So much for my To Do list. I did jack shit.
As soon as i finished writing that post, i was already eyeing my bed. So i ended up crashing for a few hours. Can't remember if i dreamt but i know i woke up with a fucked up headache and feeling nauseous... NO I'M NOT PREGGERS! Are you mad? Nugget came over for a little while to send off an email and we had a bit of a chat. She wanted to check out my new "it's so cosey" place and talk about the meeting tomorrow.
I took my meds... yes this time i remembered. That would be my last 150mg dosage... wooOoooh... now a new adventure begins, i'll be sure to update you all of any fucked up side effects or news.
It doesn't help that for the next few days, my life is going to be chaotic! Flying from one place to another, JUST so i can get my work permit sorted in time. Oh the drama i tell ya and i'm starting to fall into this "I-CAN'T-BE-FUCKED" mode, not good not good.
I'm reading that forum about Weaning off Effexor and i'm only on page 23/69. It's starting to freak me out about the side effects. I mean when i first was prescribed to go on it, i was like, "yea anything i don't care..." i was in a bad BAD shape. It didn't help that my first shrink was a fucked up arsehole that had a tendancy to laugh at just about everything i said. Not a good HAHA, you're funny. But a HAHA, i'm laughing at YOU and how fucked up YOU are.
STOP LAUGHING AT ME FUCKER... my life is not funny!
I'm not talking about some crappy mood that one gets when it's that time of the month. When you just feel like ripping off a persons' head because they annoyed you. It was worse, it was some hardcore shit. It was evil... i felt evil! My thoughts were laced with suicidal intentions and feeling no emotion was disturbing... i questioned whether the meds did even work and at the start it did... JACK SHIT!
It took about 2 or 3 weeks for me to get out of this deep hole and it took about 8 months for me to feel like i had my Life back. Having people/strangers/friends, even my own family around me was aweful... a world of darkness like no other.
Now, nearly 13 months of being on this medication, i'm taking the first step of eliminating it from my body... i hope i'm ready. I hate how my sleep has been effected and i hate that it eats away at my bank account.
Hmmm... well i have a meeting with that potential client tomorrow afternoon and i'm hoping i don't fuck up. The big bosses won't be there but basically i think they just wanna see if i'm fit for the job. Here's my chance to be all designery and can you believe these people are trusting me for my expertise AND actually paying me... wooOOooh... that's some heavy duty stuff there.
Note to myself: DON'T FUCK UP and get your shit organised... ease up on the stress levels.
I won't have time to start on anything until next week and even then, i'll probably be so occupied with my new job... oh gawd, please be kind to me with the timelines! I don't do stress very well and i can't afford to fuck things up... not now.
It's past 3am and i'm wide awake... [i'm starting to get a bit peckish... maybe i'll munch on a sandwich]. But i should really take my Stilnox, force myself to sleep. And by the way, i've been informed by my shrink that it's better for me to take my Stilnox cause i'm still on my meds, then not take them at all. Well they're "sleep initiators"... they only remain in your system for a short while, hence i wake up after a few hours. I'm allowed to take another if i wake up and want to continue sleeping. The doc was telling me it had to do with the Effexor or something like that... [i got a bit distracted and wasn't listening].
If you're talking about some hardcore sleeping pills that'll knock you out... Lorazepam will do the job... that little itty bitty pill will knock you the fuck out... last time week when i needed some heavy-duty-catching-up-my-sleep, i was out for nearly 19 hours! No dreams... just solid sleep... you will need a prescription for that and not just anyone should take it.
I have so many things to do tomorrow it's not funny...
TO DO WHEN I WAKE UP:
As soon as i finished writing that post, i was already eyeing my bed. So i ended up crashing for a few hours. Can't remember if i dreamt but i know i woke up with a fucked up headache and feeling nauseous... NO I'M NOT PREGGERS! Are you mad? Nugget came over for a little while to send off an email and we had a bit of a chat. She wanted to check out my new "it's so cosey" place and talk about the meeting tomorrow.
