It hasn't quite hit me that i'm ACTUALLY going on my Getaway NEXT FRIDAY! I need this holiday to unwind, i need this time to think.
My place has remained cluttered since god knows when and i still haven't unpacked from my holiday down South. Yes, it STILL sits quietly in front of my couch beside Smooks' scratching post and works as a perfect foot rest.
I have a shit load of work to complete and a bunch of errands to do before i leave. But the urgency hasn't quite sunk in and i predict next week will be even more action packed. A visit to the shrink and Thyroid doctor next Tuesday for an update and a prescription top up, i can only hope everything remains normal and stable. And a mini spring clean up is overdue.
But putting aside my priorities for a moment, last night after spending a few hours doing work, i lay on my bed tossing and turning. Questions started to flood through my brain...
I admit, i do still think of HIM even though it's been so long. I'm stupid, i know. We don't talk anymore but i secretly miss him ever since we said our last good-bye. I've done practically everything to try and move on. Even putting myself through hell and back [unintentionally] and the thought of it is like a blade against my skin.
So i keep my secrets under lock and key. I continue to be selective on who i let into my life. I choose what i want to say and alter it accordingly. I hurt easily but i say it how it is even though i may come across as insensitive.
My place has remained cluttered since god knows when and i still haven't unpacked from my holiday down South. Yes, it STILL sits quietly in front of my couch beside Smooks' scratching post and works as a perfect foot rest.
I have a shit load of work to complete and a bunch of errands to do before i leave. But the urgency hasn't quite sunk in and i predict next week will be even more action packed. A visit to the shrink and Thyroid doctor next Tuesday for an update and a prescription top up, i can only hope everything remains normal and stable. And a mini spring clean up is overdue.
But putting aside my priorities for a moment, last night after spending a few hours doing work, i lay on my bed tossing and turning. Questions started to flood through my brain...
What kind of idiot accepts an invitation for coffee with a COMPLETE stranger? What has become of me? I've waited so long for this year but what if it wasn't worth waiting for?I've been out of the dating circle for awhile CORRECTION I have never been in the dating circle and suddenly all of this doesn't sit too comfortably with me. I have learned to be the single one. I have adapted to my schedule almost perfectly, question is do i want to make space?
I admit, i do still think of HIM even though it's been so long. I'm stupid, i know. We don't talk anymore but i secretly miss him ever since we said our last good-bye. I've done practically everything to try and move on. Even putting myself through hell and back [unintentionally] and the thought of it is like a blade against my skin.
I've been the booty call. A kept secret. The used. The rebound. Just a number. A convenience. A simple mistake. The tease.But it doesn't matter anymore what happens because i have managed to learn how to keep my emotions intact. Fear of intimacy? Maybe. Can't be fucked to try? I think so.
So i keep my secrets under lock and key. I continue to be selective on who i let into my life. I choose what i want to say and alter it accordingly. I hurt easily but i say it how it is even though i may come across as insensitive.
My dreams are filled with all sorts of promises but every day i hope for a better tomorrow...
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