Often that works when i'm seated in the passenger's seat and i'm circling a full car park and like magic an empty lot appears. But this post is not referring to those kinds of available spaces in life.
Not too long ago i secretly wished that i didn't have to be "alone". Don't get me wrong, i'm perfectly fine with the independent and single lifestyle [ok i lied, it took me a very long time to get used to Single Ville, in fact i've become Mayor].
There are those rainy days when i can't be bothered to venture outdoors and i think back to those days when him and i would spend a relatively unhealthy amount of time in bed. But of course there's more to A partner than JUST getting jiggy with him under/over/around the bed sheets.
*pauses*
Yea, of course there is more to a relationship than THAT. But i don't have to go listing them do i?
But when that came to a shocking end, it gave me free range. Which is always good fun but being the pathetic, broken hearted, lost soul that i became i somehow projected a multi-coloured FUCK OFF vibe the minute i stepped out my front door. I looked down at relationships and if anything, that was the furthest thing from my mind. I played the field as well as i could.
But perhaps my tomboy style that i took on was my subconscious telling the world that i was comfortable with my skin and that being a girl didn't mean that one had to girlify oneself. Which i tried to translate to, LEAVE ME ALONE [and to some degree it worked].
I admit i found comfort in dressing as far off the feminine scale. When i cut my extra long locks i hoped that would reset my ways and not only literally but metaphorically cut away my past.
But it's inching towards 3 years and i've decided that i'll start growing my hair, which not only is symbolic but mentally i have gained strength. And as i continue to step closer to being meds-free, i take back my femininity and learn to accept that some things weren't meant to be.
I'll be honest and say i look back and wouldn't change a thing. I think acceptance comes with time which somehow translates to ones' maturity.
AND MAYBE... just maybe he was right when he said, one day i'll make someone a very happy person.
...
So embracing the moment here's me wishing this Friday evening that one day that'll come true. And who knows, maybe i'll join the ranks of those love sick fuckers out there whom i've convinced myself to hate but in reality am green with envy.
But first things first... i am going to attempt to de-clutter my place [again] and in turn increasing my chances of bringing in good chi.
xox
[On repeat... on my iPod: John Legend - P.D.A [We Just Dont Care]]
Not too long ago i secretly wished that i didn't have to be "alone". Don't get me wrong, i'm perfectly fine with the independent and single lifestyle [ok i lied, it took me a very long time to get used to Single Ville, in fact i've become Mayor].
There are those rainy days when i can't be bothered to venture outdoors and i think back to those days when him and i would spend a relatively unhealthy amount of time in bed. But of course there's more to A partner than JUST getting jiggy with him under/over/around the bed sheets.
*pauses*
Yea, of course there is more to a relationship than THAT. But i don't have to go listing them do i?
But when that came to a shocking end, it gave me free range. Which is always good fun but being the pathetic, broken hearted, lost soul that i became i somehow projected a multi-coloured FUCK OFF vibe the minute i stepped out my front door. I looked down at relationships and if anything, that was the furthest thing from my mind. I played the field as well as i could.
But perhaps my tomboy style that i took on was my subconscious telling the world that i was comfortable with my skin and that being a girl didn't mean that one had to girlify oneself. Which i tried to translate to, LEAVE ME ALONE [and to some degree it worked].
I admit i found comfort in dressing as far off the feminine scale. When i cut my extra long locks i hoped that would reset my ways and not only literally but metaphorically cut away my past.
But it's inching towards 3 years and i've decided that i'll start growing my hair, which not only is symbolic but mentally i have gained strength. And as i continue to step closer to being meds-free, i take back my femininity and learn to accept that some things weren't meant to be.
I'll be honest and say i look back and wouldn't change a thing. I think acceptance comes with time which somehow translates to ones' maturity.
AND MAYBE... just maybe he was right when he said, one day i'll make someone a very happy person.
...
So embracing the moment here's me wishing this Friday evening that one day that'll come true. And who knows, maybe i'll join the ranks of those love sick fuckers out there whom i've convinced myself to hate but in reality am green with envy.
But first things first... i am going to attempt to de-clutter my place [again] and in turn increasing my chances of bringing in good chi.
xox
[On repeat... on my iPod: John Legend - P.D.A [We Just Dont Care]]
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