I took my meds... yes this time i remembered. That would be my last 150mg dosage... wooOoooh... now a new adventure begins, i'll be sure to update you all of any fucked up side effects or news.
It doesn't help that for the next few days, my life is going to be chaotic! Flying from one place to another, JUST so i can get my work permit sorted in time. Oh the drama i tell ya and i'm starting to fall into this "I-CAN'T-BE-FUCKED" mode, not good not good.
I'm reading that forum about Weaning off Effexor and i'm only on page 23/69. It's starting to freak me out about the side effects. I mean when i first was prescribed to go on it, i was like, "yea anything i don't care..." i was in a bad BAD shape. It didn't help that my first shrink was a fucked up arsehole that had a tendancy to laugh at just about everything i said. Not a good HAHA, you're funny. But a HAHA, i'm laughing at YOU and how fucked up YOU are.
STOP LAUGHING AT ME FUCKER... my life is not funny!
I'm not talking about some crappy mood that one gets when it's that time of the month. When you just feel like ripping off a persons' head because they annoyed you. It was worse, it was some hardcore shit. It was evil... i felt evil! My thoughts were laced with suicidal intentions and feeling no emotion was disturbing... i questioned whether the meds did even work and at the start it did... JACK SHIT!
It took about 2 or 3 weeks for me to get out of this deep hole and it took about 8 months for me to feel like i had my Life back. Having people/strangers/friends, even my own family around me was aweful... a world of darkness like no other.
Now, nearly 13 months of being on this medication, i'm taking the first step of eliminating it from my body... i hope i'm ready. I hate how my sleep has been effected and i hate that it eats away at my bank account.
Hmmm... well i have a meeting with that potential client tomorrow afternoon and i'm hoping i don't fuck up. The big bosses won't be there but basically i think they just wanna see if i'm fit for the job. Here's my chance to be all designery and can you believe these people are trusting me for my expertise AND actually paying me... wooOOooh... that's some heavy duty stuff there.
Note to myself: DON'T FUCK UP and get your shit organised... ease up on the stress levels.
I won't have time to start on anything until next week and even then, i'll probably be so occupied with my new job... oh gawd, please be kind to me with the timelines! I don't do stress very well and i can't afford to fuck things up... not now.
It's past 3am and i'm wide awake... [i'm starting to get a bit peckish... maybe i'll munch on a sandwich]. But i should really take my Stilnox, force myself to sleep. And by the way, i've been informed by my shrink that it's better for me to take my Stilnox cause i'm still on my meds, then not take them at all. Well they're "sleep initiators"... they only remain in your system for a short while, hence i wake up after a few hours. I'm allowed to take another if i wake up and want to continue sleeping. The doc was telling me it had to do with the Effexor or something like that... [i got a bit distracted and wasn't listening].
If you're talking about some hardcore sleeping pills that'll knock you out... Lorazepam will do the job... that little itty bitty pill will knock you the fuck out... last time week when i needed some heavy-duty-catching-up-my-sleep, i was out for nearly 19 hours! No dreams... just solid sleep... you will need a prescription for that and not just anyone should take it.
I have so many things to do tomorrow it's not funny...
TO DO WHEN I WAKE UP:
- Do Laundry/household chores... yuck.
- Express my designery skills to potential client
- Pay off credit card bill
- Continue to deplete bank account
- Switch to 75mg dosage!
- Book flight ticket
- Go to Ruums
- Pimp for Hardsequence
2 comments:
Booo for laundry
Yaaaaaaaay for designery skizills
boooooo for the Credit card and bank
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay for the lower doseage
booooooooo for the flight planning hassle
yaaaaaaaa for contestant #2 LOL
<3
You'll do fine with the job thing....I BELIEVE IN YOU!
love,
your sister with a moustache
ehehe...
just got back from the meeting, i thought it went well. Nugget said that they thought i was "professional" oooOOooer... designery schminery here i come!
Love love...
Yournutsandpistachios!
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