Time is ticking...

I can't believe that it's already November, 2 more months and a whole calendar year would have gone by. My Halloween was just like any other day, there was no Trick or Treat or costume wearing... just another day at the office.

I knew i had to stay back to try and get as much work done as possible, so any last minute plans would of had to been cancelled [a rare moment but SHOULD there had been a reason, i wouldn't have been able to make it].

Possom was still in the office and was buying time til she had to head off to her dance class, so she asked whether i was up for a beer. I needed a break anyway, so i agreed. We ended up chatting over fish and chips and an ice cold Tiger. The conversation steered towards my latest topic; what else is there left for me here?

The longer we chatted, it made more sense. There's so much out there and now if any, is a perfect time for me to venture out of my comfort zone. And in 3 years and 3 plus months i will hit 3-0. It's just a matter of time before i pack my bags and travel to the other side of the world for an extended holiday or possibly more, who knows.

But my main priority is to be completely medication-free. I did a rough estimate and in the past year i must have spent AT LEAST RM6k just on those little capsules that are the size of an obese vitamin.

And with fingers crossed that i remain stable for the next 2 months, i could even attempt to be tapered down. But knowing that being weaned off my medication may result to horrific episodes [like a few months back]. Sometimes i wonder whether it's worth all the agony and pain. But i have to believe that ONE DAY i will be meds-free. Just how i have miraculously been able to keep my Thyroid levels normal.

I used to wish that i'd find happiness but i realise that kind of happiness will only come once i'm cured. And that freedom will be worth much more than anyone can imagine.

In the mean time, i better get back to finishing off my work.

A Quark roll and side portion of nuts please.

I am so proud of myself, i've actually done A LOT of work today. OK i lied, not heaps but a decent amount that has made me sit on my arse and work continuously since i walked in this morning [minus my lunch break].

Deafened by music blaring through my headphones, i see AnBloodyMumNoMore wave frantically in my direction to get my attention. My boss has come back from his emergency leave and wants to see me in his office. Like a deer caught in the headlights, i freeze at my desk. A couple of strides North East of where i sit, i find myself at his doorway bright eyed and i tap on the glass.

He wants to see the visuals.

All i can think was... SHIT... i've only just finished the second half AND the first half that i did over the weekend refuses to open. The other designer has her mock-up done and is FINISHED!

I print my thumbnails, so he gets a jest of what i'm doing. I return and explain my dilemma without it sounding too dramatic but apparently the part he wants to see is the 1st half... YES... THE HALF THAT QUARK DECIDES TO CORRUPT! *Throws various obscene hand/finger gestures to her computer screen*

He explains to me that if i don't finish the visuals, he's taking me off the job. And all i can think of was negative thoughts...

OH.
MY.
FUCKING.
GAWWWD...
What a fantastic impression i've made, 5 months and I'm going to be fired because Quark hates me.

But i swear to him that i'll get it done... i've been in this predicament before where timing is crucial and i'm racing against the clock. [It's strange how adrenalin and fear can make you concentrate]. I am later told that i MUST have the visuals done by Thursday. [THANK YOU!]

So as i exit his room feeling like the shotgun has been removed from my head... i return to my seat and crack open the container filled with fried broad beans and salted peanuts that i have sitting on my table and begin nibbling away.

I've got a few more spreads to do and i should be good to go. *Prays for Lady luck to linger on just a little longer* But after practically ODing on peanuts, i realise that nuts are the root of all evil.

R4 shots

I don't own a camera [yet] and even if i did, i probably would have forgotten to take photos, so i shamelessly stole a few from Alice, Wendy, Steph and Joe... SO THANKS TO THEM you all can have a looksy since i uploaded a few on to my Flickr in the "Night Out" folder.

Much love to Bass Agents, Soul-T and especially Bruce for all the hard work put in to bringing such a great night.

K.I.N.K.Y.P.U.G.K.E.V

In response to KinkyPugKev's Geek Alert comment in my previous post...

What the ... ?
[If you squint it looks like you've got a padded bra on your head... ehehhe].

A mug of procrastination = RM3.90

Still in a holiday mood and still in search for my sense of emergency, i trotted off to lunch at Basil with my colleagues. Rambled on about god knows what to distract me from my grumbling stomach.

Then after stuffing myself and forgetting that i should really tone down in my helpings after seeing myself in a bikini over the weekend, we went off to the forgotten Japanese RM5 shop along Telawi 3.

