the guy said. So i trotted along to the orange coloured machines and found the specific code for DÜSSELDORF and hoped to god that whatever i pressed was the correct destination. And lucky for me i'm not dyslexic because after inserting my money, out spewed my non-refundable 13,80 Euro ticket and my destination was cleared marked.

Arriving an hour later, i received a call from J that he was going to miss his last class since the weather was so great and he wanted to spend the afternoon with me outdoors. So we spent some quality time just walking through the local Park and chatting by the Rhein. We ended up at some outdoor Seafood place and started the evening with a few beers...

Eventually the sun disappeared and then almost instantly it started to get really cold. Our next mission was to go to the supermarket, so we could get the ingredients for dinner. Unfortunately, there are no photos of the food because i guess we were so hungry that by the time the timer went off on the oven, the last thing i wanted to do was look for my camera. Dinner was salmon with a creamy sauce, my own mashed potato and spinach with cream. And even though dinner was past midnight, it was well worth the wait and i must say my mashed potatoes kicked arse!

Our Saturday ritual is me cooking my famous omelet with tomato and cheese. Washing it all down with Champers and coffee. There was some left over mashed potato so we tucked into that too. Then lazed around in bed watching DVDs and sneaking in a nap or two in between. The weather wasn't looking too great so there was no need to venture out until it was time to return the DVDs.

Usually J and i have the flat to ourselves but the past weekend his flat mate and her boyfriend were there. So there we were 2 separate Worlds hiding behind closed doors. And only crossing paths when it was time to emerge from ones' den and invade the kitchen.

J bought me various Made in Germany chocolates to try. And although i am not a HUGE chocolate fan he insisted i try them just so i can say, YES i have tried [insert chocolate] and YES it's good/bad/sweet/tastes yucky. After the tasting session, i was able to pick my favorite; duplo. It's like a cross between a kit kat, chocolate mousse and wafer biscuit. YES it was yummy!

He also bought me a grape fruit flavored weiss beer which i must say wasn't so bad. I can only compare it with say, Hoegaarden Belgium beer and imagine swirling grapefruit juice in your mouth after. I know it sounds a bit off but the after taste is rather pleasant. Or interesting to say the least.

Sunday brought the most beautiful weather. For the first time in a long time, i was able to walk around in a t-shirt. And instead of jumping on the train to return to Bonn, J drove me back, which i thought was very nice. It was great to have the sunroof open and feel the suns' rays on my skin. It was such a nice day to drive back and i am so grateful that we got the rest of the day to spend with one another.

And since the weather remained nice, it didn't make sense to stay indoors so J, my sister and i then spent the rest of the afternoon drinking 0.5 litre Weiss biers at a nearby cafe and sharing one too many laughs. So at last, the weather is getting warmer! Let's hope it'll continue like this. It was a perfect ending to such a relaxing weekend and hopefully many more to come.


But like Nelly Furtado's, All Good Things Come to An End i must piss off now and get back to studying German. I have ANOTHER test tomorrow morning. Ewwwww... to nouns and verbs. Practically everything has a gender; masculine, feminine, neutral. Plural or singular? Formal or Informal? Yay for even longer words and complicated sentence structures.

'til next time... Tshüss!

HS SOLID in KL on the 19th.

**Hardsequence **

There are many dance events in this world where some are unbelievable and some are exceptional, but only a few that can levitate us to the heights of the heavens and drag us down to the very depths of hell. 1 of them is right here, smacked in the middle on home ground surface where only the hardest of dance tunes are allowed to be flexed. No rumors, no mellow, no escape... just one religion.

This is Hard Sequence Solid.

Quack *snap*

You know when someone is a tourist or new to a country when they get over excited at even the smallest of things. [Or maybe they just don't get out much]. Hmmm... never mind.

So there i was taking advantage of the sunshine on my smoke break and out of nowhere came some random duck waddling over to where M and i were standing. Unaware of how excited we were, we must have looked like we hadn't seen a duck before. I'm sure people were thinking, ahhhh bloody tourists!

But it sure beats seeing a mangy tomcat or rodent by the roadside.

I guess it's similar to that one time that J and i were sitting by the poolside in KL and he saw what looked like the Mother-of-All Geckos on the wall. He was so fascinated, he insisted i take a picture...

"Uhhh... But it's A gecko," i replied.
"Yes. But you don't see geckos in Germany".
Fair enough.

Fish and building bridges

As usual i check my horoscope when i get online. I guess it's become routine. One that doesn't necessarily dictate how my day should/will end up but it adds to one of my many procrastinations. Sometimes there is SOME relevance but majority of the time it is rather vague and all honesty, could apply to ANY zodiac sign and be recycled words.

