Saying Good-Bye...

My day was filled with doing last minute changes to my Project, running errands, sifting through hundreds of photos of the times Little L was over for the weekend and of the random places we all went to.


After work, J and i spent part of the afternoon looking for a little gift for Baby A at baby-walz and found this super soft, multi-functional, cute little lion by Nattou. It flattens out into a mini blanket and also serves as a finger puppet.

I think it's very cute and hey, i might even consider getting one for myself. Nothing wrong with a bit of entertainment.


J had also bought Little L a golden locket during Christmas and engraved her name in it. We kept it at our place for safe keeping but then thought we'd give it to her when she leaves. J thought it would be a good idea to put a mini photo of him and her mother in it as a means to show her that she is loved dearly by both of her parents whereever she goes. And seeing that he doesn't have Photoshop or know how to operate it, i offered to resize their heads.


We then spent an hour and half at the Kodak Printer machine at DM resizing and making collages of the 80+ chosen pictures. We figured it would be a nice little go-away present for Little L so she can look back and remember the times she spent with us.


But then decided maybe giving a 6 year-old 3 A4 sheets with mini photos may not be so practical and they may end up getting torn. And we weren't sure whether her mother would be too pleased having a photo of us 3 pinned up on their new wall should Little L insist on pasting it up.

So instead we got her a mini album that fits 36. That way she has the option of carrying it around or tucking it under her bed. We printed out the best ones and included a handful of photos J had of her when she was an itty bitty baby. Let's just hope she'll be able to hang on to all her gifts, so when she's older she'll have greater appreciation for them.

But i should go to bed soon.

We need to wake up at 6:30am because we've offered to take the kids to the airport whilst the Mother takes a cab with all their luggage. But i'm looking forward to riding in the back with Baby A and i'll be sure to take some photos of him and his new blankey.

Slightly Lost in Translation

OK it's been 2 days already and i *think* i may have overreacted earlier. Call it "A Moment" but i think i'll just call it "A Woman Thang". J realised i was feeling very uncomfortable with the whole idea, so he thought instead of me being there and not really be able to move the heavy furniture anyway, i could play babysitter for the day. J's colleague, Ekki was helping him, so in exchange i'd babysit his 8-year old son as well as Little L. And that was pretty much my day. I didn't have to be inside the Ex's apartment afterall.

So back to the kids...

To be honest, sometimes i get nervous when i'm left alone with Little L. Often i forget i'm the adult and forget to be stern. Sometimes Little L gets out of hand and i don't have the heart to be angry but then when J tells her off, my mouth shuts up and it's like "uh-oh".

But perhaps it's because i am unable to express myself fully in German. Words that ordinarily would flow out of my mouth in English seem to get lost when it gets translated. My brain starts rearranging the words just so i can make a grammatically correct sentence. Or to find the correct word to say when i actually want to say something takes me awhile for it all to register. So by the time i want to say something, the moment has passed and the topic has already changed.

Yes it gets frustrating and i find myself tongue tied all the time. Most of the time i can't even explain simple things. And when i hear J explain it, i think, Damn it! i forgot that Noun or that's where that Verb was meant to go. But i know i will have to return to German classes soon. Not because my parents are nagging me to go back but because i know i should especially if i intend to continue living here.

Anyway, i think i've gotten the tone right and i know when to put my foot down. But most of the time i just whip out the "Papa said, No" in German and like magic, it always seems to work. Oh and having a TV that runs cartoons simultaneously on 2 channels is an absolute life saver. Not only is it my only weapon to keep her occupied whilst i'm busy in the kitchen but it keeps the noise level down to a normal hearing level.

And yes i know Earth Hour was on Saturday night but YOU try telling 2 hyperactive 6 and an 8 year old they can't watch Barbie The Movie because the world is trying to conserve energy for an hour half way through their film. I didn't want to be responsible for the anarchy and i surely didn't want to be labeled The Party-Pooper of the Century especially after what happened earlier that day.

