OMFG the wireless gods hate me!

Oh for fucks sake... I am lamer than lame!

Why? Cause i can't get my airport express to connect to the internet. Yes! I followed the instructions AND THEN just when i was about to celebrate... the fucker won't connect.

WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT?

AND THIS IS AFTER i configured it and did all sorts. But then i don't know what i did but now the airport base won't show up on my list. What the fuck!? So you know what? Imma just call the technician guy who sorts out the computers in the office and get HIM to sort it out for me.

Seriously! This is unnecessary stress that i don't need in my life and i can feel myself age just thinking about it. Call me a quitter but i'm not about to waste another 3 hours and risk really screwing things up [which is possible at this point].

So until i can get it sorted, i'm back to being bound to my chair and browsing through Apple's Support forum for lame arse people who can't work their Airport express.
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FUCK IT... imma go sort out my dinner and stuff myself with carbs before i pass out.

Why sit, when you can lie and surf.

Although my rented bachelorette pad is far from being the resting place that i had envisioned, there's ample space for Satan's spawn to run around and just enough space to house my clutter.

And when i'm at home, my arse alternates between sitting on the dining table chair in front of my black MacBook, my couch in front of the tv and my bedroom [for various activities].

However, despite numerous attempts to connect my Linksys, it refuses to connect me to the internet. Being restricted only meant that i've been bound to the dining table with an ethernet cable. The wires are permanently stretched and serve as a tripping device as well as an eye sore.

I've even tried leaching off my neighbor's wifi [haven't we all?] but it seems like EVERYONE has password protected theirs. Where is the love?

Anyway, to confirm my impatience and to add to my impulse buying, i trotted along to the Mac store at lunch to purchase an Airport Express. Which i probably should have done earlier but because someone recommended the Linksys to me, i went ahead and bought that instead.

Silly me.

[Stolen from faroutshirts.com]

So yea from this evening onwards i can parade around in my flat with my sexxxy black machinery sans wires. Then lounge where ever i please and be the anti-social twat that i've become.

ooOoooer... iLike.

Left-Left??

I survived my mozzie ordeal and woke up to a wet Monday. My eye balls are still stinging from sitting so damn close to the burning Citronella oil.

Apparently there is promise of more rain this week and combined with rising temperatures and humidity, i'm sure the area will turn out to be a dengue breeding ground. My war against these minuscule, bionic blood suckers are far from over!

But on another procrastinating note, i received this forwarded email at the office. Whether there is any truth behind it, i don't know;

First, identify yourself as right or left brain person:

1. Hold your hands together, as if you were praying. Look at your hands. If you see
Left thumb is below the right thumb ---> left brain
Right thumb is below the left thumb ---> right brain

2. Fold your arms in front of you (as if you are angry)
Right arm above left arm ---> left brain
Left arm above right arm ---> right brain

Based on 1+2 (order important), below is the interpretation of your personality:

Right-Left
==========
Considerate, traditional, indirect type can instinctly read other's emotion, and respond friendly by natures. Although not very into taking intiatives in moving forward, but this person will always take a step back in supporting others. Stable personality and considerate, give others a being protected feeling. But the weakness is they cannot say no; regardless how unwilling they are, they will take care of others.

Right-Right
===========
Loves challenges type Straightfoward. Once they decided on one thing, will take action right away. Very curious, and love challenges. Dare to face dangers without thinking through (sometimes foolishly). Their weakness is they dont listen to others, will filter in only what whey want to hear in a conversation, and very subjective. However, because of their straightforward attitude, they tend to be fairly popular.

Left-Left
=========
Dedicated, cold, perfectionist Very logical in all aspects. The only way to defeat (or win over) him/her is through reasons. Has a lot of prides, and feeling strongly about doing the right thing. If they are your friends, they are very trustworthy. However, if they are your opponets, they will be very tough to deal with. Because they can be very "anal" as a perfectionist, they usually leave a bad impression of being hard to deal with when first met.


Left-Right
==========
Likes to take care of others, leader type Has a cool and keen observation ability to see through situations, yet still can be considerate in others needs. Because of their cool and calm nature, and strong sense of responsibility, they tend to become head of a group. Popular among people. However, they may not be able to help themselves in meddling because they want to take care of others too much. Very concerned about how others view them, and always on alert.

Attack of the blood suckin' bitches!

Apart from my night out on Friday, i've spent a huge portion of my weekend at home.

