Day of Remembrance

Today, Malaysia celebrates 50 years of Independence. And on the other side of the world, the UK holds a memorial for Princess Diana who was killed in a fatal car accident 10 years ago.

As for myself, I’ve done as much as sleep, eat and watch tv in the past 24 hours [which pretty much describes most of my free time]. Not exactly earth shattering news but I’m taking full advantage of not having to do much whilst I’m on my short escape.

I’m even making a conscious effort to spend less time in front of the monitor for these few days just so I can find some peace of mind. But i have to admit, it gets a bit tricky when i'm faced with those 4 by 6 inch matte with white borders.

Maybe i'll wait a little bit longer.

Always last minute and in need of a revamp

Thanks to an impromptu drinks with work mates last night, not only did i forget to have dinner again but i managed to cut my finger whilst unlocking the door of the bathroom.

And because my attention span can be as erratic as a house fly, i got sucked into checking my bloody facebook account for the kejillionth time when i got home. And in my post midnight glory i thought it was a fantastic idea to play online scrabble with my sister who lives in Germany.

Why? I have no idea. Needless to say that the game lasted just a few rounds.

One of the beauties of hibernation and not having anyone nag me to put away my clothes means that my couch has temporarily converted itself into a display unit for my clean clothes and makes packing a helluva lot easier since most items are at arms reach.

As most hoarders will admit, their one issue is they have problems with getting rid of things. I'm not sure if it's the sentimental value that comes with each item or that i'm just plain lazy to sort my stuff out. Possibly the latter. But i'm trying to wean myself off dressing like a boy. Have even tried to dress slightly more mature. I realised the whole "i just left high school" look was having very little effect in attracting potentials.

Finally, i'm taking little steps in trying to sort myself out. Call me Selfish but at the end of the day... nobody likes to be unhappy.

Was it fate? Or maybe it was the lunar eclipse.

The weirdest thing happened just now. I'll try and write it in the shortest possible way [if that's even possible].

I was feeling slightly cheated that i didn't get to witness an amazing lunar eclipse. It's not like i was expecting darkness to suddenly flood the skies but then again, if it did, i'd be slightly more impressed.

And the thought of walking back with 5 litres of kitty litre, 2 cans of cat food and 3 packs of cotton buds wasn't exactly inviting. So i asked SuperHeroShoes whether i could get a lift back with her. It was just past 7pm.

She then asked whether i minded if we drop by the Tibetan store quickly as today is their grand opening and she wanted to congratulate them. We walked in and immediately there was a sudden calmness in the air.

Immediately, we were welcomed. I then asked the woman behind the counter whether their opening was in conjunction with the lunar eclipse but according to her it wasn't. We decided to take a browse at all the items and another lady informed us that a few items were on sale.

And with 2 of my colleagues swearing that the talisman's that they purchased had in fact done them well. I was intrigued. I had a glance at the "traditional Buddhist mandala talismans which had been prepared and blessed by Tibetan lamas".

At first i admired the multi-coloured silk threads that bound each one of them. I then noticed that each one was specific to a particular wish or guidance.

Then in the corner of my eye i noticed one that sparkled.

It felt like it sucked me into its core. Above it had the name Lama Tsongkhapa written and after a closer look, a description specifically for Spiritual Guidance. Apparently it "increases positive energies and helps to remove obstacles and interferences".

And in some warped sci-fi kind of way it called out to me. And that was it, i knew that that was the one!

It also said that by repeating the following mantra it can increase the power of this mandala...

OM AH GURU VAJRA DHARA SUMATI KIRTI SIDDHI HUM

Pleased with my purchase, we said our good-byes and i headed towards the door. Then the woman whom i had spoken with when i walked in suddenly blurted out,"You seem happier today."

I turned around quite confused and she went on to say, "...compared to the last time, you weren't very happy. But today you are". We then exchanged smiles and i replied with, "how weird, i AM actually feeling better today. Thank you."

Inside my head i kept thinking, was she talking about my health? Because oddly enough, today i was feeling much better compared to the last few weeks. And what's even freakier [a good kind of freaky], is i don't ever remember meeting her.

SuperHeroShoes went on to say that in this life we all have guardian angels, which i believe we're not alone and to embrace it. Perhaps it was fate that brought me there. Life's way of guiding me through all the shit that i've been through and i guess proof that everyone needs a bit of help from time to time.

So yea, maybe the lunar eclipse has had an effect on me afterall. I'll take it as a positive sign.

Lunar eclipse???

Apparently at 6.37pm [KL time] there will a total lunar eclipse...

*click*

[Thanks NASA]

Eclipse Contacts (local time):
Partial eclipse begins: 16:51
Total eclipse begins: 17:52
Greatest totality: 18:37
Total eclipse ends: 19:22
Partial eclipse ends: 20:23

Courtesy of StarGazer Scientific

But because of the wonderful cloudy conditions in Malaysia and the fact that the sky is still lit, you know what i see?

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Absolute bollocks!

