It's actually quite strange but this week has gone extremely fast.
I was in Singapore last week, then Labuan, then i had to haul arse back to KL to sort out the presales for Hardsequence... which stressed me out like fuck cause my printer was being a whore. Then it was Sunday and we were chillin at Bruces' then we made our way to the pool [which i must say, was the best idea UNTIL it decided to rain]. Then got home and then was told it was Violet's birthday at Bintang Palace... so went to that for a bit... Then i started my new job on Monday... next thing i know, it's Thursday night and tomorrow is already Friday!
Where the fuck did time go? It's just racing ahead and i'm still thinking it's Tuesday.
It's strange because now my working hours are shorter and i actually get home when it's still light outside. I can finally have a life and i don't quite know what to do with it. I got back and figured that the empty boxes and random items sitting in the middle of my living room for the past few weeks, should really make its' home in one of the cupboards. So did a bit of cleaning up and slowing my place is starting to feel homey. There's still so many bits of crap sitting on my table but i can't be arsed to tidy, so they will remain there until i can be fucked to move them. But i am making it a point to keep my bedroom somewhat decent though.
Since i've moved to my new place, my mates have been coming over and i haven't had much time to sort out all my shit lying all over the place. So today i finally folded my clothes that were lying on top of my suitcase [since i moved in a month ago] and put them in my cupboard. Only problem is, there's no space for my suitcases... so for now, they're standing beside the wall until i can figure out a way to disguise them.
Plus i've been heaps busy and haven't gotten around to getting my Astro decoder yet, so my tv is being made useful by hooking up my iPod to it so i can listen to my tunes through there. But i am deprived of Astro, which at one time i was obsessed with and needed to have on the minute i walked through my front door. Maybe it's just having noise of some sort in the background which keeps me company... i'm not quite sure.
I swear, i'm starting to have withdrawal symptoms. The radiation from the computer screens all day can't be good for my health. YES, i think it's time for me to apply for an Astro decoder before i get tennis elbow or fuck up my posture even more.
RANDOM THOUGHT: When the fuck is my damn MacBook arriving? They said there's a bit of a delay but i need it NOW!
----
But today when i was walking home, i couldn't help but think about my status. You know that section when you fill out forms and it says STATUS: Single, Married, Divorced or Widowed. Well that... the word SINGLE.
I can't decide whether or not being single and being female for this stretch of time can be healthy. I mean, don't get me wrong, i absolutely LOVE the freedom that i have and i couldn't handle having a partner who told me what to do or be controlling. Or even worse be possessive because i have boys calling me at odd times asking for presales or me spending so much of my spare time for Hardsequence and pimpin' for my BA boys.
I do it because i love it... it's that simple.
It's funny cause when i was in Malacca at the Hotlink rave and a bunch of us were doing our own version of a 3 hour Oprah Winfrey show. One question asked to me was, "What makes you happy?" And such a simple sentence took me so long to answer but couldn't get my head around it and honestly i couldn't answer it and replied with, "i'm not sure."
It had been so long that anyone had asked me that and being able to feel true happiness was an emotion that had left me temporarily. Yes we all have our sad, soppy stories to share and yes everyones' lives are shit, so join the fucking club. But i don't compare my life to anyones' and no other person will ever be able to experience the past that i have lived and vice versa. But it's the fucked up things in life that makes a person.
Even though i don't think my past relationship ever incorporated both our lifestyles as one. It was as though majority of the time we lead separate lives. Our sex infested infatuation for each other started when i was 15 and he was approaching 17. But it came to a painful end when i was 24 and he was 26. We fell in and out of love with one another and eventually lead to him falling in love with another.
But going back to the happiness question. My answer would be, "Doing what i do for Hardsequence and helping out DJ Soft Cock and Supastar DJ bring the Hard Dance scene to life in KL".
I'm not sure whether it's the music and just being there listening to your favourite track being played by one of your best mates or seeing people go absolutely mad on the dance floor or both. But it's fuckin' unreal. It's that moment when you hear the build up and the bass gets louder and suddenly it drops... and throws itself back in with even more force... it's like pure ecstasy. You feel it run through you and it's like miniture eruptions, a feeling like no other. I love it.
I swear... seriously, i fucking love Bass Agents and Hardsequence.
Did you know that in about 2 months time Hardsequence will be celebrating 1 year? I remember we were all brainstorming for a name. It started from nothing to club hopping and now to us moving to a new venue and seeing Ruums so packed. I couldn't be any happier for my boys... seriously. I am so proud of them and for us all...
-----
But to be honest, i do miss sharing my happiness with a someone. Someone who actually understands what i'm talking about and can feel the excitement that i feel. A someone who can be as nervous as me before my night begins. A someone who i have an invisible connection with. A someone who can keep me grounded but someone who needs me. A someone i can lie beside in my real world and a someone i see once i leave my subconscious.
I don't think he exists... [but i'll whisper my wish, just incase he hears]. So i'll just wait and kiss the rain.
But i know i may have done things i shouldn't have done, said many hurtful things to those i care about and to those i don't give two fucks about. I know in my past i've cheated, lied and crossed the line numerous times but i have concluded... That i hold onto no Regrets and neither should you.
But as fucked up and suicidal i was at one point, i can say now... i'm happy that i chose to live.
I was in Singapore last week, then Labuan, then i had to haul arse back to KL to sort out the presales for Hardsequence... which stressed me out like fuck cause my printer was being a whore. Then it was Sunday and we were chillin at Bruces' then we made our way to the pool [which i must say, was the best idea UNTIL it decided to rain]. Then got home and then was told it was Violet's birthday at Bintang Palace... so went to that for a bit... Then i started my new job on Monday... next thing i know, it's Thursday night and tomorrow is already Friday!
