So i'm sitting at my dining table cruising online swatting the random mozzie, which i might add the bitch has bitten me 3 times already. I'm assuming the combination of heavy down pours and extreme skin cancer sun rays must be the perfect concoction for breeding those blood suckers!
I'm sure i've mentioned this before but not only does my kitten think i'm a walking chewy toy but mozzies see me as a traveling blood buffet, often returning for seconds and even thirds... greedy bitches i tell ya!
So with each MOPIKO layer i slap on to reduce the itching, i am reminded of a Japanese rock garden whereby my flesh temporarily holds the rake like marks left by my nails. And as a result am left with various polka dot shaped scars for months.
And if that's not action packed enough, wait til i tell you what happened next.
Completely absorbed in reading an article, i hadn't noticed that Smooks woke up from his gazillionth nap. Quietly examining the lit tea light i have an arms length away and only centimeters away from the flame. When suddenly i noticed his fine whisker like eyebrows magically shorten. Which was then followed by a smell similar to that time when i lit a cigarette and the flame caused half my eyebrow to vanish. In shock i patted his lint like soft fur as though it was on fire. And in the midst of my panic, i knocked the tea light over and the liquified wax dripped on to my faded pink carpet.
So there i was picking at the hardened wax and attending to my itchy bites. And then i see Smooks inching towards the balcony. Only pausing for a split second to check if i was paying attention, like a child waiting for his parent to witnesses his heroic 5 metre dash. And in a blink of an eye speed climbs up to the top of the grill door.
With his tennis ball shaped head, most of his torso and hind legs over the top of the chicken wire/grill door i am lucky to even grab hold of his tail. And like a scene out of B grade movie, the only effect missing is applying a voice synthesis to my words of panic...
[This is when the editing team manipulates the footage to create a scene similar to The-Matrix-bullet-dodging effect. And not forgetting a frame that highlights the tension in my face. An expression that easily translates, "OH shiiiit... i'm screwed" in a multitude of languages].
BUT imagine if i were a second too late! Mister Smooks' late night base jumping would be accompanied by a frantic race down 2 flights of stairs. Barefoot, scantily dressed and crouching down on all fours whispering loudly, "...here kitty kitty..." to the early morning darkness. Not a picture perfect moment but perhaps an ideal setting for a cheesy 70's porn flick. But hey, i live in a family orientated neighborhood and such request would be declined by Management right off the bat.
Wasn't it only just last week that i was grateful that i put my ghetto arse pliers to rest? And allowed my right palm to fully heal. But now only to be forced to come up with Plan B for Project BlockSmooksFromBaseJumping. I find myself helpless, waiting for the blood thirsty enemy to have her last feast.
[Insert Voice Over]: Will Smooks finally outsmart the chicken wire trap? Or will Chrissie be eaten alive by deadly blood suckers? Find out in the next episode of 'Chronicles of Late Night Dramas'. [insert cheesy music].
---xox---
Ahhhahahahh... ok seriously, i think i've lost it... it must be the December bug.
I'm sure i've mentioned this before but not only does my kitten think i'm a walking chewy toy but mozzies see me as a traveling blood buffet, often returning for seconds and even thirds... greedy bitches i tell ya!
So with each MOPIKO layer i slap on to reduce the itching, i am reminded of a Japanese rock garden whereby my flesh temporarily holds the rake like marks left by my nails. And as a result am left with various polka dot shaped scars for months.
And if that's not action packed enough, wait til i tell you what happened next.
Completely absorbed in reading an article, i hadn't noticed that Smooks woke up from his gazillionth nap. Quietly examining the lit tea light i have an arms length away and only centimeters away from the flame. When suddenly i noticed his fine whisker like eyebrows magically shorten. Which was then followed by a smell similar to that time when i lit a cigarette and the flame caused half my eyebrow to vanish. In shock i patted his lint like soft fur as though it was on fire. And in the midst of my panic, i knocked the tea light over and the liquified wax dripped on to my faded pink carpet.
So there i was picking at the hardened wax and attending to my itchy bites. And then i see Smooks inching towards the balcony. Only pausing for a split second to check if i was paying attention, like a child waiting for his parent to witnesses his heroic 5 metre dash. And in a blink of an eye speed climbs up to the top of the grill door.
With his tennis ball shaped head, most of his torso and hind legs over the top of the chicken wire/grill door i am lucky to even grab hold of his tail. And like a scene out of B grade movie, the only effect missing is applying a voice synthesis to my words of panic...
"NoooooooOooooooooooo [insert pause] oooOOoooooooo!"
[This is when the editing team manipulates the footage to create a scene similar to The-Matrix-bullet-dodging effect. And not forgetting a frame that highlights the tension in my face. An expression that easily translates, "OH shiiiit... i'm screwed" in a multitude of languages].
BUT imagine if i were a second too late! Mister Smooks' late night base jumping would be accompanied by a frantic race down 2 flights of stairs. Barefoot, scantily dressed and crouching down on all fours whispering loudly, "...here kitty kitty..." to the early morning darkness. Not a picture perfect moment but perhaps an ideal setting for a cheesy 70's porn flick. But hey, i live in a family orientated neighborhood and such request would be declined by Management right off the bat.
Wasn't it only just last week that i was grateful that i put my ghetto arse pliers to rest? And allowed my right palm to fully heal. But now only to be forced to come up with Plan B for Project BlockSmooksFromBaseJumping. I find myself helpless, waiting for the blood thirsty enemy to have her last feast.
[Insert Voice Over]: Will Smooks finally outsmart the chicken wire trap? Or will Chrissie be eaten alive by deadly blood suckers? Find out in the next episode of 'Chronicles of Late Night Dramas'. [insert cheesy music].
---xox---
Ahhhahahahh... ok seriously, i think i've lost it... it must be the December bug.
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