Spam-a-lama-ding-dong!

There was a moment of excitment when i logged into my yahoo account just now. Hello Christina! Inbox (14).

14 unread messages? I thought, Damn i'm loved!

I mean, for a change, it would be nice not having to click SPAM and delete eflyers from clubs i'll never visit.

Scanning the "From" column, i noticed several emails were from friends i haven't seen or heard from in ages. Including one reply from my client *gulp* Then followed by notifications that an email that was sent from my account had bounced back.

Hang on.

But i didn't send any emails.

So in the 12 plus years that i've had my yahoo account, never has it been hijacked by someone or something. I feel violated. Never say NEVER, cause it's bound to happen. I'm just hoping whatever that link was wasn't a virus or some hardcore porn site, cause i don't think my client would have appreciated it that much. It would be quite embarrassing.

wirbeleit

Yup, it's time to change my password.

So if you were one of the unlucky ones to have received a spam email from me with just a link. Please don't open it.

Sneezing Baby Panda & Single Ladies.

Two vids to make you laugh and hopefully bring a smile to your weekend. If you haven't seen this baby panda's sneeze video, you so should. I can't stop laughing. The look on the big panda's face is hilarious.




And you too, can be a single lady! "... if you like it, you can put a ring on it!"

Fighting for Change.

I watched an interesting documentary by MTV's True Life called Resist the Power! Saudi Arabia just now, one that left me appreciating my life how i know it and believing that it is my right to share my thoughts and opinions with others.

For one hour, you get snippets of the lives of four young Saudis in Jeddah, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and the issues they face for wanting freedom and equality between genders.

True Life - MTV Shows

A place where women are destined to be covered from head to toe in black and single males are forbidden to enter shopping malls on their own. A place where even the love of playing Metal music could lead you in trouble with the authorities.

We, as outsiders, have a freedom that many of us have never thought twice about and a life that only some young Saudis wanting change can dream about.

Drawgasmic: I wish i could...

I wish i had a hobby. One that i could be so obsessed with every other waking moment. A hobby that would keep me occupied when i'm bored or something to turn to when i need some time out.

There must have been a time when i knew how to draw.

Maybe i should try to cross stitch. Paint. Something to steer me away from staring at my 21.5 inch monitor.

And then in a act of procrastination i came across this and became more envious...

: click :

And thought, if i can't draw i'm sure at least ONE of my silent readers' can.

ONE of you must have a talented bone in your body. So if you're one of those people who wishes their doodles and sketches were seen by thousands, i say give it a shot.

For many, including myself, the exhibition is a bit of a hike to get to but if you're in St. Louis or near, you should check it out.

Q: What sort of artists/work are you looking for?

A: We're looking for weird, strange, cartoon, unusual, cute, freaky, edgy, low brow, surreal, pop, interesting, realistic, crazy, and wonderful works of art! If it seems awesome: We will love it!

Q: When does my work need to get there?

A: As soon as possible!!! SERIOUSLY! We are scanning and posting the work onto this website as we receive it. The faster you get the work to us the faster we can post it on the site. The cut off date to get work here is June 1st. Period! Any work received after June 1st will not be included in the book or the exhibition. Ship early and be safe!

You don't have much time but if you act NOW you have about 6 days for your master piece to reach them.

Submitting work is FREE and ONLY if your piece is accepted than you pay $35 as an operational/application fee [Read terms here]. To apply click here and when submitting your work don't forget to decorate your envelope like here. All work that is in the exhibition gets featured in a limited edition coffee table book which participating artists gets wholesale discounts on ANY book orders they place!

Have i told you, i wish i could draw.

Where NOT to go, if you're trying to Save money.

Yesterday was a public holiday, which meant we enjoyed a long weekend. I'm not quite sure what the significance behind Pfingsten is but i've read somewhere it is the fiftieth day after Easter and is said to be the official beginning of Summer.


It hovered around the mid-20s degree Celsius range and for some it was an excuse to expose as much of their Winter pastiness in hopes they'd get a shade darker.

J was in a really shitty mood for most of the weekend and left me all alone on Sunday but he made it up to me by suggesting we go out and do something.

