I spent the early part of my day an emotional wreck. Wishing i was elsewhere and thoughts continued to flood through my bloated head. I much prefer feeling nothing, it makes me get on with my daily chores.
Maybe it's my hormones playing tricks on me. Is it possible my thyroid is playing up again? I'm very certain the press ad that i'm working on is not responsible for bringing on the water works. How sentimental can a property account be?
I admit, i didn't prepare myself for what i'd come home to. I thought i'd come back with a new vision on life and an appreciation for what i have. Instead i'm presented with dim lights and feeling more lost than ever.
I managed to convince myself that 'independence' meant doing things on my own. I tricked myself in thinking that being physically alone was my way of dealing with things. Believing that i didn't need anyone in my life after my break up. Blaming myself for everything that went wrong and that my issues were just a burden to others.
I was [THIS] close to messaging my ex. Not because i wanted to rekindle any burnt out flames. I just really missed having someone to talk to. I missed his company, his ability to make me laugh... his presence. But it's been so long, i didn't want to risk it.
Seriously, who wants to listen to miniscule issues and problems that don't concern them?
My one week away from my normal surroundings forced me to have a taste of a life i've never had. Just having a physical body around and the distant chatter down the hallway meant more to me than forcing on a conversation.
It is no wonder there are cases of aged individuals that die of loneliness surrounded by cats and smelling of piss. And as dramatic as that is, i can't help but look at my own life. Truth is, i'm far from being considered 'old', i own one cat and i have to clear out his litter.
I have less than a handful of individuals that i am at ease with and enjoy spending time with. In comparison to the bucket load of individuals that i am able to have small talk with; how's the weather, what have you been up to lately followed with general questions. Who are these people?
I know absolutely jack shit about them and i doubt they know much about me. I ride on a wave length separate from others. I don't think i'm a bad person, i just find it difficult sometimes. My only comfort is knowing that my journal is my best friend and my only therapy all rolled in one.
What happened to the girl that came 3rd in that dance competition and turned into an eager promoter? The same girl that smiles for every photo taken and the one that hides behind her alcoholic beverage each time she's out.
She's fading into the background...
Maybe it's my hormones playing tricks on me. Is it possible my thyroid is playing up again? I'm very certain the press ad that i'm working on is not responsible for bringing on the water works. How sentimental can a property account be?
I admit, i didn't prepare myself for what i'd come home to. I thought i'd come back with a new vision on life and an appreciation for what i have. Instead i'm presented with dim lights and feeling more lost than ever.
I managed to convince myself that 'independence' meant doing things on my own. I tricked myself in thinking that being physically alone was my way of dealing with things. Believing that i didn't need anyone in my life after my break up. Blaming myself for everything that went wrong and that my issues were just a burden to others.
I was [THIS] close to messaging my ex. Not because i wanted to rekindle any burnt out flames. I just really missed having someone to talk to. I missed his company, his ability to make me laugh... his presence. But it's been so long, i didn't want to risk it.
Seriously, who wants to listen to miniscule issues and problems that don't concern them?
My one week away from my normal surroundings forced me to have a taste of a life i've never had. Just having a physical body around and the distant chatter down the hallway meant more to me than forcing on a conversation.
It is no wonder there are cases of aged individuals that die of loneliness surrounded by cats and smelling of piss. And as dramatic as that is, i can't help but look at my own life. Truth is, i'm far from being considered 'old', i own one cat and i have to clear out his litter.
I have less than a handful of individuals that i am at ease with and enjoy spending time with. In comparison to the bucket load of individuals that i am able to have small talk with; how's the weather, what have you been up to lately followed with general questions. Who are these people?
I know absolutely jack shit about them and i doubt they know much about me. I ride on a wave length separate from others. I don't think i'm a bad person, i just find it difficult sometimes. My only comfort is knowing that my journal is my best friend and my only therapy all rolled in one.
What happened to the girl that came 3rd in that dance competition and turned into an eager promoter? The same girl that smiles for every photo taken and the one that hides behind her alcoholic beverage each time she's out.
She's fading into the background...
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