KL's unpredictable, wanky weather has invited an army of blood sucking bitches to hide out in my place! And because they're smart, the whole extended family have now trapped themselves indoors and are showing their anger.

I have no choice but sacrifice my sanity and be their victim!

Patience is definitely not one my qualities. These freak of nature insects have successfully pushed my irritation level a few notches. As if they are bionic, they seem to be immune to the repellent.

I admit i have little patience even when wandering aimlessly through a crowded shopping mall. I see NO joy in trying to dodge and overtake clueless shoppers whilst doing my errands. The less crowds, the better.

But with no real reason to spend and a cheque not yet cleared, i'm doing myself a favor and preventing impulse purchases by staying at home today. As a result, my soon-to-be flat arse has attached itself on this chair for the past countless hours and my back continues to hunch over in front of my laptop.

My only time-outs are when i transform into a couch potato allowing temporary relief by focusing on mindless television programmes. And then like magic, soon find myself staring at my 13.3 inch screen again.

I am certain the walls of my lungs are now heavily stained with an unhealthy combination of nicotine, Sheltox and Citronella oil. My skin now shimmers with layers of anti-itch cream and mosquito repellent and various sized red patches!

Seriously, i foresee an extremely restless night and a SUPER GRUMPY, sleep deprived employee tomorrow!

WHY WON'T YOU DIE?
BLOOD SUCKIN' BITCHES LEAVE ME ALONE!

GX: They're lovin' it

There's more at winkris.multiply.com/photos/album/33

GX on the 27 JULY

:: SEE YOU THERE ::

Do you know what it's like to be a tree?

Whilst taking a breather, i came across on youtube something interesting and as quoted;

A rotoscoped animation using unscripted footage from a hike in the woods with my 8 year old brother Julian. I rotoscoped it by hand drawing every frame, using a wacom tablet, even the titles. If you have time, visit my illustration website at http://vocaleyes.com/benarthur/

Sometimes my job makes me feel as if i am a tree.
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But it makes me wonder what i was in my past life? Possibly a butterfly?

3 what!?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Had enough of today!

I'm super tired and my brain is close to falling asleep. So before my head slams itself onto my keyboard, i'm going to go home and attempt to rest. I still have tomorrow. I've got deadlines spewing out of all sorts of places but you know what?
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SCREW IT!

Satan's spawn is starving!

Below standards

All it takes are a few words to ruin ones' day but more importantly it's how one interprets them that really matters.

I believe if one is meant to criticize another it should at least be constructive. But if negativity is all one receives, it won't be long until one starts believing them or at least sees some truth behind it. I'm sure it's been proven. Why else would there be so many people with huge complexes and self esteem issues to deal with?

Feeling as if i'm being picked on again is not only demoralizing but it pushes me to tears. The more incidences that i have like these, the more i start to lose faith in not only my capabilities but in my own future.

I didn't go through all that shit in my past to have it thrown back at me in a different form. I'm strong but i'm not THAT strong.

And it's true that not everyone is as social, confident and outspoken in real life as they may appear on screen. It just all depends on which angle you're looking from.

Yes i know we all have issues to deal with and fears to overcome.

But sometimes it gets a bit too hardcore to handle. And wanting to run home and cry does not mean that one is weak, it could just mean
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maybe it's time...

It died-ed trying...

Today is Sunday [the Day to Rest] and where am i? Cross-legged and on my office chair listening to the NRG 6 album mixed by John Ferris on full blast. Feeling exceptionally emo and in need to ruffle up some past thoughts.

I told my client that i'd email her the changes to the 24 page booklet as .pdfs today. But what time exactly... i didn't specify. My start-up disk is full and refuses to save my work... it's damn irritating!

Super procrastination is the topic for the day but with the combined lack of sleep, it's only left me delirious. And as a special treat, i thought i'd entertain you by sharing a bollocky Show and Tell.

I'm sure it was not deliberate. And by the looks of it, it was quick and painless. But to add more draMA to this wannabe-murder mystery, i've decided to add a dash of 'soap opera' twist.

Ah dunno what happened!
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So, after a close examination, this itty, bitty gecko [not much longer than 4cm from snout to tail] hasn't even budged and has positioned itself vertically for at least the last week or so. I would have no idea how to check the gender, so since this is my story, i declare it a her.

