Last day of TWO bloody OH OH SIX

It's officially the last day of TWO bloody OH OH SIX.

If i had to summarize the past 365 days, i would say it was a bundle of risks, regained emotions and frustrations. Without sounding like a hippy i'd like to believe i've regained some control in my life, whether it is some kind of spiritual awakening, i don't know. [However saying that, i am still on the same dosage prescribed a year and a half ago. BUT in a week i will have it halved. So YAY for me!]

Basically the first half of the year i struggled with a condition that somehow threw away my emotions. I suffered a burnout from my previous job and with that developed an obsession with alcohol [a chapter of my life documented in my Multiply.com blog]. I was constantly frustrated and mentally tired from fighting daily with a daemon that refused to leave me alone. It played with my mind in my waking hours and when i did manage to sleep, it seduced my subconscious.

I admit, i owe it to two things; Effexor and the support of my family.

Looking back, i remember countless days when i danced with thought of Death. Not because i was weak but i wanted to believe it was my savior. A freedom like no other, a freedom that no medication could give me. It's actually quite scary how much the past year has in fact made such a huge impact on how i think today.

At one point scared of waking up because i feared what kind of day i would face. Terrified of the outside world and at times myself that if it were possible to disappear, i would. A solution i thought would fix all my problems. Each day believing that it would release me from the claws of my daemons. There was only one thing that stopped me... my family. I honestly believe that if they weren't there to emotionally support me and to constantly remind me that they were there for me, i wouldn't be here typing this today.

If one word would best describe my mental state, it would be UNPREDICTABLE. I admit, at one point i was a walking mess that paraded painted smiles. A long and painful chapter that i wish i never experienced and hope to never live through again.

As a result, i sympathize those who have been diagnosed and/or is currently struggling with what i have gone through. Although, i am not a qualified shrink, i like to think i have a better understanding and first hand information than those professionals that only know how to repeat text book answers.

So i end 2006 with a dedication to those diagnosed and is currently struggling with anxiety, Depression and/or Hyperthyroidism. I refuse to say "it'll be ok... you'll see," since i detested those string of words with a passion. There's something about it that sounds so insincere that it only made me feel worse.

Instead i'll say, "i'm living proof that you're not alone." But unless you know what it's like, than it might sound like bollicks but to someone else, it may mean one less suicide.

Much love and hope for 2007, Chrissie... xox.

LOST: Paper and monthly digits.

Oh. My. Fucking. Gaaaawwwd!

I don't know what i did or where i've put it but it seems as though i have misplaced my cheque. The monthly cheque i get at the end of each working month that pays for my rent, my bills, my luxuries, my expenses and my what nots.

I didn't want to stress about it when i was away since i figured i had left it in my MaryPoppinsBag. [I have a tendency to misplace things and they magically reappear. But i like to think that the pixies are out to steal from me again].

Oh shit. It's not there!

Rent is due on the 1st [which i am able to give on the 31st] but whatever i have left in my Savings account; rent plus a few Ringget, is all i have to my name. WHICH MEANS the beginning of 2007 i literally have less than RM10 to my name. Oh fucking wonderful... brilliant way to start smarty pants!

So my mission is to turn my place upside down and look for that damn cheque. This is what happens when you do a massive tidy up and rearrange things.

I KNOW i had it with me before i left and had planned to put the cheque into my account before i fled the country. I ran out of time so i didn't manage to do it. Shit! I hope i hid it from myself or it mysteriously burst into flames [wishful thinking].

Worse case scenario, i beg Admin to write me another cheque and promise i won't be a placenta head and lose it again. Only problem is, work only resumes on Wednesday.

SOLUTION: Maybe it's time to reorganize my Life and have a bit of order and what not.

Comin' home...

It's 5.51pm my time. I'm waiting to board my flight and although my flight is scheduled to depart at 6.40pm there is no sign of the plane. Just a shit load of passengers facing one direction and staring into nothing. Some making use of their time by touching up their make-up. Others catching up on their reading material or catching up on lost sleep.

Once again, i have taken advantage of my E.U passport and bought 2 cartons of Dunhill Lights. Definitely not breaking news and obviously no importance to anyone else except myself. But unless you haven't turned on the telly yet and haven't heard, Saddam Hussein was executed earlier today, definitely news worthy.

And apart from that, i'm really excited to get back home. One whole week living at my folks place in an apartment with 4 other individuals is a bit 'in-your-face'. As much as i love being at home with the family, i guess i'm not used to being around so many people.

Anyway, i get home later tonight only to unpack and then repack for a night or two getaway. Yes Hardsequence is having its' FIRST outdoor event. Although solely not ours but one of four rooms, i'm getting more and more excited as the day turns into night.

My sister and i even got busy behind the sewing machine and made a pair of blue gators [fluffy like leg warmers that are worn below the knees that fall to the ground and much like a uniform previously worn by ravers, they're accompanied with a short skirt/shorts and a baby T]. My brother in-law likes to call them "Moon Boots". As ridiculous as they look, i have grown to love the 2 pairs that i already have. It beats wearing the denim 'phat' pants that end up absorbing so much sweat, it feels like i'm carrying bricks.

So the other day, i bought the fake fur. Measured and cut out the template then did all the calculations. Actually all the slaving was done by my sister since i was in charge of picking up all the threads that fell to the ground and pressing the 'backwards' button so she could back stitch. With a few modifications and brain work, the results were much better than the ones' you can buy at the shop. I was well impressed.

Well, i'll be wearing them tomorrow at the event. Will take pics and all that. I just have to figure out which of the HS tshirts i should wear seeing that it starts at 8pm and i think i'll be helping out at the merch stand.

AnyhooooooOooo... i think i'm going to be boarding soon.

Rain, rain stay away...

It's Friday morning and believe it or not, i'm actually awake. I woke up after a religious, almost cult like dream which involved surfing and later i found myself throwing jawbreakers into a garden to distract homeowners of my presence. [What the ...?] It was staged as though i was back in high school with lecturers, religious fanatics that were known to give Credits to students if they took this spiritual 'tour'.

Yes, my subconscious is slightly twisted. I am not religious nor have i been near a church in the past year. The only similarity to my conscious world is that it was pissin' down hardcore.

Maybe it's due to this extended holiday i've been on since a week ago. Much thanks to my boss who believes that time off cures most ailments [or so i like to think]. An annual given leave means that i only go back to work on Wednesday. But i have high suspicions that i forgot to take my medication last night hence the surreal dreams.

I'm guessing the earthquake off the shores of Taiwan not only interrupted the undersea cables which affected internet access and telephone lines but my ability to produce coherent thoughts. [Hmmmm... i blame mother nature for screwing up the system. And in case you didn't get the memo, it's true! The world is going to die].

But before that happens, let it be known that i figured out the WiFi signal is not strong in my dad's office at my parents home. So instead of slouched behind a desk, i'm crossed legged on the couch in front of the t.v. [Which reminds me i should take a shower otherwise i'll never leave the house].

Anyway, the past week it's been raining non-stop on the land of Cleanliness. So much so that this little island even suffered flash floods in low lying areas. Apparently unheard of but due to the continuous downpours, it doesn't surrpise me. I'm surrounded by dampness and mirky weather.

However, saying that, i wake up to the sound of chirping birds. The sun is still hidden behind the clouds and fingers crossed, it won't rain today. If all goes to plan, i intend to get my lazy arse into town later to do a few errands and sneak in a bit of shopping.

Gobble, Gobble...

I actually went a few days without having a dose of blogging and eaves dropping. I can't really recall what i've spent most of my time on but it's divided between sleeping and stuffing my already full stomach with home cooked food and the random cake or pineapple tart.

There was a mad rush to look for last minute presents on Christmas eve. Apparently, i was not the only one searching for gifts since the roads were busy and the queues were as long as ever. It continued to drizzle throughout the day but that didn't prevent the shoppers from making the most of the sales.

This year's celebration was celebrated with my close relatives. A rare scene since it's been awhile since our whole family has spent Christmas together. Not so much of a meat eater, my Christmas dinner was made special. Instead of indulging in the much praised about turkey and ham, i was served a healthy portion of seafood pasta.

A toast was made by my dad whilst we all sat around eager to tuck in. Wishes for good health and a special shout out to the newly weds [my sister and her German hubby]. Then the toast was directed towards me. And ending it without having to use words, suggested that this time next year it would be MY TURN to bring home... *silence* a boyfriend... a partner...

YEA RIGHT! I DON'T FUCKIN' THINK SO!

[Yes, i sometimes believe, the world is out to get me. So sue me! Even deserving all the negativity that gets thrown my way. The pessimism bug bites me in the arse every blue moon].


I lowered my head as i simultaneously stabbed the succulent prawn which lay on a death bed of spaghetti. Not at all embarrassed but more irritated at the reminder. It is clear that i've outgrown the naive 21 year old status and definitely have grown to be more cynical.

