The past few days have got me thinking about various things in my life. The things i've done, both good and bad. How curiousity did eventually kill the cat and being fully aware that being emotionally weak can turn ones' world upside down.
I look at my past and see how a bond between two people so great can simply erode over time. How emotionally immature i was to think that i needed a someone to bring me happiness. How insanely dedicated/obsessed i was to making the relationship last just a little longer. But it made me only steer further away from my own problems.
Sacrifices in a bubble of tears. Tears caused by true happiness and droplets of disappointment. Lies, sex and cheating was an outcome.
Now i wonder, was all the bad that i've done in my past coming back to haunt me? They do say karma comes back but how long will it be till i get to be one half of a full circle? Is this the divine beings way of torturing me? Allowing me to taste things i think i want but eventually can never have. An obsession that lingers.
I want perfection but i know it doesn't exist. Consistent flaws embed itself in my ideal dream.
Taking full advantage of situations especially rare moments. Having a habit of not paying much attention of its' outcome or results. Moments where i think, it's NOW or NEVER... but they do also say, Never say Never cause it's bound to happen again. Biting fear in the arse just to get my way, leaves me craving for more.
Am i holding on to a little something that could work but worried that it'll be ruined by my new found selfish ways? I don't even know what it is. I know the time is not now but such feelings will dissolve over time... like sugar to water.
Maybe this is just an excuse for yet another disappointment waiting to happen. This Now or Never attitude, should be renamed as Then and Not Again. Well done Chrissie! Another forbidden secret that will eventually be forgotten and will end up becoming sacred.
Feeling emotionally vulnerable and always the one to say, it doesn't matter but the truth is... it does.
I look at my past and see how a bond between two people so great can simply erode over time. How emotionally immature i was to think that i needed a someone to bring me happiness. How insanely dedicated/obsessed i was to making the relationship last just a little longer. But it made me only steer further away from my own problems.
Sacrifices in a bubble of tears. Tears caused by true happiness and droplets of disappointment. Lies, sex and cheating was an outcome.
Now i wonder, was all the bad that i've done in my past coming back to haunt me? They do say karma comes back but how long will it be till i get to be one half of a full circle? Is this the divine beings way of torturing me? Allowing me to taste things i think i want but eventually can never have. An obsession that lingers.
I want perfection but i know it doesn't exist. Consistent flaws embed itself in my ideal dream.
Taking full advantage of situations especially rare moments. Having a habit of not paying much attention of its' outcome or results. Moments where i think, it's NOW or NEVER... but they do also say, Never say Never cause it's bound to happen again. Biting fear in the arse just to get my way, leaves me craving for more.
Am i holding on to a little something that could work but worried that it'll be ruined by my new found selfish ways? I don't even know what it is. I know the time is not now but such feelings will dissolve over time... like sugar to water.
Maybe this is just an excuse for yet another disappointment waiting to happen. This Now or Never attitude, should be renamed as Then and Not Again. Well done Chrissie! Another forbidden secret that will eventually be forgotten and will end up becoming sacred.
Feeling emotionally vulnerable and always the one to say, it doesn't matter but the truth is... it does.
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