*Insert one of those cheesy dramatic Bold & the Beautiful type melodies *

[MALE VOICE OVER]: ... And just as she is about to embark on her journey, Life draws out her final card but like a cruel joke, she is forced to accept that she...

"...canNOT make it!"

This modern day Indiana Jones character, leaps up off the ground and only narrowly misses it's imprint on the carpet surface by a size 38 rubber sole. A cruel twist of fate, allows a felt folio bag to accidently slam itself against that very section and instead of celebrating a freedom, the area has now been notorious for drive-by murders.

:: THE END ::

Seriously, how fucked up is that!? It's like Russian Roulette, one tends to forget how fragile ones' life really is until the very last moments and like a hit or miss kind of situation each time, one only hopes that Fate has dealt you decent cards.

Don't mind me... I know i'm talking all sorts of shit and is making all of this up [except for the dead gecko which is SERIOUSLY mummified against the bookshelf]. And yes! I am finding every excuse to avoid doing what i have to do and that is to get my arse back into gear and get back to work!

So sad... so sad.

No words can describe how devastated i feel about what happened last night.

Just because i'm not a DJ doesn't mean i'm not passionate about the music. I'm sure i'm not the only one whose dedicated practically all of their free time trying to manipulate the minds of those willing to accept a genre and believing that their friends can push the music boundaries.

And because of that, for the last 2 years, my personal life has taken a back seat. Not because i had to but because i wanted to. And when it came to believing in my boys and pushing for our night, i did take it seriously and to heart.

Why? God only knows.

So what if the government insists that the clubbing age is 21 and above, it's beyond our control. And neither is it our fault that the music so happens to attract those that are below the legal age.

In all honesty, i can't help but feel disappointed that it took 7 months for all our hard work to come crashing down.

And people wonder why, there aren't as many people trying to put together events like these. All you need is one unfortunate incident for a few people to forget all their previous Hardsequence experiences.

It's ok. Life goes on, let's all listen to R'nB.

HS is BACK tonight!

The Disco KL
[1st Floor - 2.04, Central Market, Jalan Hang Kasturi Tel +603 2026 5039]

That's right... HARDSEQUENCE is back! It's been over 7 months and the boys are eager and charged up to deliver yet another bangin' night. Thank you all for your patience and i look forward to seeing YOU at the door tonight!

Girls can be so naughty sometimes.

OK i admit it.
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I had a really good time at Velvet last night. I even managed to make it to work and i only suffered from a slight hangover.

But it did help that the company was good fun. A bunch of sporting women who were out on a mission to get SuperHeroShoes absolutely wasted. And we succeeded and made her do silly things. We all wore similar outfits and sang along to 80s tunes throughout the night. We didn't give a shit how ridiculous we were acting which added to the spirit of the night.

It was funny to watch the bride-to-be dance on the podium whilst the guys were drawn towards her like flies on a hot day. Perhaps it was the super short pinafore and polo mints necklace she had on. And i'm sure there were a few that even hoped she'd have one last fling before she got hitched.

But no scandal would be complete than to find yourself making out with a woman you just met hours before. Then when the bottles were dry to agree to cheers with a glass of wine. Why? Because mixing your drinks is a really good idea! And if there wasn't enough PDA, to then continue with such tarty behavior in the girls cubicle.

Why?
Because alcohol makes me do things i don't usually do AND because it's fun to be single sometimes.

... Tsk, tsk tsk.

SuperHeroShoes Hen's night

SuperHeroShoes is getting married this Friday. And apparently the date is auspicious since it's the 20th day of the 7th month of 2007 [20.07.2007].

So her friends have organised a list of things for tonight which eventually will lead on to Velvet. [Yes, the very place that i try and spend very little time at. I have my reasons but i've made an exception and have agreed to go].

There is a theme [as there usually is for these kinds of things]. It's Naughty School Girls/"Lolita" a la Britney Spears One More Time.

But because i'm so well prepared i've only just got home to try and put together an outfit. And as MissPiñaColada was kind enough to remind me to, "not pull a britney and forget ur undies".

ahahhah... i'm not that game!

But i have managed to round up enough courage to wear one of my shortest skirts i could find and matched it with a white collared shirt. And to complete the look, i've opted for the Catholic girl approach and included a crucifix.

Hopefully if all goes well, i'll get some 'interesting' photos tonight and i won't get too wasted.

I smelt "death" but nobody died.

This morning i could smell "Death" in my dream. It was so pungent, i got to the office freaked out that i would smell it during my waking hours.