Pisces Horoscope
Wednesday, April 16 2008

Christina,
When you let your instincts guide you down the path, you're sure to end up someplace you want to be. Tempers could flare today unless you make the effort to see another's point of view. Keep an open mind and listen to other people's concerns. Family members and partners may be in the mood for an argument.

Well let's just say the Astrology feature on facebook couldn't have summarised my day any better. I'm not sure about the other thousands of Pisceans, but it sure highlighted what was running through my head the past few days.

After Sunday's emotional outburst, i've taken some time to collect my thoughts and have looked at the situation from all angles. I've decided it was a miscommunication and built up frustrations. So for the sake of my own sanity, the Peace and keeping the family ties strong, i feel it's time to mend the broken bridges before it gets completely out of control and war breaks out. Lay the cards on the table and be honest.

Oh gawd... Be still my beating heart!

Advice to me: Think before you Speak. Believe in yourself and do what you feel is right for YOU. Remember to lower your tone and slow down your speech. And keep in mind the saying, "don't bite the hand that feeds you".

Sunshine and Toxic Hues

I'm not sure what happened to Spring but all i know is the weather has decided to become shit again. It refuses to rise above 10˙C and one can expect sunshine, gusty winds, rain and/or hail at any given time.

The sun has this magical effect of luring people out of their hiding spots and somehow manages to improve moods almost instantly. I guess that's why they call it the Winter Blues because without the sun, moods tend to be lower. But the weather gods decided to give Bonn a break on Saturday - for a few hours.

At last the sun came out in full glory. I looked outside my window and noticed there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. Acting like it was Christmas in April, i hurried down my step ladder and couldn't wait to go outside.

C: Quick! Quick... let's go buy rolls and go down to the Rhein!
B: Uhhh... [It was just inching towards 10am and Boobers was still wiping sleep from her eye].
C: >.<

I'm not sure where that eager beaver-ness in me came from but it didn't last that long. We didn't end up going down to the Rhein. And we never did buy those rolls to nibble on. I guess the enthusiasm weakened as the minutes flew. But i must say it was a good idea at the time.

Instead my sister and i walked towards the city centre and took advantage of the great weather. What's the point of staying indoors/taking the tram when the weather is so beautiful right? Let's just walk.

So off we were on one our mini adventures through Bonn. We strolled along the little streets absorbing the sights, sounds and smells of the Market square. It seemed like everyone was out and about that day.

We turned down one street and i'm not sure whether it was the toxic hues that keeps grabbing my attention or the subject matter that draws me towards the mixed media paintings. But each time i pass, i can't help but peep through the window.

:: Shop across ::

So whilst random tourists and locals slowed down to take a snap shot of the famous Beethoven's place of residence, i whipped out my camera to take a shot of some local art.

Expectation and Acceptance

I received this message in my inbox from my Kundalini Yoga teacher back in KL...

Expectation and Acceptance
Expectation is the Mother of Frustration.
Acceptance is the Mother of Peace and Joy.
Never Expect, Always Accept

All i could think was, how appropriate!

Most people are guilty of judging others firsthand and the saying, "don't judge a book by its cover" is one that is taught at an early age. Unfortunately, many are quick to judge. I admit, i am guilty of doing so to a certain degree however i don't think ones' Past is a valid reason to dislike another.

People should not be so narrow minded.

Ones' Past can definitely influence the development of a person but what is important is how one uses his/her experiences to progress/improve. If anything, being told to be cautious and be open to opinions is good. But to immediately pigeonhole and dictate what is right and wrong for another, is simply not fair.

Life is not fair. And neither is it stagnant. No two moments will ever be the same.

We are constantly having to make choices.

The choice between one or another will change the direction of any future in an instant. I guess you can call it ones' Destiny. Obviously, some choices are better than others but at the end of the day, as long as one is living ones' life and pushing forward than that should already be a positive step. I've been given the opportunity to start a new Life, which i will be forever grateful, and with it comes a slice of Happiness that i've yearned for for years.

And so, i've decided to follow my heart.

I will stand my ground and be patient. I am not blind and am very aware what might lie ahead. But nobody is certain what the future holds. So i will bite my tongue to avoid yet another heated argument. I will do as i'm told and in return, hope my decision can be respected rather than be put down.

So for the time being, i am taking steps to learn a new language, so one day be financially independent again. Live a new life and perhaps one day the Guilt that has been inflicted upon me will diminish.

It is true, only Time will tell.

