I've got various topics that i wanted to blog about but as soon as i started typing, i'd get distracted and suddenly have no interest in typing it out. I honestly could not be fucked to get my brain in working order.
But i'm going to attempt to recollect my thoughts and tell you what happened to me...
I had to drop by the club to pick up the flyers on Friday and figured i'd go and pay off my credit card bill since i was going to be in the area. So after work jumped on the train and headed towards the city. Damn fucking tired and not in the best of moods, i had just missed the monorail and had to wait for the next one... FUCK it was hot!
So anyway, got to the bank eventually and there i was with my headphones on waiting for my turn and noticed the guy in front of me was carrying a really big umbrella. I kept staring at the back of his head, i couldn't help but check him out... hey man, he looked hot.
The longer i looked at him, i kept thinking... damn he looks so much like my ex. This guy works out and looks quite fit. I tried to get a glimpse of his reflection from the ATM plastic sign in front. And tried to not make it so obvious.
I think he was looking as well cause we both pretended like we weren't looking at each other and then he turns around... AND IT'S HIM. I wasn't sure how i'd respond, do i snub him off with a smile and get my money out. Or do i have a conversation and see how it goes.
Initial response was... "OH Hi!" [insert hug and kiss ON THE CHEEK]. I figured that's the decent thing to do... [repeating in my head: act normal, pretend nothing is wrong, look happy, LOOK HAPPY].
He notices that i've cut my hair and compliments it. He also mentions that i've lost weight [i don't think so but i guess i see myself everyday so i don't quite pay close attention].
Never an awkward moment as one of us always had something to say [whether it was intelligent or just to make fun of the other]. Surprisingly, it was just like old times... just us hanging out chatting. I miss that.
An awkward moment, was when he asked me permission whether i wanted him to wait for him, which of course i said, "it's up to you." He ends up waiting [as he usually did] and walks with me. [It was like old times. Yes he is turning into quite a gentleman... he turns 28 in 2 months and worst part is, he's looking damn fucking good]. *Sigh* He ended up walking me to the other bank and eventually to the club. FUCK IT!
So i get to the club and we say our farewells. And like a scene from a dramatic cheesy story, [the girl leaves the boy...] i get on to the escalators and turn around to smile. And as i'm moving up the escalators, he says, "take care" and i reply with "Yea thanks. You too."
I turn to look ahead. But this time, i don't turn back around to see if he's still waiting at the bottom of the escalators. Now my stupid brain has his image sketched in my thoughts.
I mean seriously, what are the chances of bumping into your ex [whom you haven't seen in months, voluntarily mind you] at an ATM machine [one which you haven't been to in MONTHS]? I swear, Life is testing my strength and my ability to cope with situations, to see if i would freak out and have a fucking mental break down.
And you know what, maybe i do miss our friendship... i miss our conversations. But i can't have that in my life right now. I knew him when i was 11 and then getting together with him at 15 and building on a relationship that made us into the best of friends. But i know i need him out of my life in order to move on. I know deep in my heart, i still care and have love for him. And i'm only guessing that deep in his heart he cares for me too.
And now, thinking of him at least once a day and knowing that i too, one day will be as happy as him.
But i'm going to attempt to recollect my thoughts and tell you what happened to me...
I had to drop by the club to pick up the flyers on Friday and figured i'd go and pay off my credit card bill since i was going to be in the area. So after work jumped on the train and headed towards the city. Damn fucking tired and not in the best of moods, i had just missed the monorail and had to wait for the next one... FUCK it was hot!
So anyway, got to the bank eventually and there i was with my headphones on waiting for my turn and noticed the guy in front of me was carrying a really big umbrella. I kept staring at the back of his head, i couldn't help but check him out... hey man, he looked hot.
The longer i looked at him, i kept thinking... damn he looks so much like my ex. This guy works out and looks quite fit. I tried to get a glimpse of his reflection from the ATM plastic sign in front. And tried to not make it so obvious.
I think he was looking as well cause we both pretended like we weren't looking at each other and then he turns around... AND IT'S HIM. I wasn't sure how i'd respond, do i snub him off with a smile and get my money out. Or do i have a conversation and see how it goes.
Initial response was... "OH Hi!" [insert hug and kiss ON THE CHEEK]. I figured that's the decent thing to do... [repeating in my head: act normal, pretend nothing is wrong, look happy, LOOK HAPPY].
He notices that i've cut my hair and compliments it. He also mentions that i've lost weight [i don't think so but i guess i see myself everyday so i don't quite pay close attention].
Never an awkward moment as one of us always had something to say [whether it was intelligent or just to make fun of the other]. Surprisingly, it was just like old times... just us hanging out chatting. I miss that.
An awkward moment, was when he asked me permission whether i wanted him to wait for him, which of course i said, "it's up to you." He ends up waiting [as he usually did] and walks with me. [It was like old times. Yes he is turning into quite a gentleman... he turns 28 in 2 months and worst part is, he's looking damn fucking good]. *Sigh* He ended up walking me to the other bank and eventually to the club. FUCK IT!
So i get to the club and we say our farewells. And like a scene from a dramatic cheesy story, [the girl leaves the boy...] i get on to the escalators and turn around to smile. And as i'm moving up the escalators, he says, "take care" and i reply with "Yea thanks. You too."
I turn to look ahead. But this time, i don't turn back around to see if he's still waiting at the bottom of the escalators. Now my stupid brain has his image sketched in my thoughts.
I mean seriously, what are the chances of bumping into your ex [whom you haven't seen in months, voluntarily mind you] at an ATM machine [one which you haven't been to in MONTHS]? I swear, Life is testing my strength and my ability to cope with situations, to see if i would freak out and have a fucking mental break down.
And you know what, maybe i do miss our friendship... i miss our conversations. But i can't have that in my life right now. I knew him when i was 11 and then getting together with him at 15 and building on a relationship that made us into the best of friends. But i know i need him out of my life in order to move on. I know deep in my heart, i still care and have love for him. And i'm only guessing that deep in his heart he cares for me too.
And now, thinking of him at least once a day and knowing that i too, one day will be as happy as him.
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