I promote for a genre in a country that excites kids that have just become legal. I dress as though i still go to high school and any chance i get to not wear shoes, i'll be the first to run around bare foot [ask my friends or colleagues, often i'll be running around without my shoes].

But I've heard a lot can be said about a person's shoes. So does that mean my attachment to my GAP slippers reflect my laid back attitude and that i tend to mold to my surroundings? Choosing comfort over looks. Or it could mean, i can't be arsed with change and that i'd rather stick with what i know best rather than be adventurous.

No wonder i'm still single. Ahhh life is grande.

Mistaken Identity

Yesterday i found myself walking aimlessly on the top floor of the shopping mall. Unaware that i was about to enter a furniture store. Homeware for the Design conscious and individuals with an obscene amount of high disposable income. A concoction of Windex cleaner and the smell of spankin' new leather circulated the room. The objects for sale were arranged in such a way that it felt like you just walked into somebody's living room.

I made sure i examined the whole store, knowing perfectly well that i can't afford anything on display. Perhaps the bottle opener was more in my price range. Stopping momentarily at random pieces for a few seconds, as a jesture of appreciation much like a casual stroll through a museum. However, the well crafted and aesthetically pleasing subjects of Art stood cramped amongst the other equally ridiculously priced items.

But just as i'm trying to find my way to the other end of the store, my phone rings. On one hand i'm trying not to drop my bags and on the other, making sure i'm far away from the RM1,500 vases.

I quickly flip open my phone just as South Park's character, Cartman screams a string of vulgarity at the top of his lungs, followed by a repetition of the word, "FUCK". [And people wonder why i pick up my phone so fast]. I thank my previous colleague for sending me the ring tone, and apparently it reminded him of me.

Hello?
Hi Christina how are you? [And unless the caller is trying to sell me something, i'm slightly taken back when a random number begins his conversation asking about my emotional state].

I'm fine. Thank you. How are you? [An automatic response, followed by the same question back. Often out of courtesy and habit].

So what are you doing tonight?
Huh? Uhhhhh... *QUICK think of something* i'm meeting up with some friends. *Concentration and internal voice recognition is on High Alert. And as usual, i'm unable to put a face to the voice* I'm sorry, who is this?

Huh? You don't know *laughs* it's Calvin.
Calvin? Which Calvin? I know a lot of Calvins. [At this point, i'm getting intoxicated flashbacks of Zouk and Havinita nights. Who did i give my number to this time?] Umm, i think i remember you calling me a few nights ago.

It's Calvin Surname-I-Can't-Remember. Is this not Christina? Christina Lim.

Oh no, i'm sorry you've got the wrong number. I'm Christina but not the one you're looking for.
Oh no! I'm so sorry *Utter embarrassment disguised by laughter*.

So in a span of 5 minutes, not only did i say i had plans to a complete stranger but i managed to reject him a second time. A case of Mistaken Identity. Let's hope his efforts were not put to waste since they do say, third time's a charm.

ATTENTION: Should there be a Christina Lim amongst my silent readers. Please be informed that this Calvin person has called twice. He speaks with a non-irritating accent and speaks English with confidence. You will be happy to know he does NOT end his responses as though it's a question. Neither have i heard him add the words LA, MEH or MA to the end of every sentence! Better still, he is polite over the phone.

So i strongly suggest, if Christina Lim is reading this, to have your mobile phone ON and start clearing your schedule. Save the poor bugger from another kick to the balls and agree on a meeting place. Good luck!

LOVE smooks

Just ONE more!

I am in desperate need for a present for my mom. I've looked practically everywhere and there's NOTHING out there that i think she'd want. Without putting thought into it, i risk seeing my gift finding its way in the cupboard amongst all the other unsuccessful gifts.

Yes, i'm totally over the long queues and mass produced Santa figurines. The elevator Christmas music that's on repeat in shopping malls. I just want to chuck the wrapped gifts under the tree and get it over and done with.

Yet, i can spend hours if not days looking for the right gift. Often taking into account the recipients' personality, what they do for a living, their hobbies, colours and what not. Hey! Some people are anal when it comes to cars and their hobbies. I, on the other hand, don't have a hobby, so gift hunting keeps me focused. Which probably explains why i'm not yet done with my shopping and i'm racking my brains for ideas! There's something about spending and buying new things that makes it all therapeutic.

The idea of buying presents for others, keeps me from thinking negative thoughts and coming up with more fucked up reasons why i turned out the way i am. Not necessarily healthy for my bank account and savings. I guess i've taken time out to reflect on the past year. Knowing that the amount of shit i went through is nearing its' end. It makes me anxious and eager to close the chapter in case it mysteriously repeats itself.

Blah, blah, blah. Yes, yes... Merry bloody holidays and Happy Everything!

Anyway, i'm crossing the border as of tomorrow afternoon and won't be back for about a week. Time for home cooked food, a ridiculous amount of shopping, lots of sleep and best of all, ripping open wrapped presents! I just hope EVERYTHING goes smoothly. It is rare for my family to celebrate a special occasion WITHOUT having some kind of drama unfolding. It's moments like those i wish i was elsewhere. And it's been awhile since the WHOLE family celebrated Christmas together. Oh well, we'll see.

I have less than 24 hours to;

1. Clean up the mess that i've made in the kitchen and living room.
2. Fold my laundry and store them.
3. Remind myself that MINIMAL packing is necessary.
4. Pay ALL my bills online.
5. Most importantly, bank in my salary.
6. Search for a present FOR MOM.
   

i lied... i do...

The R word.

Perched by the dying plants whilst having my afternoon coffee and cigarette, i suddenly thought of this time last year. The days that i found myself knocking back whiskey + water like there was no tomorrow.

Canoodling with individuals i met on a regular basis whilst partying. Which soon transformed me into a short lived booty call in various occasions. A label not too proud of but somehow ended up being.

Uninterested in anything remotely serious. Getting involved in activities that would be considered taboo and categorized as Naughty. Always being the "single" girl in the group. Why is it that people whom i first meet are quick to assume that i am attached. Attached to what? Are they saying that i've managed to escape the claws of an eager partner hence the reason why i'm out? I don't think so!

But i find myself asking lately, will i ever be in a relationship anytime soon? It's been 3 years now since being dumped from an 8 year relationship and nothing has come close. I start to wonder whether i am capable of being involved with anyone. AND NO, i don't mean THAT long term. I'm talking about something that categorizes me as "taken" and not just a "number".

Unfortunately, i am NOT keen on the whole "dating" concept so that really doesn't help much. It's either BLACK or WHITE, none of that "i'm not sure but we're KINDA seeing each other" bullshit... seriously, what is THAT all about? It's either YES or NO, thank you very much.

Single means being;

• Content at making last minute decisions and not giving a rat's arse.
• Comfortable with my schedule and space.
• Not worried about whom i speak to.
• Shameless and not worried about what people think so much.
• Having the freedom of going on road trips and random outings when i please.
• Friends with all sexes. Knowing that 90% of my friends are male and that Jealousy is not a factor.
• Free to not answer back to anyone of my whereabouts.
• Solo. NOT accompanied by a foreign shadow 24/7.

They do say, things happen to those who don't wait. In other words, those who do not look for Mister Right. Trust me, i haven't looked but when i occassionally browse, there's NOTHING! Even if there were, have you seen what's available? [No offense to those who ARE single and eligible, they're simply not my cuppa tea. I guess it goes for both parties eh]. I don't think i'm THAT fuckin' ugly!

I clearly remember having a conversation with a friend of mine and we spoke about relationships. Why is it that often we'll see a couple, the female would be relatively attractive but her beau resembles that of a donkey's arse? Could it be that she's after his money or he's got REALLY good qualities/a package that makes up for him scoring low points in the Appearance department.

Yes, it's shallow but are you saying that a person does NOT put into account ones' look at the initial stage of wanting to know another? It is rare to hear, "ooOOooo that guy/girl has an attractive inner beauty. I want to get to know them". PUH LEASE! Who are they kidding, there MUST be some kind of sexual attraction to start off with!

I mean, i know quite a number of attractive looking friends who are single. Accompanied with great personalities and a history that compliments them. Often they are the third wheel when it comes to dinners or outings. Usually the one who gets grouped together whilst all the couples have their "alone" time.

Which is probably why so many people dread Valentine's day, an obvious Hallmark holiday. A valid reason to grab an arrow and stab cupid's heart for not paying attention to them.

So on that note, i'm going to stuff myself with Burger King. Why? Because i can and i doubt anyone is going to be seeing me naked anytime soon.

Laundry Olympics

After coming home from work, i decided that it was about time that i sort out my laundry before i have to start wearing clothing that haven't seen the light of day in months. Items of clothing that i like to call 'in case of emergency' cases; much loved t-shirts that have faded and are two sizes too small.