Back to School

I can't begin by telling how painful it is to wake up so early now. It's been months, if not years since i was forced to switch my brain ON and absorb information before lunch.

The previous company i used to work at had a rule that Designers had to only be at the office BEFORE 11am. Any later, we'd be crossed off as having half day leave. Our hours per day could range anywhere between 8 hours to 16+ depending on how much work one had. I remember that one pitch i worked on and i had to do a 3 all-nighters in a row. It was shit i tell ya! So i guess that's fair.

So far learning a new language is proving to be rather interesting. The only thing i'm not into are the early wake up calls. I am SO not a Morning person.

After 3 hours of intense learning, i look forward to getting home just so i can take my mid afternoon nap. It's horrid, i can't seem to function properly without sneaking in a snooze after i stuff myself with cheese sandwiches. Then before dinner squeeze in another 2-3 hours reading through my chicken scratchings of the day and doing my Hausaufgabe = homework.

But i must say, after Day 3, it's S-L-O-W-L-Y sinking in. Formal, Informal, Grammar: Masculine, Feminine, Singular, Plural... i guess once i get the formulas drilled in my head, it should get easier.

I hope.

It's one thing learning something in ones' mother tongue but it's a whole different ball game trying to split your thoughts and comprehend something that sounds out of this world. Hats off to all those who are bilingual/trilingual.

Now that i think about it, i'm actually quite happy that i'm living here. Apart from the crappy, cold mornings... it's actually really nice.

I'm so looking forward to Summer though and i can't wait to store my feather down jacket in my closet. Apparently Germany is very beautiful around that time of year. But i've heard so many people bitch and moan about being in this country. I've always wondered, if people have nothing positive to say, why do they even bother? That kind of negativity does nothing for me and i'd rather not hear it. But then again i've only been here for 7+ weeks. So we'll see. I'm thinking positive.

So yay for me! I get a gold star for trying.

The end of sleep-ins, the beginning of early starts.

I'm usually the one taking photos at events, my reason being that i like to document the night. Maybe that's some kind of subconscious way of hiding. Which probably explains why at the end of each night out i have to sieve through hundreds of photos.

The world is a different place behind the camera lens.

04.04.2008: But Friday night J's ex boss was having birthday drinks at some club and so we decided to go. I met some of his colleagues and they were nice. I guess being in a foreign space i wasn't eager to take photos of my surroundings. Plus the music wasn't exactly my taste. Although the interior is nice, it was swamped with yuppies. After 2 beers J and i still weren't feeling the music.

So we said our farewells and decided to go to another club called Parkhouse. It was a rather small place, it looked more like a bar. But the interior was quite nice. They played Electro House and House, although they're not exactly my kind of tunes, i still had a fun time.

And you know how they have those photographers who randomly take photos, then pass you their card to check out your picture online? Well me being me was standing by the bar waiting for J to do what he had to do and got my photo taken. Eventually, after a few flashes, i just grabbed some random guy standing next to me to pose with me cause i was feeling uncomfortable having my photo taken alone. Where was J?

:: Some stranger and i... oh so typical of Chrissie! ::

J eventually came back and we spent the rest of the night by the dance floor. Well HE danced mostly and i stood by the side and dealt with random guys trying to pick me up. And I stood around repeatedly telling them, "Yes, J is my boyfriend". Clearly, there was a communication problem. I don't speak German. They don't speak English. So J had to translate for me. But everyone was so friendly and smiled the night away.


If anything that Friday night proved so many great things about the type of person J is. We trust one another and he knows i can take care of myself. And without being too confrontational he knew exactly when to step in when the boys got a wee bit too close. But it's all good, everyone was having a good time. And it was probably one of the best nights i've had since arriving. Cheers to us and good times!

...

YESTERDAY: My Monday began at 7:30am in Düsseldorf and J drove me to the station arriving 5 minutes before my train was scheduled to leave. But my train was delayed by half an hour. So no stress there since my German classes were scheduled for 1.30pm.

So i thought.

I arrived home and Boobers decided to call the school to find out about payment and to confirm the time that my afternoon class would begin. She got off the phone and apparently, THEY had forgotten to inform me that the classes that i registered for had been cancelled and there was only morning classes.

Great. How unprofessional could they be?

They had 3 weeks to inform me! They had both my email address and contact number but i guess they couldn't be bothered. Despite confirming my registration online, they so happened to forget to inform their customers about the change in time table.

Not good.

So slightly pissed off and deciding that we wouldn't give them any money. My sister hunted down another school and called in to ask whether it was OK if i came in 1 day late. They were very friendly and helpful on the phone, so that was already a good sign.