The cinema where we live doesn't show English movies and so we had to drive to Padeborn [a neighboring city] which is about 30 minutes away. The demand for non-German dubbed movies is not high, hence the poor selection in movies and weird timings. But Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time was playing and since i had once played the game when i was younger, i thought why not. I was craving for my bag of popcorn anyway.

Overall, i thought the movie was OK but for 5.50€/ticket, popcorn + drink = 5€, nachos + beer = 5.50€ and ice cream nuggets = 1€, i felt we could have used the money more wisely.

Oh well.


There was a painting on the wall that i can only assume was meant to be Marilyn Monroe. But i can't help but think the artist was a bit off that day because is it just me or does her nose look a bit piggish? And is she wearing dentures?

I dunno.

We then drove back since we wanted to check out the Kirmes [the funfair] and yesterday was the last day. One particular ride J wanted to go on rotated while it swung side to side and so we made our way through trying to look for that particular ride.

: before :

We eventually found it and whilst on it i couldn't help but laugh each time the girl next to me screamed her head off. And each time we went higher, we dropped down even faster. The louder her scream, the more i laughed. I think my laughter ended up as more of a self-comforting tactic.

I won't lie and say i wasn't completely scared.

It started off fine but then the higher the swing and faster the rotation, i could feel it in the pit of my stomach. There were a few moments when i screamed too and stupid images of the barrier releasing and me falling out flashed through my head.

It felt like the ride went on forever and by the end of it both J and i couldn't wait to get off. Feeling slightly queasy we agreed that neither one of us wanted to go on anymore rides.

I swear, our tolerance for stomach churning rides have definitely gone down the older we've gotten.

I'm just grateful that we didn't eat anything before.

: after :

We needed to take our minds off things so J played a game that won him 10 tokens. And so we came home with traveling set of Chinese Checkers that neither one of us knows how to play. Having spent 5 Euros to even play, we figured it should be worth that amount.

Then as we were snaking through the funfair there was one ride where kids could sit on live little ponies and go around and around a ring.

Majority of the kids looked like they were enjoying it but there was one mother who forced her kid to get on and the boy looked like he was going to piss his pants with fear. I wouldn't be surprised if the kid grows up being scared of horses and is scarred for life. Poor thing.


And another boy was crying because his sister took the 'bigger' pony and he was left riding one of the smaller ones. Even at that age, Size apparently does matter.


J finally got to eat his Bratwurst and i refrained myself from stuffing my face with Pommes [otherwise known as fries] slathered in mayo.

I hate how everything is so ridiculously overpriced at funfairs.


But i caved when J suggested that i try some Bärentatzen: a chocolate covered wafer waffle sandwich with marshmallow in the middle.

Not convinced that it's the yummiest thing i've tasted but maybe if i slap on some peanut butter on it, i'll think otherwise.

Hope you had a good weekend.

First Impressions.

They say it takes about 30 seconds to make a first impression and i can only assume the more narrow-minded and conservative one is, the shorter the time.

I say this based on an event that happened yesterday.

I had met up with my very pregnant friend whom i've only known for a few months and after 2 hours of wandering around the city eating ice-cream and admiring clothes that neither one of us could afford, we bumped into her mother-in-law.

My German is still shit, so trying to make even small talk was a bit of a challenge.

J was still at work and i still had some time to spare, so both my broken German and i accompanied them to Nordsee since they were hungry.

Then half way through their meal the mother-in-law sees the tattoo on the underside of my arm and asks me what it is.

Thinking that she's interested and knowing very well i don't know how to explain its' meaning to her in German, i find myself struggling to remember even the simplest of words like Himmel und Hölle which means Heaven and Hell and ends up only being a fraction of what it actually means.

I go on to say that i've got more on my body and immediately she rolls her eyes to the side.

It's obvious that she disapproves, so i don't go into detail but can't help but think, how rude! Why did she even ask what it was to begin with?

My very pregnant friend, who has no tattoos and probably in the eyes of her mother-in-law is an angel, says that when she was younger she wanted a small tattoo but ended up not getting one.

icanhascheezburger

Assuming i knew what her mother-in-law's opinion was on the subject, i went ahead and asked my friend what her mother would have said if she did get a tattoo. Then the MILs' younger son, who was sitting across from me, rephrases the question, what would your mother-in-law say!?

