Whilst cruising google.com i came across this one site... that seems to summarise those infamous words that every person fears. It's those words that make you feel like there was a glimmer of hope but it's like a slap to the face... you never knew it was coming. No it's not, "ummm i think i'm late".
It's like having to reset the timer and start from the beginning. I'm not sure whether it's just a cop out or just a quick fix for those who have no other excuse but personally i've heard too many times. I hate it. And it just made me think about my post-breakup remedies.
It's strange because for the longest time i was nestled in my cocooned lifestyle and the thought of being "solo chris" never crossed my mind. Eventually i burnt out and to this day am trying to sort out my life and clinging on to my meds to get me back to a normal prescription-free zone. I made a drastic effort to change my life around when i was at my lowest.
The world was against me and i had lost the one thing i cared so much about. I had pushed my friends away, hoping that it would bring me closer to him. It didn't.
I went on a frenzy of getting together with guys, majority who happened to be much younger than me. And the random girl here and there. Desperate to find someone who would give me the attention that i craved for but never wanting to admit i had a problem. I was on a mission to temporarily find happiness. I didn't want a replacement, i wanted to change my outlook. Fuck being scared... it's now or never.
And those famous words, "It's not you, it's me..." are a constant echo each and every time. All for what? Nothing. Why am i always on the losing end? Why haven't i fully recovered, i need to move the fuck on, i turn 27 next year. Fuck.
It's like having to reset the timer and start from the beginning. I'm not sure whether it's just a cop out or just a quick fix for those who have no other excuse but personally i've heard too many times. I hate it. And it just made me think about my post-breakup remedies.
It's strange because for the longest time i was nestled in my cocooned lifestyle and the thought of being "solo chris" never crossed my mind. Eventually i burnt out and to this day am trying to sort out my life and clinging on to my meds to get me back to a normal prescription-free zone. I made a drastic effort to change my life around when i was at my lowest.
The world was against me and i had lost the one thing i cared so much about. I had pushed my friends away, hoping that it would bring me closer to him. It didn't.
I went on a frenzy of getting together with guys, majority who happened to be much younger than me. And the random girl here and there. Desperate to find someone who would give me the attention that i craved for but never wanting to admit i had a problem. I was on a mission to temporarily find happiness. I didn't want a replacement, i wanted to change my outlook. Fuck being scared... it's now or never.
And those famous words, "It's not you, it's me..." are a constant echo each and every time. All for what? Nothing. Why am i always on the losing end? Why haven't i fully recovered, i need to move the fuck on, i turn 27 next year. Fuck.
----The English language is comprised of over 615,000 words according to the Oxford English Dictionary, yet the combination of those five words is enough to make you learn French. The sheer magnitude of this phrase could be a Masters thesis, and to hear it from someone you love is enough to make you feel like Bill Buckner in the ’86 World Series; yes that’s right, a complete idiot.
Yes i know i'm not a teen anymore and when i get into my little hole of procrastination, i do those stupid online quizes... yes call me a hypocrite... but fuck it. This one was titled, "Are you on the Rebound...
My results:
My results:
Your score is 55. The signs of a rebound are all there but it also appears you're ready to move on for real. This is a hard call. While you're clearly still vulnerable on many levels you've also let go of the past and want to focus on the future. This is a good thing! The best advice at this point is to follow your heart and do what feels good. Give yourself permission to be happy again and you'll find that any rebounding that is still going on will quickly lose momentum.
Yea man, fuckin' BRING IT ON!
9 comments:
ok watch out for some deep shit, cos here I go.....
the ony way you will stop being scared of hearing those words is if you get right with yourself. Because then you will know deep in your heart, that no matter who says that to you in the future- they're making the biggest mistake of their life and lying to themselves.
the only people who say things like that are people who can't own up to what they really wanted to say. it's a cowardly line. it really is.
anyway you're getting better, I can see it whether you think so or not.
love you!!!
yea i know i'm getting better, i was just having a moment... that's all.
Love you too!
as they say in AA
"admitting that you have a problem is the first step to recovery"
so, give yourself a pat on the back for that eh?
;)
Yea... i know. Shouldn't i get a little token for every step i make?
Thanks =)
this calls for an ipoh white coffee session soon-ish!!
heart you, babe :o)
eh...i want heart too!!!
:p
lainey: probably not anytime soon... i've got a busy week and HS to sort out this weekend.
I'm alrite, i just am having a bit of a moment... blame the colliding stars/planets. I'll be back in no time.
Passes Redd some heart... *psst... here's some on loan*
:o( no white cawfee? heh. it's good babe. i understand. just as long as you don't hide your mobile under your pillow again & just as long as you still have my contact, you know where to find me. or i'll come find you banging @ your front door with cuddles on tow :oP
either way..**hugggg**
*hugs backatcha* thanks hun.
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