A somewhat complex yet simple package

A conversation i had earlier with MissSeniorPisces [SOON TO BE KNOWN AS Ekamon] went along the lines of,

Ya know that hen's night picture... *insert description*
Yea, what about it?
I never noticed how in-your-face your tatt on your arm is...
I mean... i see you all the time but i don't really notice it.
Yea i know what you mean... from my angle, i can't even see it.

Then i thought to myself, that's true. After you spend X amount of time with an individual, you tend to weed out the unnecessary and any other body modifications. And until someone points them out, that is when they spring back out like a jack-in-a-box.

Then i was speaking with a client and i could see his eyes curiously looking down each time i waved my arms about during the conversation. Part of my brain was testing whether or not he had actually lost interest because his eyes contact kept wandering off. But then it occurred to me he was more curious as to what was on my arm.

At last he came out with, "you have a lot of tattoos..."

Unsure whether he was simply making a statement or he wanted me to go into full detail about the history of my ink. So i laughed it off and said, "no, not really. Mine just happens to be more visible to the public but it was never intended for anyone else".

He then continued on to say, "...most girls have small dainty, girly ones but yours... yours are big..."

I wasn't sure where this conversation was steering towards, so i just agreed and just changed the subject.

Which made me think about how one dresses and carries oneself can make a huge impact as to how you want people to perceive you. Honestly, i never really made a huge fuss about it; my piercings, ink or my style [i don't think i have "a style"].

I'm all up there with Simplicity... in some way or another.

I guess as long as i'm fully clothed and somewhat colour co-ordinated [which makes it easier since a huge portion of my wardrobe is black] i'm all OK.

But it's only been recently, that i've moulded myself into this non-typical cookie cut self. Somehow have even developed an independence that only Time has given and to some extent worked against me. But like i've said before, i have no regrets and in some twisted way, it keeps me occupied. [If that makes any sense.]

...

But i don't see myself as a "hardcore muthafucka" although some people may think i'm unapproachable at times. If anything, i'm probably more scared of them then they are of me!

Yes, there has been times that i've been out and have had panic attacks, which could explain my sudden quietness or change in mood. But when anxiety strikes, it's like a pendulum, it swings freely back and forth and i have no control of.

And honestly, the last thing i want is to be near anyone. Which can probably explain my recent sudden MIA mode and funk that i'm currently trying to get out of.

From the Outside Looking In.

I had no expectations stepping into Samkkya Wellness Centre and the entire rejuvenation treatment took about 3 hours. In total, i was there for nearly 5 hours!

It started with a foot soak and then a head and shoulder massage. But little did i know that i was going to be heavily slathered with oils by 2 women and lying practically spread eagle in what looked like an over sized disposable dark blue paper g-string!

I had so much oil rubbed into my skin, i felt like i was ready to participate in a girly wrestling match.

In fact, the sensation of having 2 pairs of hands working on me is very different from a conventional pair. I kept my eyes closed and tried to follow the rhythm of the movements as both were in sync with one another but my mind constantly darted as their hands ran up and down my body.

A matter of fact, it was rather sensual but the crinkling of their plastic aprons was a distraction and my head was soon filled with all sorts of nonsense. Stupid thoughts such as whether having a threesome was anything similar to the sensation. Obviously there was NOTHING sexual going on but the act of being at complete mercy was an experience.

So once that was done they busted out with these poultice [exactly what the image on the flyer shows in the previous post]. Filled with herbs and drenched with a concoction of oils they continued to lightly pound them on my body as if i were a piece of garlic and then ran them up and down my body as if they were trying to iron out my muscles.

The next treatment was dripping 2 litres of oil across my forehead. This was to to relax and used to open ones' 3rd eye. If anything this was what pushed me to relaxation mode and i was soon guided to another room where i sat in this cocoon like box filled with steam. I felt like a steamed dim sum and as it grew hotter inside the cocoon, i started sweating bullets.

The room that i was put in had an adjoining bathroom, which i was able to wash off as much of the oils as possible but even after 2 showers, i can still smell a faint scent lingering.

...

By the end of it i was well marinated and i was asked whether i wanted to get an Iridology reading. So i thought why not?

He asked various questions and went through my medical history. The more he explained, the more i found it fascinating. He showed me an iris that was healthy and one that wasn't. When i saw the unhealthy one, i got goose bumps... it was nasty! "It can reveal the body constitution, inherent strengths and weaknesses, health levels and transitions that take place in a person’s body according to their way of life."

25 August 2007
[Chrissie's Insides Viewed from the Outside]

Overall, i'm relatively healthy although i'm NOT entirely perfect. There are signs that need improvement and according to the reading my Nervous + Digestive System [in particular, my brain] plus my Muscles & Joints need to be improved, [it even shows that my back is weak and it has issues. See i wasn't exaggerating!]

According to the doctor, there are ways of reversing the damage but should i continue with my current lifestyle and habits, it will get worse. Duh!? After my results were recorded, the Naturopath informed me that i should speak with the onsite Ayurveda doctor. My day of pampering ended up more like a consultation but then again it was an eye opener [no pun intended].