The look on the womans' face was classic.

I could see a surge of panic go through her veins. She looked absolutely horrified at the thought that the woman carrying her first grandson would even think of ruining her paler than white skin.

I'm sure if her thoughts were translated it would sound something like, Stay away from Christina, she's a bad influence!

Then she busts out with something along the lines of how "Natural" is better. The more, the merrier.

And according to her, tweezing ones' eyebrows is OK but any more than that is not. Once i heard that, i wondered what her thoughts are on Brazilian waxes and hair dye? They're both not permanent but they do alter ones' appearance drastically.

Then my friend points out that she had 7 ear piercings in each ear and the woman immediately shook her head again. And emphasises that the holes will never really disappear. I could only imagine what horrible thoughts she had of my labret [the piercing below my lip] which was staring blankly at her.

Looking at her sizing me up and judging me on my appearance made me so angry!

I should have just got up and left but i didn't.

And to my defense i was only capable of saying, Not everybody likes tattoos. And at that moment wished i was fluent in German so i could have given her my real two cents worth.


To top it all off, it probably didn't help that i wore my Emily the Strange shoes with skulls that day either. God only knows she probably told her daughter-in-law in the car how inappropriate and morbid they were for a 30-year old woman to wear.

And so J tried to cheer me up by saying, Don't worry about it. She's nobody.

Used-tissue & Cotton Bud Thief

Every now and then i'll find a stray cotton bud on the floor. At first i thought i may have dropped it as i was throwing out the trash and so i didn't think much about it. And i'm sure J wouldn't be that inconsiderate to just chuck his used cotton buds wherever he pleases. But every so often i'd find one tucked under the red carpet in the hallway.

Then last night i heard a commotion in the bathroom.
.
.
.
I caught Luna in the act.

So not only is she a used-tissue thief but she's figured out yes, she's a cat and she can climb up shelves to where our toiletries and my cosmetics are. And like a junkie looking for her next fix, she hunts for her new addiction.

But if she's feeling lazy, she just knocks over the bin and chews on a used one.

Ewww.


NOTE TO SELF: Must find a new hiding place for the cotton buds and rubbish bin in the bathroom.

Tokingalotofcok and Eating Ice-Cream

So i called my sister yesterday and apparently i sounded very much like an 90-year old jewish woman from the Bronx. My voice isn't back yet, no thanks to the cold i had over the weekend. I have self-diagnosed myself with larynjitis and therefore, have been told to rest my voice.

My sister, who i've nicknamed Boobers, lives about 4 hours by car from where i am. She lives with her boyfriend and her little baby girl who's 5 months old. We usually try and speak to one another at least every week, updating each other on what's new, old, irritating or happy in our lives. And the more drama our days are, the more we're on the phone with one another.

In that sense, it's great that we get along and calls from local land-line to land-line are free... well kind of but not really.

I know and she knows, we have each other to rely on if either one of us needs words of comfort or help.

But when we're not being serious, we're giggling like a bunch of school girls.

It started from young and i'm sure it will continue on to our dentures-and-adult-diaper days. We make up words, accents and say silly things that leave us seriously laughing out loud and everyone else looking at us with a raised eyebrow.

That's how it's always been.

But in between tokingalotofcok yesterday, i also bitched about my financial problems.

Yes, i still think being an adult does really suck.

And so i turned to My Milk Toof by Anna Denise for some cheering up. If you haven't seen ickle and Lardee, you so should! One story in particular that i like is "Sweet Treats".

:: click ::

Aren't they just to-the-max adorable?

It brings me back to a time when my sister and i wore matching jumpsuits and shoes with Velcro were in fashion. It was clear that my whole purpose of living was to watch Sesame Street in the morning.

So there we were eating our ice-cream in the playground. My sister is ogling mine even though she's just finished hers and i'm only just beginning.

Fast forward to now...

She's a mother nursing a baby. I eat way too fast and our freezer has run out of ice-cream.

Where, oh where did Time go?

When did we ever start being adults and having so many responsibilities?

Part of the KSK and a depleting bank balance.