I admit doing my laundry doesn't involve much hard work. One must separate the darks from the lights, then chuck in a scoopful of detergent and let the machine do all the dirty work. Then go by my own business for an hour or so and then return to pull all the wrinkled items out and hang them out to dry.

But last night in the midst of training to be a house wife, i decided to water my already dehydrated plants on my balcony and put my kitten in the pet carrier. That way, i wouldn't have to worry that he'll make a run for it and leap over the side in act of hatred towards my newly installed grill balcony door.

And somewhere between watching Grey's Anatomy and checking my email, i decided to lie down on my bed. Eyelids fluttering open every few minutes as the volume to the t.v would mysteriously go up just as some annoying commercial would come on.

Next thing i know my clock radio goes off and i notice my bedroom door is wide open. The air conditioning is on full blast refrigerating the living room and neighborhood [since i left the balcony door open]. The ceiling fan is set on 4, any higher would probably create a mini turnado. I hear a faint meow. "Ahhhh SHIT... i left Smooks in the carrier!"

Jumping out of bed to open the carrier door and be greeted by a confused looking creature who probably was busting to go to the loo seconds before i put him in there. Equivalent to being confined to a space the size of an Observation Cell or in his case, some torture medieval vaulted chamber.

Seconds after being released and me jumping under my doona, my bed was transformed into a playing field. The perfect size for Smooks' long jumps and Shot put trials. Every so often the rolled up plastic bag would land dangerously close to my face and i would react by chucking it as far as i could, aiming outside my room. Which he would then use my stomach as a spring board to give him more height when launching. But only to have it returned by an obedient wanna-be-dog.

I soon learned not to throw it but to do the good old "Now You See It... Now You Don't" trick. Just tuck it underneath my still body and pretending it had magically disappeared. Which worked, since he ended up playing in the living room but then knocked over the clothes dryer stand whilst doing his morning run. And that was about the time that i realised i was going to be late for work because i had also forgotten about my clothes in the machine.

'tis the season to be spending!

I've managed to get all my colleagues a christmas gift. Obviously spending more for those that i am closer to and handing the rest Hershey's chocolate mint candy canes.

Yes i even got a bit creative and used the raffia paper string to create a bow. Never mind that it'll end up in the bin or that they look like they're undressing themselves, it's the thought that counts. I don't even want to start calculating how much i've spent for this season. I swear, it's as though my money is water... it runs freely! RM100 here another RM50 there, it's all numbers at the end of the day [so i tell myself].

And whether or not people celebrate Christmas, that's not the point. It's the Act of Giving that matters and watching them shred through your wrapping within seconds after you spent ages making sure the corners were neatly tucked. I guess it's like every religious holiday that passes, it seems like everyone gets in on the celebrations.

It's the season to be attending open houses, drunken office parties that usually consist of an obscene amount of flirting and canoodling. But this year will be relatively tame. Perhaps because in my office majority of the guys are gay or are happily married. That's not to say i participated in such activities but they're always good fun... ehehe.

Anyway, so far this year i received 2 ashtrays from my colleagues. I'm not sure what they're implying. Hopefully not some hidden message that they wish for me to die or perhaps i should be more considerate of the environment and dispose of my cancer sticks elsewhere.


Well whatever it is, they're useful and it is obvious they pay attention to my bad habits. Apparently if i turn the black ashtray upside down it works as a tripod [oh so sleek with my black Lumix] or even better, it can be used as a hand held massager minus the burning cigarettes [although some heavy duty kneading is required to remove the kinks in my shoulders].

Oh well, i'm gonna head home. I've got a tonne of dirty laundry to sort out and i must start on Part 2: Wrapping The Familia's pressies. Not forgetting my kitten who needs my company so he can play fetch. I'm sure he's waiting by the door in anticipation for his daily dose of Toe nibbling [not only does my kitten think he's a dog but he's developing some kind of foot fetish].

Just a tad too much...

Determined to get all, if not most of my shopping complete by today, i was on a mission. Just so i would have enough time to wrap them up and in case i had forgotten anyone, i still had time to hunt for something without making it look too last minute.

I guess one can never go wrong with chocolate or candy. Unless of course you're a diabetic or eating lettuce with no dressing is what you consider a main meal. In which case a jumbo pack of cotton buds is sure to be a winner. But then again, that could suggest that the recipient has dirty ears and sometimes the topic of hygiene doesn't go down so well in some relationships.

I scurried along trying to hunt for the right gift and although faced with dozens of options. It took me so long to make a decision as i was worried i may in fact find something better. So i found myself buying both, just to make my life easier.

But to add to the pressure, the mall was closing and i had about 10 minutes to grab last minute items that i thought best suited each recipient. With a stomach full of ice lemon tea and tortilla chips, i excused myself from the table and did a mad rush to have one last look at the stalls and before my meal arrived.

Never the one to order just a caesar salad and soup for dinner, i decided that i would this time round and NO i'm not on a diet! TRUST ME, when i'm hungry, I'M HUNGRY. Don't underestimate my size, i can pack in a decent amount. But with the recommendation that the broccoli and cheese soup is good, i couldn't resist. Tired of making anymore decisions, i went ahead and ordered it despite having no idea what it would taste or look like. I presumed it would be a purée/cream of broccoli with a LITTLE BIT of cheese either on top or blended in to give it the sharpness.

By the time i got to the table, 10 or so minutes later, my food had arrived. I sat down and stared down at my coagulated yellow mess with a sad arse excuse for broccoli bits in it. Even parsley looks more appetizing and that's usually the first to be removed.

As they say, we eat with our eyes therefore it is important that presentation is good. Which is why the colour RED and YELLOW is used for many food outlets and branding purposes. It is known to trigger hunger and is more pleasing to the eye. But let me tell you, in the case of my soup, it tasted exactly how it looked. It was a bowl of kraft cheddar cheese, the kind you find in a can.

Simply put, it was...

If all else fails...

Well considering i've driven a total of 2 metres in the last 3 years. Last time i got my arse on a rented bicycle, i gave up because it gave me blisters and the seat was rusted. Plus my nicotine addiction has proven that i can outrun an injured cat or any creature slower [probably not something to boast about or certificate worthy]. Not forgetting the language issue, as that may be a bit of a problem.

So i can honestly say i don't think i quite fit the profile. Oh well, better luck next time i guess... ehehe.

Wrapping up 2006.

I've got the rest of the week to finish off my deadlines or at least get them up to scratch. So far so good since my client for the EfingProject has decided to fly home to the land of windmills and tulips hence i do not have my edited copy.

My Christmas present hunt was put on hold since i was away for the weekend. Plus the idea of being swarmed by last minute shoppers on a Sunday doesn't exactly spell FUN. So i've restricted myself to one area near the office and the on-going bazaar should have a few interesting items. Anyway, i think they've got a substantial amount of my money in their Christmas 2006 sales book. Worst case scenario, the airport has duty free.

Then i'm on a week and a half long break because the company is closed from Christmas til after New Year. And due to some public holiday landing on one of those days, it's being replaced and we only have to come back to work on the 3rd of January. Best part is, i don't have to apply for leave during that period AND i get to bring forward my 3 days of leave into 2007.

But for some reason, it doesn't quite feel like Christmas. The malnourished Indian Santa with a pillow for a beer belly doesn't quite kick it in the tropics. In fact, it doesn't even feel like it's the end of the year. Knowing that i've waited for 17 years for the upcoming year makes me wonder whether the wait was worth it.

I won't start making resolutions because i know i'll end up forgetting about them. Instead, i'll continue to try and mend myself and if that fails, well at least i tried.

1800-NEED-NEW-EYE-BALLS

I spent most of Sunday catching up on sleep. Drifting in and out of my subconscious like an indecisive wave. Only staying awake long enough for a cigarette break because it was way too hot to be outdoors.

My left eye was having issues again and if it were possible to remove my eyeball so i could let it soak in the Optrex eye bath and be able to put it back, i would! I think in the process of removing my contact lens, i may have scratched the surface. So yea, you can just imagine how fuckin' painful that was. My eye lid would voluntarily shut on its own followed by wink spasms and burning tears.

I ended up sleeping just so i didn't have to deal with it. Which worked out fine until i was woken up by another random phone call. And most of the time i'm relatively polite as i figured the caller would be asking about presales.

This boy started talking to me in malay [which of course i don't quite understand]. So cutting him off, i said, sorry do you speak english? Which he then replied back in malay whether i was chinese? And in response i said, huh? [yes i know 'pardon' or 'excuse me' is more polite but fuck it, i wasn't in the mood].

In my head i was thinking, oh great, i know where this is going. And riding on little patience, i couldn't be arsed to entertain his questions. So with direct and broken English i responded with, "No... i speak only english. Can i ask what you, ummm... want?"

