Yesterday was a relatively productive day. Not only did i manage to regurgitate my thoughts and vent out Tuesdays' frustrations but i actually got some work done.
Trusting the good ol' fashion Pencil & Paper approach to sketch out my brochure layout makes it feel like i'm actually progressing in my new project.
Often i'd skipped that crucial stage and go straight to the computer to try and work it out there. Again, that's my impatience working at its' best. Although i'm not sure if that's actually the smartest way to work since i end up spending more time tweaking colour boxes and adjusting and then readjusting text areas to find a balance.
So anyway, by the time J came home which i think was around 5 PM, i was busy scribbling away and getting lead dust all over the sleeve of my white hoodie. He went to take a nap and i didn't see him emerge from the bedroom until an hour later just in time for me to start making some dinner.
And so i made tortilla pizzas out of what feels like that never-ending pack that J bought last week.
Believe it or not we even sat down together to have dinner minus the computer being switched on and watched Das perfekte Dinner. Yup! I got 30 minutes of his undivided attention, of which i think i even saw him smile.
But this is what we ate. I love how versatile it was and how you can pretty much put whatever you want on it. Maybe it's true when they say, the way to a Mans' heart is through his stomach. Feeding me with compliments made me feel like i did something right.
Thank you tortilla pizzas, you saved our relationship.
So simple but so tasty!
Heat up the oven to 200˚C and smear on a thin layer of the wet ingredients on a plain tortilla. Sprinkle whatever toppings you like and sit it on a baking tray at the highest section for about 5 minutes or until the edges crisp up.
Trusting the good ol' fashion Pencil & Paper approach to sketch out my brochure layout makes it feel like i'm actually progressing in my new project.
Often i'd skipped that crucial stage and go straight to the computer to try and work it out there. Again, that's my impatience working at its' best. Although i'm not sure if that's actually the smartest way to work since i end up spending more time tweaking colour boxes and adjusting and then readjusting text areas to find a balance.
So anyway, by the time J came home which i think was around 5 PM, i was busy scribbling away and getting lead dust all over the sleeve of my white hoodie. He went to take a nap and i didn't see him emerge from the bedroom until an hour later just in time for me to start making some dinner.
And so i made tortilla pizzas out of what feels like that never-ending pack that J bought last week.
Believe it or not we even sat down together to have dinner minus the computer being switched on and watched Das perfekte Dinner. Yup! I got 30 minutes of his undivided attention, of which i think i even saw him smile.
***
But this is what we ate. I love how versatile it was and how you can pretty much put whatever you want on it. Maybe it's true when they say, the way to a Mans' heart is through his stomach. Feeding me with compliments made me feel like i did something right.
Thank you tortilla pizzas, you saved our relationship.
So simple but so tasty!Heat up the oven to 200˚C and smear on a thin layer of the wet ingredients on a plain tortilla. Sprinkle whatever toppings you like and sit it on a baking tray at the highest section for about 5 minutes or until the edges crisp up.
+ Tomato concentrate
+ Tomato based pizza sauce
+ Ketchup
+ Cracked Pepper
+ Garlic Powder
+ Dry Oregano
+ Grated Cheese [e.g. Gouda]
+ Green Peppers
+ Tomato based pizza sauce
+ Ketchup
+ Cracked Pepper
+ Garlic Powder
+ Dry Oregano
+ Grated Cheese [e.g. Gouda]
+ Green Peppers
***
Everything was going great until he removed himself from the sofa and made his way to his computer. Seeing him reach for his headset immediately put me in a foul mood and at that point i knew i had lost him. There's no sense trying to talk to a man who can't seem to multitask when it's game time.So i went to my work room, which is right next door to the living room and spent the rest of my energy searching for images for my project. Blasting my music so i didn't have to hear him talk loudly to his clan members was the only thing that kept me calm.
And so i kept my mouth shut and chose to ignore him.
Seriously, if he wants to crawl into bed past midnight because he spends all evening gaming, then wake up six hours later grumpy because he has to be at work at 7 AM, then that's his fucking problem. I've had enough of telling him that he actually does need sleep in order to function.
But it wasn't always like this.
Yesterday afternoon the sentimental part of me got distracted by kept e-mails. J and i used to write to one another constantly back when we were in a long distance relationship. The folder states there are a total of 495 emails dating from 1.10.2007 - 25.10.2008. Many of which include words of passion and the utmost desire to be together. As i'm sure every new formed couple will know what that's like.
Three years later the exchange of kind words have become a rarity and avoiding each other has become a normality.
Do i blame stress? Maybe.
But is this what i have to look forward to for the rest of our relationship? I so hope not.
I wake up to a gloomy Thursday with not even a spoken exchange of a "good morning" and an extended hug goodbye. Instead i get a halfhearted "Tschüss Christina" and watched him shut the front door behind him in a hurry because he was late for work.
5 comments:
Hm, I kinda feel the same when it comes to me and Fabian. I wonder if it's going to be like this for the rest of our relationship (that is hardly any physical touch anymore, no real conversation, lack of words of affirmation, my temper when I'm stressed, etc... simply the feeling that we don't act as a "real" couple anymore) I also think it's the stress that is to blame... at least I don't know what else it could be.
I wish to give you some advice but as you can see I'm kinda at a loss myself ;)
I'm so sorry to hear that but i totally empathize with you and feel exactly how you do.
I guess we are in the same boat. The only advice i can give is to set aside some time to just talk it out with him. Try and even come to a mutual understanding that things obviously need to be changed to make a difference.
I'm sure you've figured out by now that my long winded posts is a cheap alternative to therapy.
And it's probably more beneficial for myself to rant and rave to my poor readers because it feels like SOMEBODY is actually listening.
So thank you!
But hey, if it helps me get through the day then i'm going to continue writing/typing. At least it gives me something to post about.
Hugs to you and let's hope that we don't beat ourselves up too much because of our situations.
I guess Fabian and I both know that things need to be changed but we simply don't know how. We've already been through all this a couple of times and even ended up breaking up once (and then obviously coming together again).
I still hope that things are going to change on their own as soon as there are some changes in our surroundings — for example when I'll have finished my training or when Fabian will have taken his "Abitur". That might be a little passive but at least this gives me something to hope.
I hope you also have something to look forward to that might change your current situation a bit. Or that you'll at least always find a little peace in writing down your thoughts.
You can be sure there's someone that's listening :)
jeez now you're scaring me bout how my relationship might turn out after 3 years! we've been dating 10 months -_-
Sharon : I think the keyword there is "hope" and that Patience plays an even bigger roll when pushing past the obstacles.
It just sucks not knowing when all of it will get better again.
I hope that by changing our postal code, the boredom factor will diminish. And that by him getting a less stressful and rewarding new job, it will make him feel like it's worth waking up each morning.
Joyce : Oh no, i didn't mean to scare you.
I think being in a relationship has taught me many things about myself [e.g my strengths and weaknesses].
But facing the highs and lows of not just living with someone but also in a country that is foreign to me after only a year of dating has been challenging at times. Of which 5 months was a long distance one and later choosing to move to this side of the world i ended up seeing him every other weekend for the following 7 months.
Stepping out of ones' comfort zone can be invigorating and help one mature but it can also be crippling.
The tricky part is trying to stay positive and remembering not to lose yourself in the process and your priorties.
But enough self-pity.
Congratulations to the fact that it won't be long till you both reach the one year milestone.
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