You make me wanna...

My sudden urge to splurge money on myself is getting quite addictive. I am in desperate need to pamper myself by purchasing items that i want... not necessarily items that i need. Yes i should probably save my pretty pennies for a rainy day or an end of year fantabafuckinlicious holiday.

But you know what... fuck it.

Lately, i've got this Now or Never attitude goin' on [even though i say Never say Never]. I'm trying to grasp hold of my life [maybe it's the increase in meds but it has altered my views on life].

I need to find a purpose.
But aren't most of us struggling to find meaning in our lives?

Once upon a time my relationship gave me a reason to progress. When that failed, i dedicated my waking hours to my job. But for some reason it also involved back-stabbing by colleagues, false accusations, involvement in office politics [not by choice], stress, heavy duty deadlines and to top it all off, minimal sleep.

The combination of those two eventually lead me to being diagnosed. My body and spirit could not keep up with the intensity and i lost all hope in everything and nearly lost it. Deep and oh so very dark chapter. Over time i questioned my Creativity and wondered whether or not, my years of studying as a Graphic Designer did anything... do i even deserve this title given to me once they handed me my diploma?

Having doubts about whether i was even capable of doing ANYTHING right invaded my thoughts daily. Having no avenue to escape to, i turned to music. I know that's corny. But listening to the heavy bass and beats at the club and it brought me back to my 'happy' days in Melbourne. Free from my issues, it was just me and the music.

Then it got to the point of but where is this all going? But i realised that's the only time, i am content. As shit as i felt and going through such a fucked up stage in my life. I was able to forget about everyone and everything for just a few hours. Drown my negativity with alcohol.

And now trying desperately find my own Creativity. I look towards good design to for inspiration. But i've always admired illustrations... mainly the works of Tokidoki, designer Simone Legno.

And adding to my impulsive purchases; Basheer Books [actual store located in BB Plaza] came by the office this morning to show us some latest books. The guy knew me from my last agency and each time he'd drop by, i would be SURE to have purchased a book from him each time. Damn it, i'm a sucker for good design books.

I saw this one book, Graphics Alive published by Victionary and only viewed the first 20 odd pages... i was hooked. So you know what... i bought it =) LOVE IT!

[click to browse]

In this book, we talk about graphics that create relationship with us. It is not only a relationship between audience and the entity, like what we would get from reading a flyer or seeing a poster, but a more intimate relationship with our lives. This relationship encompasses all design disciplines - including graphic design, fashion design, interior design and industrial design, etc.

The book displays Legno's creations... Tokidoki My inspiration and for NOW, it gives me a reason to progress.