The little fucker replies back, "i want you". In response to that i quickly reply, "i don't think so, sorry!" and hung up.

I mean seriously, i know i've been out of the dating loop but unless i'm a 1-800-DATE ME kinda girl, that shit is totally not on and you're wasting my time!

On another note, in one of my dream filled moments. I dreamt that i had adopted another kitten, a white female kitten to keep Smooks company. Worried that perhaps Smooks might rape the feline, i kept a watchful eye on the two.

And guess what, just minutes before, MissSeniorPisces asks me whether i want to adopt a kitten. It's white and it's called Scrubs. WoooOooooh... what a kwinky-dink premonition. Being the sucker that i am, i'm asking if there's a photo so i can have a looksy. I may have to arrange a play date.

HS did JB over the weekend!

Click [image] or click My Flickr to view the rest of the shots

Many thanks to those who came all the way from KL and other states, we appreciate your loyalty and support! It was great to see so many familar faces since it's been awhile since i've done a HS road trip to JB! Anyway, i hope to see you all for the NYE count down in Malacca. THE CARNIVAL featuring HARDSEQUENCE, our first outdoor gig!

Those interested can either call or email me to book confirmed presales [RM30] or The Carnival package [RM70] = HS New Tshirt + 1 Entry + 1 Drink. Thanks again and see you soon!

NEW GALS Baby T: colours available black, dark blue, pink.
NEW GUYS T: size M, L, XL: colours available black, dark blue, white.

HS Anniversary GUYS T Size M, L, XL: colours available black, dark blue, white, red, orange, pink.

IF you're ordering a package, don't forget your size, colour and type of Tshirt you want. Could you also include your name/s and contact detail/s BEFORE 27 DECEMBER in the email [for database purposes]. Then just wait for my reply and i'll arrange a time and place to hand over the presales/packages.

It's as easy as CUT + PASTE.

I'm back. I'm really fuckin' knackered and it doesn't help that the muscle between my shoulder and neck has been drillin' me hardcore. So once i sort out the pictures from last night and figure out why my USB card reader is having issues... i'll upload them onto my Flickr/Multiply album.

But you know what i noticed after viewing a ridiculous number of shots taken last night. I have one basic Chrissie pose, a slight turn of the head accompanied with a hearty smile. And should one cut + paste my portrait onto another image, one would find it freakishly similar.

I envy those who can create a different mood or emotion in every shot. I was never able to make the pout look sensual without resembling a worst case lip augmentation patient. Plus the au natural look cannot make it in my scrapbook. So until i find another winning pose, you will have to bare with my carbon copy smile + pose.

I did this but didn't do that.

I thought i'd do my laundry when i got home. I didn't.
I wanted to tidy my apartment whilst watching America's Next Top Model. I didn't.
I was going to go to my mate's friend's house to chill. I didn't.
I was going to finish packing so i didn't have to rush. I didn't.
I was meant to buy tea light candles at the supermarket. I didn't.
I was going to clean my balcony. I didn't.
I was meant to ring my specialist doctors for 2 appointments. I didn't.

So what did i do?

I stayed up doing absolutely bollicks til 5 something. Peeled my kitten off MattEbony so he could go to bed like a parent would scrape their lifeless child off the sofa. Once on my bed, i passed out for a solid 6 hours... it's like a trap i tell ya! It does help to be extremely exhausted that way i don't get interrupted and can sleep right through. Dreams are not as vivid and silence is all i breathe.

And yes, i've managed to do EVERYTHING else except what i needed to do. This is what happens when your attention span goes on a road trip without informing people.

OH GAWD... i'm heading down South AGAIN. So for those of you who are into hardstyle bangin' [and no i don't mean a gang bang], i'm talkin about HARD SEQUENCE... drive safe and see you kiddy winks tonight!

Pisang before lunch? I think NOT.

The benefit of the worldwide web is one can Be, Act, Say anything they like behind a chosen name or character. And although i don't speak any other languages i have been known to pick up the random word here and there.

For example, Pisang = Banana in Bahasa Melayu. A well chosen handle for one particular MySpace user.

I mean seriously, if you're going to even bother to send X rated messages in the middle of the week, i strongly suggest the following; a] remember spellcheck/dictionary is YOUR FRIEND b] try not to use the copy + paste function... it lacks creativity c] and most importantly, if you're going to promise so much profanity, at least have the decency to add a picture to aid in the virtual affair HONEY.

Yes i am a visual person but in all honesty, the concept of cyber sex before lunch with an egg shaped head with no features does absolutely NOTHING for me. It is apparent that your mama taught you to use the magic word, "please"... so well done! But i have strong suspicions she has no idea how you're using it.

So on that note, i'd like to say Thanks but NO Thanks!

One Down... So many MORE to go.

This afternoon i decided i wasn't getting anywhere with my EfingProject and chose to move location. Wishful that i would catch a lost creative UV ray i positioned myself beside the window, hoping i'll be infected with a vial of productivity. Soon after to conveniently find myself a comfy spot on the bean bags, armed with a packaging book, blank notebook and working pen.

After a few sketches and a stomach full of chinese, seafood fried rice laced with a decent amount of MSG, i could feel my eyelids get heavier. I'm not sure whether it was the weather or i had in fact digested too much MSG but i wasn't feeling right. I think at one point i even fell asleep [ok i lied, i fell asleep a few times], right there tucked away in the corner of my office. Only to wake up sweating and realise that i only roughly came up with a few pathetic pages of ideas.

Yes, i have come to terms that my drawing abilities have gotten worse each year i blow out another candle. But on a brighter note, my ability to comprehend my chicken scratchings for ideas has improved heaps!

Maybe i blame technology for my so-called creativity. A so-called talent that feeds my laziness. Seriously, it's been awhile since i've sat down and drawn anything with a trusty old pencil [and tic-tac-toe does not count]. I'm sure if i find my colour pencils they'll be unsharpened and my marker pens would have dried up by now.

Creativity has flown out the window and landed in some ditch probably drunk on egg nog.

So by the end of the day, MissSeniorPisces needed to head to town to get a few items. So i agreed as i was falling behind in the Christmas shopping department. And i am happy to say, i ACTUALLY stayed focused this time round and didn't buy useless items for myself. Only treating myself to a bottle of Sebastian Stark Naked shampoo to strip the build up of clay /spray that i apply daily and attend to my disgusting nicotine addiction in particular, Dunhill Lights.

My mission to find Pressie A for my sister was a complete failure despite looking at dozens of stores. Either i'm very picky or my taste is no match to what is available on the market. Seriously, what is with all the bling and the gold buckles? Never mind, i ended up blowing my budget and splurged on 3 presents instead. Slightly guilty as my last birthday present to her was only a phone call. Yea i'm a bad sister. So i'm hoping this will make up for my tardiness and as the say, "it's better late than never".

Anyway, i pretty much have my dad's present sorted, i'm just waiting on news on when and whether it's still available. But i'm dreading to look for a present for my mother. A woman who practically has everything and doesn't really need anything. Something useful and won't end up in the cupboard. Not forgetting my brother in-law, colleagues and upcoming birthday gifts.

So many things to do and so little time... not to mention depleting bank balance.

I head off on a road trip on Friday. Hard Sequence's comeback after a month plus break. It's been awhile since i saw the boys play. Plus Miss Gobie Lo is back from Melbourne, so that'll be good to see her since it's been nearly a year since we saw one another. I'm just so excited that my weekends cooped up at home are coming to an end because i can't handle hoochie mamas and drunken shinanigans.

But i am coming to terms that there will be no special kiss under the mistletoe this year. Neither will there be a love/r by my side or random snog by some fantabulously, delicious stranger as we all say "FUCK OFF 2006" in unison.

Seriously, at the rate that i'm going with my hermit-like lifestyle and can't be arsed attitude/style no wonder i'm single and live a life of kept secrets. Worst case scenario, i end up a lesbian and ruin my mothers' dream of a white wedding. Hey, if i can't even attract the opposite sex and fail at pulling my own gender, there must be something wrong. I guess one is never too old to be a nun *shrugs*

But before all that good stuff, i MUST get that PainInTheArse Project out of the way and sort out my EfingProject before it drives me nuts. More specifically, before i get my arse kicked by my boss for not completing my work on time. So tomorrow [CORRECTION: in a few hours] i hope to be Miss Productivity as i've taken leave on Friday...

Why? Cause i can and i will.

Better Late than Never.

Had dinner with the familia last night who happened to be in town for the night before they headed off to the strawberry hills this morning. They wanted to drop off a few of my things at my place, so they gave me a lift home after. [I'm starting to think they're more than happy to get rid of my junk from their apartment, as each time i see them, i return back to my place with MORE of my crap]. It just means more stuff to add to my clutter and less breathing space.