So i'll tell you what happened, we went to the video store to rent A Bug's Life right after we kicked a football around in one of the playgrounds. Yes, i do know how to kick a ball thank you very much except don't ask me to run so much. Yes i think i know running is part of the game. We got home, everyone was calm and J just connected his laptop to the TV so we could run the DVD. Then he left. Simple right?

But half way through i noticed there was a lag. I'm terrible at dealing with lags [when the voice and the image do not correlate]. So i did the unthinkable.

I pressed, Pause.

Which then froze the whole thing. And my gawd, it was like i had broken some cardinal rule of TV watching. I kept thinking, Stupid me! Why did i have to have itchy fingers and go sticking my fingers where they don't belong. So what if there was a lag and it looked like a flip book in motion. The children didn't seem to mind.

So after the computer restarted, i was certain i was going to be given the Party-Pooper-of-the-Century Award. Since i think they thought i broke it and the movie was gone for good! I had imagined that if that was an adult situation in a drunken Sports bar, i'd be sure to have had a few beer bottles thrown at my head.

And like a broken record i could only repeat in German, "Wait a moment. It's not working" and jumbled up with a silent prayer to the the Fix-It gods to help me. But eventually my prayer was heard and the movie was back on. I was soon praised for doing a good job and immediately my head no longer felt like it was on the chopping board ready to be beheaded.

The Past and His Future under one roof.

I can't decide whether i should be excited or throw a hissy fit that i'll be spending the day helping my current boyfriend help his ex move her furniture out. Ok so we're inheriting a bunch of her furniture, not because she has decided to live all minimal but because she plans to move to Ireland next week. She's fallen in "love" and she's taking his children with her.

I guess the only next best thing for her to do is to follow her heart. I can understand that.

The move has been in the pipeline for the past few months so i guess now the date is official. It's on April Fool's. Surely it's not a joke since she's already given us a number of items like her mixer, DVD player and random kitchen items. Items that are in perfect working condition but she has chosen not to take them with her.

Time is running out and she's apparently just throwing out a lot of her things including a fridge, washing machine and various items that J has financed years before. But we said we'd take some of her shelving, Little L's wardrobe and things. Apparently, we're also storing a few of the Ex's items in our cellar until she can come back to get them.

I could be childish and say i don't want anything of hers and proclaim she has cooties! After all, J and her have had a history why should i want something of hers under my own roof?

But i tell myself they're only material things and they have no attachment. Have a heart, Chrissie! Plus they're items that would ordinarily cost us money. Money that we're supposed to be saving. Savings that take longer than expected.

J has said, he's not taking anything that they had bought together or they had when they were living under the same roof. And i'm sure he heard my sigh of relief after he said that. I had this absurd thought that the particular item would have eyes and it had perhaps watched them have sex. And having it sit in our home, staring at me staring at it doesn't sit so well with me.

But oh joy.

I get to spend the day with my boyfriend's Ex at her apartment. I get to take her stuff and have Little L spend one last night at our place. Little L was supposed to stay over last night and i even baked her cookies. But J got a sms from her mother to say she wanted to stay at home yesterday because it was Little L's last night at her place with furniture. I couldn't help but feel sad for her.

There was talk that we'd get her key so that we can go in there and take any additional items. But i dunno, i'm a little hesitant on going back into their apartment after they move out. After all, i'm thinking we're not her bloody movers. But then J informs me yet again that it costs money to hire movers. Money that he would probably have to fork out and money he does not have to give. Then i think, well then doesn't she have any other friends? And again i tell myself, have a heart Chrissie it's only for a few more days.

I don't know why but why am i feeling a little confused and emotional about all of this? I better start getting ready...

The tale of the Invisible hole and the Confused.

I was rudely awaken by the sound of scraping and what sounded like fingers raking the wallpaper at 7:30am. Thinking it would go away i tried to ignore it. But i couldn't. The sound only escalated to hammering at around 9. It sounded like it was directly above my head. I sat up thinking that whoever it was that felt the urge to do household repairs at such an absurd time had dug a hole in our bedroom wall and was now standing beside our bed.

But there was no person or hole, just that annoying banging sound.