Imagine four women going absolutely ecstatic over containers of all shapes and sizes, japanese cutlery/cookware and nicely packaged objects for dirt cheap. Every few minutes you'd hear one of us bust out with, "OH MY GAWD, how cute!" or "Oh loooOOoook they even have a holder for [insert random item]..."

I was drawn to the japanese bowls and ceramic cups. I came across one mug that was waaaay too cute, it looks like an odd shaped eggplant with a handle and a slight tilt and i had to purchase it. I found a wooden coaster that i thought needed to cradle it, so that was added to the impulse shopping list. YES, any reason to buy something to keep Chrissie happy.

And as my colleague once said to me when i joined when i brought my cork coaster in to the office, "ooOOooo how civilized, you even have a coaster". And NO, i'm not being anal about spilt coffee ring marks on my table, i just like the look of coasters, THAT and for some reason coffee always ends up drooling over the side.

Got to the office and was quick to make my second cup of instant coffee for the day just so i could try it out. Like a kid just receiving a piece of candy, i strolled through the office showing it off... YES, i know so sad but little things in life make me happy. CORRECTION: SOME little things in life make me happy... ahahaha.

So i changed my msn handle from Chrissie • SCREWYOUQUARK to Chrissie • HASANEWMUG. I was greeted by Kinkypugkev sending me a msn message to say that i should blog about it. So to waste even more of my calculated time, i hunted for the office digital camera, so for RM3.90 i thought it was a pretty damn good deal.

Chasing Colours and Collecting Thoughts...

Well what would have been an amazing weekend started off with my stupid Quark file not opening because the software that i decided to use was having a hissy fit and chose not to open. I ended up not having enough sleep because i spent the early hours of the day on Saturday trying rectify the issue but ended up with no solution.

So anyway when it was inching towards noon i decided to pack for my short getaway. I packed at least half a dozen Ts and random items, knowing that the last Revelation i sweat buckets and smelling like stale sweat is definitely not a turn-on [for myself as well as for those in a radius of a few metres]. Perhaps it's a girl thing to pack like you're going away for a week when in reality you're just gone for 30 hours.

After making a pit stop at the supermarket to get four 6-packs and redbulls, a withdrawal of extra mullah and various chuppas, we started our journey.

Eventually we got to the bungalow to join Bruce and gang. We arrived and Soul-T, his brother in-law, supastar and poster boy were already there stuffin' themselves with room service. But by that time the first order of call was to chuck the beer in the fridge and freezer... By late afternoon my beer consumption began and eventually everyone had come back from their little excursion to Giant, where another set of speakers were bought and our 4 bedroom bungalow was filled with tunes and chit chatter.

The sun went down and preparations for the night began. A little cam whoring was done and YC's fringe was centre of attention as it sprang up each time you held it down. Much like those toys that sit on the dashboard and bop up and down when there's movement... ehehe.

By 10pm we reached the venue and much thanks to Zouk Brians' VIP passes, we managed to park at the VIP carpark near the venue. But due to the time, we ended up parking right at the end but definitely closer than most.

The next hour was spent bumping into random people and doing the hello's and greetings. Then rumor had it that they were shutting down at 1am because the authorities were concerned with the number of people showing up, there could be a riot. IT'S A FUCKING RAVE! There's meant to be 1000's of people there... what else were they expecting?

Soul-T and Bass Agents ended up playing side by side by midnight and the crowd was relatively pumped up and there was a relatively good vibe. My adventure to find more beer and having bumped into various ex colleagues and random others took longer than expected. I found myself constantly repeating, Where do i buy drink coupons?

Surrounded by friendly faces and a whirlwind of lights, it was surreal. Then the huge screens said that they were shutting down at 1am. It was like a ton of bricks crashing in our parade. The look on Bruce's face as the music was turned down and the people started to make an exit was beyond disappointment. Months' of preparation and lost hours' had suddenly been put to a hault... damn them! Not even shedding an ounce of sweat, the event came to rude close but never the less...

It was GOOD FUN full of multi coloured lights and liquid!

The only thing that could be done is head back to the bungalow and by that time every bungalow in the area was filled with various people having their own house parties. Eager to get into our pool i changed and jumped in to everyones' surprise.

Soon after Chook came in and we were surrounded by others' whilst we continued to prune up and drank beer whilst everyone chit chatted. The house was filled with faces and despite R4 ending unexpectedly... i had an amazing time.

When dark turned into light and sky turned a beautiful blue. As the beer continued to be consumed and walking around aimlessly from one area to another to find warmth in the freezing bungalow with a semi wet T and bikini was definitely not a smart move but i couldn't be arsed to change as i was convinced that i was going back in the water. But once i showered it was all over red rover, i couldn't be arsed to get back in the pool even though it was scorching hot outside.