But they were eager to meet the much talked about kitten. And as people friendly as he is, he dazzled them with his ability to fetch a rolled up plastic bag and bring it back without a fight. A great party trick and definitely worthy of attention should the Freak Show come to town. As long as i keep him entertained and let him sprint around the apartment to release any built up energy, it's all good.

I was so happy to buy him a toy when i was away, that i think i left my brain outside because upon returning home and reading the copy at the back, it states the toy is most suitable for senior cats: those who are slow to react and don't have quick reflexes... TOTALLY NOT SMOOKS. Oh well, worse case scenario i'll use it as a colourful paper weight.

Anyway, ended up cruising online for a bit once they left and it was probably around 3 when i decided to bring my cat into my room to sleep. The combination of the chilled air, my doona and minimal sleep, i passed out... again. Leaving all the lights, t.v, fan and what not on. Why? Because wasting electricity is what i do best!

Woke up and it was time to get up for work anyway. AnBloodyMumNoMore was running late, so she rang to say whether i wanted a lift to work. And for the first time i was early and she didn't have to wait for me. And figured i'd visit the Management Office to sort out my water bill. The bill that i often forget to pay because a] it somehow mysteriously disappears in my piles of junk i have lying around b] i miss the office operating hours by the time i get home c] am forgetful.

So when i get home today, i will make an effort to sift through Paid and Unpaid bills then organise them in a file for easy reference. It saves me from having to pick them off the ground each time Smooks jumps on them hoping it'll project him farther. Although i'm not sure how long the whole Miss Organisation schpeal will last... it's better than nothing.

But that's the least of my worries as i am STILL trying to figure out what to buy for my brother in-law. Apparently he's quite picky when it comes to personal items. It doesn't help that i barely know him to get him something useful or something that will reflect his taste. Seriously, what should i buy my German in-law who works as an IT guy and could probably live off charsiew paus for months on end? NO SERIOUSLY! Christmas 2006 pressie hunt is starting to do my head in!

THE CARNIVAL pres. HARD SEQUENCE NYE 2006

Much thanks to Supastar for creating yet another fantabulous HS eflyer to add to the collection. Here's the line up, so get there early and let's welcome 2007 with some bangin' style!

Hard Sequence has also come up with a new HS Tshirt and can be bought when HS goes down to Johor on the 15th December [Friday] at RM50. Alternatively, you can buy the HS CARNIVAL Package = RM70 (HS T-shirt, 1 entry, 1 drink). Just SMS or Email me your details and i'll get back to you as soon as i can... cheers!

Presale bookings and packages via HS promoters end on 29 DEC 2006. Should you wish to reserve a HS package, you can email me your details and i'll some how arrange a time and place to meet you [only for those living in KL].

PLEASE NOTE: All t-shirts are FIRST COME FIRST SERVE. And yes there are limited baby Ts available. No guarantee of sizes...!

Shush! There will be no Pitter-Patter of Little Feet...

I'm back home. Managed to sneak in about an hour's worth of shuteye until the bastard child decided it was a good time to sob. And no, i have no idea what happened but i woke up to loud sobbing that eventually escalated to a wailing. And to add even more drama the child shed crocodile tears whilst the mother attempted to comfort her with a soothing sound similar to that of the ocean... "shhhHhhhhhHHhhhhHhhhh ShhhHHhhhhhh...".

Unfortunately, that calming down technique did absolutely jack shit in comforting the child that obviously was in no dire pain or in a threatening situation. But it did encourage my urgency to use the loo. And thankfully the bus finally made a pit stop and i escaped the noise pollution for a few minutes.

And when i returned to the bus, the child had stopped crying. But insisted on standing in the middle of the aisle, in front of my seat and face me with her puffy, bug sized eyes for a good 10 minutes. This kid was at least 5 or maybe 6, clearly there was nothing wrong with her and it was obvious she was bored and didn't want to sit in her assigned seat. So in exchange i gave her a If-you-try-to-be-cute-i'm-going-to-rip-Barbie's-head-off stare. And for the remaining hour or so, she was quiet.

So now not only do i have a headache and feel slightly cranky because i tried to bury myself into the seat but failed to block the sound of the distressed child. I now have to work on that EfingProject which involves Design + Function + Simplicity. Plus i need to get the specs ready for the morning so i can get a production cost estimate. And if that's not bad enough, i ran out of cigarettes and i'm hunting high and low for a smoke, hoping that i had hidden a pack from myself or forgot to empty a handbag.

I've got 8 plus hours until i have to get to work... so as they say, No Sleep for the Wicked! Let the count down begin... *sigh*

Lost a Stone but Gained a Lumix

So after an arse numbing, 6 hour bus ride, I finally made it over the border. To then be greeted by my dad who had been patiently waiting for my arrival for 2 hours. Eager to get to my folks place since I was sure that my mom was staying up to welcome me back.

Boobers and her hubby had fallen asleep by then, so the folks and I spent some time chatting whilst I sipped on a cold beer and my dad knocked back a whiskey + water. It was approaching 3am when my mom decided to call it a night. I wasn’t tired yet so continued on smoking whilst reading the latest tragedies. Which was around the time that my sister woke up and struggled to focus with her dry contact lens.

After a short catch-up, I decided to make my way to bed. Sleeping on a mattress that my mom had set up in her room but in the far corner. Made up of a new comforter and extremely high pillows. Trying to ignore the shallow snores, I eventually fell asleep.

Only a few hours later to be woken up since my sister and her German hubby were going to the nearby mall to do a few errands and i had asked to go along. It so happened that everyone else chose to go shopping today too. Trying to avoid oncoming children and huddles of people was nearly impossible. With the dancing elves in bright red tights and a Santa with an extremely bloated head singing at their hearts’ content, the noise level escalated by a few notches.

So whilst majority of Singaporean youngsters and ZoukOut followers prepared to move and chat up strangers in rhythm to the sounds of progressive beats. We, on the other hand, were on the other side of the island having a perve on digital cameras and prices. My brother in-law is a bit of a tech-freak, so he was able to throw a few pointers and suggestions when I told him what I was after.

Ended up that he showed me Panasonic Lumix and as fickle as a mind can be, my love for the Sony disintegrated the second I fondled its' competitor. After chatting with the helpful sales girl, I was informed of their latest deal that included a 1GB, tripod, USB Card Reader, camera case, camera bag plus 2 cordless telephones. I didn’t hesitate to scribble down the model number and details and thanked her for her help.

We later came home and i spoke about my fantastic find. Which was about the time i hinted that Christmas is in fact JUST around the corner... and guess what! My parents said they’d buy it for me for Christmas and that's not all! My dad went back to the mall with me just an hour after I got back. So NOW I am a very happy proud owner of a sexxxy, black Lumix FX01. LOVE IT!

Which works out perfectly, as tomorrow is my sisters' wedding dinner and i'm in charge of taking photographs during the night. Let it be known there will be a return of Miss Paparazzi much sooner than you all thought!

But BUT… you won’t believe what else happened! After I had a play with my new toy and we were all about to tuck in for dinner, I noticed that the fucking Labradorite gemstone that I had bought earlier this week had mysteriously fallen out of my ring! I wondered how long had i been wearing my white gold, silver ring MINUS a stone... it was there this morning but how ghetto is that!?

Went slightly ape shit since it hasn’t even been a week since I bought the ring. Had barely worn it and hoped that it would bring me luck. WHAT FUCKING LUCK IS THAT!? Worst part is, I haven't even paid for it since it’s on next months’ credit card bill.

Damn it! I am so going back to the store and demand an answer and at least some compensation... bad workmanship indeed! Perhaps the loss of a gemstone was a result of gaining a camera. Hmmm. Well whatever it is, i'm slightly irritated that my supposedly rare-to-find stone is lying on the wet ground probably shattered into dozens of pieces.

Quick... sit nicely!

Leaving my clutter behind... only for a moment.

So i finally passed out around 5am and managed to sneak in a solid 3 hours of shuteye. Although compressed, the full sleep cycle has left me feeling fresh as a daisy! Mind you, it's still morning and i am surviving on a sugar high.

I made sure i packed the necessities before heading to bed and more importantly shoving my passport in an allocated space in my bag. More than often, remembering last minute items just as i'm about to exit for a] a road trip b] a holiday getaway c] a change of area/country code.

This last minute surge sends me running around like a headless chicken hunting for the missing item/s. Which then usually gets me grabbing "just in case items" and stuffing them in any available space. And going by past experiences, 90% of the time they end up at the bottom of my bag never seeing the light of day until i return home.

I am sure many women will agree with me when i say, "you can never have enough" especially when it comes to packing. A common problem i face is the Inability and Difficulty to Eliminate. Often i'll pack for a week when in reality i'll only be gone for 3 days [i have bad decision making skills].

