One of the main purposes of my holiday was to get away from this country. Take me out of my space and figure out what it is i want to do with myself. And although 1 week is no where near enough time to sort oneself out. I deliberately put myself in situations that were outside my comfort zone.
Feeling self conscious and feeling like an outsider, i came back to a world that i once lived and breathed. Where are all the happy people? Those people moved on and i'm guessing i've done the same. But i did manage to build on friendships that i never thought would mean so much to me.
I cry because i miss them. People take for granted many things in life and 'Friendship' is definitely one of them. It's almost like i forgot what it felt like to be appreciated.
I start from scratch and get my emotions in check. I wonder, was it worth it?
Last night as i sat at home amongst my familiar clutter, i could smell the air was thick with pollution. I had no one to share my adventures with, nobody i wanted to see. I hid myself away from the outside world and this trip reminded me how alone i really am.
I take home memories and photographic smiles. I view those images to remind myself that i was happy. A captured moment that stays fresh in my thoughts each time i view it.
And i know now why i choose not to get close to anyone. I fear that i'll lose them.
It's happened before and it's happening again. Is that why i am attracted to those who continue to use me? Those individuals who take advantage of my sincerity and honesty because i know deep inside they don't give a shit about me.
Take me away and let me not feel like this. Take me back to the start when i didn't give a shit.
Feeling self conscious and feeling like an outsider, i came back to a world that i once lived and breathed. Where are all the happy people? Those people moved on and i'm guessing i've done the same. But i did manage to build on friendships that i never thought would mean so much to me.
I cry because i miss them. People take for granted many things in life and 'Friendship' is definitely one of them. It's almost like i forgot what it felt like to be appreciated.
I start from scratch and get my emotions in check. I wonder, was it worth it?
Last night as i sat at home amongst my familiar clutter, i could smell the air was thick with pollution. I had no one to share my adventures with, nobody i wanted to see. I hid myself away from the outside world and this trip reminded me how alone i really am.
I take home memories and photographic smiles. I view those images to remind myself that i was happy. A captured moment that stays fresh in my thoughts each time i view it.
And i know now why i choose not to get close to anyone. I fear that i'll lose them.
It's happened before and it's happening again. Is that why i am attracted to those who continue to use me? Those individuals who take advantage of my sincerity and honesty because i know deep inside they don't give a shit about me.
Take me away and let me not feel like this. Take me back to the start when i didn't give a shit.
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