Miss Cal was hugging her pillow whilst she continued to proclaim that she was drinking to much [with a beer in hand... ahahhah]. We sipped our morning beer and the girls were by the pool lounging and getting several shades darker. I chose to sit inside away from direct sunlight and swapped my contacts for my specs. The thought of sticking the contacts back onto my eyeballs was not on my priority list.

The night was full of drama, confusion and forgotten moments.

By 2pm we checked out and moved over to another bungalow that we had booked. The other girls continued to tan and their boyfriends lounged in the pool whilst i lay on the bed trying desperately to get some shut eye which i failed miserably. The thought of my Annual Report was engraved in the back of my brain and i was eager to get back to KL. Then suddenly, i started missing Smooks. I hadn't seen him for 6 days and was feeling like i had abandoned him. I couldn't wait to see him.

3 hours later we reached Rainin' Cats and Dogs and to my delight Smooks was sleeping but soon arose when i called out to him. For some reason he looked different [could be the whole, where the fuck were you? Actually where the hell am i? look]. The lack of exercise and excess sleep had made him develop a bit of a pot belly [much like his owner... ehehhe... like two peas in a pod except one is covered in fur].

So Goatboi and Llama llama stuffed ourselves with our first decent meal at subway in silence.

Eventually i got my arse home to sort out the hooded kitty litter tray. And either i wasn't concentrating and had forgotten to latch the bottom but just as i picked up box and had layed out FRESH kitty litter... the bottom gave way and i had showered the floor with Catscan litter. WELL DONE CHRISSIE.

After clearing up my unnecessary mess and feeling extremely exhausted. I stood under the shower and couldn't be anymore happier i was home at last. I intended to sleep for only an hour or two but the next thing i knew it was close to 4am and Smooks was happily strolling on top of me doing his morning runway walk. Completely disorientated and feeling like i had been run over by a truck, my body is aching. My ribs feel like they've been punched and every part of my body hurts for some reason.

So feeling like i had ran a mile, i made it to the office [after a one week break] to find out that my stupid file doesn't open on the version of Quark in the office. Apparently the version i used on MattEbony is QuarkXpress Passport: a multiple language file and cannot be read at work. SO NOW... i have to redo THE WHOLE DAMN THING AGAIN! So my final words are:

Screw you Quark!

To Cal

On a much lighter note but not shy of being on an intoxicated level... i would like to wish my dear Miss Callie Tan a very happy birthday! The woman behind Didjital and the fire behind any confrontation. This girl is one chili padi eager for another beer at any time of day and great fun to hang out with.

Here's to many more... see YOU at R4 babe... cheers!

Much love and summersaults,
Chrissie... xox

Screw you and your unexpected error!

I tried practically everything, i even went on to the Mac OSX support site hoping there would be some miracle cure but no avail. I'm stuck with 2 files that refuses to open and when i think there's a glimmer of hope, the damn application says "an unexpected error has occurred"... NO SHIT SHERLOCK!

So in return, i'm running away from KL for the night, only to go as far as 144km but still, it's the much awaited Recharge Revelation Rave. I will try not to fume over the fact that the chosen software that i've been using for the past 7 years is absolute bollicks and just when i need it to co-operate it does something like THIS.

It is similar to using the lame arse exuse, 'my dog ate my homework'... i cannot simply say, 'oh my file won't open because Quark is stupid'. I might as well just tell my boss 'i'm a lazy git' and couldn't be arsed to redo it. I hate how we depend on technology so much. Why do things manage to find a way of fucking up at the crucial time... it's Technology's way of having the upper hand no matter what.

So with my sore back and additional ulcer in my mouth, i'm going to try and have the best time possible despite knowing the minute i get home i'll have to race through the project and start from scratch. My grid and copy that i painfully tracked and kerned is now sitting stupid in a file that will probably never see the light of day.

OPEN SESAME! Why won't you open!?

OH.
MY.
FUCKING.
GAWWWWWD.
.
.
.
I have just spent the past 8 plus hours re-doing the layout and grid for the project that i was working on and the stupid Quark application keeps quitting on me each time i try and reopen the file. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

OH NO... my back hurts from sitting down for so long and there's no way in hell am i going to redo it as i need to get some sleep before i head to Malacca.

I tried opening another file and THAT one opens! I thought i was smart and even saved a back up copy of it and both won't open. I was more than half way done as well! *breathe... breeeeathe*

*Goes slightly mental and storms off to figure it out*

Lookin' for Suitcase but ain't goin anywhere.