Last year i was given an opportunity to work on some design work and as much as i bitched and moaned that i didn't want to have anything to do with graphic design, i needed the money.

So to make the whole project legit, i decided to register a design company. I have an EU Dutch passport, why not? I had no Savings despite having worked for the past 4 years but what i wanted more than anything was to start a new life with J in 2008 [here]. And so the bills continued to accumulate.

MAY 2009
J thought it would be good that i apply at the Kuenstlersozialkasse (Artists’ Social Fund; KSK) which is restricted to only independent Artists & Designers that way i could get public health insurance and so i did [here].

"Being a member means that you stay in the state pension scheme and that the KSK pays half your pension contribution and half your health insurance contribution. Being insured in the state pension scheme means that you qualify for an invalidity pension if you can no longer work." [source]

Just so you know, it's compulsory for every person residing in Germany to be covered. It's illegal if you don't have health insurance. And so when i arrived in 2008 my sister helped me sign up with a Comprehensive package at AXA PPP in the UK.

JULY 2009
I had to send KSK a ridiculous amount of evidence to show that i was a "graphic designer". Copies of any invoices and signed contracts were also needed. Since we all know Germans love their paperwork, i gave them as much as i could.

We were told it would take several months to process and there's no guarantee that every person will get it. The only other way that one could get into the German health system is if a) you're German citizen or b) you get married to a German and be covered by their insurance.

Well neither of those options were applicable. And so i had no choice but try my luck.

And was told i had to contact a local health insurance company to say i was applying at KSK. And since J is with AOK, i decide to go with them too.

OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2009
J calls the office just about every month to find how the progress was going and is simply told we just had to wait.

FEBRUARY 2010
J calls and the person on the phone tells us that my file has not been looked at. Basically, they forgot! The person apologies and says i must send any current invoices that i have for 2010 because it's the new year and they have to make their calculations based on how much i think i may earn for the year.

Lucky for me, i was offered a few logos and corporate identity manuals to work on. So i was able to send them some invoices and in turn pay for outstanding bills.

MARCH 2010
I receive a letter that says they've decided and that i've been accepted. Yay, finally!


And not only do i now have health insurance, long-term care insurance but i have a pension. So when i'm old and crusty, i'll have some money to blow. They've also back dated it to April 2009 and based on how much i earned, i now must pay them 1,619.88 Euros for the past 9 months!

One bloody thousand six hundred and nineteen Euros and eighty eight cents.

Which is totally unfair since i wasn't even sent a health insurance card to utilise the service. Why should i pay for a health cover that i didn't even use or even know about? I find out that half the amount also goes to my Pension.

But still, that's my money!

APRIL 2010
I then receive my local health insurance card with a fancy chip on it.

So J calls them and states my case and says, i've only just received my card and that there must have been a mistake. I was only just admitted into the KSK. And so they cover their arses by saying that my international health cover was not sufficient and that's why they're back dating it. Hello!? Where were you when i was on the operating table in January? They weren't there to pay for my bills. Thank gawd AXA PPP was, there'd be no way, i could have payed for the hospital bills.

And so on top of being totally irritated that i have to pay them money for a service i was not even entitled to until not even a month ago, i have to pay 206.64 Euros EVERY month for as long as i live. So after calculating, by the end of this year i should have to fork over 1,859.76 Euros PLUS the 1,619.88 Euros that i supposedly owe them!

That's nearly 3,500 Euros!

Gone. Just like that. It's insane.

I mean, that's a shit load of money. So i told J, i should make full use of my health cover and just camp out at the doctor's office, so at least i get part of my money's worth. Or just pack my things and move elsewhere.

"The average state health insurance contribution is €500 a month, which is split between employee and employer – while the self-employed pay everything themselves, unless they’re lucky enough to be in the Kuenstlersozialkasse for freelancers in creative professions. But both state and private health insurance companies have increased their premiums in recent months as rising unemployment has put more pressure on the welfare state." [source]

More proof that it's so bloody expensive to live in Europe.

My project is split into several jobs, so i'm being paid in installments and only when they are complete, i'll get the balance. And as soon as any money comes in, i have to transfer a partial chunk of it to pay for insurance that i never knew i had, not forgetting the 206.64 Euros/month.