SUGGESTIONS MADE: Take up yoga or start exercising/breathing techniques. Speak to a counsellor/therapist. Do things that make me happy, even the smallest things.

He then mapped out a treatment plan, should i be interested but i'm not sure whether i'll go down that path... yet. And when asked how long it would take for the changes to show up in my iris, should i change my habits, he said about 2 months. Cool huh?

Time to be marinated!

As part of an agreed barter, i am heading off to get pampered for the afternoon!

I'm expecting to be well marinated to the pulp and smelling of all sorts of spices and oils when i'm done. Hopefully it'll help diminish all the kinks and muscular issues i've been having lately with my back and neck.

OoooOooer...
"touch me baby one more time"

Changes

Soon my working week will come to an end. *stares at the clock in the upper right corner of her screen*

My menopausal client was here just now to go through the copy changes so i can do the final editing. And "final" is usually NEVER final, as there are ALWAYS last minute changes.

But apart from that, there were no extreme dramas or random emotional outbursts this week. I have succeeded in meeting ALL my deadlines and have even completed all the itty bitty changes needed before AnBloodyMumNohMore returns from her trip to the UK.

As predicted, this week has been all about changes.

The company has gained a few employees, all of which are in upper Management, and for the sake of the under dogs will mean *hopefully* a change for the better and one step closer to a bonus.

But with work being my bitch this week, i couldn't be arsed to make an appointment to the hairdresser to cut my fringe. So i did it myself...

*giggles*

And no i don't look stupid! I just trimmed the ends because i was over the eye ball stabbings each time i blinked.

But on another note, i am so needing a holiday!

My folks are off to Germany for 2 whole weeks end of next week to see my sister and her beau. I so wish i could accompany them but with work flooding in that's totally out of the question! But i'm hoping my boss will allow me a few hours off on Thursday so i can at least see them before they go on their much deserved break.

Plus looking at my piggy bank balance, it doesn't look do-able any time soon.

BUT hopefully, ONCE i pay off my credit card debts and pray hard enough that work doesn't come raining down on me AND my boss approves my leave, i could possibly make a trip to the other side of the world in 2008.

[I am imagining myself at some winery, watching my sister and MushroomBoy get drunk and standing out like a sore thumb amongst tall, pasty white Germans. Then later getting lost down some cobble stone lane taking random photos of foreign objects and strangers].

*wishes harder*

Oh!

And to end my working week on a happy note. Two of my clients commented that they're very happy with the work that i did for them and the response was all positive.

So YAY fuckin' YEA for me! *Plants a gold star right smack in the middle of her forehead*

8 Types of Bad Creative Critics

I received this in my mail box this morning from SuperHeroShoes:

Any Creative person will know what i'm talking about,
we've all been subject to those clients who love to play Art Director.

Forever Afters

This evening after doing work at home, i found myself hovering above a dark cloud and for some absurd reason i can't seem to shut my brain up.

There must be something in the air or maybe it's just me. But i'm glued to watching those damn perfect wedding proposals shows and brides with poofy dresses on Discovery's Home & Health.

It's like a bloody car crash that you can't peel your eyes away from. Or like a fresh can of Pringles, you just can't get enough of. I'm surrounded by marriages, proposals and over fed cupids!

FIRST it was those damn babies and pregnancy shows and NOW it's the Forever Afters! What next? Perhaps if i start hanging around with super young friends, it may just trick my biological clock into slowing down or even better still, reset itself.

Oh and by the way, if you're new to reading about my life, don't worry... you won't have to read about an upcoming marriage or how madly in love i am. And if you're a keen stalker then you'll know this is just one of my many absurd tactics to mould me into a tougher cookie.

Why? I have no idea.

But maybe it's as if the more pain i inflict on myself the less i might feel. Does that even make sense? It's as if numbing myself will make it all just a little bit better in the end.

And no, i don't think i've developed masochistic personality traits.

[I use this space as my own personal therapy session with myself, it's free and i don't need to make an appointment].

OR

I could look at the bright side of my oh so very single life and just hook up with some cutie and leave my inhibitions outside the door until i make my exit in the morning.

OR

Maybe i should just head to bed.

The Chase.

Attraction by Graeme Harris

[Borrowed from allposters.com]

I'm sure i'm not the only one when i say this but the thrill of the chase is far better than being caught, in my opinion that is. No, i'm not talking about an episode on Animal Planet but the nature of Attraction between Individuals.

And before you even think anything, NO i am not part of any big hide-and-seek game. I was just reflecting on personal past experiences and somehow it got stuck in my head this evening.

I was never one of the top A students in English class but i as i grew older i found the beauty of the English language more fascinating. Just the fact that it allows one to twist its' meanings [i guess that's where metaphors come in] and depending on its subject matter, it can very confusing especially to those who's English is not their mother tongue. But what i find interesting is depending on how the information is presented, it can be interpreted differently just by the tone of voice.