I'm not sure where my sense of emergency has disappeared to but for the love of all good things, i seem to have misplaced it. Last night i spent a mere 10 minutes looking at the grid that i created for the project that i'm currently working on and no amount of creativity dust has fallen on to it or on to me for that matter. I even brought some layout books to my bed, hoping some fantabulous design would imprint itself in my brain whilst i slept. But the second i put my head to the pillow... i passed out. So much for that brilliant idea.

And before i went to bed, i went as far as copying the missing fonts into the Library Fonts folder and for some reason, they don't look right on my screen. How am i supposed to work under such conditions? I desperately need Suitcase to manage my fonts [another lame excuse to procrastinate further].

Maybe it's the whole i-am-still-on-holiday therefore cannot be arsed to do work. But I KNOW once Sunday comes to an end and i've returned from Malacca, i'll be speed racing through it all and trying to formulate a presentable looking piece to show my boss on Monday.

I even had planned to go to my old office to pick up my claims and to sort out my ATM card at the bank today. But i know if i go, that's at least 3 hours wasted and 3 hours of POSSIBLE work done. And i know me, i'll end up getting distracted and find myself wandering through Low Yat Plaza and looking at the computer stores and software or buying unnecessary items because my impulse need to purchase.

*stares outside* The sun is out and the haze doesn't look so bad today. I can actually see in the far distance without having to squint or imagine where the buildings are. Hmmm... what a nice day to be outdoors.

I just googled online and i can download a 30 day free trial of Suitcase X1. Well now, i guess SOMEONE/THING out there heard my sad arse excuse of why i'm not working *goes off to download* But before i start work i'll attend to my dying plants, make some coffee and suss out the music selection to get the creative juices flowing.

Time away has got me thinking all sorts.

Majority of the time that i go back home to visit my folks, i spend hours sifting through my boxes and looking at photographs and scribbled notes. Even going as far as frolicking down memory lane, that no doubt conjure bitter sweet memories. However this time around, i did as much as grabbing the step ladder and positioning it below the cupboard full stop.

I'm not sure whether it was because i had pre-occupied myself with other matters but i didn't even bother to mess up the cupboards that my mom spends hours organising everytime i leave [i am convinced that she uses it as an excuse to keep herself busy as she no longer works and prefers spending her days at home re-arranging and lounging].

Opening the cupboard, i'm faced with a yellow shoe box that houses all the little raver knick knacks that i brought back with me from Melbourne raves. My collection of dummies and random toys that were swapped in exchange for a piece of chewie [ahhh, those were some good times]. Without even opening the box, i clearly remember finding some tinsel on the ground and thought it was worth keeping [and to this day, i have no idea why i thought it was so special. Possibly manufactured in China, stepped on several times in Australia and currently stationary in Singapore].

I didn't even bother looking at the photo album i had created of that ONE out of two holiday [beach getaways] that HIM and i went on during our 8 year relationship. It was tucked away underneath college notes and files that i will have no need for... funny how things seem to all fall into place over time and find its designated resting space.

This holiday was definitely not a reason to dwell in the past but had got me thinking about what it is i want to do with my future. Still a spring chicken and at my prime, i'm starting to think of where all of this is taking me. I have no PR anywhere and i am only tied down to this country because of my current job. But the question is, what happens after? What happens after my contract ends [even though it is in 2 years time... i am certain, that time will fly by in a blink of an eye].

One option is traveling once my contract ends. After having a deep and meaningful convo with my mom a few days ago, it got me thinking about how carefree and eager she was traveling here and there then earning a solid wage before she settled down.

Even though i have been very fortunate to have lived in various countries in Europe and even living in Saudi Arabia for the early years of my life but due to my developing brain cells at the time, i can barely remember any of it. I can only thread segments taken from photographs, major dramas and repetitive stories told by my parents and even then, there is little appreciation or emotion.

And of late, i'm starting to question what this country has left to offer me or what i have to offer it. Besides the friends that i have made and the contract that keeps me employed... there really isn't that much else for me. The uncertainty of when HS will get a club to play at, means that the past years' effort as a promoter and spokesperson is put on hold. And i find myself lost as to what i should do to fill up my time.

Have i really focused THAT much of my time on others and have forgotten about me?

Perhaps it is Life's little wake up call to tell me that my time here is nearing it's expiry date. The longest time i've stationed myself in one country is 5 years and that was in Melbourne. 2007 will be my 4th year in a row living in this country and already i am having doubts as to whether i will continue living here once my contract comes to an end.

