Sometimes.

"So when are you going to get married?" Is the most frequent question i hear lately.

I don't blame them for asking. Yes i am at the age when one should consider settling down and getting slightly serious about life.

BUT in order for any of that to happen, it would help if i did have a special someone in my life. Makes sense right?

I admit, i've taken a long time to recover. As most individuals who are victims of a broken heart will know, only time will tell. And i'm making more of an effort to push myself along. I know what it's like to be "the rebound chick" and even "just a number." I put myself in each situation purely because i could and rarely thinking about how it might change the relationship.

The more that i think about it, i realise that's really fucked up. At times i think i'm emotionally retarded and i choose not to open up so i won't get hurt.

Yes you may find me out on the weekend snapping away pictures of friends whom i see when there are events/special occasions. You will probably see me smiling and sipping on a beer in the corner and making small talk with the random stranger.

I may even at times partake in a joyful, wasted rendezvous with the occasional individual/s.

More than often, alcohol is the source of empowerment. The main ingredient that allows both parties to use as an excuse but when it wears out, it's just a stain in the back of ones' memory.

They also say alcohol is a confidence booster and has its way of letting ones' guard down. And i realise i rely heavily on it, not only to ease the nerves but to be more open.

But most of the time they all come with an expiry date and that is usually around the time when the venue closes. Like Cinderella's midnight curfew, everything goes back to normal once we step out. As both parties go their separate ways, life goes on as if nothing ever happened. And as usual work beckons between Monday through Friday.

But sometimes i wonder how long will all of this last? When will being a temporary stain be more permanent? Or at least one that lasts more than the duration of the evening?

Don't get me wrong, i am in NO RUSH to settle. If anything it scares the living crap outta me.

Which probably explains my new found hermit lifestyle. Which doesn't help in the dating department. And for that, i am to blame. But putting all that aside, i do find comfort being in my own personal space but i can't help but wonder what it would be like to share my space with someone other than my own shadow.

My friend likes to call some late middle aged women trying to relive their younger years in one-size-too-small outfits, radical eye shadow and layers of foundation as "Mutton dressed like Lamb."

I just hope that one day i won't end up part of that pack.