Since that fateful day i broke down in tears pleading to my dad not to tell my mother because i didn't want her to worry, i can only conclude it was the beginning of a huge transformation.
But last night's dinner with my dad at Saffron was exceptionally good and more importantly we had another deep & meaningful conversation. In the course of a year and a half he's witnessed the most frightening stages that any parent fears for their child. And as he sat in front of me listening, i could see how much concern there was. Unable to mask my troubles, it wasn't long until i was voicing out my worries and taking another drag from my lit cigarette. As usual the topics swayed between what's going on at work, my social life and my current state of mind.
A strong believer in signs, yesterday's turn of events made me realise more things than one. It confirmed my doubts and proved how much in denial i really was, to some extent i still am.
I see it now.
So clearly in fact that it makes me remember so many other incidences. Perhaps all this while i had fooled myself to believe something else, hoping it would go away. And like a collection of moments that i keep hidden under my pillow, they feed on my subconsciousness.
Seriously, there is no point in explaining, it should be obvious. Previously, too timid to say anything and not the type to be confrontational when inferiority takes over. And through that, i've learned to keep my mouth shut.
It just so happened to have taken this long for it to kick in. It showed me what i had chosen not to face. I've decided it's only a matter of time. It was only then that reality showed its true colours.
But last night's dinner with my dad at Saffron was exceptionally good and more importantly we had another deep & meaningful conversation. In the course of a year and a half he's witnessed the most frightening stages that any parent fears for their child. And as he sat in front of me listening, i could see how much concern there was. Unable to mask my troubles, it wasn't long until i was voicing out my worries and taking another drag from my lit cigarette. As usual the topics swayed between what's going on at work, my social life and my current state of mind.
A strong believer in signs, yesterday's turn of events made me realise more things than one. It confirmed my doubts and proved how much in denial i really was, to some extent i still am.
I see it now.
So clearly in fact that it makes me remember so many other incidences. Perhaps all this while i had fooled myself to believe something else, hoping it would go away. And like a collection of moments that i keep hidden under my pillow, they feed on my subconsciousness.
Seriously, there is no point in explaining, it should be obvious. Previously, too timid to say anything and not the type to be confrontational when inferiority takes over. And through that, i've learned to keep my mouth shut.
It just so happened to have taken this long for it to kick in. It showed me what i had chosen not to face. I've decided it's only a matter of time. It was only then that reality showed its true colours.
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