But with everything, Time has a way of changing ones' perspective. I just hope boredom doesn't get the better of me and that my job isn't used as an excuse to keep me from addressing my main issues. Here's hoping i'll find something to fill up that gaping hole.

Whipped eggs.

Yesterday I asked Inti [my mom’s maid] to do a bit of reflexology since my feet were in serious pain. And the second that she put pressure on various parts of my feet it felt like daggers were being prodded into the area. Unlike that ‘good’ kind of pain one feels, this was nowhere near pleasure.

They say “Reflexology is a science which deals with the principle that there are reflex areas in the feet and hands which correspond to all of the glands, organs and parts of the body. Stimulating these reflexes properly can help many health problems in a natural way, a type of preventative maintenance”. And benefits the mind, soul and body.

So there I was chit chatting to Inti about her family back in Indonesia whilst she was kneading the living shit out of my feet. She spoke about how her mother got married at 12 years old and had her eldest brother at 17. Twelve years old... one is still being charged Children’s price! But mind you, her family lives in a small village on the outskirts of Java and life in general evolves around the farm and paddy fields.

Was relieved when the kneading had to stop because dinner had to be prepared. I’m not sure whether it improved anything but I later rubbed some tiger balm joint cream onto the bruised areas because it was sore. 18 hours later and still smelling like a chinese medicinal shop, my feet feel like oversized tenderized pieces of meat.

The area that connects my foot to my ankle remains very sore. According to the chart it refers to my Ovaries, so I’m not sure what that means but it feels like my ‘eggs’ have been indirectly whipped and anymore kneading, they'll soon turn into meringue.

I like Apple.

Oh i forgot... yesterday i also checked out the renovated Macstore better known as EpiCentre @ Orchard. It was absolutely lovely! They even have one section just for iPods and what not. I spoiled myself and got a few accessories to protect MattEbony from greasy fingers and sore wrists.

Better than i imagined.

Spent most of the early part of yesterday sleeping… or should I say catching up on my lost hours. Figured I’d venture out into the city and do a bit of shopping. Yes, one of many things that women enjoy doing and some how are good at. I refrained from buying any more baby Ts, since my shelves at home can’t house any more. Even trying to colour co-ordinate the shelves don’t work since majority of my Ts are either black, dark shade of gray or coal. There is a serious need to fish through my wardrobe and dispose of items that haven’t seen the light of day in the past year or more.

Having to restrain myself from buying most of the items I tried on, I ended my shopping excursion with a top from Little Match Girl and these really cute ¾ shorts that looks like a skirt from the front. And 3 other tops and comfy 3/4 laze-around-kinda pants from random other stores.

And as much as I don’t follow the current trend of tops that are accompanied with a thick belt that wraps around your rib cage. I gave in and bought this white one that was designed in such a way that if layed it out it looks like one big rectangular sheet folded in two [much like an oversized pillowcase] but with openings for my fat head to fit through. And a small section stitched along the sides just so my arms can hang freely. And with that fantabulously poor description, I’m sure I didn’t do justice to the actual piece but trust me, not only does it emphasise my small cup size but it flattens the beer belly... 2-n-1 bonus! But I’m not sure when I’ll wear it but I figured it’s about time that I start dressing A LITTLE bit better to work.

Then when I had enough of walking from one store to another and the balls of my feet were close to being numb. I met up with an ole’ college mate who happened to be in town for holiday with her hubby and bub, Adam. It had been awhile since I saw her and to see her little boy asleep on the bed made me realize how grown up we all are. As we sipped pink champagne and spoke about the past, it dawned on me how much has changed.

I then received a message from the club owner, to say that she’ll pick me up from the hotel. We made our way there and served me an ice cold Stella. I did the short tour of the place and took various shots of the venue. After a short discussion, we headed over to St James Powerhouse [an old coal-fired power station that will soon be transformed to house 9 different clubs under one roof]. Currently only 2 clubs are open and the other 7 should be done up soon.

Payed the entrance fee to Movida [known for it’s live entertainment and ‘World music’ sound]. Was impressed with the fading lights on the walls and the 4 screens that covered the upper section of the walls, although the space was quite small in comparison to previous clubs i've been to. And apart from the 3 of us and the other 3 occupied tables, the place was bare. And by the looks of it, the other table was for the band.

But before the band started and after i drank my whiskey + water, we trotted along to Dragonfly [known for its' Mandarin Pop entertainment and live band]. We arrived and they were playing commercial dance hits... one of Kylie's remixes. And considering it was a Tuesday, there was quite a number of people there.