Fortunately for me, majority of my wardrobe consists of several percentages of black. And it all depends on what tickles my fancy the moment that i'm packing but more specifically what isn't in the laundry.

I admit i live in a fully utilized space and to an outsider the best description would be CLUTTER VILLE. Call it my ocean of Disorder & Chaos but in my mind there is a definite System & Organization. Problem is i am the only holder and gatekeeper of the intricate map.

Yes, i am a pack rat at heart. Maybe i should be concerned because at the rate that i'm going, i will end up a single, old hag with some sort of Separation Anxiety Disorder to add to my medical history. And then topping it off by renting a mansion just to house all my belongings. Perhaps i should consider joining CLA: Clutterers Anonymous.

SORE MUSCLES - SLEEP = UNCOMFORTABLE

My shoulders and neck have been absolutely drilling me all day. A crochet of knots that begin at my shoulder blades right up along my neck. A common discomfort that i have learned to ignore. Probably due to me slouching at my desk and carrying bags much too heavy for my size.

By the end of the day, i acknowledged the pretzel sized knots with irritation. So much so, i actually said "No thanks" to free booze at a Christmas Party just up the road. "CHRISSIE SAID NO TO ALCOHOL" *shock* Tired and couldn't be arsed to look for a masseuse, i ended up coming straight home.

Surrounded by clutter and odd items that belong elsewhere except for where it is currently found. And beside it a box of Salonpas pain relieving patches. In no time i apply 2 camphor smelling patches on the affected areas. Patiently i wait for the product to do its magic and i can't help but think that i'm starting to smell like a human sized Wrigley's Spearmint chewie.

Then i was thinking about marketing strategies. Often products will have attached a FREE sample sized pharmaceutical item. But imagine this, wouldn't it be perfect if a small Japanese masseuse came part in parcel with the pain relieve patches? Never mind that Immigration and Human Rights would step in. And forget about how costly it would be to the client. Mmmmmmassage.

Don't mind me, the thought of having pressure applied to my back sounds like bliss! Unfortunately Smooks only weighs 1.7kg and i'm better off chucking my half filled suitcase on my back. Alternatively, i could borrow my neighbors' kids and i'm sure they would be happy to stomp on my back!

FACT: Sleep deprivation does in fact effect ones' ability to think straight.

An Additional 1kg and a Shitload of Nonsense.

So i was having one of my random conversations with a mate of mine and some how we got on the topic of Blogs. Granting others a chance at digesting a slice of ones' past and dreams. And choosing a subject matter worthy of staining a readers' thoughts requires minimal efforts. The real challenge lies in the ability of enticing ones' readers to return. In other words, don't be a boring old fart!

An online community that continues to progress like the spread of a bad rash. Singles continue to communicate via the virtual world in hope that Love is in fact hiding behind the RETURN Key. A place where proclaimed attention seekers make an effort to lure strays by uploading head shots that differ slightly by a few degrees and change of clothing [or lack of in some cases].

Then there are those who use their online journal as a dump site for regurgitated emotions and current affairs. Sometimes hiding behind a name or character helps Honesty and Freedom to work its magic. Then there those who utilise their allocated space as a means of recording their on-going self therapy sessions. Returning often on a daily basis to dump their unhealthy amount of worries and merging them to create sentences.

And with the current explosion of blogs sprouting left, right and centre, the subject matters continue to grow. Perhaps i am unlucky when it comes to randomly choosing a link. As i find myself landing on sites that can easily be summarized in less than 5 words and posts that are as dry as ashy legs on a winter's night. But seriously, is it really necessary to include every animated .gif? And another thing, i don't understand the purpose of typing ones profile or worse, each post in both UpPeRcAsE and LOwErCaSe?

The theory "Quality over Quantity" seems to be replaced by brainless jargon that insists on taking centre stage. Another excuse to procrastinate and fill time. But then again, this post is a perfect example of wasted alphabets.

Anyway, what i really wanted to say has nothing to do with the above subject matter but never mind, let's move on.

Disappointed that i couldn't find a small enough collar for Smooks' anorexic neck, i'm slowly becoming accustomed to unexpected ankle attacks by my rocket launching kitten. A victim of various forms of ambush, my only means of defense is grabbing a plastic bag that's tied multiple times to form a ball. Then using it as a distraction so we can play 'fetch'. [Yes, my kitten has issues. I think he thinks he's a dog].

Numerous times i have witnessed his violent anti-collar protest. A dramatic showcase involving death rolls and body slamming. So intense that one would think he was being attacked by lethal hornets. But i do give the little tyke credit for his determination and as a result i find myself dashing over to free him.

I am happy to announce, a few hours ago Mercy was kind enough to raise her hand. Having kept a watchful eye over Satan's spawn's development and granting him a hefty kilogram over a period of a month. The obvious physical growth is noticed since his arse no longer fits snuggly on the star shaped pillow when he sleeps.

But i have chosen TODAY to celebrate his 4th month. And to mark the occasion have decided to haunt his every foot step by fastening the multi-coloured paw printed black collar that jingles whenever he does his voodoo shimmy. But more importantly, a warning siren that his presense is near and to stand guard.

So the added weight has prevented his rubberman limbs to slide through previously creating a body hugging sash fit for a Beauty Pageant. And yes i am thankful that his wicked display of acrobatic stunts is no longer used as a main ingredient in transforming the collar and bell into a feline S&M gagging head gear.

THE CARNIVAL feat HARDSEQUENCE NYE 2006 ~ A'Famosa

Listen up people... the time is now... i am soooooo happy to say that i JUST received the flyer...

It starts at 8pm, therefore it makes sense that you get there around that time. Any later you risk missing out on the fun. So sort out your accomodation, round up your mates and let's welcome 2007 with your favorite DJ!

Show them some love and support and SEE YOU THERE!!! =)

ROOM 1 HARDSEQUENCE:
NOTTIFISH
DJ DRIVE
DJ LEARN
GANJAGURU
BASS AGENTS

ROOM 2 HOTEL SCANDALOS:
AFEN (GOLDSOUNDS)
BRYAN BURGER (EXCESSIVE)
RAYSOO (LOVE INTL.)
CALLEN (ALTERED IMAGE)
GREGOIRE (D&G)

ROOM 3 REGENERATE:
SISTER YANG
JUSTIN
EUGENE
BEN KATANA

ROOM 4 THE BAR:
BLINK (BLINK.COM)
FUNKZOO
SPACEBAR (BONGO)
LOW (LOOPS)

Visual Effects by Altered Image & Friends


Admission includes 1 Drink
// Presales RM30 // Doorsales RM40
18 Years & above!!!


Presale tickets are available at the following outlets...
Excessive Records, A'Famosa Sales Office, Tribe Melaka [addresses are on the flyer... JUST LOOK].

Merry Christmas... to me... to me... to me!

Finally a speck of creativity fell upon me because i showed my EfingProject to my boss for approval and he was happy with the results. So with a few minor adjustments, all is left is to mock it up and wish them good luck for tomorrow's presentation.

And just as i was about to pack up to go home and spend an evening in front of the tv, MissSeniorPisces asked me if i wanted to accompany her to get a few items in town. Figured it would be a good opportunity for me to continue my Christmas shopping since i already bought a present during lunch and i hoped i'd be on a roll when i came down to hunting for the right gifts. Never mind that i found a unique square shaped oil burner for myself.

So before agreeing to go, i stated i will not buy anything for myself. Fine. And she agreed, she would only buy what was on her list of things to buy.

Once we arrived, she oogled over a red bag whilst i stood outside the store and practically inhaled my chocolate cinnamon bun. Then as we cruised past the electronic store, i checked in on the price of digital cameras. And one in particular that i've been eyeing costs a little over RM1K and comes with a 1GB memory card. But i'm hinting to my folks that's what i would really want for Christmas... so MAYBE *fingers crossed*

But the minute we walked into Lot 10, my impulsive side of me burst out in fruit flavor and had i not paid attention to the MNG section i wouldn't have come across the simple suede/faux leather slim black bag. And without thinking twice, i headed to the cashier. And MUCH THANKS to the ongoing sale, the stated price was not discounted yet and all i paid was RM49... what a bargain!

I then found myself applying various shades of eye shadow at the MAC store blending furiously so i didn't look like someone punched my eye sockets. And MissSeniorPisces got advice from the sales assistant about a shimmery bronze. And although i was tempted to buy a lipstick that i had smeared over my lips, i decided in the end that i would save my money.

But that little spark of Goody-Two-Shoes didn't last too long because soon after, we walked past an opening of a jewelry store that sold various gems and pearls. Which was when i out did myself in the Unnecessary-Tuesday-Purchases department. The minute i tried on the rings in the display, i was a goner.

Pleading to the sales lady to give me a bigger discount as i watched the light reflect off my ring. It didn't take long for me to whip out my card and sign along the dotted line. And once again i failed at Christmas shopping but i am now a proud owner of a white gold plated silver ring with an oval shaped Labradorite gemstone.