So on top of having a bad case of laryngitis and yet another upcoming deadline, i am dangerously close to having a 2-digit bank balance.

Yup, sucks to be me right now.

Follow the trail of tissue.

For the past couple of mornings i've been waking up with an itchy throat. Then the rest of my days would be interrupted by the occasional cough. It felt like something was lodged in my throat and had set camp there. If only i could grab a fork and shove it down there without gagging.

Then the other day my throat felt like it had swollen up.

I thought, maybe, it's those damn dust mites again and i'm having some kind of allergic reaction.

So i went on a mission to throw all the bed linen in the laundry. Then wiped down an endless number of surfaces which was covered in dust, went onto mopping the hallway and vacuumed the carpeted rooms.

I know when i was younger i was allergic to dust, i'm not sure if i still am. But i do know when i was younger i was hospitalized because of asthma and couldn't be around dust. But as i got older, my asthma disappeared. Maybe my allergies are coming back?

It's been two days since i went on a cleaning frenzy and my coughing has now affected my vocal chords giving me a husky tone. So on top of sounding like a tranny, my nose alternates between being runny and my right sinus being blocked.

I feel exhausted even though i've slept most of yesterday and most of the morning.

Is it safe to say, i'm sick?

Armed with a cup of dissolvable Aspirin Complex and scorching hot chamomile tea + honey, i'm crawling back into bed. Let's hope when i wake up in a few hours, J will return with more medication to feed me. I need to be better... like now!

Alas, another deadline approaches.

It's All Good.

I ended up walking to the nearest pet store to get Luna and Yoshi their food yesterday which was a good 40-minute walk from where we live. I didn't want to risk J coming home late again and the store to be closed.

So i gave him a call to see when he'd be done. He sounded rather happy when he answered, so that was a relief. Talking to someone who just is in no mood to talk, isn't all that entertaining.

We met up at the petsore and when i got into the car there was a covered plate on the seat. J's apology for being an arse over the weekend came in a form of a slice of cake.

Sponge cake covered with fresh fruits... YUM!

I only remembered to take a photo when i had already eaten more than half of it, so it didn't look all that impressive.

[Courtesy of Crazy Dog T-shirts]

And after a visit to the supermarket and wondering why our weekly grocery bill was twice as much as usual, i prepared dinner. Super yummy fresh spinach & ricotta filled pasta with a cream cheese, tomato based sauce. I would like to say i made it all from scratch but sadly my Chef expertise is rather limited. But just so you know, i do make a kick arse omelette.

So yay for food and relationships that make us happy again! ♥

Some Things Are Just Not In Our Control.

So my Monday started with a head-butt to my left eye - well not on purpose, i hope. An accidental head clash minutes before the alarm went off at 6:10am.

It didn't help that the person responsible was bitten, by what one could only describe as, the PMS bug.

He says it's stress.

It still baffles me that when some men get stressed, instead of talking about it, they bottle it inside. It's as though they're hoping that it'll just absorb right back in. If only, that could happen with that extra layer of fat that mysteriously appears around ones' waist.

Anyway, it started a few days ago and i guess the mood peaked on Saturday before we went out for his colleague's birthday party.

We were running late and according to him he gave his word that he would help out with the BBQ.

Fine.

Then we get a call from the birthday boy to say, he forgot his ATM card and he's already at the rugby game and he's about to play. And whether we could stop by the supermarket and buy some crates of beer, sausages, bread and sauces - basically the majority of the stuff.

OK fine, no worries.

So anyway, we end up spending longer than expected in the supermarket and J's stressing even more because there was no exact address given on the website and it's our first time there. J gets this surge of road rage as we catch every red light on the way. I swear if he was a character in a cartoon, he would be red in the face and steam would be shooting out of his ears.

As i glance over i'm thinking, i know we're late but i'd like to get to the place in one piece please. CALM THE FUCK DOWN.

We eventually get there an hour later than expected and his display of major irritation has got me in a fucked up mood. After that, i was thankful there was alcohol.

I find out later his main worry was that the game would be over and everyone would be waiting for us to bring the food and drinks.

Yes hello it's not our J's fucking birthday bash!