So i grabbed my duvet [J has his own] and made my way to the living room and threw it on the sofa. We have no curtains or blinds in there, so not only was the sound not pleasant but the brightness was just as annoying. There i was hoping that i would escape the sound but to my disappointment the sound seemed to follow me. It echoed throughout the apartment and i could feel a headache coming on.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing i knew it was 11am and i had just dreamt of a murder of which i had been apparently involved in. I went back into the room to see if there was any damage to our wall. Half awake, barefoot and very confused from the dream, i stood there thinking there'd be a dead body tucked away somewhere.

But there was nothing. Not even J.

I was sure i didn't say good-bye to him this morning. I knew he didn't have to go into work until much later. And for a second there i panicked. He wasn't in the bathroom or the kitchen. Our place is not that big and has very few hiding spots. But it took me a while to register that we actually have another bedroom directly opposite our room. One that screams CHILD ZONE.


And nestled in a cloud of primary and secondary colours there he was, oblivious to what had just happened he peeled open his eyes. Distracted once again, all i could think was, why didn't i think about hiding in this room?

Catching up on Zzz's.

I was in no mood do anything today. I would of slept more, had i not felt guilty. For a moment i thought i should be doing something more productive. But i delivered the project the day before yesterday to my client and now i'm just wating for feedback. I'm sure there will be changes, so i should be thankful i have this pause.

Last week i was working at my computer for so long that i developed this huge pain in my wrist that ran up my forearm. It got so bad, i had to ice it. And it's not the first time either.

Maybe it just means i should take more frequent breaks rather than sitting for hours on end?

So anyway, my day isn't really worth writing about but if you care to share the boredom read on...

I woke up and it was raining. I made some Kaiserschmarrn with apples and bananas. Kissed J good-bye then did the dishes and the laundry. Then passed out on the sofa waiting for the clothes to do their last spin.

And for the last few hours i've been parked in front of the TV wrapped up in my duvet watching one show after another... in German. CNN is the only English channel we have and they're repeating themselves.

I can't be arsed to connect the DVD player we inherited from the Ex and neither can i be bothered to hook up J's laptop to the TV to watch anything online.

I guess i'll just have to continue watching Germany's Next Top Model and see what else i can entertain myself with for the next 2 hours until J gets home.

Business Woman on a roll...

Spent the day with J cause he didn't have to go into work until 6:30pm. He has an event tonight and won't be back till about 2am. So i'm keeping myself busy by flicking through channels, cruising online and cleaning up what mess was left in the kitchen. I like to multi-task.

But it was a nice change to not wake up to numerous screaming alarm clocks or having breakfast at 8am today. Instead we lounged in bed... and slept in till the late morning.

Ahhh bliss.

We then made an appointment with the Bank to get some information on opening a business account but after the discussion i decided to open one anyway. Even though there are monthly fees, i figured in the long run it would save me time when sorting out my taxes at the end of the year. Plus i figured i would be able to keep track of my savings and not have it interfere with my daily expenses in my personal account.

We figured now, is a better time than any to start thinking of the Future. After all, we all know how fast money can disappear and we all know we aren't getting any younger. Yes, i must learn how to save better!

So seeing that i already had a personal account with the bank, it only took a few minutes. A couple of signatures later, it was official... i now own a business account.

Never mind that there's no money in the account at this very moment but i'm sure that will change in due time.

So yay for me for being productive!

Big thanks to J who helped communicate and translate on my behalf! But even though he did all the talking, i was able to grasp some of the conversation and didn't feel completely in the dark as before. *Golf claps*

One day i'll get there... *Sigh*

...

I then followed J like a bodyguard whilst he did some errands which ordinarily he would have no time to do because he would have to be at work. Then made a quick pit stop at the supermarket to get some freshly baked bread and a pre-mixed salad.


I went to DM yesterday and bought a box of Alnatura Gemüse [vegetable] Burger mix. It came dry and all i had to do was add water. Yes it sounds kind of gross and i assure you it didn't look any better but once i mixed in some egg, diced up shallots and peppers [red, gold and green] it started forming shape. In fact once i threw 'em in the pan and fried them, they started looking more like what a "burger" should look like.


