It's Friday and i haven't fallen in love yet.
That's not to say that i was going to bust out of my apartment and expect cupid's arrows come flying towards me left right and centre. If that were the case, i would have fallen in love with the Nepalese security guard, the newspaper man that sits by the front gate and the chinese taxi driver that was missing a tooth.
Yes i do miss 'the feeling' of being smothered with affection but there's just so much more to it than inviting another into your comfort zone. I think the older we get, i mean the older i get, i look at myself as damaged goods. Wait! That image of a cardboard box with a huge dent beside an over-sized FRAGILE sticker that holds a past that has made a huge impact to my development. I continue to lug my baggage around like a homeless person.
However, i do try to think of the positives and that perhaps i was fortunate to have been in love for such a huge portion of my life. But at the same time having placed him up on this pedestal meant that when he left, i ceased to function. And as time moved on so did the people around me and i was left up there dusting away with hope he'd return.
Friends i used to go to high school/college/university that either i've recently gotten into contact with or have known for awhile i'm finding out they're either married now, harvesting their eggs or looking after a mini junior that resembles one half of their genes.
I like to think i'm not ready for any huge commitments.
But then i think between holding a work permit, managing my bank account and having no choice but pay for bills and rent... i think i'm doing pretty alright, i only just turned 27. I just so happened to have gone through a really fucked up chapter and i've survived. My commitment is sorting myself out first. It's the least that i can do should i one day allow a certain someone else back into my life.
If anything since adopting Satan's spawn, he has brought some life back into my heart. Never mind the temporary scars he's given me but since his gems were taken away from him he's calmed down a few notches.
In fact the past few weeks i too have calmed down. I can now thank my meds.
I've come to accept a lot of things that's happened even though i might not like them. I've stopped searching for happiness because i realised they only come in short bursts. Those disguised moments that leave me floating on extreme joy don't happen so frequently but when they do come, i am so very grateful.
That's not to say that i was going to bust out of my apartment and expect cupid's arrows come flying towards me left right and centre. If that were the case, i would have fallen in love with the Nepalese security guard, the newspaper man that sits by the front gate and the chinese taxi driver that was missing a tooth.
Yes i do miss 'the feeling' of being smothered with affection but there's just so much more to it than inviting another into your comfort zone. I think the older we get, i mean the older i get, i look at myself as damaged goods. Wait! That image of a cardboard box with a huge dent beside an over-sized FRAGILE sticker that holds a past that has made a huge impact to my development. I continue to lug my baggage around like a homeless person.
However, i do try to think of the positives and that perhaps i was fortunate to have been in love for such a huge portion of my life. But at the same time having placed him up on this pedestal meant that when he left, i ceased to function. And as time moved on so did the people around me and i was left up there dusting away with hope he'd return.
Friends i used to go to high school/college/university that either i've recently gotten into contact with or have known for awhile i'm finding out they're either married now, harvesting their eggs or looking after a mini junior that resembles one half of their genes.
I like to think i'm not ready for any huge commitments.
But then i think between holding a work permit, managing my bank account and having no choice but pay for bills and rent... i think i'm doing pretty alright, i only just turned 27. I just so happened to have gone through a really fucked up chapter and i've survived. My commitment is sorting myself out first. It's the least that i can do should i one day allow a certain someone else back into my life.
If anything since adopting Satan's spawn, he has brought some life back into my heart. Never mind the temporary scars he's given me but since his gems were taken away from him he's calmed down a few notches.
In fact the past few weeks i too have calmed down. I can now thank my meds.
I've come to accept a lot of things that's happened even though i might not like them. I've stopped searching for happiness because i realised they only come in short bursts. Those disguised moments that leave me floating on extreme joy don't happen so frequently but when they do come, i am so very grateful.
4 comments:
Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody's watching, love like you've never been hurt, live like there's no tomorrow.
=) I'll cheers to that!
not original
your 27
not getting any younger girl
and you dont get to go around twice like me
get you heels on and head out tonight
drink too much
forget everything and set your alarm so you can get outta there before he wakes up
:)
Buddy: Yea maybe i've been so wrapped up pimpin' for others, i've lost touch with pimpin' for myself... ehehhe.
As for the "drink too much"... i assure you that CAN be done.
LOL @ set my alarm... ;) Spoken with past experience i'm guessing... ehehe.
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