Why should he feel responsible to do everything? So yes, he offered to help out and yes he did a good deed. But in my head helping out means organising furniture, flipping a few sausages around when you pass the grill or change the CD when it gets too repetitive.

Like everything, J likes to be in control.

Maybe it's a male thing.

So after i told him he was being an arsehole, he kept saying i didn't understand.

I DO FUCKING UNDERSTAND.

I just don't understand why he had to be such a fucking arsehole!

...

So it's now Day 3 and there isn't much of a lift in spirits.

His words are kept to a bare minimum and whether it's coincidental that each time i enter a room that he's in, he moves to another.

I dunno.

All i know is i've got another deadline to meet, we've run out of non-junk food and the cats are down to their last can of food.

: End of rant :

Hallo sweet tooth & my 10 cm boost.

Bought myself a pair of stilletto pumps yesterday whilst waiting to meet the ladies for coffee and cake or as the Germans would say, Kaffee und Kuchen. These were the same ladies whom i used to learn German with.


It's been about two months since our last meet up and it felt like it had been ages since i tried rearranging words to make a proper German sentence. Our teacher came too, she's the one in pink, third from the left. She's reallty nice. She's six months pregnant and she has that pregnancy glow goin' on. And one other girl that was there, Chiraz - she was three months pregnant. And as they were doing their Show & Tell's of their babies ultrasounds pictures, i happily joined in with the ooo's and aaa's trying to make out what each shadow and curve was.

And for a moment thought, how weird, i could have been sitting there pregnant too.

My life feels like it's in fast forward. Doesn't yours? This year is speeding along exceptionally fast.


I told myself that i wouldn't eat anymore junk food or desserts for the rest of the week and that was on Wednesday. That promise was broken two days later with a lovely slice of Tirimisu. Well technically, it was one and a half since i also ate half of Anais' piece. And then J bought me two Veggies burgers from McD's for dinner and i couldn't refuse.

My sudden obsession with my weight is all due to the sudden appearance of love handles. Seriously, when did they get here? Although my weight has remained the same. What was left of my muscles have now turned to fat. It's known that people in relationships tend to put on the kilos. I guess after awhile comfort sits in and one is not so bothered about ones' appearance as much.

Age has given me a sweet tooth and my metabolism has calmed down. But then again sitting on my arse day in and day out hasn't helped out either.

I'm happy i decided to walk the 45 minutes to the city instead of taking the bus yesterday.

Maybe i'll shift the No Junk Food to next week?


Anyway, back to my shoes. Aren't they lovely!? I feel so womanly and tall in them. All 10 cm taller.

I'm not quite sure when and where i'll wear them but for 19.90 Euros i couldn't resist buying them. It's nearly impossible to get heels like that any cheaper in Germany. And since they were left in the box on the floor of the shoestore and were in my size, i thought why not!

But if i left without them, they could be gone forevaaaa. I took it as a sign and thought, i HAD to have them.

I don't think i'm a shoe person and if i like a pair, i'll wear it to death. And when i do find a pair i like, chances are they pinch somewhere but i convince myself that i'll be able to wear them in. Only to then end up storing them and returning back to my old pair.

My feet are sensitive in that way.

I found this vid of mistakes that people make when wearing heels and couldn't help but laugh. I've come across a few "gripping-of-the-thighs" high heel wearing women in my life. LOL.

Worse comes to worse, if i don't have enough guts to strut my stuff outdoors, i could always parade them indoors for J.

;)

Three Days Shy of Three Years Later.

So last night J and i were watching a movie called Nine Lives. A story about "nine short, loosely intertwined tales with nine different women at their cores. Their themes include parent-child relationships, fractured love, adultery, illness, and death"[source].

And although the cast is impressive and it had won a few awards, i can't say i was over-the-moon impressed by it.

With a tagline "Every life has a story. And every story has a life of its own", i think i was waiting for some amazing plot and life-changing ending. The intention was rather to capture the audience with intense emotions.

But what caught my attention was the second scene and probably the best scene out of the whole movie.

A pregnant Diana, played by Robin Wright-Penn, is in the supermarket and bumps into her former lover, Damian. And while both are now married, it is obvious that neither one of them have gotten over the other. But that doesn't stop her from telling him straight out he never opened up to her whilst they were together.