But i must say, it didn't taste like horse feed as i had expected. In fact, it tasted quite good. But i would definitely recommend anyone to add the fresh vegetables, they defintely made all the difference!

2 Please. Going Up/Down?

This morning J and i finally went to the tax office to hand in my form to register my company. Lady Luck was on our side and we managed to find parking right outside the building [which is nearly unheard of] and then at that very moment it started to hail. What is with the weather? It's gone a bit nuts lately.

We got inside and they had these old skool lifts. I've never seen anything like them before but apparently they're common in the government offices here.

The lifts had no doors and they kept moving!

One just had to step into it and it would travel at a steady speed. It looked like some kind of ride you'd find at a fun fair. The lift only fit 2 people, there were no lights and you just stood there until it was time for you to hop out onto your desired floor.

Definitely not good if you're claustrophobic. But i'm sure they had stairs. Can you imagine what a bitch it would be if it were Peak hour, you'd be standing there for ages. Or if there were a power cut and you were stuck in between floors and couldn't squeeze through the opening! That's some scary shit.

And as i stood there in between floors, waiting for the 2nd floor to arrrive i had images of tripping up and unvoluntarily doing the splits then getting squished in between the floors. Or worse, the cables would break and the lift carriage would catapult itself to the highest floor and come crashing down.

But don't worry, i made it in and out without any drama.

So now i just have to wait for the paperwork to be processed and that also means i better keep that Thinking/Creative cap on, eh?

Let's ALL go to the Zoo!

I can't believe a whole week has gone past since i got back from my birthday getaway. Is it just me or is Time moving a lot faster? And even though Winter is supposed to be nearly over, it's still rather nippy outside. However, the grey blanket that was pinned to the sky for months was replaced with a crispy blue one the last few days. And the sun that was missing-in-action for the past 6 months has made a come-back!

Oh i can't wait for warmer temperatures.

So anyway, Little L was over on Friday night and so we thought if Saturday's weather was good we'd venture out somewhere. And lucky for us the weather was great. So we decided to head to the Zoo in Cologne [which is about 45 minutes drive from where we are].

We invited J's colleague; Ekki and his 7-year old son and made it a Father/Child/Girlfriend Outing. Prepared with an assortment of sandwiches, chocolate chip muffins, sparkling water and candy, we set off in Ekki's new Audi with his fancy in-built navigator.


By the time we arrived there, it took close to an hour to find a parking space. It seemed like we weren't the only ones going to the Zoo that day. It was absolute madness!

Oh and being the tourist that i can be, i had to get myself one of these...


I inserted a Euro and a 5 cent coin. Then turned the wheel and the mechanism did its' thing. It pressed out my 5 cent coin to an oval shape with the Zoo's name and an elephant. I thought that would be a cute little souvenir.


We spent about 4 hours walking around looking at all the animals. The Zoo's landscape was neatly planned out and it's location was smack right in the middle of the city. So close that even the Bisons habitat was only a street apart from nearby residents. Can you imagine what kind of stench a hot Summer's day would give out?


But i must say, it was very well kept and clean considering the amount of visitors they had that day. They had all sorts of animals and a big outdoor playground which was a huge hit for the kids.

Pink Flamingos

The outdoor monkey reserve.

But the highlight for me were the Orang Utans.


One in particular insisted on hiding under a piece of paper until another came and tried to snatch its' cover from him/her. It was rather entertaining. One eventually noticed Little L curiously looking on and so they began their staring contest through the thick acrylic barrier.

I can't tell whether he/she looked bored, tired or unamused. But it sure looked like they were having a telepathic moment.

Then the other Orang Utan who tried to snatch the paper earlier, entertained us with what looked like the start of some kind of x-rated live show...


Needless to say, we didn't stay much longer to find out what was next and headed off to look at what other animals the Zoo had to offer. Can i just add, i'm still amazed at the amount of energy a Child can produce or how short their attention span can be. But there's no wonder there were so many benches plotted around the property.

But we did manage to see practically everything.