Where the fuck did time go? It's just racing ahead and i'm still thinking it's Tuesday.
It's strange because now my working hours are shorter and i actually get home when it's still light outside. I can finally have a life and i don't quite know what to do with it. I got back and figured that the empty boxes and random items sitting in the middle of my living room for the past few weeks, should really make its' home in one of the cupboards. So did a bit of cleaning up and slowing my place is starting to feel homey. There's still so many bits of crap sitting on my table but i can't be arsed to tidy, so they will remain there until i can be fucked to move them. But i am making it a point to keep my bedroom somewhat decent though.
Since i've moved to my new place, my mates have been coming over and i haven't had much time to sort out all my shit lying all over the place. So today i finally folded my clothes that were lying on top of my suitcase [since i moved in a month ago] and put them in my cupboard. Only problem is, there's no space for my suitcases... so for now, they're standing beside the wall until i can figure out a way to disguise them.
Plus i've been heaps busy and haven't gotten around to getting my Astro decoder yet, so my tv is being made useful by hooking up my iPod to it so i can listen to my tunes through there. But i am deprived of Astro, which at one time i was obsessed with and needed to have on the minute i walked through my front door. Maybe it's just having noise of some sort in the background which keeps me company... i'm not quite sure.
I swear, i'm starting to have withdrawal symptoms. The radiation from the computer screens all day can't be good for my health. YES, i think it's time for me to apply for an Astro decoder before i get tennis elbow or fuck up my posture even more.
RANDOM THOUGHT: When the fuck is my damn MacBook arriving? They said there's a bit of a delay but i need it NOW!
----
But today when i was walking home, i couldn't help but think about my status. You know that section when you fill out forms and it says STATUS: Single, Married, Divorced or Widowed. Well that... the word SINGLE.
I can't decide whether or not being single and being female for this stretch of time can be healthy. I mean, don't get me wrong, i absolutely LOVE the freedom that i have and i couldn't handle having a partner who told me what to do or be controlling. Or even worse be possessive because i have boys calling me at odd times asking for presales or me spending so much of my spare time for Hardsequence and pimpin' for my BA boys.
I do it because i love it... it's that simple.
It's funny cause when i was in Malacca at the Hotlink rave and a bunch of us were doing our own version of a 3 hour Oprah Winfrey show. One question asked to me was, "What makes you happy?" And such a simple sentence took me so long to answer but couldn't get my head around it and honestly i couldn't answer it and replied with, "i'm not sure."
It had been so long that anyone had asked me that and being able to feel true happiness was an emotion that had left me temporarily. Yes we all have our sad, soppy stories to share and yes everyones' lives are shit, so join the fucking club. But i don't compare my life to anyones' and no other person will ever be able to experience the past that i have lived and vice versa. But it's the fucked up things in life that makes a person.
Even though i don't think my past relationship ever incorporated both our lifestyles as one. It was as though majority of the time we lead separate lives. Our sex infested infatuation for each other started when i was 15 and he was approaching 17. But it came to a painful end when i was 24 and he was 26. We fell in and out of love with one another and eventually lead to him falling in love with another.
But going back to the happiness question. My answer would be, "Doing what i do for Hardsequence and helping out DJ Soft Cock and Supastar DJ bring the Hard Dance scene to life in KL".
I'm not sure whether it's the music and just being there listening to your favourite track being played by one of your best mates or seeing people go absolutely mad on the dance floor or both. But it's fuckin' unreal. It's that moment when you hear the build up and the bass gets louder and suddenly it drops... and throws itself back in with even more force... it's like pure ecstasy. You feel it run through you and it's like miniture eruptions, a feeling like no other. I love it.
I swear... seriously, i fucking love Bass Agents and Hardsequence.
Did you know that in about 2 months time Hardsequence will be celebrating 1 year? I remember we were all brainstorming for a name. It started from nothing to club hopping and now to us moving to a new venue and seeing Ruums so packed. I couldn't be any happier for my boys... seriously. I am so proud of them and for us all...
-----
But to be honest, i do miss sharing my happiness with a someone. Someone who actually understands what i'm talking about and can feel the excitement that i feel. A someone who can be as nervous as me before my night begins. A someone who i have an invisible connection with. A someone who can keep me grounded but someone who needs me. A someone i can lie beside in my real world and a someone i see once i leave my subconscious.
I don't think he exists... [but i'll whisper my wish, just incase he hears]. So i'll just wait and kiss the rain.
But i know i may have done things i shouldn't have done, said many hurtful things to those i care about and to those i don't give two fucks about. I know in my past i've cheated, lied and crossed the line numerous times but i have concluded... That i hold onto no Regrets and neither should you.
But as fucked up and suicidal i was at one point, i can say now... i'm happy that i chose to live.
6 comments:
+ it ain't easy to live. when u start to live again, thats when u feel life!
Damn rite.
And only when one can begin to appreciate life then one can handle being alive.
hmmmmph... it's a tough one but yea, an never ending battle with ones' daemons.
Well stated bout hard sequence bubbles... :) *hats off bow profanely)
Life's always fragile and, to many, believed to be comples. But when you finally realise how much it can offer, it can be the bestest thing anyone could have ever given to us :) It's never complex but straight forward if you choose to see it that way. If you can believe this u can believe in anything sweetie
My wrong... the S is very close to the X... i swear the england in me has took a deadly plunge as of god knows when
stoopidfish: INDEED *curtsies*
When i read your 3rd post, i was like huh? "the S is very close to the X..." and i was thinking what word game are you playing... all was missing was an E in between to make it whole.... ahahhah [mind frollicks in the gutter].
i had no idea what u were talking about then i had to reread the previous post... and YES compleX. But ones environment plays a massive role in how one sees ones life.
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