Uh oh. Recipe for disaster.

And whilst you can sense the chemistry sturring, i couldn't help but wonder what would happen if i ever bumped into my ex in the supermarket.

Although the chances of him being on this side of the world, let alone in this town that nobody i know knows how to pronounce, are slim to none, it makes me wonder how i would react. Would i dig up the past? Would he?

I reckon, i'd have a panic attack and hide in one of the aisles until he reached the check-out counter.

Some of you will know that when i'm sober i'm not confrontational.

And so i asked J whether he still has any feelings for his ex. After all, they do occasionally chat on Skype because of the kids.

He said, no.

There was no stutter. No hesitation.

I dunno how i'd be if i had to speak with my ex on a weekly basis. I guess J's circumstances are different.

And i have no idea were this sudden interest in ex-partners came about but it probably explains why i dreamt of my ex.

This is the very ex whom i was together with for eight years and who swore to me he wouldn't get married [or maybe he was just being polite and just didn't want to get married to me]. Only to then dump me because he fell in love with someone else and in turn i lost him as a bestfriend too.

I know. Tragic.

Then i had a nervous breakdown and forced myself to cut all contact with him in order to save my own sanity. Two years or so later, i finally have the guts to get back in contact with him, only to receive a sms that read...


And that's the last that i heard from him.

Isn't that crazy i even still have the SMS. Check the date. I found it in the inbox of my old Samsung. Talk about not being able to let go of ones' past!

Anyway, i pixelated her name because i thought that was the right thing for me to do. My blog entry that i wrote [here] and [here] are so subdued compared to how hysterically unstable i really was at the time.

And while it's been ages since i've had some kind of cosmic connection with him, i decided to test my feelings and google his and her names to have a look at their wedding photos.

I swear i'm not a stalker!

I just wanted to see if the photos would unleash the green-eyed monster and muster any kind of emotion. And three months shy of three years later, i can safely say i can look at them without wanting to tear my heart out or hers.

Yay me... and her.

So Mark if you're reading this, Things are even better now. How's married life?

And J if you're reading this, I love you and thank you for loving me back.

What's Yours Is Mine.

Between failing to make a mad dash into our bedroom each time we open the bedroom door and taking over my lap each time i'm at my desk, Yoshi's favorite passtime is stealing the drain cover from the bath tub.

Yes that little piece of plastic that protects the drain from being clogged up with my hair.

And if it's not that, then it's either a scrunched up receipt/note paper from the bin, a ping pong ball, my pens - particularly those on my desk, that dangly bit of a zipper or a stray shoelace.

I guess i can't really complain cause it sure beats having to pay 5 Euros for a toy that he's just going to ignore.

And Bingo was his name-O!

13 months have past since TheEx followed her heart and took the kids to the land of Leprechauns and pots of gold.

Looking at pictures [here] i can't help but think how much the children have grown. Now Baby A can already walk and Little L chooses to speak English over German.

13 months doesn't seem all that long but somehow i've been occupied. Here is a recap of my major events since then;

• So there was our spur of the moment trip to Amsterdam where we slept in the car [here].
• Then there was our 4N5D in Ireland and we were all one big, happy family [here].
• Then J got a new job, so we moved to a service apartment because the previous tenant hadn't yet moved out [here].
• Then moved again [here] to my 3rd German city, only after 20 months of arriving [here].
• Then there was me starting German classes again after a year long break [here].
• Then my sister gave birth to a baby girl and i experienced -17˙C.
• Found out i was 9 weeks pregnant. Then an hour plus later i was operated on [here].
• Then we decided to adopt Yoshi and Luna [here].
• Signed a contract for a project that should keep me busy until September.
  
• Then i turned 30 and got myself a new iMac.
• A month after that the kitties got their bitty bits removed [here].
• And last but not least, there was In Qontrol in Amsterdam [here].

If someone, 13 months ago, would have said to me all of the above would happen in the next 13 months PLUS Them & Us would get along, i would have said, NO WAY!