It's great!

I guess it's like flirting. The use of body language can automatically determine the comfort levels of an individual without them even saying a word. It's that underlying meaning that's borderline plain naughty.

Yes, it's that thrill of the chase that makes it all so terrifying yet satisfying especially when efforts are recognised. It makes one feel like a little school kid blushing from ear to ear. Not knowing what will happen next and the build up of sexual charge is even more intoxicating especially if the game is played right.

One can't deny that being on the receiving end is like having a little boost to ones' ego. A reminder that one isn't just another stain on the wall and there is in fact admiration.

But then i wonder, what happens to those individuals who thrive on this particular 'chase' but never intend to be caught? As if the minute they're close to being conquered, the game is over and the interest is lost just as fast as it started.

Hmmm... Don't mind me... i'm lost in my own thoughts.

Reflections on Life

It's Monday morning and i should be fast asleep. But due to my erratic weekend sleeping habits, i was passed out pretty much all throughout the day. No, i didn't have a wild night on Saturday. If you must know, i spent my Saturday at home. Sleeping. Yes, i was alone.

I had plans to go into the office on Sunday but when i finally made it out of bed it was close to sunset and realised if i did go, i'd be wasting another hour. But with a Monday deadline hovering above me it didn't give me much choice. So i chose to work from home in the comfort of my hot pink Paul Frank boxers and super comfy black singlet.

...

So now that my work is done, i've successfully depleted my creative juices for the evening and my back is starting to hurt again. But before i head to bed [again], i decided to have a peek at my horoscope. Most of the time they don't make any sense and some are so vague, it leaves me more puzzled than motivated.

But late Sunday's Pisces horoscope seemed to summarize my thoughts;

Without a doubt, it can be said that quality is worth more than quantity. If you pass this short and intensive cycle in solitary, become fully aware of yourself as an independent and creative individual.

Hmmm... perhaps i was destined to live a hermit lifestyle. And rather than make a huge fuss that i may one day be a single, old hag that releases an odor similar to that of cat pee, i might as well accept it and find a way to make the journey more enjoyable.

*shrugs*

Not my regular Friday venues

After work on Friday i decided i'd drop by La Bodega to say hi to an ole' college mate whom i haven't seen for a decade. All thanks to Facebook we managed to get back in contact.

Recently she created a group [FMADBF] for fun, which enables friends/Singles to get together on a Friday night for drinks and correspond on an active forum. A place for those who aren't afraid to say, YES I AM SINGLE, so what!

So anyway, i went straight after work and wasn't exactly dressed up or looking like date material. Dragged along my colleagues and met up with another mutual ole' college mate. And since i only had to meet up with the boys later for R5's preparty i stayed only for 2 drinks.

But during that short time frame, it was nice to chat to the few randoms.

Check out the rest of the images over [H E R E]

I then rushed home to change and Goatboi was on his way to pick me up. It was the first time that i even heard of Mystique, let alone be at the club and i'd be honest to say it'll probably be my last.

The management were super strict even to the extent of their absurd anti-cap wearing even INSIDE the club was odd. And when the boys requested whether they had a guestlist to bring in a few friends [since they were in fact playing that night] it was if they had asked for The Forbidden.

So instead of being cramped in the club, we opted to drink elsewhere until their set was on. We tried Sanctury but that was super packed. Then we tried TGIF's and it took ages for our beer to arrive and last call was made.

It was as if the Drink Gods did NOT want us to drink!

We eventually moved on to Laundry which was super packed as well. I'm not sure how the waiter managed to mix up beer with Mojito but when it arrived, we were all so hot and sweaty that we couldn't be arsed and just drank it.

And out of no where, a jug of beer arrived *shrugs*

B.A's set was scheduled at 2am, so we made our way back to the club. I guess all the moving around outside and the strange surroundings made me slightly uncomfortable. Suddenly my mood to drink was dampened. So i asked Supastar whether i could hide up near the console which is where i spent the remaining time.

Blink played really well and the energy from the crowd was great. When the boys came on the crowd was revved up. Plans were that the party would go on til 4am but by 3am one of the bouncers came running up telling to shut down because the cops were outside.

There was no official raid. I guess since the authorities raided a bar in the area and figured they'd try and crash another party.

BoooOoooo to them!

R5 pres Global Gathering Release Party @ Mystique

:: SEE YOU THERE ::

1st impressions

I lied.

The mingle schmingle event was not at the British Council, it was brought to us by THEM and it was actually held at Izzi. A restaurant/café that so happens to be owned by one of MissSeniorPisces ole' ISKL friend back in the day. I was briefly introduced to the owner at one of my rare art gallery opening visits some time back. I've decided that i am a total fan of their deep fried calamari.

Anyway, met up with MissSeniorPisces and GungHoAmu slightly earlier so we could grab some food before the event started. And i must say, the food was actually really good, i would definitely return should i be on that side of town.