A funky blue-coloured bird
with what looked like cotton wool for a head piece.

Super cute Meercats

Some Fluro-orange birds

By the time we were done, it felt like the temperature had dropped drastically. We got back into the car in time to watch the burning ball of sunshine make her way to rest. It lit up the sky momentarily and blended itself into what was left of the blue in the sky. It was indeed very pretty.

Being at the Right Place at the Right Time

An ex-colleague of mine had put up a link for this short film on facebook and being the true procrastinator that i can be, i thought i'd give it a watch. I'm not sure whether it's getting to that time of month but i found myself trying to hold back the tears. It's that warm and fuzzy feeling that you get and makes me realise how simple communication can really be.


[Signs by Director, Patrick Hughes]

And it's moments like those that reminds me of those times that i've backed out because i was too chicken shit and then missed an opportunity. Or those times i wished i'd grab the moment by its' balls and taken full advantage of it but didn't.

But i am grateful that i did follow my gut instinct and heart this time. Because who knows where i'd be or what would have become of me had i not crossed that street at that very moment on that early September Saturday morning of the 29th 2007.

They say, "Pictures Speak a Thousand Words"

So i was on MSN this morning chatting with MyAlbinoNugget [whom i haven't seen since i packed up my things in KL in December 2007 because i needed a break from... everything]. She was commenting on the previous photos i uploaded from my birthday getaway and asked whether i agreed that i look different. I couldn't help but giggle when she said i looked "ladee like" and how i had "proper girly hair". I could only rebut with "well... it's like every other asian girl".

I guess at one point my solution to cutting away my past was to literally chop off my down-to-my-waist hair. A strange satisfaction that seemed to take weight of my shoulders and create a new façade. Never mind that it did nothing to fix what was going on in the inside.

Then it just got shorter and even shorter.

I remember at one point i'd tell my hairdresser to cut it in such a way that i could style it like Astro Boy. But more importantly it should be cut so i could tuck my hair neatly under my cap. After all, wearing a cap was part of my weekend boyish attire back then and i wouldn't dare leaving home without it.

She continued on trying to pinpoint the differences, "...it's layered... n it has texture..." And out of nowhere she said, "and your smile is different..."

I laughed. Had my cookie-cut smile changed?

"Maybe it's because i've never seen u happy".

...

And then it dawned on me, could she be right? Is that what was so different?

I've done my part in burying my past and made every effort to fight my daemons head on. And miraculously i have climbed out of the dark hole and have grown to appreciate everything much more.

After all, my current posts are no longer plagued with anger, frustration and intoxicated dribble. And after many years, i am feeling strangely different.

At 29, i am calm.

This feeling is one that i'm not quite accustomed to but one i could surely get used to. Have the stars and planets aligned themselves and are finally giving me a break? A little fearful that this can all be ripped away from me, i wake up each morning pinching myself to assure myself that this is in fact real.

But my gawd, has it been one hell of a journey!

Maybe i was the one of the lucky ones. Maybe i am proof that things are possible. And maybe by believing deep down inside there must be more to Life than what was, was what kept my head above the water.

And finally, i can smile when i listen to Michael Bublé's That's Life and not be irritated envious of his optimism.

29 + One Less Layer of Skin

Even though we were gone for only 30 hours, we managed to fill it with a lot of things. Everything seemed perfectly planned however there wasn't that feeling that we were pressed for time. I managed to take a ridiculous amount of photos. 450 to be exact. Some were of samples of the hotels' collateral, others were random tourist shots and interesting compositions. But i'll save you the boredom of going through all the shots and picked a few out for you.

So here it is, our journey began at 2:24pm by which time i still had no idea where we were going. After J punched in the address of our destination in his Navi, only then did i know which city we were heading to: Königswinter. The temperature hovered around 18˙C [the warmest it's been in months] and for a change i didn't wear my coat outside.


I started the journey with a mini bottle of Sekt [a German sparking wine] and some cheese sandwiches. Throughout the drive i still had no idea where we were going to stay. I'm not sure if you remember but last year in June when i was living in Bonn, we drove to Drachenfels which is in Königswinter, so all i knew was there was castle on a mountain and one of my classmates who did the German Intensive course with, lived there with her husband.


