An Ultimatum + Viva Colonia

It is inevitable that once a couple gets past the honeymoon stage of a relationship and the butterflies have disappeared, that there will be confrontations. Some bigger than others. Some more petty and worth laughing about. But at the end of the day what is important is that both parties don't give up on each other and trying to build on the relationship.

Building a strong foundation together is what keeps the relationship from crashing but it only takes one to turn around and ruin it.

So the issue with the cigarette smoke and Js excessive game playing was just the icing on the cake.

I'd like to say the last year for us has been a smooth one but with external stresses it's made it rather difficult. More so for J, which in turn has effected how he has been in the relationship. Lately, our catty remarks and impatience with one another has become more of an annoyance than something to shrug off as a quirky character.

But combine Js dissatisfaction with his job, no respect from his colleagues and the inability to properly rest, means when he gets home the last thing he needs is a nagging girlfriend bitching about her issues and wanting to spend time with him.

Our lifestyles couldn't be any different.

So after several hours of me yelling/talking/crying it out and J jotting down the Positives & Conflicts in our relationship, we came to the conclusion that something needs to be done to improve our situation.

We both are willing to fight for our relationship and we both agree that living in Guetersloh for the past twelve months has in fact made us, in some sense, turn against each other.


All our issues interrelate with one another causing a domino effect.

And without friends and a social life, as a couple we have and are relying on each other for stimuli. Which is not necessarily good as there needs to be balance of a life outside of 'us'.

And at the moment, there isn't one.

But it's like eating cake.

If you eat too much, one is bound to get sick of it or at least have no craving for it anymore.

But he apologised for making me sad and that he knows he has to sort things out before anything gets better.

So anyway, the other week J contacted the regional manager of the company and asked if there was any other position in any other city, in particular Cologne. Cologne or as the Germans would call, Köln is not only more lively, cultural and more International but it's a city that perhaps could fill up that one aspect of our lives that is missing.

It's Js dream city to work in and chances of me finding a job that doesn't rely on me speaking German but English is much higher. It's about two hours drive from here and about half an hour away from Duesseldorf and only two hours to where my sister lives.

So last week J got a call from the regional manager to say there's a job opening for him. And it looks like there's a 90% chance that we'll moving by the end of the year. J just has to go meet the new boss and sign his contract but i'll know more on November 5th.

Keep your fingers crossed!

Which also means this will be my fourth move in Germany in the span of less than three years. Crazy, right!?

But back to us...

After discussing and basically laying everything out on the table, i made an ultimatum.

In the next two months, not only will i back off and not expect him to entertain me but simple matters like grocery shopping together during the week [which i found out he actually hates doing] will be one that i will take care of. Now that i have my bicycle riding under control, i just have to be more selective as to what i buy and what i can actually fit in my backpack and basket. Although with bulk purchases, i will need him to help since he's the one with the drivers' license.

And when it comes to the weekends, i'll be a little more independent and give him his space to unwind. Plus i will also give more suggestions to be more active and do things without relying on him to make all the decisions.

I will focus my energy on organising my things and packing up the apartment.

But then after speaking with my sister on the phone, she and her boyfriend have invited me to stay with them in Wiesbaden for the upcoming weekend. It's a four-hour train ride to where she lives but if it will help save our relationship, i'm all up for it.

Plus i get to see my baby niece and babble with her all day!

Perhaps me not being at home at his beck and call this coming weekend, may mean he may even miss me and appreciate all that i do for him at home.

And perhaps i will not be so dependent on him.

Basically, both J and i just need is a little time apart. It's not a time-out, we are still together. It's eight weeks to figure out our priorities, realise each others' worth and giving each other some time to breathe.

For once, i'm the one thinking positive.

So if by the end of two months, i don't see any changes in the way he's trying to deal with his stress and finding ways to save our relationship [and himself], then i have threatened to leave.

It's dramatic, i know but i'm hoping it won't get to that stage. It needed to be said to show him that i am serious.

So whether it is him doing sports or finding a healthy alternative, that is up to him to do and take charge. And that by making a conscious effort to cut down his game playing time, he can at least get a decent nights' rest and not get so worked up when his stats gets messed up due to a lost game. Or realise that now he is in a clan, doesn't mean his world evolves around it and those "friends" he shares strategies with.

He needs to deal with the negativity that work is dishing out at him and somehow turn that energy to something positive so he can get prepared for his new job and starting another chapter in another city.

The next two months is going to fly by and in that time not only do i have to get as much of work complete but the search for an apartment for us is going to be the real bitch. Not forgetting finding boxes and packing all our junk in it.

I HATE PACKING.

We're totally hiring a moving company this time to do the move for us.