And again, i have no photos to show off because i was hungry and by the time i even thought i'd photograph my food, it was close to finished. No point in photographing an empty plate right?

So anyway, the event was surprisingly entertaining.

We all signed in and were asked to wear the provided tags with our names printed on it. Beer and soft drinks were served at the start, since we all know alcohol is always great at social events.

I was expecting to walk in and see the room visibly split with guys on one side and women whispering to one another on the other. But when we walked in everyone seemed to be mingling. Of course there were no shortage of women and there were quite a handful of men. Obviously a few seemed more keen than others and were out to absorb as much information the professor had to share.

Anyway, the professor went through the basics of body language.

And how the body subconsciously tries to attract the attention of another. The simple lip lick and hair toss as a means to lure another. Just try to google - Dating Body Language and you'll get heaps of information. Basically it was the information that i had learned when i did Human Communication for a semester, so it almost felt like a refresher course with the added bonus of having alcohol present.

People laughed and there was crowd participation [mainly from GungHoAmu]. I would even say the tension in the air was non existent. In fact people were ready to mingle. So the professor decided to let us all do our thang but i think people were just getting antsy cause they wanted to drink more.

...

Anyway, long story short i didn't meet anyone last night. But i did share a few laughs and sharpened my observation skills slightly.

The only person that attempted to strike up a conversation with me [and wasn't someone i knew already], used a no-brainer chat up line, "Great tattoo you have there, is there any meaning behind it?"

So i thought, why not, he seemed harmless and proceeded to explain.

Never mind that he looked like he was in his early 40s, probably still lived at home with his parents and had his underwear ironed the night before. But i figured it would be polite on my half to continue on the conversation. Within seconds i noticed he was keen on passing his business card, so i'd save him the awkwardness by reaching into my bag for mine.

[This is when it got a little weird]

[Taken from Gettyimages]

As he examined my name card he attempted to pronounce the name of the company that i work for [and below the name in small print the words, A multi-disciplined brand design consultancy].

He pauses.Then repeats the word DISCIPLINED [as if i didn't know what it meant].

Then he busts out with... "Discipline. I like that." [Just imagine his tone of voice a cross between perverse yet firm].

SO YEA! I don't know if it's just me or that my mind was just in the gutter but if that's not a hint to say he's a closet S&M fan in search of a Dominatrix, i don't know what is. But then again maybe he was trying to be funny. I hope.

Seriously, it was kinda creepy. I guess first impressions do last.

Single means NOT plural.

Looking back at my rebellious teenage years, having a boyfriend seemed second nature to my well being. Not sure why, maybe it was the group of friends i had at the time or the nature of how my life was structured.

Back then, a boyfriend consisted of someone of the opposite sex that i would soon be found holding hands and canoodling with not too long after. One minute he was a friend/class mate and the next we were "going out". Categorized as Boyfriend and Girlfriend to others. News would spread like a wildfire and soon I'd find myself scribbling the name of the boy i had apparently fallen in love with.

But all that's left are the faded hearts that decorate my beat up note books.

Fickle as i was and to some extent still am, falling in love was as easy as it was to say good-bye to the last. I blame the raging hormones. However, i do still remember the names of the string of boys that i fancied and have been with.

My first somewhat serious relationship of 9 months was when i was 14. The next would be the one that made more of an impact in my development and that started at 15 and ended 8 years later.

Some would call me lucky.

Maybe they're right, i was. I don't know. Had i known the end results, i'm not sure whether i'd be considered as lucky but an optimist would look at the journey that's worth remembering rather than the destination. I guess it's like how there's no explanation of why good things must come to an end. It just does.

But i'm talking about first impressions.

I'd like to think that i'm not fuckin' ugly and that i have potential in attracting the opposite sex. And as much as we'd all like to say looks don't really matter... well it does in some way or another. Obviously, there are many cases that one falls in love with ones' intellect or over time common interests bring them together.

Seriously, i'm like a kid playing peek-a-boo. Believing that if she can't see them, they can't see her. But little does she know it takes more than closing her eyes for anyone to disappear, let alone herself. Believe it or not, i can be extremely shy when it comes to things like this. I freak out especially if there is interest on my part.

ANXIETY + ME = Don't go very well and i worry myself sick with stupid scenarios.

Like many, i've had crushes with the "unavailable" and those that weren't particularly suitable for me. It must be that "bad boy attraction" that psychologists talk about. Could that stereotype that Men want to know very little about their conquests right after a night of action be in fact applied to women as well?

Am i just a cold hearted bitch or am i just comfortable with my independence?

But you know what?

Just like many, i have no shame in saying that i am Single and wish to be loved. But to be fair to others, i have to sort myself out first before i can start loving another. [I can just imagine every shrink nodding their head with approval]. I know so many of my single female friends ramble on about how there aren't any decent guys out there! But at the same time i know so many single male friends. Perhaps it's a case of the clash of interests and the sexual chemistry isn't working its' magic.

I could just be looking at this whole dating thing wrong.