TODAY: I am NOT a morning person at all and i grumbled my way to the shower. It was 7:30am and the thought of heading out in the 2˚C weather was definitely not something i was looking forward to. When is Summer going to be here?

By 8:30am, we were out the door and i dragged my sister to come with me. I didn't want to be the lost little Asian girl wandering the streets trying to find some random building. And like tourists, we printed out a map just so we knew how to find our way. Like a little girl attending her first day, i begged her to wait until i got inside. Yes i know, i'm a big girl but still... it's still scary ya know!

But within seconds of entering i introduced myself to the people sitting at the table. I guess the Be-Miss-Friendly mode switched on. I sat next to some girl on the opposite side and immediately we started chatting. M was really friendly, which made it easier to get the conversation flowing. She's from New Zealand but is originally from South Africa. And although it's been awhile since i heard the accent, it was rather comforting to know that i understood her. I must say it was nice to meet new faces.

And no i didn't find out what zodiac sign she is. BUT i will find out tomorrow morning!

We chit chatted over a cigarette during our 15 minute break. I found out she's on a one year break from her studies and is working as an Au Pair [staying with a German family and taking care of their children]. She's only 19 but we seemed to get along. I can't believe i'm nearly 10 years older than her! Not like that made any difference.

So yay, for me. I made my first friend!
.
.
.
Oh and also to roughly say, "Ich spreche Englisch und ein bisschen Deutsch".

Trains and crossing borders

Speaking of trains, i'm running off for the weekend again. Well not really, i'll be in Düsseldorf, i'll be back soon and in time to learn German.

Boobers bought me some new notebooks, so i'll be there all nerdy on Monday with my crispy clean notebooks and my pencils sharpened. *Goes to find her thinking/learning cap*

...

In the mean time, my boys back in KL are heading down South to the little concrete island called Singapore. This time bringing with them HARDSEQUENCE! Bass Agents, Niekon, Nottifish and the DarkRaverz are hitting the decks! I can't believe we they made it across the border after all that time we spent trying to push the scene in Malaysia. Expect the speakers to be stained with some hardstyle flavor!

I'm so happy for them.

And yes, i was a bit emo last night because i couldn't be there to share the moment. As J nicely put it, "awwww, their groupie Pimpstress won't be there".

Hmmm...

Hardsequence was first established in 2001 and is the first home grown dance brand in Malaysia to capitalize on the cultural progression of the ever evolving dance scene. Their mission is to ensure that the culture will continue to grow together in parallel dimensions.

To date, Hardsequence has been nominated and awarded with various awards, such as Best New Local Night by JUICE (KL) in 2006 and Most up for it Crowd also by JUICE (KL).

WHEN: Friday, April 4, 2008 at 10pm - 6am
WHERE: Ministry of Sound, Clarke Quay, Singapore

Hardsequence: past events
Bass Agents
Ministry of Sound Singapore
Article: Appreciate Hard Dance in Junk

Patience

The other day i cracked opened a fortune cookie. And inside were some red words of wisdom...

Secret to success is to be patient and work towards your ambition.

It's cheesy i know. I'm almost expecting to find a funky smelling, century old man with gray hair sitting in a lotus position before me to tell me the secrets to Life. Wouldn't that be nice? Yes it's the kind of advice that any mentor or superior would tell their subordinates to keep them motivated. So the slip of paper remains tucked under my frosted IKEA plastic mat on my desk as a little reminder as to why i am here.

Patience.

A word that i keep hearing or should i say, have been telling myself each day. It's the one element that keeps everything from crumbling down and falling apart.

Patience when;

• it comes to learning a new language.
• trying to adapt to a new way of life.
• it comes to pushing past a broken heart.
• in a relationship that brings in baggage.
• learning more about a new love.
  
• it comes to the future.
• looking for a job.
• it comes to living with someone.
• trying to understand others.
• it comes to meeting new people.

Before i was always inclined to stick in my comfort zone. Standing out in the crowd did nothing for me. I feel more secure when i know my surroundings. I wouldn't call myself daring i'm actually more chicken shit than you think. Stable when i know what's going to happen next. But then again who isn't?

Somehow Time has changed that.

I feel like a hub. A nucleus. Quite the opposite to how i used to look at myself. Standing in the middle and in front of me are so many new avenues opening themselves up to me. I take each solo step forward and sense the ground tremble like ripples on a surface.