I can't really describe the smell but i can only assume it was the liquid used to embalm dead bodies. Strange part is, i wouldn't even know what that would smell like!

Honestly, i don't recall sniffing any funky smelling Scratch n' Sniff stickers neither can i say i've been hanging around funerals. Seriously, i'm too chicken shit to go near a morgue let alone watch a preview to a scary movie on tv.

The dream was set at the boarding school i used to go to. And to add to the twisted side of it, the pillows that we were using were doused with this liquid. It was if the pillows were once used to prop up the heads and legs of decomposed bodies.

Why we had them, i don't know.

I can't remember all the details [and neither do i want to right now]. Just thinking of it is starting to freak me out.

*Thinks happy thoughts* LA LA LAAAA...

They say, dreaming about Death means 'change' is about to unfold. So does that mean that last night i was breathing in change and am about to witness something new?

Hmmmm...

And to add to this strange day, my menopausal client gave me little token gift after i passed her MORE of her copy changes [apparently she forgot to give it to me when she came back from her business trip the last time]. It was very unexpected but i was still grateful.

Oh! And on another note, i was super productive at work today and i didn't get yelled at!

Monday over feeds my stress ball.

Monday could not have been any worse. I was [T H I S] close to not coming into work because i wasn't feeling too good.

But for some reason, i found myself getting changed and dragging my sorry arse to work.

The minute i get to work i was confronted with back-to-back deadlines throughout the day. [Forgive me if this post is oozing with negativity but i seriously need to get this out of my system].

So anyway, not only am i convinced that i've inherited a menopausal client but i'm certain she suffers from OCD as well. Then i'm yelled at over the phone for not being at her beck and call.

My life does not evolve around work... although at the rate that it's going, i won't be too far off. Obviously, that is not a good start to anyone's week. And clearly one would think that it would be fair that if i had a 12 o'clock deadline for another job, i would be allowed to call the woman back. [It was 11am] 1 hour was all i asked for even though i knew it wasn't enough time.

BUT I DO HAVE OTHER CLIENTS! Why do they think they are the only ones!?

But noOOOoooo... Satan's mother HAD to get the changes then and there. NO BUTS! Never mind that she keeps making changes and giving bits and pieces here and there. She even threatened to take away the job because she thought we couldn't handle it.

HellooOooo, it's not that we can't handle it. It's the endless changes and unnecessary drama that gets everyone worked up. Anyway, i'm trying to persuade the woman to let me call her back in 15 minutes. I don't think it wasn't asking too much.

5 minutes later. She calls my other colleague to check what's going on.

I then spend the next hour and a bit on the phone painstakingly going through the numerous pages to do the copy changes and editing. Never mind that i was 2 hours late on my other deadline. One would think it would be easier just to deliver the marked pages.

AND THEN to add to my stress, emails were coming in from another client asking where the FAs for the ads were.

It's moments like these i so wish i had more patience. I wish i was more relaxed as AnBloodyMumNohMore or even had my ANGER LEVELS reset to zero. I've been known to not handle stressful situations very well and have to be constantly reminded to 'breathe'.

SERIOUSLY... CAN EVERYONE JUST CALM THE FUCK DOWN!
*inhale* 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... *E X H A L E*
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So instead of drowning my sorrows after work, what do i do? Head to the supermarket!

Yes i know... so sad.

GX: ROUND 2

Perve on more shots at winkris.multiply.com/photos/album/31

Those thoughts have returned.

Just when i thought i had things in control, the unthinkable happened.

I was sitting on my couch eating my dinner and out of nowhere i just started balling my eyes out. A sudden wave of extreme sadness came over me. It reminded me of 2 years back when my life took a downward spiral.

And as if fate had led me to change the channel, i flipped to Channel 77 and it so happened to air 'Surviving Suicide'. The parents/children who have lost a loved one to suicide.

It picked at an old wound that i've only recently tried to overcome. But like a dark cloud that i've unable to shake off it stalks me and pounces when i am vulnerable and weak.

I know it's selfish. But like most things in my life, it's probably a good thing that i'm too chicken shit to go through the act of it.

But it's those familiar moments and when i'm enveloped in a language i don't comprehend that it pushes me farther away. I'm not sure whether it's so much my insecurity but i do know that being on my own suddenly feels more lonely than before and it's these moments that all i want to do is run home and cry.

Maybe i'll just take a double dose and hope to wake up to a better day.