We didn’t stay too long since our mission was only to check out the new venue and i was knackered. But it’ll be interesting to see what the dance club ‘Power House’ will look like as it is said to boast 10,000 square feet.

But all in all, it was a short and semi-sober night and was amazed at how many clubs this small country has to offer, with even MORE clubs being opened in 2007. Perhaps people are spoilt for choice here, i dunno... but if only KL would have such super clubs like that and a place for my boys to play at, that would be a nice dream.

Lambo's, Peanuts, Cake... oh my!

Blogger was being a bitch last night and wouldn't let me post. I typed the following at 3.31am:

Managed to sneak in about a minute of sleep on the plane that was because i saw the stewardess coming up the aisle with the tray of peanuts. Being the piggy that i am, i requested for two packets, which i managed to finish in record time.

Anyway i sat beside one of the skinniest men i've seen, he had grown himself a moustache but from where i was sitting it looked more like a veil for his upper lip... straight long hairs that hung freely [and NO it was not his nose hair]. It looked quite odd but i didn't think it was polite if i stared too long so i flipped through the onboard magazine. And i managed to flip through it as fast as i had eaten those peanuts.

Then there was this kid in the seat in front on the other side sitting on his mothers lap obviously nervous about the flight. Unintentionally we played the staring game. Keeping eye contact for as long as possible until one of us would look away with embarrassment. But i must have bored him because soon after i gave him that 'hello smile' his eyelids were sealed shut. [Well at least i know that boys of ALL ages act the same way when it comes to me].

I arrived and Dad and the driver were there to pick me up from the airport after i had grabbed a Cinnamon Ice Blended from Coffee Bean. We made our way to their place. Had a bit of a chit chat and then i decided to try and sneak in some shuteye before dinner.

One hour later i was up and tucked away my specks, 3/4's and baby T and made an effort to look more feminine. Yes i even sported my 'SlingBackStilletos'. Dinner was at the Japanese restaurant at Shangri La and let me just say, the food was great. As i sipped my white wine and my folks drank their hot sake, we cheered each other to celebrate my moms 65th year.

But that wasn't the highlight of it all. Tonight the Shang was holding Lamborghini's Annual dinner. The front entrance was lined with at least 38 Lamborghini’s, 10 Ferraris, a hummer and a few rolls Royce’s [i'm sure there were more parked further ahead]. It was spectacular. There i was snapping shots of these sexy machines all parked side by side.


It was surreal to see so many brightly coloured pieces of art parked out front for the hotel and glistening under the amber lights. I fell in love with one pearly white Lamborghini... it had sexxxy smeared all over it.

So after taking various shots of these beauties, we came home to cut the birthday cheesecake. I later spent the next 4 plus hours smoking and just chatting with my mom about everything under the sun, whether it was Traveling to Europe > Work > Hardsequence > Life in general... it was nice to be home.

Singles Club Sunday

Had a fantastic Sunday with my two buddies. Cheers for waking me up at 8 in the morning BUDDY! But it was well worth it... watching Ali G, a few minutes of Def Comedy Jam, Eddie Murphy, all the football matches and the F1 til the wee hours of the day.

But seeing that i've spent the WHOLE day outside, means that i haven't had time to tidy up my place and pack. Gotta catch a plane in a few hours.

RAM alama ding dong

Today was probably not the best day to be venturing out in the city but i had a number of errands to do and i didn't feel like cramming it in tomorrow. But had i known that everyone from the outskirts of KL were doing their last minute shopping i probably would have thought twice about stepping outdoors.

But my mission was to bump up the RAM on MattEbony. The inbuilt 512 MB RAM was not kickin' it, so my only option was to go with the 1GB upgrade. When it comes to waiting for applications to open and jumping from one software to another to do my work, i like things to run smoothly without having to quit anything. Yes patience is not one of my virtues. The old skool black and white ticking clock face has now been replaced with a non-convincing hypnotic rainbow coloured spinning wheel.

But RM700 poorer, i can now work in peace with my 1.25GB RAM working to its capabilities.

So here i am sipping my Espresso Frap at Starbucks, amongst all the other solo laptop users. Occupying myself by browsing through random sites and waiting for my Qlubtempo live sets to finish downloading. Can't be arsed to go home just yet, so i'll continue to inhale the haze outdoors until my arse gets sore from sitting down too long.

A or B

I could be wrong but aren't these ads conflicting? Hmmm... i guess that's where will power comes in handy. *Wonders' whether these are just another of Life's little tests* Good thing i don't live in Mexico eh?