And if i wanted to i could probably nurse my stabbed heart until osteoporosis takes over my bones since it's only natural to protect ones' scars from harm but i don't think that's healthy. I'm no longer bitter. I just so happened to have misplaced my Trust and a yearning to share my life.

But because i'm nice i'm accompanying my friend to the 'Being Single and Not Able to Mingle' talk at the British Council tonight.

Worse thing that could happen is i meet someone

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interesting.

[Stolen from gettyimages]

When all else fails, carbs + dairy to the rescue.

You know when things are changing when you find yourself listening to Enya on your iTunes to get yourself through the mid afternoon struggle and you can't be arsed to click FORWARD.

And NO, i didn't put it there!

I've inherited my colleague's old G5 in the office, which also means i've taken over ALL his music. Some of the tracks haven't been named, so i've got 20 versions of Track 1 through 14 to get through. Most of them ranging from instrumental Chinese love songs to Canto Pop, it's like pot luck, you never know what you're going to get.

One would think i'd be used to not understanding what is being said but i figured since it's taking up valuable RAM i might as well delete them. So between trashing songs and NEARLY completing my layouts, i've had a somewhat productive today.

But by 7pm, my mind had already wandered out the door and i decided that i had enough. I figured my work can wait till tomorrow.

I then came home thinking i could do the dishes and cook up some pasta. BUT then when i turned on the tap this rumble came from the pipes. UH OH! I'm guessing someone fiddled around with the mains this afternoon because within seconds the water turned rusty and started spewing out all sorts of crap.

WHAT THE...!

N.A.S.T.Y

I guess the dirty dishes will have to wait for one more day and dinner will be Dutch Gouda and the yummy sundried tomato baked bread that i bought at the bakery yesterday. Oh well... can't say no to carbs.

[blank]

[Found on deviantART]

I'm in no particular mood at the moment. I just have nothing worth writing about nor anything vaguely humorous to share.

I can't even be bothered to find anything interesting for you all to read. So i'm going to bed now [yes i know it's SUPER early] and then MAYBE the extra few hours of shuteye will kick start a saucy story line so i can then be inspired.

[T H I S]
will be a wasted visit.

It takes a lot of crap to get one movin'...

I can't remember the last time i woke up before the sunrise [obviously those times that i had stayed up from the night before doesn't count] but i was practically freezing my tits off!

Yes, finally my landlady's 15 year old air-conditioner is back on track. Even Satan's spawn wasn't making a ruckus, as he usually does first thing in the morning because he's starving or i've accidently pushed him off the side of the bed. I woke up and found him curled beside me looking very confused.

But i made sure all 3 alarms went off at intervals of 10 minutes, just so i wouldn't go right back to sleep. And because the control for the aircon was on the opposite side of the wall i remained curled under my doona wishing i could just stop time.

So anyway, the shoot this morning went well despite running slightly over time but we still managed to get a few decent shots. My job was to art direct which i have no problem with, only difference is this is AnBloodyMumNoMore's job and i didn't want to screw up.

Sometimes pessimism does wonders to ensure that one can always improve, no matter what. If not that, then i'd totally get my arse kicked for not doing my job.

Miraculously, timing was on my side and we managed to get all the shots done and didn't have to request for a permit extension. I then convinced my AE to drive me from the other side of KL to the Securities Commission smelling like a combination of Coppertone's SPF30, OFF! insect repellant and morning heat so i could attend Sagmeister's talk.

THANKS!

It was like a mini ex-agency reunion. It must have seemed like i was giving endless hugs to randoms and was usually followed with, "OH MY GAWD, how are YOUUUUU?" Ok, i admit it, it was nice to see the familiar faces i had pushed to the back of my thoughts.

Plus Stefan's talk was not only entertaining but inspiring. Most importantly, it helped nudge me along so i can start getting my shit together.

Oh...
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and if you haven't already, you can perve on his schtuff at sagmeister.com

It's all about them.

It's almost become routine.
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I could even look at it as a habit but my unofficial responsibility, each time the boys have an event, is to document the night pictorially. Truth is, it gives me an excuse to try and tuck myself in restricted zones for a better angle, run away from situations i find uncomfortable and observe others from a different perspective.

Nobody's asked me to but i figured when time gets the better of us and our paths one day go separate ways, i can look back and remember yet another chapter. Browse through the rest of the shots at winkris.multiply.com

One right after another...

My day couldn't be anymore busier and AnBloodyMumNomore is officially away for 2 weeks. The day she leaves is the day that the work comes back [as usual].

In exchange for her absence i'm simultaneously working on 3 of her jobs. And like i told my colleague it's moments like these that i need to split my brain into 4. I'm trying to reserve the last quarter of my brain to sort out my personal life... at least try and have a life.

And being the good tenant that i am, i even managed to get my ghetto arse air-cons serviced. I had spent numerous nights expecting my bedroom's temperature to resemble a refrigerator or one that belongs in Autumn but all i got was only a hint... actually jack shit.