GX on Friday the 13th

:: ooOoooer... see you there! ::
bombsquadron.blogspot.com

i like to channel surf but i'm not that hardcore.

Like junk food i'm borderline of obsessed with Discovery's Home & Health on Channel 77.

I don't know what's worse, watching mothers pop out a baby the size of a watermelon through a hole the size of lemon or seeing flesh sliced, stretched and stuffed then watch fat being sucked out with a tube and collected in a container.

mmMMmmm... lovely.

I can't say i've experienced either so i can't say much. But then again, just because i haven't won a million dollars doesn't mean i wouldn't know how it might feel.

Seriously, at the rate that i'm going, not only will i develop a square arse from sitting on my toosh for most of the day but it won't be long until i start blending into my furniture and start memorising reruns instead of phone numbers.

Don't worry, i'll get my lazy arse back into the Dating World before it ends up completely flat and non-existent.

But before i go, i thought i'd share with you an invention i saw online...

[The remote control wrangler]

Not only do the prototypes come in various colours and is a cheaper alternative to fixing a serious underbite but it even comes with a Richard Simmons work out head gear and curls!

SERIOUSLY... WHAT THE FUCK?

Fit for 2 and i don't mean YOU and i.

One would think with the huge variety of food available just a stone throws away, decisions would be made fast. NooooOooo... every day we face the same choices and with only an hour for lunch, it usually takes awhile for everyone to agree where to eat. Often the same response is given and that is, "i dunno... what do you want to eat?"

But SuperHeroShoes came up with the fantabulous idea to take a short drive to a nearby café today. It just so happens to be a yoga studio/café for mothers-to-be hence the name "Fit for 2". So if you're one of those health nuts who find it necessary to keep fit whilst preggers or is trying to shed some of that post pregnancy blubber, i'm guessing this is the place for you too!

And before you even start thinking...
NO! This was not an attempt to jump start my ovaries!

Are you mad? I have difficulties caring for myself and changing Satan's Spawn's kitty litter weekly, i doubt motherhood will be on my TO DO list anytime soon. But what i do know is when i need to fuel my body.

So anyway, we walked up to the 1st floor of the shop lot looking very lost, i think more me than the other 3. We were then confronted with a bunch of women seated and spoon feeding their toddlers. And seeing that none of us were accompanied by a miniature being we did stand out like a bunch of sore thumbs.

However that feeling soon disappeared the moment we sat down and the expat mothers continued on gossiping and the kids continued to babble. The place is relatively small but still manages to squeeze in a yoga studio in one section. The café is furnished with IKEA fittings and framed pictures drawn by children of all ages decorate the walls. It's amazing what goes on through the minds of these innocent beings.

Anyway, back to the food. I so happen to be a HUGE fan of hummus and their menu boasted that theirs was home-made. So i had to try some and soon fell in love again. Yes, not only is their menu nutritious but the portions are decent and are accompanied with a healthy serving of salad and balsamic vinegar. There'll be NONE of those puny sized sandwiches and shriveled up lettuce with dribbles of dressing!

mmMmmm!

So if you happen to be a vegetarian/pescatarian, they actually have a variety to choose from, so that's good news. Oh and if you're a carrot cake snob or have a sweet tooth, i definitely recommend that you have a slice there. It's absolutely yum!

...



Fit For 2
1st Floor, 75 Jalan Bangkung, Bukit Bandaraya
59100 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Tel: 03 - 2093 9088
www.fitfor2.com.my

Magenta in yo' face.

I'm trying to inject colour in my life both literally and metaphorically, never mind that 90% of my wardrobe remains in the darker spectrum of the colour wheel. But i figured what better way to start then to have a screaming 'wham bam thank you mam!' masthead.

Plus i had enough of my previous one and wasn't feeling the whole sprouting and shattered love hearts anymore. So until i can think of something else fantastic or worthwhile creating then i'll have to leave it to typography to do the talking.

Don't worry your eyes will adjust to its' brightness.

Oh and i even managed to catch up with my dad who happened to be in KL for an emergency meeting. I was really happy to see him, even though i saw him a few weeks back. We ate at Delicious, which i am a complete fan of, and as usual i managed to stuff myself silly.

But always am able to leave room for dessert and coffee... mmmm.

Then after work i found myself wandering the aisles at Pet Safari and then following the marked arrows on Ikea's flooring with MissSeniorPisces.

