Apparently, i had typed this out at 4.23 in the morning and had intentions of posting it but had forgotten to press PUBLISH POST...
It's strange how Time manages to manipulate the way you think. There was a time that looking forward to a night of intoxicated conversations and smiles were part of my daily routine.
And tonight just proved to me that maybe... just maybe i've moved on to somewhere else. There i was with my 'PeepShowSlingBlacks' < story will be told at a later date, and out of a cumpulsive purchase i bought them because they looke damn fucking sexy. Yes deep inside of me there is a girl bursting to break free.
So there i was for a production meeting [although i have no idea why i was there seeing that i spent most of the night drinking beer and eavesdropping on a language i couldn't comprehend].
Then i eventually i made it to the one place i dispise. I don't know whether it's the venue it self or the overall vibe that at i get from the place but each time i'm there, there's something about it i don't like. And that place is Velvet.
Tonight, just proved to me, how much of an outsider i felt. Maybe it's the mood that i was in or perhaps it's the whole idea of seeing completely wasted individuals throwing themselves over another to get attention just put me off.
Whatever it was. I felt out of place.
Tonight i realised a few things:
I don't like feeling like a 3rd wheel
I miss getting trashed and being happy
I miss that someone caring about about me
I miss coming home to someone
I miss someone telling me that they love me
I miss feeling appreciated
I miss someone sharing what i love
I hate coming home to an empty bed
I hate realising that i am alone
I hate how i have to pretend like nothing happened
I hate pretending to not feel the way i feel
I hate knowing that it'll never happen again.
I hate how small this world is.
It's strange how Time manages to manipulate the way you think. There was a time that looking forward to a night of intoxicated conversations and smiles were part of my daily routine.
And tonight just proved to me that maybe... just maybe i've moved on to somewhere else. There i was with my 'PeepShowSlingBlacks' < story will be told at a later date, and out of a cumpulsive purchase i bought them because they looke damn fucking sexy. Yes deep inside of me there is a girl bursting to break free.
So there i was for a production meeting [although i have no idea why i was there seeing that i spent most of the night drinking beer and eavesdropping on a language i couldn't comprehend].
Then i eventually i made it to the one place i dispise. I don't know whether it's the venue it self or the overall vibe that at i get from the place but each time i'm there, there's something about it i don't like. And that place is Velvet.
Tonight, just proved to me, how much of an outsider i felt. Maybe it's the mood that i was in or perhaps it's the whole idea of seeing completely wasted individuals throwing themselves over another to get attention just put me off.
Whatever it was. I felt out of place.
Tonight i realised a few things:
I don't like feeling like a 3rd wheel
I miss getting trashed and being happy
I miss that someone caring about about me
I miss coming home to someone
I miss someone telling me that they love me
I miss feeling appreciated
I miss someone sharing what i love
I hate coming home to an empty bed
I hate realising that i am alone
I hate how i have to pretend like nothing happened
I hate pretending to not feel the way i feel
I hate knowing that it'll never happen again.
I hate how small this world is.
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