Looking back at my rebellious teenage years, having a boyfriend seemed second nature to my well being. Not sure why, maybe it was the group of friends i had at the time or the nature of how my life was structured.
Back then, a boyfriend consisted of someone of the opposite sex that i would soon be found holding hands and canoodling with not too long after. One minute he was a friend/class mate and the next we were "going out". Categorized as Boyfriend and Girlfriend to others. News would spread like a wildfire and soon I'd find myself scribbling the name of the boy i had apparently fallen in love with.
But all that's left are the faded hearts that decorate my beat up note books.
Fickle as i was and to some extent still am, falling in love was as easy as it was to say good-bye to the last. I blame the raging hormones. However, i do still remember the names of the string of boys that i fancied and have been with.
My first somewhat serious relationship of 9 months was when i was 14. The next would be the one that made more of an impact in my development and that started at 15 and ended 8 years later.
Some would call me lucky.
Maybe they're right, i was. I don't know. Had i known the end results, i'm not sure whether i'd be considered as lucky but an optimist would look at the journey that's worth remembering rather than the destination. I guess it's like how there's no explanation of why good things must come to an end. It just does.
But i'm talking about first impressions.
I'd like to think that i'm not fuckin' ugly and that i have potential in attracting the opposite sex. And as much as we'd all like to say looks don't really matter... well it does in some way or another. Obviously, there are many cases that one falls in love with ones' intellect or over time common interests bring them together.
Seriously, i'm like a kid playing peek-a-boo. Believing that if she can't see them, they can't see her. But little does she know it takes more than closing her eyes for anyone to disappear, let alone herself. Believe it or not, i can be extremely shy when it comes to things like this. I freak out especially if there is interest on my part.
ANXIETY + ME = Don't go very well and i worry myself sick with stupid scenarios.
Like many, i've had crushes with the "unavailable" and those that weren't particularly suitable for me. It must be that "bad boy attraction" that psychologists talk about. Could that stereotype that Men want to know very little about their conquests right after a night of action be in fact applied to women as well?
Am i just a cold hearted bitch or am i just comfortable with my independence?
But you know what?
Just like many, i have no shame in saying that i am Single and wish to be loved. But to be fair to others, i have to sort myself out first before i can start loving another. [I can just imagine every shrink nodding their head with approval]. I know so many of my single female friends ramble on about how there aren't any decent guys out there! But at the same time i know so many single male friends. Perhaps it's a case of the clash of interests and the sexual chemistry isn't working its' magic.
I could just be looking at this whole dating thing wrong.
And if i wanted to i could probably nurse my stabbed heart until osteoporosis takes over my bones since it's only natural to protect ones' scars from harm but i don't think that's healthy. I'm no longer bitter. I just so happened to have misplaced my Trust and a yearning to share my life.
But because i'm nice i'm accompanying my friend to the 'Being Single and Not Able to Mingle' talk at the British Council tonight.
Back then, a boyfriend consisted of someone of the opposite sex that i would soon be found holding hands and canoodling with not too long after. One minute he was a friend/class mate and the next we were "going out". Categorized as Boyfriend and Girlfriend to others. News would spread like a wildfire and soon I'd find myself scribbling the name of the boy i had apparently fallen in love with.
But all that's left are the faded hearts that decorate my beat up note books.
Fickle as i was and to some extent still am, falling in love was as easy as it was to say good-bye to the last. I blame the raging hormones. However, i do still remember the names of the string of boys that i fancied and have been with.
My first somewhat serious relationship of 9 months was when i was 14. The next would be the one that made more of an impact in my development and that started at 15 and ended 8 years later.
Some would call me lucky.
Maybe they're right, i was. I don't know. Had i known the end results, i'm not sure whether i'd be considered as lucky but an optimist would look at the journey that's worth remembering rather than the destination. I guess it's like how there's no explanation of why good things must come to an end. It just does.
But i'm talking about first impressions.
I'd like to think that i'm not fuckin' ugly and that i have potential in attracting the opposite sex. And as much as we'd all like to say looks don't really matter... well it does in some way or another. Obviously, there are many cases that one falls in love with ones' intellect or over time common interests bring them together.
Seriously, i'm like a kid playing peek-a-boo. Believing that if she can't see them, they can't see her. But little does she know it takes more than closing her eyes for anyone to disappear, let alone herself. Believe it or not, i can be extremely shy when it comes to things like this. I freak out especially if there is interest on my part.
ANXIETY + ME = Don't go very well and i worry myself sick with stupid scenarios.
Like many, i've had crushes with the "unavailable" and those that weren't particularly suitable for me. It must be that "bad boy attraction" that psychologists talk about. Could that stereotype that Men want to know very little about their conquests right after a night of action be in fact applied to women as well?
Am i just a cold hearted bitch or am i just comfortable with my independence?
But you know what?
Just like many, i have no shame in saying that i am Single and wish to be loved. But to be fair to others, i have to sort myself out first before i can start loving another. [I can just imagine every shrink nodding their head with approval]. I know so many of my single female friends ramble on about how there aren't any decent guys out there! But at the same time i know so many single male friends. Perhaps it's a case of the clash of interests and the sexual chemistry isn't working its' magic.
I could just be looking at this whole dating thing wrong.
And if i wanted to i could probably nurse my stabbed heart until osteoporosis takes over my bones since it's only natural to protect ones' scars from harm but i don't think that's healthy. I'm no longer bitter. I just so happened to have misplaced my Trust and a yearning to share my life.
But because i'm nice i'm accompanying my friend to the 'Being Single and Not Able to Mingle' talk at the British Council tonight.
Worse thing that could happen is i meet someone
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interesting.
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interesting.
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