But if money wasn't an issue and if fish weren't so icky to touch i'd love to own a massive aquarium, just like those ones that those super stars own on Cribs. Yes i know i'm too damn lazy to clean the tank and i know Satan's Spawn would have a field day trying to fish them out. So i guess that cancels that thought. One can always dream.

Overall i had a fruitful day but all that walking has tired my feet out and i need to pass out now.

Good night.

Ain't that the truth!

Stolen from www.inkfinger.us

As the temperature rises, my motivation depletes. It's true, it doesn't take much for me to get bored but then again it doesn't take much for me to smile either. I can laugh at the most stupidest things but then i can be just as blur.

Today was one of those days that i couldn't wait to go home. No particular reason, i just had enough of today. I'm having one of my moments [again] but then again that's just the norm.

I am just one big contradiction and like everyone else i'm just as confused.

The L Word

No this is not an attempt to write an episode of Showtime's Lesbian series. In fact quite the opposite, Sunday is 'Laundry Day' better known as Lazy Day in my books.

Nothing too sensual there unless dirty suds and 1 hour cycles are of interest. I've taken numerous naps throughout the day to catch up with lost hours and i can't help but eye my bed from this distance.

I have no issues in admitting that i am a lazy git.

It is obvious that motivation runs thin in my blood and my four walls keep me protected. But i see nothing wrong with wanting to spend some time with oneself. Although i can't help but sometimes wonder whether my developed independence may in fact backfire on me one day.

I've spent a great deal of my waking hours thinking of things i have done, my passions and what i want in Life. Once again like a deep sea creature i withdraw into a hidden cave to collect my thoughts and can only hope to emerge with a new lease on life.

My battle continues but sudden disappearances are common even from the tender age of 10.

Questions invade my thoughts daily and i get lost in a whirlwind of confusion. But should that Burmese monk be correct when he said i'll live till 90, i guess i should be expecting a shit load of unanswered questions and really should consider investing in some heavy duty age defying cream soon.

Long Island Tea and half the night gone.

I am absolutely wrecked no thanks to my smart arse idea to drink long island tea last night. It reminds me of those days at Brannigans way back in the early 90s.

Last night i was feeling slightly generous and opted to say no to beer once we walked into the club. I'm thinking i should have probably stuck to my guns but oh well. The waiter managed to convince me that 2 jugs for RM80 was worthwhile and it didn't take much negotiating since i agreed pretty much the second he finished the question.

Looking like a bit of an alcoholic i managed to finish the first jug in no time. It so happened that everybody wasn't in a drinking mood, so i happily sipped away. In fact the jugs were meant to be shared but i found myself with the straw practically attached to my lips.

Can't remember the second half of the night and i only have a few photographs to prove that i was standing up right. Although i'm not sure for how long since apparently i was talking jibberish at one point. I shamelessly created streaks on the side of Chook's car and what was once consumed is now basking in the sunlight just outside my front door.

Not good... not good.

Even though i've cut down on my drinking, i realised it's nearly impossible to stop at just one. Much like a chain smoker, i am forever in search of my next drink even before i've finished. It's not very often i get blind drunk as i'm usually the last one standing and can usually remember most details.

But i agreed to go to the twins' birthday party tonight and i foresee a very wasted evening ahead. And at this moment in time, alcohol is not my friend and frequent lie downs are a must!

All 'round International in a local setting.

With the weekend approaching, my brain has momentarily shut off.

A farewell lunch for a colleague at Delicious has given me another reason to stuff myself with my loved carbs. The heated chocolate cake has highlighted how tired i really am.

The afternoon sunlight peeping from under the shades and chilled air has made the bean bags look even more inviting. It doesn't help that i've developed a wicked headache which i am hoping will vanish before the day ends. Possibly a sign of dehydration and a desperate cry for panadol. But definitely the least of my problems to date.

The past few weeks i've gotten back in contact with a few school mates from as far back as Elementary school. Having crossed paths again has thrown me back on the emotional roller coaster. Missing friendships and genuine love that came out of close contact.

The fact that we were enrolled in an International School gave us that common dominator that foreigners have once they're in a foreign land. Majority having grown up with English being our mother tongue with a choice of French or Spanish as a second language. I chose French but somehow failed miserably even though i took it for several years but thats besides the point.

Maybe it's just me but the older i get the more confused i am as to where i truly belong.