Perhaps it was fate that lead me to the store, as it states "Labradorite is excellent when you are depressed, when you can't understand the negative patterns in your life, when you feel a victim, when things never seem to end." And oddly enough, it also states that "Labradorite is said to be helpfull in treating eye and brain disorders, and to help regulate metabolism and the digestive process." BINGO i think we've got a winner!

But i also read that it's good for those who want to overcome alcoholism [source]. Hmmm, could they be right? Great for my liver and a real bonus for my wallet too.

Or it could that i'm a complete sucker when someone says "it looks nice, you should get it". And with very little persuasion and a weakness when it comes to spending, i fit the stereotype that women like to shop.

Hooker nails + recycled style

The combination of the extreme heat and heavy dollop of dehydration has entitled me to one of the wickedest headaches. And it doesn't help that my addiction to caffeine to keep me upright during office hours is getting a bit out of control.

NOTE TO ONESELF: Drink more water + remember to take your meds + stay motivated!

My latest attempt to dress more feminine has been noted by my colleagues. No longer the girl with hair similar to that of a VCD seller's girlfriend but sporting a shade that compliments my tone and slightly more goth.

And today's combo consists of an olive corduroy pleated skirt, black top and a multi-coloured beaded necklace [purchased during one of my many impulse moments]. And of course, accompanied by my hooker coloured nails that i'm starting to grow fondly of, a definite compliment to the upcoming season.

Yes, it's bloody time that i made an effort to come up with some sort of style [whether it is fashion worthy i'm not fussed]. Pulling together items of clothing that i haven't worn in ages or had reserved for special occasions [usually intoxicated night outs]. It's about time that i expose them to the light of day instead of those glaring lights and nicotine stained air.

However with my odd sense of so-called "style", i have yet to get used to proper heels... so my love towards my GAP slippers lives on and my heels continue to gather dust.

Up, down, left, right x 3

I contemplated whether i'd spend my Sunday rotting at home. Started with a shower, which i hoped would trigger the domino effect of motivation and cure my lazy-arse syndrome. And thankfully that worked, put aside the fact that it took me much longer to get ready than expected but i did eventually step out of my compound.

My mission was to hunt for Christmas gifts. Called a cab and 15 minutes later found myself wandering aimlessly in a shopping mall and walking in and out of stores. 4 hours later and having failed miserably at finding this years' gifts, i ended up buying items for around the house and an item to pacify my vanity.

Couldn't be arsed to look anymore as my feet were hurting and my RedMaryPoppins bag seemed to weigh more as time aged. So to end my gift hunt i headed to the food section and picked up various food types on display before jumping in a cab to go home.

All that walking up and down escalators, from one wing to another tired me out. So much so that right after inhaling my food i decided to lie down on my bed and passed out.

12:37am i woke up completely disorientated as i had undressed myself and felt not quite in my element. Smooks lay beside me and gave me one of his hung-over gazes whilst i fumbled around for my mobile phone tucked under my pillow. It didn't take long for me to realise it was only just past midnight and i wasn't late for work. I picked myself off my bed to peel my contacts off my eyeballs but only to return to my bed seconds after.

Woke up early for a Monday. Early in my standards as it is rare to see me out of bed before 9am and rang AnBloodyMumNoMore as i wasn't sure whether my half subconscious self had spoken with her last night to confirm whether she'd pick me up in the morning.

Minutes later arrived at the office [on time] with Mister Smooks because his 2nd vaccination is overdue and it just so happens that the vet is nearby. And whilst i munched on some toasted muesli and yoghurt for brekkie, Smooks greeted my colleagues with his morning mantra.

So as kitty lies neatly curled inside his carrier whilst i desperately try to get the EfingProject under control, as the presentation is tomorrow. Smooks only wakes up to check if i'm still in line of his viewing path or interrupts me if i am in midst of discussion and thinks i'm talking to him.

Watching him sleep on his soft, ripped up grey towel makes me want to dive into the bean bags and catch 40 winks too.

An alcohol-free Friday and a hint of Merlot.

I am trying very hard to keep to my promise of not cutting my hair. Accepting the fact that my Rapunzel-wannabe hair needs more than a few missed trims and a few added years. So instead, i have opted to experiment with colours.

Not too long ago i decided to get my hands on a box of hair dye. An affordable alternative to getting a make over. And being slightly short on cash the option of getting my hairstylist to pick a shade that compliments my skin tone wasn't looking too promising.

I figured all those years i spent experimenting with different shades during my early years would definitely come in handy when choosing one brand over another.

And a few weeks back i chose a sandy brown and it ended up being wee bit lighter than i was normally used to. But i didn't tie in the effects of the suns' rays, chlorine and pollutants, i noticed the shade was heading towards a Tamarin monkey colour. NOT GOOD.

In an impulsive decision making mood, i decided a 'change' was in order. Headed to Guardian before heading home and grabbed a bottle of fire engine red Sally Henson's nail polish aka a shade that an Attention Seeker/Hooker might choose. And checked out the hair dye.

Examining each colour shown on the box and questioning whether the close up shot is true to its content. I juggled between the many tints of reds, blacks and browns. Squinting under the fluorescent lights and imagining my hair to be similar to the twisted artificial hair attached to the shelf talker.

And instead of attending my client's birthday celebration and potentially crossing paths with beautiful people and/or eligible bachelors, i chose to have an alcohol-free Friday. And within minutes of arriving home i ripped open the box and began my metamorphosis. Massaging the dye and watching the cream turn a deep lavender. Then witnessing the cross blend of my previous shade and what i hoped the box portrayed. I couldn't help but think, "Shit, i'm going to look like a ribena berry had thrown up on my head!"

30 minutes later and stained finger nails [yes i did wear gloves but i guess there was a hole], my hair was infused with fruity goodness and stained a deep purple. I guess the end result lived up to the brand's colour code of "Blackcurrent". However, i haven't seen it under the sun but i'm sure it's not too far off from looking like i had just dunked my head in a barrel of Cabernet Merlot.

Multi-coloured Labels for easy reference.

It has occurred to me in recent months there has been a transition in my choice of topics. With the arrival of Satan's spawn, my absurd new found interest in the neighborhood hardware store and an outlook laced with optimism and splash of pessimism, there really isn't that much going on in my life.

And lately dealing with no real dramas of being caught in the line of fire. No longer worried that i have unintentionally made another girlfriend weary of my existence. No need to be cautious of having my back stabbed. And with experience, my ears have been trained to tune out bickering and jealousy.

No longer struggling to recap my drunken nights. Less focus on striking the infamous carbon copy pose and smile. No need for updates by a sober friend the next morning. No canoodling with strangers in a smoke filled club and vaguely remembering details. No additional mobile numbers attached to a name that only hours before was introduced to me.

Oh how times have changed.

And as 2006 begins to wrap up, i find myself slowly losing grip of my deluxe set of rainbow coloured emotional baggage. With the hope that 2007 will free me from my daemons and grant me strength to come face to face with my past. Missing individuals that were once present in my life and sharing moments.

But enough with the emotional blubber because to be honest, that shit gets tiring after awhile. I admit i am able to jerk a few tears from your eyes and mine but never am i the one to sugar coat or paint smiles on a situation. So if you feed on heavy doses of self-pity, lost questions and extreme sadness, i can direct you to my earlier posts or better still my previous blog. Emotions or lack of, available in truckloads all labelled for easy reference.

Chronicles of Late Night Dramas [Episode 1].

So i'm sitting at my dining table cruising online swatting the random mozzie, which i might add the bitch has bitten me 3 times already. I'm assuming the combination of heavy down pours and extreme skin cancer sun rays must be the perfect concoction for breeding those blood suckers!

I'm sure i've mentioned this before but not only does my kitten think i'm a walking chewy toy but mozzies see me as a traveling blood buffet, often returning for seconds and even thirds... greedy bitches i tell ya!

So with each MOPIKO layer i slap on to reduce the itching, i am reminded of a Japanese rock garden whereby my flesh temporarily holds the rake like marks left by my nails. And as a result am left with various polka dot shaped scars for months.

And if that's not action packed enough, wait til i tell you what happened next.

Completely absorbed in reading an article, i hadn't noticed that Smooks woke up from his gazillionth nap. Quietly examining the lit tea light i have an arms length away and only centimeters away from the flame. When suddenly i noticed his fine whisker like eyebrows magically shorten. Which was then followed by a smell similar to that time when i lit a cigarette and the flame caused half my eyebrow to vanish. In shock i patted his lint like soft fur as though it was on fire. And in the midst of my panic, i knocked the tea light over and the liquified wax dripped on to my faded pink carpet.