I then rushed back after that drama was taken care of and was welcomed by numerous emails by "our" favorite menopausal client. So many things to do between now and Tuesday... but i've got them all aligned.

My only wish is that my outdoors shoot on early Monday morning doesn't run into Sagmeister's talk in the afternoon [waves ticket no. 0006].

** Reminds herself to bring another t-shirt and body spray.

...

TONIGHT



TOMORROW

Although i'm not sure whether i'll be able to make it as i'll probably end up having to go to the office... Sorry Chook!

Back on 75/Day

Today i finally made time to visit my doctor. I figured since i had run out of my meds and hadn't been feeling on top my game lately, now would be the perfect time to go see her. I guess that's why they're there.

I had missed last month's session due to my crazy deadlines but then figured i was making progress and didn't think it was so crucial to see her so frequently. I even attempted to alternate my days for taking my meds, which was working out to my benefit, until recently.

Now i'm back on taking them every day for the next month to keep my emotions in check, and in her words, in this moment of "crisis".

Boohoo!

Temporary setback, RM484.82 later, slightly puffy eyed and feeling like i had been kicked to the shitty side of life temporarily, i got a MC slip and opted to take the rest of the afternoon off. BUT because i am a champion at great timing lately, i soon received a phone call and needed to be back in the office so i could be briefed for a job that i'll be taking over.

[AnBloodyMumNoMore is away for 2 weeks and i've inherited ALL of her ongoing jobs whilst she's away. Which ALSO means i get to work with "our" favorite menopausal client].

Oh... joy!

And tomorrow i have to attend a recce in the morning. I expect to be heavily doused in mosquito repellent since it's an outdoors shoot. Plus i don't really feel like being a walking buffet for those blood thirsty bitches and increasing my chances of contracting dengue!

Yay.

Our A Fairytale Ending

I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that the one person i entrusted my secrets and absolute love towards is not the person whom i thought i knew. Whether or not he was caught up in the rush of trying to get their nuptials over and done with before their child is born has nothing to do with it.

It all boils down to R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Clearly, "If respecting someone means respecting their feelings and their survival needs, then if a person does not respect your feelings, they don't respect you" [source].

A quality i consider very important whether one is in a relationship or not. I'd like to think that one earns respect as opposed to having been born with it. One would have thought i would have qualified, although i never asked for anything in return except perhaps his time.

I guess i was wrong.

Last night, i lay awake wondering where time had gone. I thought about our years together and imagined his new life and shed more tears. Yes i know, it's one of those stupid things that some girls do to pour more salt in the wounds. I then concluded that i've spent a shit load of my growing up years towards a lost cause. After all it did start when i was just 15 and it's nobody's fault but my own. I'd like to think of it as Dedication and Passion but it can simply be looked at as Stupidity.

But such focus has in fact moulded me into the person that i have become. Which could explain the mile high stone walls that surround me and my random moronic self esteem issues. All that said, i have no regrets.

I guess i've kept him up on that pedestal for all these years, it's surreal to realise it was all an illusion. But this ultimate selfish act only adds to my list of disappointments and proves that he never really gave a shit about how i felt.

And without sounding bitter, as i have gone past that stage, then perhaps once his post-wedding excitement dies down and he finds himself attending to his screaming child, he'll find some time in his cushy life to talk to me like a grown up.

Who am i kidding? It's over.

Found at deviantART

On repeat...

Partly because i'm being all emo right now and it's that time of day, i thought i'd share with you what i have on repeat on my iPod... Corinne Bailey Rae's Trouble Sleeping.

[Oh and before i forget, i'd like to wish Satan's spawn a very happy 1st birthday].

Karma Comes Back Around.

There seems to be a sudden trend in getting married/engaged. Of late i know of 6 marriages, all in the past 3 months. And with babies sprouting here and there, i find myself cruising the aisles looking for infant presents as opposed to grown up gifts. Proof that we're all getting older.

I won't lie and say i'm fine. I'm more disappointed than anything else.

Maybe it's the fact that he didn't have enough balls to pick up the phone and say, "hey Chris, guess what..." and instead chose to send a sms only after i sent him one. [It makes me wonder if he intended on telling me at all OR would fate bring us together just so i can bump into him and his expecting wife at Mothercare].

It's not like my response would have made any difference, he would have married her no matter what. However, one would think that being together for 8 years, i'd deserve to at least be told such news. And if not that, then isn't 12 years of friendship worth anything anymore?

We had always said, if either one of us were to get married, we'd tell one another. Obviously, that didn't matter anymore and perhaps my importance decreased over the years. But i understand that we hadn't exactly been in much contact lately but that was purely for my own sake to try and "let go" but still... i think i deserved more than a SMS.

Yes marriage is a HUGE commitment and definitely remains at the top of the list of "ways to let go of someone" followed by coming out of the closet and saying one is homosexual.

So thanks... thanks a lot, now i know where i stand. I'm just sorry that you didn't have enough respect for me as a friend and the decency to tell me in person.