I don't fit in the Asian mould of speaking another dialect neither do i reflect the typical porcelain skin of an expatriate. I don't have permanent residency in the very country my passport states neither do i have a country i call home.

But who would have thought leaving those buffered and polished International School gates would cause so much confusion as an adult. Or maybe that's just me.

So i continue to walk around in sheep's clothing and my skin colour so happens to blend in effortlessly. So much in fact, i've nearly perfected the glazed stare and disguise. But i realised the more practice i get, the more out of place it feels... the more unsettled i am.

It's an never ending issue and a reason that i can't make complete sense of.

B hearts Chilli's

Just got back from having dinner with mates at Chilli's and a "soft" drink with Mister Salty and MrsNeedsHardPillows.

I'm too knackered to write anything worth reading, so instead i'll just pimp for my mate who'll be playing at Zouk KL tonight. See you there!

For Fs sake.

I really shouldn't swear but sometimes it happens. Although it does come part n' parcel and i am trying to keep it under control and i've managed to tone it down.

But my favorite saying is 'for fucks sake'.

It can be used in so many contexts, be it positive or negative. It may be crude and inappropriate but for some occasions no other words can sum up a situation. Examples are as follows,

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: xox ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Situation: Your computer has decided to have a mental breakdown and freeze unexpectedly.
Your Response: "Oh... for fucks sake!" [Extreme disappointment and frustration]

Situation: You decide to go to work looking like you just rolled out of bed. Why?
Reason: For fucks sake [Can't be bothered].

Situation: You just keyed in your mobile number in a guys phone.
His expectation: For 'fucks' sake. [Exactly what the word means]
Your reason: For fucks sake. [Why not? He seemed like a decent bloke]

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: xox ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

And to continue being a potty mouth that i am, i'll share some light reading with you and say "that the word 'fuck' originated as the acronym of 'Fornication Under Consent of the King' [source].

Whether there's any truth to any of it, that's up to you but just thought i'd share.

Big girls DO cry.

I've just got home from the office and i've had such a horrible day.

Not only did i wake up to a kitchen flooded by a semi-defrosted ghetto arse fridge but not long after i entered the office i was yelled at. YES! Once again i feel like my creativity is not up to scratch... it's been crushed in fact.

But to add to my fantastically shit day, i've sat on my arse for yet another 12 hours straight and my back is starting to hurt again. Not only am i frustrated as all hell but i can't help but feel like a loser... a failure.

Fergie sings Big Girls Don't Cry... well ya know what? SCREW THAT! Imma cry if i bloody well want to.

My only wish is that today won't repeat itself tomorrow.
.
.
.
*sigh*

A stranger fondled my feet and it felt great!

I've always wondered what goes on in the minds of masseuses.

The reason why i said that was after work MissSeniorPisces and i decided to check out the new Reflexology place near the office. Their banner promoted discounted massages, which was our main reason for going.

The motto, "don't knock it 'til you've try it" should be applied here.

Once we decided what we wanted to get done, they made us wear these seriously PINK fluffy slippers to walk a few meters. The further we walked, it brought on a NO TALKING policy. I wasn't expecting much since the girls working there wore sour puss expressions. But the lights were dim so that automatically put me in "schleepy mode".

I was just looking forward to get some reflexology done.

We were directed to these mini futon beds that were super comfortable. And various sized coloured towels were layed out and a basin of warm water was positioned in front so they could rinse our feet.

Anyway, i'm not sure whether it was the lack of lights or my contacts were playing tricks on me but i so happened to get this somewhat attractive masseuse. As he applied gentle pressure on certain parts of the sole of my feet, he'd look up to check on my expression. And like a shy school girl i'd make quick eye contact and try to focus elsewhere, as i'm sure i was blushing.

I'll admit i spent a good amount of time pushing away filthy thoughts as i watched his forearms tense up. I didn't want to close my eyes and totally get into it as i was afraid that i'd pass out and end up drooling or worse.

But when certain points were uncomfortable i did squirm and make a bit of sound. And is if he was checking to see my response he'd give me these little smiles here and there. So i'm thinking... wooOooh hello there stranger! Here was this somewhat attractive male specimen rubbing his well defined and moisturized hands all over legs and feet! How was i NOT supposed to feel anything.

When it was inching towards the end of the 1 hour session i thought, great... my calves and feet have been fondled, thank you kind sir for releasing some stress.

