[WARNING: RANT AHEAD]
Do you know what drives me up the goddamn stinking wall? Waking up before the crack of dawn and opening my bedroom door to the rest of the apartment and inhaling the stench of stale cigarettes.
Seriously, that smell never REALLY goes away.
OK, so i used to smoke.
But i don't now.
I started at the tender age of fourteen and decided sometime after Christmas last year that i had enough. I'm thirty now.
They say, the worst non-smokers out there, are the ones who have quit.
And i would have to agree with them.
Maybe it's because our senses have been renewed/cleansed. Or maybe our ducts have seen a new lease on life and would much rather get more, i dunno... oxygen perhaps!
I dunno, all I know is that i can't stand the smell of cigarette smoke!
I don't smoke but my clothes and hair smell as if i've dusted myself with ash.
It's gross and i don't like it.
What's worse is my sore throat has now escalated to my thyroid gland being swollen causing me great discomfort when i swallow or even take a sip of water. If only there was such a thing that second-hand cigarette smoke causes such inflammation and could be in fact fatal, then maybe, just MAYBE, J will have the decency to go out on the goddamn balcony and smoke!
But his excuse is, "It's too cold."
Fair enough.
It's 8˚C at the moment, then wear a PAIR OF FUCKING SOCKS!
We even made this deal that he switches the fan on, open the balcony door and lights scented candles, that way the place doesn't smell like an ashtray.
But when i woke up just now, none of them were lit and the balcony door was only slightly open.
When i asked him, why he didn't light any.
He says, "You were sleeping."
Yeah, i WAS sleeping, now i'm awake AND now it fucking stinks!
And to make matters worse, he's still playing that fucking battle ships game since last night. So much for us spending time together!
His excuse is that it's "his time out".
It's his way of de-stressing. But each time i bicker and complain, he goes all ape shit on me and says it stresses him out even more and tells me not to act like his mother.
WELL FUCK YOU TOO!
I've had a restless seven hours sleep but perhaps seven peaceful hours for him.
And now i'm awake to the living room door slammed shut because that's where he is right now clicking away and polluting that side of the apartment.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....
It makes me so fucking angry!!! HE sometimes MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY!!!
We're supposed to be driving to Cologne at 1 PM today.
But after this early mornings' confrontation and door slamming, it wouldn't surprise me that he plays that stupid game all morning just to spite me.
I, seriously, loathe waking up in a fucked up mood.
It's pitch black outside and nobody in their right mind would be up this early on a weekend unless of course they have work to do.
Do you know what drives me up the goddamn stinking wall? Waking up before the crack of dawn and opening my bedroom door to the rest of the apartment and inhaling the stench of stale cigarettes.
Seriously, that smell never REALLY goes away.
OK, so i used to smoke.
But i don't now.
I started at the tender age of fourteen and decided sometime after Christmas last year that i had enough. I'm thirty now.
They say, the worst non-smokers out there, are the ones who have quit.
And i would have to agree with them.
Maybe it's because our senses have been renewed/cleansed. Or maybe our ducts have seen a new lease on life and would much rather get more, i dunno... oxygen perhaps!
I dunno, all I know is that i can't stand the smell of cigarette smoke!
I don't smoke but my clothes and hair smell as if i've dusted myself with ash.
It's gross and i don't like it.
What's worse is my sore throat has now escalated to my thyroid gland being swollen causing me great discomfort when i swallow or even take a sip of water. If only there was such a thing that second-hand cigarette smoke causes such inflammation and could be in fact fatal, then maybe, just MAYBE, J will have the decency to go out on the goddamn balcony and smoke!
But his excuse is, "It's too cold."
Fair enough.
It's 8˚C at the moment, then wear a PAIR OF FUCKING SOCKS!
We even made this deal that he switches the fan on, open the balcony door and lights scented candles, that way the place doesn't smell like an ashtray.
But when i woke up just now, none of them were lit and the balcony door was only slightly open.
When i asked him, why he didn't light any.
He says, "You were sleeping."
Yeah, i WAS sleeping, now i'm awake AND now it fucking stinks!
And to make matters worse, he's still playing that fucking battle ships game since last night. So much for us spending time together!
His excuse is that it's "his time out".
It's his way of de-stressing. But each time i bicker and complain, he goes all ape shit on me and says it stresses him out even more and tells me not to act like his mother.
WELL FUCK YOU TOO!
I've had a restless seven hours sleep but perhaps seven peaceful hours for him.
And now i'm awake to the living room door slammed shut because that's where he is right now clicking away and polluting that side of the apartment.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....
It makes me so fucking angry!!! HE sometimes MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY!!!
We're supposed to be driving to Cologne at 1 PM today.
But after this early mornings' confrontation and door slamming, it wouldn't surprise me that he plays that stupid game all morning just to spite me.
I, seriously, loathe waking up in a fucked up mood.
It's pitch black outside and nobody in their right mind would be up this early on a weekend unless of course they have work to do.
*Breathe IN with the Good*
.
.
.
*Breathe OUT with the Bad*
.
.
.
*Breathe IN with the Good*
.
.
.
*Breathe OUT with the Bad*
.
.
.
.
.
.
*Breathe OUT with the Bad*
.
.
.
*Breathe IN with the Good*
.
.
.
*Breathe OUT with the Bad*
.
.
.
But THIS is the kind of stress that probably causes my hair to fall out in clumps.
This rage is the kind that i'm too familiar with.
I thought i was over it and to have it back in my life it just makes me just sick. I'm trying to control myself but i can feel my heart clench. I imagine my blood boiling with frustration.
I know, i may have been a much nicer person as a smoker. And maybe, i'd even save myself a few grey hairs if i'd just join him for a smoke or two but for the time being, i'm standing my ground and protesting.
Oh, my head hurts.
This rage is the kind that i'm too familiar with.
I thought i was over it and to have it back in my life it just makes me just sick. I'm trying to control myself but i can feel my heart clench. I imagine my blood boiling with frustration.
I know, i may have been a much nicer person as a smoker. And maybe, i'd even save myself a few grey hairs if i'd just join him for a smoke or two but for the time being, i'm standing my ground and protesting.
Oh, my head hurts.
1 comment:
Jane : i'm not sure if i'm answering to a bot or you've used your comment as form of advertising.
Either way, thanks. I'll see how i go with my meds.
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