And NO i have NOT quit drinking. I am simply making an effort to cut down. Although after work, i was BUSTIN' to have a cold beer but everyone had to rush home.

...

I rushed home just so i could stuff my face with a WHOLE bag of Lay's Sour Cream & Onion.

It's about Bloody Time!

It hasn't hit me that i've started my holiday as of one hour ago. Yes Miss Smarty pants took Thursday and Friday off. My company has declared Monday a holiday because Tuesday and Wednesday is for Deepavali and Raya.

But i will only be running away from KL from Monday onwards. Just in time for my mother's 65th birthday. Then forcing myself to do some retail therapy at my beloved Little Match Girl [in fact, i've been dressing up more to work as opposed to sporting my regular IJustRolledOutOfBed look]. And maybe, JUST maybe i will actually start wearing heels as opposed to my GAP slippers.

Perhaps THAT'S where i'm going wrong in the dating department [or should be renamed the non existent department].

a) The feng shui in my apartment needs some serious sexifying.
b) My wardrobe needs to reflect Femininity as opposed to #1 VCD store vendor fashion.
c) That mess only brings in more headache... I MUST LEARN TO SAY NO.

Then on Tuesday evening i plan to meet up with a club owner about a potential deal for the boys *fingers crossed that they make a good offer*

And although it SOUNDS like a pretty relaxing break [insert sleep, eat, blog, shop, TLC with the folks], my spare time will be filled with trying to finish off that damn Annual Report. And painfully doing copy changes for TheThornInMyArse Project. But never mind... i'll worry about that later.

Then i'm back in time for REVEL4TION on Saturday... 8 more days to go!

...

But now it's pissin' down hardcore and my Astro is currently unavailable. Maybe it's a sign to say "Get Off Your Lazy Arse And Tidy Up Woman!" [How house wife-ish].

But like many, i've made numerous excuses why i don't pick up after my mess;

a) Smooks doesn't mind, it's like one giant playground for him.
b) No man is coming over, so there's no reason why i have to fold my laundry.
d) I have issues departing with my items. Clutter is my forte.
c) Bottom line is... i can't be arsed.

Great. It's Friday night and i'm spring cleaning to Joss Stone.

Back to the Thorn.

TheThornInMyArse Project is back! And not only do i have to finish laying it out but i have to come up with a super duper fantabulous concept for this Annual Report and the first 30 odd pages are due after the Raya Holiday. AND i JUST found out that my boss will be away tomorrow, which means i won't be able to show him anything before i go on leave. Fuck. But then again, i gotta thank technology for the internet and email.

He's asked me to show him my ideas twice already this week but i've been heaps busy with my other two jobs [the editing of existing panels and TheThornInMyArse Project] and said i haven't had time to work on that job. So not only am i freaking out because he said i'm running out of time but if i don't show him, he'll pull me off the job. OH NO! *prays she doesn't get fired*

So instead of consoling Smooks [who is now at home] probably disorientated. I'm still in the office and *looks around* everyone has gone home. But i intend to finish this pain in the arse job and have it printed before i leave this office tonight/morning. Reason why i'm not working at home is because i haven't got the right software installed but never mind.

Back to kitty's first visit to the vet. The fur ball was in the carrier for a good 5 hours [minus a few minutes here and there where i let him crawl all over me]. It was 2.25pm and had i known the vet's lunch break was from 1pm-3pm, i wouldn't have chain smoked and looked like i was homeless.

3pm. I enter and fill out the card. Then the million dollar question comes up, so is Smooks a boy or girl? And to be honest i wasn't 100% sure. The SPCA did say it was a HE. But then i read somewhere, that sometimes it's difficult to check the sex of a kitten because those bits that are meant to be outside of the body were not at the mercy of gravity.

So after getting the full check up: being pricked by a needle to check for any nasty surprises. Then having a cold instrument shoved up the arse, which then moved onto being injected with a foreign liquid: vaccination and not forgetting having it's private parts looked at.

It is confirmed, MISTER Smooks is a mixed breed, is in good health and weighs in at 0.7kg.

KittyCatMonkeySmooks Excursion

My initial plan was to bring Smooks to the vet on Sunday for his vaccination but because of my spur of the moment kinda deal happened, i was unable to... damn those stupid impulses!

Smooks isn't sick it's just because i'll be putting him in boarding whilst i'm away. The store owner won't accept any pets unless they're vaccinated. Fair enough.