But then he leaned forward and parts of my legs were on either side of him. [YES you can just imagine WHAT was flooding through my head]. He applied pressure on my upper thighs [which was relatively close to my hips] and let me tell ya if the circumstances were different and i wasn't in a public place...

*coughs*

So when it was time to pay, both the masseuses stood by the door, i'm guessing to say bye. But i've always wondered why. Were we meant to tip them on the way out or pass him my name card... ahahha. So instead i smiled and thanked him.

But my gawd he had great hands! *runs off to bed*

... the start of better things to come.

The one thing i absolutely detest with a passion is having to tidy my place. My self proclaimed pack rat tendencies and clutter queen qualities is one of the many reasons why my apartment is so crowded.

As if it were calculated and engraved in fate, i chose to stay at home today and tidy instead of going over to a friend's place to laze around beside the pool [which i had agreed to tag along].

It had rained earlier but the sun had come back out in full glory by mid afternoon. Which only increased the humidity by a few notches. So with both the front and balcony door wide open i was able to release whatever bad energy i've managed to trap. The ceiling fan was set at its highest but it did absolutely bollicks in its attempt to bring down the temperature.

My iPod was hooked up to my tv and blaring my favorite tunes, which made my Tidy Mission feel less like a drag even though i was sweating bullets.

I then spent nearly 5 hours tidying/vacuuming/wiping/throwing random things. And although i'm not 100% done with this impulse spring clean, i have to say there is definitely an improvement and a reason to celebrate.

BUT WAIT! That's not all of it...

As i was cleaning my way to the front door, there was this moment... a moment that i can only describe as very peaceful. There was this cool fresh breeze that came out of no where and as it entered through the front door it brushed passed me...

And almost instantly i had this gut feeling that today [July 1st] would be the first day of better things to come.

The intensity was similar to those times when i was a teen and i had said when i'm 27 something good will happen. Not knowing then or now what that thing might be. So let's just hope i managed to close the doors in time.

...

Now that i think about it, it's actually freaking me out! Oh my fucking gawd, i'm starting to scare myself.

*thinks happy thoughts*

10 per box and a back full of twisted nerves.

When i was younger i was told to pick up my feet when i walked. Not only was it unladylike but such habit seemed to annoy those people around me. And now, when i hear the sound of slippers being dragged along by lazy feet across a surface, it not only makes me cringe but it's true, it's just plain ugly.

But when my mother told me to sit up straight at the dining table, somehow that single piece of advice went in through one ear and out the other [along with numerous other things]. And like most kids who like to think they "know" better, i chose to ignore her quality advice.

To this day i wish i had a compact personal pint-sized Japanese masseuse to bust out from a secret compartment, much like those Polly Pockets but obviously much bigger and accompanied with an array of scented oils. She would end each session walking along my spine as if she were walking on a thin wire. And with each step my spinal chord would crack into place as if nothing happened.

*sigh* I guess that's why they have chiropractors eh?

But being the smarty pants that i am, i've spent an unhealthy amount of time seated at my dining table and hunched over in front of my laptop. Unfortunately i was not blessed with an excess supply of cush on my tush. And the thought of my arse mysteriously reshaping itself one day to mimic the surface of the chair seat has crossed my mind. Seriously, it's like having someone with a bony arse sit on your lap whilst you're on a cross country road trip.

Simply put, it's DAMN UNCOMFORTABLE!

One forgets to take breaks, just as one often forgets to save their work seconds before a blackout. Minutes turn into hours and because of that i NOW suffer the consequences.

But last Friday i was [T H I S] close to booking an appointment during my lunch hour for a 30 minute shoulder and neck massage near my office. Between exiting the office and crossing the road, i soon found myself seated again with a menu and speaking to the waiter about my order.

It's not as if my insides were on the verge of turning against one another. It wasn't like i was starving that i needed to tuck into a feast like a carnivore on heat. In fact i wasn't even hungry. So what could have been a midday 30 minutes of better-than-sex massage ended with me getting NOTHING and i blaming my brain for having shifted to auto-pilot.

So in the meantime i'll whack on a few SALONPAS plasters on the areas that hurt, that way i'm able to keep the flesh-on-fire sensation to a minimum then wait for the magic to unfold.

ADVICE: If you suffer from aches and you don't mind smelling as if you've just raided an antique Camphor wooden chest then i say, PASTE AWAY! And speaking with past experience, i suggest you wash your hands after because when that shit gets in your eye it's definitely no eye bath.