To think there was a time when i was scared shitless to even go to the same supermarket as Her because i feared that she would be there and would want to cut off my head or cause a scene. And after months of hiding and pretending i was just "a friend" he finally came out with the truth and finally told her about me [here].

Back then, i really did think Jealousy could kill.

But oh how Times have changed.

Yesterday when J was on Skype with Little L, he had a brilliant idea that we could all play BINGO.

I would occasionally catch J smiling to himself as Little L would call out the numbers and as TheEx and i would yell out BINGO almost simultaneously, i couldn't help but think, Damn, i'm actually having a good time.

...

I remember during Chinese New Year back when i was kid, i would go visit my Aunties and Uncles to get my share of money stuffed in red packets and without fail there would be a group of them playing BINGO.

One Aunt would always say each time 16 was called out, "Sweet 16, never been kissed" *Followed by a kissing sound*

It would always make me laugh.

In fact it still does.

And when 88 would be called she would say, "Two fat ladies. Eighty-eight. Eight Eight".

*Sigh*

Those were some good times.

Sunday Junk.

I woke up this morning to a super foggy start to my Monday - literally. I could barely see past the 5th house from our back window. A sign that maybe we'll see warmer days ahead? I hope. The balcony was wet which meant it probably pissed down hardcore last night while we were sleeping. Good since the landlords' garden was in need of a watering.

Our landlord flew to Mallorca a few days ago and texted to say he wasn't going to be back for another week.

Lucky bastard. He's going to come back with a hangover and be multiple shades darker.

J was supposed to help out at the pub on Saturday but decided not to. His reason was that he wanted to spend the weekend with me. Which isn't entirely true since he spent Saturday playing Warcraft and i failed at trying to distract him.

But to make it up to me, he found my all-time favorite crisps, Walkers Salt & Vinegar at the petrol station down the road. I LOOOOVE THEM! I reckon they stocked it because there's so many British people living here. They figured they'd bring a little something from home to lure the customers in with over-priced oh-so-yummy crisps.

So anyway, we ended up driving 48 minutes to Bad Oeynhausen, where a "Cultural Flee Market" was apparently being held. I was excited at the prospects that we'd get to see some handicrafts and perhaps buy something new.

We arrived at 3pm only after stopping at Burger King for a late lunch. But then noticed half the stalls had already packed up. Not only were we disappointed that some people had packed up early but 95% of the items sold were 2nd-hand childrens' clothes.

What was so cultural about that?

And so we declared that that was the lamest flee market we've ever been to.

And to lift up our spirits we decided to look for cake. After all, we didn't drive 1 hour for nothing!

And found ourselves walking through some park. It seemed like the thing to do since there were so many people there. Mainly old couples. Maybe it was their day out?

We eventually found ourselves a café just before it started to rain. And i ended up getting a slice of some raspberry goodness and J went for the Egg Liquor. I'm not a huge fan of whipped cream but i have to admit it was rather yummy.

Oh and i've come to the conclusion that my recent chocolate and candy craving is a result of me quitting smoking. Yes, believe it or not i've managed to distract myself long enough not to give up to the hands of nicotine.

Four months and counting.

J still smokes and i can't help but grumble each time he lights up a cigarette in the living room. Lately i can't even stand the smell of a burning cigarette - it makes my throat all itchy. Maybe it's because our apartment is relatively small and the air circulation isn't all that good.

Anyway, next to the café, there was a little shop that sold antiques and 2nd hand items. The type of items that you'd find in say, your grandparents place. Some pieces dated over 100 years old.

There was a cabinet full of pocket watches and jewelry. There was this one brooch with an image of a one-eyed woman. I say one-eyed woman because the image was conveniently chipped right above her eye. I would imagine her ghost staring back at me but then that just ended up freaking myself out.

I wanted to buy something... anything and ended up getting this silver pendant. I'm not sure what possessed me to buy it but i know i'll find some use for it.

It's approximately 35mm in diameter and even has the artists' stamp on the underside: G.Dunker. You can tell it's hand sculptured because you can still see the dents underneath. I'm not sure what KAUTOKEINO stands for but after a google search it shows it's a town in Norway.

So either i have a rare piece of jewelry by some famous Norwegian Artist or i now own a piece of jewelry that looks like a mini hubcap.