So there i was picking at the hardened wax and attending to my itchy bites. And then i see Smooks inching towards the balcony. Only pausing for a split second to check if i was paying attention, like a child waiting for his parent to witnesses his heroic 5 metre dash. And in a blink of an eye speed climbs up to the top of the grill door.

With his tennis ball shaped head, most of his torso and hind legs over the top of the chicken wire/grill door i am lucky to even grab hold of his tail. And like a scene out of B grade movie, the only effect missing is applying a voice synthesis to my words of panic...

"NoooooooOooooooooooo [insert pause] oooOOoooooooo!"

[This is when the editing team manipulates the footage to create a scene similar to The-Matrix-bullet-dodging effect. And not forgetting a frame that highlights the tension in my face. An expression that easily translates, "OH shiiiit... i'm screwed" in a multitude of languages].

BUT imagine if i were a second too late! Mister Smooks' late night base jumping would be accompanied by a frantic race down 2 flights of stairs. Barefoot, scantily dressed and crouching down on all fours whispering loudly, "...here kitty kitty..." to the early morning darkness. Not a picture perfect moment but perhaps an ideal setting for a cheesy 70's porn flick. But hey, i live in a family orientated neighborhood and such request would be declined by Management right off the bat.

Wasn't it only just last week that i was grateful that i put my ghetto arse pliers to rest? And allowed my right palm to fully heal. But now only to be forced to come up with Plan B for Project BlockSmooksFromBaseJumping. I find myself helpless, waiting for the blood thirsty enemy to have her last feast.

[Insert Voice Over]: Will Smooks finally outsmart the chicken wire trap? Or will Chrissie be eaten alive by deadly blood suckers? Find out in the next episode of 'Chronicles of Late Night Dramas'. [insert cheesy music].



---xox---

Ahhhahahahh... ok seriously, i think i've lost it... it must be the December bug.

'tis the season to be creative.

Today has to be one of those intense days where my thinking cap had mysteriously disappeared. Trying to crack an idea, a concept, an anything... was simply impossible. Browsing through books, hoping that some creativity would rub off or at least be somewhat satisfied. And ya know what... there was NOTHING!

And that PainInTheArse Project is still lurking in the background, so much so that i find myself consciously avoiding eye contact with my AE. But now i have another project to deal with. Potentially a good job to have but currently i am having issues with a design that has substance. Therefore i have named it the 'EfingProject'.

And apart from having Vietnamese nooOOoo-dulls for lunch today i went as far as moving from my seat to the padded red cushions to the bean bags. Shifting my arse from point A to B hoping that the ideas would flutter in my direction. I'm not sure whether it worked but whatever bollicky idea i came up with, i just hope when i show my boss tomorrow, he agrees that i'm heading in the right direction.

But with the christmas holidays just around the corner, my thoughts are invaded with going on a break and how i'm going to make this years' Christmas cards... yes quite pathetic really. An annual ritual which i had given up the last 3 years due to my work load and can't be arsed attitude.

However, seeing that this years' celebration is hopefully the end of a very fucked up chapter, i figured i'd make a wee bit of effort. Plus my sister whom i haven't seen in 2 or maybe 3 years is back for holiday, so that'll be interesting. Slightly nervous since a lot has changed since we last saw one another.

And by the sounds of this years' celebration, my mom is happily busy planning all sorts and is over the moon that the WHOLE family is reunited. I wouldn't be surprised if the Christmas tree is up already. And with the latest addition of a brother in-law, our family of 4 is slowly expanding, i guess all the reason to celebrate.

BUT now i just gotta think of what USEFUL pressies to buy *sigh*

I can't even remember whether i bought presents last year since i was swamped with work. Oh hang on! Yes i do, i clearly remembered that i didn't even have time to wrap my dad's present. I simply hid it behind my back and said "close your eyes" and presented him an unwrapped beautifully illustrated Life of Buddha book by Miho Tei aka Erotic Dragon.

I even used the lame excuse that wrapping paper was bad for the environment and kills more trees hence the paperless wrapping. However, this is coming from someone who practically wasted a tree when printing her last job. Believes that paper towels ranks just as high as 'sliced bread' in the 'The Best Thing since...' list. Never fails to request for extra square serviettes to a] constantly wipe sweat b] clear messes c] remove excess food from her face d] for just-in-case situations but never mind, you get the picture.

AnyhooooOoo... the drama of finding the 'right' gift is stressful. I'm just imagining an army of last minute shoppers ran sacking the shelves and hogging LAST PIECE items. Housewives giving me the evils and high school kids dragging their feet and blocking my way.

So YES, early planning is a MUST plus i should really start designing THIS years' cards before it's too late... eh.

It's moments like these that i get stuck.

Today's post was another lame excuse to fill up some space.

I always wondered what people's work area looks like. Fortunately for me, i quite like the office environment that i'm in. Quite "designery" is what i would like to describe it. Well considering that it is a design firm and i'm fortunate to be surrounded by warm colours and book cases filled with references.

But after looking at my one-minute composition of smart angles and cropping, i must admit the space looks quite neat. But should you zoom out in full view, my desk is a definite eye sore.

And i'm still in the office, not by choice mind you. It's pissin' down buckets and it makes more sense to stay dry in the office than attempt to wave down a speeding taxi that will do so much but shower me with gutter water.

And i was half way down the stairs, seconds after locking up for the night and THOUGHT, "shit i left my mobile on my desk". Made the hike up the steps and back into the dark. Didn't think of asking my colleague to ring my phone as i often have it on silent.

So i made my way back upstairs only to find it neatly tucked in the main zipped up pocket. Well done Chrissie! So now because of my bout of amnesia, i am stuck here praying the rain will stop soon.

Moments like these i wish for sturdy hands to grasp hold of my tense shoulders and ask me how my day was. Eyes that ooze 'adoration' and a gentle kiss that welcomes me home is all i ask for. But there is no such thing. And like every day, i am welcomed home by a kitten who thinks he's my shadow and a cold plate of leftovers fit for 'one'.

Mid-week. My week. It's 17:08.

Rapunzel, let down your hair!

For the longest time i sported the same hairstyle. Hair that extended straight down and rested just along my waistline. And if it grew past that marker it usually meant that i was lazy and hadn't gone for a trim for quite sometime. But i only trimmed my hair twice a year and the longest it had gotten to was just past my hips.

And should my name be forgotten, the description was usually spot on as it was rare to see short, asian wannabe rapunzel's running around.

"You know, that asian girl. She's short and has really long black hair"
"ooOOooooh... her! Yea i know her but i can't remember her name."

Having dyed it various colours ranging from tamarin monkey to deep purple to jet black. Rarely having to brush it as my hair was so dead straight that somehow if fell into place. So straight that often people thought i kept rebonding it.

And going through my rebellious stage, i wanted to shave all my hair off. But the hairstylist convinced me to cut it to a bob and take it from there. Which was probably a better choice as my coconut sized head would only be emphasised.

When that eventually grew out after a few years, it was back to the girl with the long hair. I had gotten used to the length and the extra warmth on a winter day was definitely to my advantage.

But when i returned to Malaysia, the humidity and the continuous late nights did effect its' look. The glossy, well kept sheen had suddenly disappeared. The added stress of work and fact that my partner had decided that 'we' weren't working out but sooner than later, was told he had in fact found someone else was a legit reason for me to grab my rapunzel hair and create a slipknot noose.

Suddenly my body was going through a downward spiral, everything i had hoped and dreamed for suddenly crumbled. Eventually i started losing huge chunks of hair in patches the size of 50 sen coins, mostly due to the stress. My health just went haywire.

My vanity and self esteem suddenly disappeared. I hadn't felt so out of place and unwanted, my only option was to go under the knife. And no i don't mean plastic surgery, i'm talking about those shearing knives used to create layers to give ones' hair style that whispy look.

I hid behind my work to the brink of exhaustion, drank too much hoping that it would numb my reality and to top it off live off meds to control the depression. And with every bad thing that happened or feelings of self hatred, my hair kept getting shorter and shorter.

Subconsciously, wishing that my hair was an extension of me and if i cut it off, it would mean i didn't have to worry anymore. So between 2004 til now, you will notice that my hair had gone through various stages. And at one point, contemplating whether i could pull off a human hair skull cap. Which i ended up not doing as i remembered the unevenness and coconut skull.

But lately i've been missing the feminine locks and the option to style it to create another look. Envious of girls with luscious hair and being able to smell the scent of my shampoo infused in the strands. My mission is to grow it out once again. Only problem is having to go through the yucky 'in-between stage' where no amount of product will keep it in place. My hair will have to suffer by being held in place with half a dozen of bobby pins and clips so it looks somewhat neat.

In the meantime, i can play around with Makeover-O-Matic at Makeover Central at iVillage.com where i can create a variety of styles and looks ranging from Drag Queen contestant to the solemn librarian.