I take a deep breath in and count to 3, reminding myself when things get out of control to breathe. Yes i know, i'm bursting with fruit flavor! I'm trying to stay positive. I remember those times when MLP would calmly say to me, "...and this too shall pass" when shit hit the fan and seconds before i would have a mental breakdown. I miss our morning chats.

But all in all, i miss those people that kept me company when i went through a rough patch. Those who stuck by me to pull me through my dark days. Those people who shared their lives, thoughts and concerns with me every day. I think of those who made an impact in my life and although i can't pinpoint what it is that i miss. I just miss them.

Or maybe i just miss knowing that i have people that i know around me. Does that even make sense? I'm confused.

It all goes back to PATIENCE.

I guess we can't have EVERYTHING. But what i do WANT is to earn money. Something is better than nothing i guess. One of my fears is that i may not be able to grasp the language fast enough and in turn can't even get a normal job. But i'm assuming most jobs requires some decent understanding of German, especially if i were to get back into the graphic design field. I mean it would help if i could understand the job briefs, right!? But i'd rather not be a cleaning lady... thanks but no thanks... i'm sure i can do better than that. No offense to anyone who does clean for a living. Good for you!

But then again one option is to train to be an English teacher. Oh gawd!? Can you imagine ME as a teacher? I can't. Public speaking and i don't blend too well.

Damn it! *sigh* I'm not giving up on Germany... yet.

~ Don't mind me, i've just hopped on the emo train. I'll get off at the next stop...

Ain't No Fool

Lately i've been thinking about how much my life has changed. From one extreme to another in just a matter of months. If someone were to tell me a year ago that i would pack up my things, fly to the other side of the world to live with my sister and then start a new life, i think i'd laugh in their face and say, suuuuuure and in what lifetime?

But it did happen. Always remembering, Never say Never cause it's bound to happen.

I browse through the thousands of photos that i took during the countless events that i attended over the past few years and i can't help but feel a little sadness.

I cherish all the times i had.

It's amazing how many chapters one can have in ones' Life time. And if only i had the drive to write a biography, i wonder whether people would read it. I think of all the people i met and eventually called 'friends'. People come and go. Situations evolve and one is able to learn so much from experiences. I guess for me the reality of the life i once had that was filled with multi-coloured lights, heavy bass, sleepless nights and booze filled mornings are starting to drift further away from me.

Or perhaps it is I, that's floating away... hmmm.

Remembering those intoxicated mornings when i'd sit in my mates' car and catch myself feeling a sense of happiness. Appreciating moments and declaring how great of a night i had. Or even those times that i'd bitch and moan to another mate of mine of how stressed i was or how i felt like JUST a promoter and nothing more. Maybe it's the Asian mentality that one should not share their feelings or maybe it was just the alcohol talking.

I look back at those people whom i shared an intimate moment with behind closed doors. I was scared to let my guard down but managed to drink myself to the point of blacking out just because it was far easier to deal with reality that way. After all i was, "Chrissie" and i wore my mask of confidence like a pro. No strings attached. I like to believe i was their perfect little secret. But all i did was lose respect for myself and that's when i knew that wasn't for me.

But those times are far gone.

It's been 6 months now and i've got a man that appreciates me and cares for me deeply. Someone whom i connect with on so many levels. A person who is willing to understand and share his life with me. And most importantly, makes me happy. An emotion i seemed to have lacked in my previous relationship. So yea, it's all so very new but having no expectations and taking each day as it comes is the only advice i have to give to anyone.

But who am i to give advice to? It's been 4 months since i stepped out of the office.

A resignation that proved to be probably the best thing that i ever did. But in exchange the process and months leading to its end caused more emotional damage. The passion i once had for a career that i thought would inspire me to change the world has in fact faded.

I have lost misplaced my mojo.

In exchange for a healthy monthly wage, i will start classes next week to learn a foreign language and introduce myself to a whole new circle of 'friends'.

But being jobless and 28 is not all that bad.

Sometimes i wonder why people lie about their age once they blow past their 21st candle. Are they in denial? Life only really begins when one has experienced and battled through emotions. There's nothing wrong with getting older. I'm proud to be 28. Although people sometimes mistake me as being 18 but that's ok i know i'm not that naive. And i sure wouldn't want to pretend that i'm anything else either.

No expectations, is my new moto. Expectations only leads to disappointments.

So lately, i've been starting to think i may not fit in the world of Design. I'm talking about job wise. Stress that obviously did more damage than good has pushed me to look at my health more closely. The human body can only withstand a certain amount of beatings before it tries to shut itself down. And i'm sure no matter what country i'm in, that degree of stress will follow. I don't think i'm ready for that. But then again, who is?

My mission continues...