But not because i'm a sadist and enjoy self sacrificing stabs to the heart, i agreed to see 2 of their church wedding photos that a mutual friend had.

...

And just how i remembered, his smile that i fell in love with so many years ago, showed an irreplaceable happiness. I must admit, he looked really good but why should he care? Here's hoping our time apart has banished his selfishness, not only for the sake of his new bride but for his unborn child.

**And like in some tragic, low budget soap opera, this is when the cheesy music fades in**

But because there is love, i returned from lunch and was greeted by...

It's all over red rover.

It's funny how life is, you meet some individuals for the first time thinking your paths won't ever cross again but little do you know down the track you meet again.

The world is filled with all sorts of people and i believe everyone is connected somehow. Then in some strange cosmic way it all comes back to you.

Sometimes the longer you wait and procrastinate on the matter, you miss opportunities as they fly by. And when you find out that the one person you've tried so desperately to get over, still so in love with but wished things were better just got married on Friday.

Wishing it was a rumor but nothing beats getting a sms from the person himself right after you declare that you've been thinking of him and miss him.

It's true never say never because it's bound to happen.

Weird part is, for the longest time i've had a gut instinct that he was going to get married but i just thought i was going crazy and for years i've been able to have this weird connection with him. But i'm trying so hard to think that this is a blessing in disguise. In reality it's just a huge muthafuckin' kick in the arse and i'll be honest and say that it hurts a helluva lot.

[He didn't end up marrying the woman he left me for but some other woman].
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I guess all there is left is for me to wish him all the luck..........

Lookin' back...

I had planned to make a quick getaway to that little island down South to see my folks but SOMEBODY wouldn't approve my leave. I am apparently supposed to be swamped with work on Monday and Tuesday, so that's why i wasn't allowed to go to the conference and that's why it wasn't signed.

"WHATEVER!"

So anyway, i managed to get the computer technician to come to my place this morning to sort out my wireless connection. I would have kicked my own arse [if that's possible] if all it ended up being was un-checking a box and clicking some button.

It wasn't as simple as that.

But i did manage to configure most of it and he was out the door within half an hour. The reason why it wasn't connecting to the internet was because i hadn't keyed in the DNS digits. Which obviously i wouldn't have known.

So now i don't feel so much like a tech-saavy retard.

But my Friday night was a sober one. I decided after work i'd fish through my old photos of when i was at college and high school and scan them. I even managed to find some embarrassing shots and then spent the next few hours laughing my arse off and commenting on them.

It's funny how photos manage to stir up all sorts of emotions.

I'm so glad that i still have those pictures to look back on. There were some really great times and like most of my younger years, it was a real eye opener filled with mischief and drunken moments.

And people wonder why i tag along my camera everywhere.

L: 1995 R: 1997

[L: Smoking kills R: Proof that A-Levels did absolutely jack shit to my education
but it did do wonders to my social life... hello Boom Boom Room].

An overdue catch up

Spent time catching up with Possom, Neenles and Nugget [colleague/ex-colleagues/friends] at Jarrod & Rawlins in Damansara Heights after work. Reminisced over past trips, drunken times and outings.

It was indeed a great night and definitely a place i'd go back to.

Even though it is known to be a non-halal meat deli, this pescaterian still managed to stuff herself with a salmon wrap, portabello mushroom smothered in cheese, sipped delicious Chilean white wine, decent coffee, munched on cheese + crackers and cake [which i've already forgotten the name of].

I have no pretty pictures of the food [because we were so hungry by the time we got there plus it was too dark to take shots without flash]... sorry.

But the night was filled with the right Company + Great conversations + Affordable wine + Laughter = Happy me.

Jarrod & Rawlins
Tel: 03-2093 0708
No. 6 Lorong Dungun, Damansara Heights, 50480 Kuala Lumpur.

If only...

...i could draw.

I would lose myself myself in my imagination and attempt to create pieces that evoke ongoing emotion. I'd create pieces that touch the soul and make an impression that lasts longer than a one night stand.

Sophie Toulouse
[Interview Room: 16 Questions at the beautiful distruction]

Ohgushi

Audrey Kawasaki

Miss Van
[Interview with Trigger Magazine]

Dating?

Can't say my dating track record is very high, in fact it's practically non-existent. But i know i'm purely to blame since it's not like i go out very often and mingle so much with the "singles".

I know hibernating does absolutely bollocks to my social life especially when it comes to meeting someone. I admit work takes first priority [someone's gotta pay the bills/rent] and should the boys have an event, that usually means i am there to support. [It's no wonder friends have nominated me as Most likely to Live for Music]

But seriously, i'm not sure where the time goes. An optimist would say, "there's ALWAYS time".

Perhaps i just need to sort myself out and start thinking about where this is all leading me. And preferably before i start smelling like a funky old hag and have deep and meaningfuls with my feline companions.

Hmmm...

...

As you can tell, my day has been fruitful. I have nothing to report. So i leave you with Borat's Guide to Dating... ehehe.