Thursday, January 10, 2008

At a crossroad.

As i was pushing the supermarket trolley along the frozen food section my mind wandered off again. Yes, i've been thinking about my future. As one does when one observes shoppers check the freshness of fish on a death bed of crushed ice. *stab stab poke poke*

There was a time when i would eat, sleep and breathe Design. But now, i feel my passion is fading. It's sad. I'm sad that i don't feel so motivated. There i was sluggishly pushin' the cart along thinking, where did my creative flavor go?

Dramatic as it is but my past experiences have left a deep wound and my one fear is that my past will regurgitate itself and i'll completely lose it. Emotionally i don't think i can afford a round 3. Dare i say, a career change is on hand?

Yes, i've come to a crossroad.

Annoying part is, i don't really know what i want or like to do for that matter. Truth is there really isn't anything that tickles my fancy, not that i know of anyway. I'm scratching my head trying to think of what next to do.

Then i thought, maybe i can take this time to go travel.

It so happens that my tourist visa runs out in 2 weeks which means i'll have to exit this concrete jungle just so i can extend my rejuvenation period. I don't want to go anywhere extravagant, preferably somewhere affordable since i'll probably have to borrow money from the folks. But perhaps some place that can inspire me and open my eyes.

Then i thought of Cambodia.

I've only seen photos and it's all so mystical. I'm sure every traveler will say nothing beats experiencing it for oneself. So i checked out some online packages on offer and it all sounds tempting. But reality bites and i know i'll eventually have to find work... preferably something that i enjoy and then i'm back to figuring out what the hell i want to do with myself.

It's all so very complex. So then i had a heart to heart chat with my mom. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later.

And as a mother would be, she's very concerned about my wellbeing. Since i've arrived i've kept a tight lip on what's been floating around in my head. Not because i didn't want to, i just didn't want to talk about it because it got me all emotional and even more confused. [BUT THAAAANKS BOOBERS FOR TELLING MOM! =p]

But it all went well, considering there was no conclusion.

I guess in the next few days i'll dive deep into my thoughts and hope to pull out a few ideas that were hidden. Who knows, maybe i'll do a short course somewhere, change destinations or volunteer. I don't know.

I'll keep you updated...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

if i were you, i think i would do a short course somewhere, change destinations or volunteer, as u said. If this sort of thing crosses your mind, and while you have nothing to lose, you should just go ahead and do it. i wish i could do it now, but with sasha in tow, it looks like i'll have to wait quite a few years before that opportunity knocks again.

sitting at home does nothing to inspire or motivate, but when you take yourself out there, you can (A) get a break and (B) find inspiration... or more!

go get em girl

mlp