Eventually we got to this base of this mountain. J drove up to the guardhouse and there i was thinking we were lost and was only making a U-Turn, the Security guard greets us and says we need to pay 3 Euro to go up, then J busts out that we have a room!

"Are we there yet?"

Suddenly, i was so excited. I didn't pay attention to the sign that was at the front so i was constantly repeating myself and looking out the window waiting to see what the hotel looked like. And only after driving nearly 8 minutes up a steep and very windy road, we got there.

And there it was, the Steigenberger Grandhotel Petersberg...


The hotel was located on top of a mountain and according to the photo display, UN Conferences, Presidents, Queens and very important leaders of the World have visited/stayed there. The place dates back to the early 1900's and they even had an eagle-eye view of the whole property. It was massive.


On one of the other mountains, you could even see the Drachenfels castle [it's the structure in the middle mound in the picture above].


The view was impressive. On a clear day one could see as far as Cologne, which is a good 35 km away! The room we picked was based on the view and that it had a rainfall shower head with an interesting drainage system and the floor was heated. The bed was nice and if i could, i would have stuffed their duvet in my roll-away bag... it was super comfy!


Dinner was booked at 7:30pm and a 3-course meal was served. But because i still don't eat flesh, i was able to swap the beef for some kind of fish which oddly enough, tasted very similar to Scallops. They call it Skrei. It was actually really nice.


After dinner we took a stroll outside to have a look at the lights but i'm guessing at that height the wind has nowhere to go but straight at you. Needless to say we were freezing so we went back inside. Just in time to get changed to check out the indoor pool and Sauna.

Of course we had to check out the indoor pool. After all, no holiday would be complete without a quick dip in the water. We made full use of the fluffy white bathrobes and as many poolside towels as we desired.

They even had instructions on the "proper" way to use the Sauna.


It was rather small but i guess people don't really go up there to swim. They had a strong jet inside the pool so you could do laps without actually going anywhere. No i don't have a picture of me swimming, instead i have this...


The next morning there was the breakfast buffet...

and a short walk around the property to look at the view...


And shortly before 1pm's late check-out, i opened my birthday present that Little L and J bought for me. A cute little diamond studded star pendent to add to my now collection.


Then we were back into the car and off to our next destination. Just when i thought the amazing view, 3-course meal, fancy hotel stay, indoor pool and Sauna was it... J surprised me with more.
That's the hotel from the bottom of the mountain!

Then we were off to Bonn and were booked in for a treatment at Juba Wellness Centre. With no concept of Time and with no other plans, we managed to spend 5 and a half hours in there! The package J booked included a Couples' exfolient scrubbing session, a 30-minute back massage, full-use of the relaxation area with steam bath and sauna.


So the lady gave us our bathrobes and white slippers then told us to wait in the wellness area. When it was time the lady brought us to where the treatment was going to be done. The instructions involved smearing this special brown mud-like substance all over our bodies. Then after 15 minutes later the enclosed space filled up with steam, of which time we were supposed to scrub these fine seeds all over. I guess this was the exfoliant part. At one point it got so steamy, i could barely see J who was only an arms' length away.


After the session was over we showered off what was left on our skin. And after the steam had escaped the miniature room, we saw the mess we left and no doubt it looked gross. But my gawd, the end results were amazing though, i've never felt so soft! I would even say as soft as a baby's bottom.


The 30-minute back massage was absolutely luscious but of course it was over way too fast. The rest of the time we spent relaxing in their designated area and took advantage of their Sauna. We were going to check out the Steam room but each time we wanted to go, some naked person decided to go in. Yes, it was my first time in a unisex wellness centre and let's just say it was an interesting experience.

But i had an amazing time with J and it had been awhile since i felt that relaxed!

The funny part was, the Wellness centre was only a few blocks from the old place that my sister and i used to live at. I used to walk past the hotel every day when i was living in Bonn and i never knew Juba was there.