But the past few days, i've been preoccupied with work and knowing that there's no way in hell i can runaway from the office in time to catch the fur ball and make it to the vet on time [moments like these i WISH i owned a car].

So AnBloodyMumNoMore rang me this morning to see if i wanted a ride to the office [and to have a sneak peak at the little one]. Armed with her antihistamine and enthusiasm, she came and rang the bell. By which time, i was still scrunching clay in my hair and flinging my folded clothes from the living room onto my bed [i didn't go as far as putting it under the doona, so my bed looked like those flea market booths' that pile random items of clothing].

The excitement of a new person in the apartment meant that Smooks' usual helium balloon release whine/meow for 'HurryUpAndFeedMe' was skipped. Instead, it was replaced with 'WhereTheFuckAreYouTakingMeNow' meow.

Called Admin to ask if it was ok to bring my feline into the office until lunch. And was given the A-OK approval, just as long as i don't let it run around. Don't think my boss would approve having kitty nibbling on his toes, mind you, he only does it to me. Perhaps his little way of saying, 'I love you... all ten of you* *nibble nibble*

Arrived at the office and propped the carrier on to two empty IKEA rubbish bins. And with the carrier opening facing me [so it doesn't feel like i've abandoned him], i peer in to see the little monkey curled up in a ball in deep thoughts.

The HUNT and THE hunted.

I have come to the conclusion, whether one is the girlfriend, the ex, the rebound, the one-night stand, the fling, the only option or friend with benefits, the initial courting is pretty much the same.

No matter how old or how inexperienced he is, when it comes to that three letter word, the excitement of the 'chase' is more appealing than the aftermath. [What goes on after he's blown his load is much of a mystery to her].

Screw the feelings, since the anticipation of whether or not she gives in is where the excitement lies. And to makes things fair, perhaps the excitement on her side is seeing whether or not he's got enough balls to make the first move. Or not.

But what happens after? After you politely excuse yourself and say good-bye. Suddenly the overnight attention and friendly words of comfort is replaced with an awkward silence. Both parties selfishly using the other to add to their quota and the reassurance that they can attract the opposite sex.

Some may choose to brag about their conquest and there are those few specimens who choose to deny such matters, refusing to conjure up any memories when the topic is brought up. Regret on his part? Most likely. [And the evidence shows which head he was thinking with].

Was the act of passion a one off? Or was it an invitation for future get togethers? That's not the point. The savage beasts are soon back on the hunt sniffing out the unattainable but eager to devour them and leave them helpless.

But in the eyes of society such act of crude passion just emphasizes her whore factor whilst it helps promotes his manly status. But why is she the whore, when both parties came into the situation wanting the same excitement and release. Strange how gender inequality suddenly plays a huge part.

Neverending story.

Recently i've been thinking about the infamous proverb, "Curiosity Killed the Cat".

Choosing Impulse over Common Sense. The thrill of the unknown does wonders but unfortunately like russian roulette, the outcome is not known and often it's too late.

Choosing the sensible route is always the better choice. But of late, false self-made promises wrapped up to look like a cheap thrill is what has become of me. And until the next crossroads, temptation continues to lure Curiosity out of its' dark hole and that is when the gambling process begins.

Trying not to regret any encounters or situations [be it good or bad]. I live a semi private life and only revealing what i want my readers' to know. A choice made because humans have a tendency to make judgments before both sides of the story is heard.

And perhaps, like you, i crave understanding of the situation and for those few minutes that i have your attention... it is just us. Like a quiet conversation between a blind long lost friend and another who happens to be mute.

Booze + Good Conversation + Friends = Great Timing

After work met up with Buddy, buddy's mate and Chook for drinks down at Social. Which then continued on to us having some grub and a few more beers. Then Raul joining us for a beer or two. Then laineylashes and ms.redd dropping by for a short while since they were in the neighborhood. And then Pearly who happened to be stuck in traffic, drops by for a glass of wine. The last few drops of warm beer didn't leave a good aftertaste, so we moved onto wine, to of course clear the palate.

And as we continued to ramble on about what not, it wasn't too long until our glasses were empty and it was time to head off home.

One would think the combination of a couple of beers and white wine would be a good concoction to aid ones' sleep. But nooOOooo... it's past 3am and Smooks has spent most of the evening trying to either attack my toes, play 'polly wants a cracker' on my shoulder or pouncing on the keyboard [which makes conversations on msn a bit tricky].

I've attempted to fool him by lying on my bed, hoping he'll just curl up into a ball. But nooOooo, it just means he gets to launch himself onto my nose or play with my labret. Damn irritating since i have to cover myself under my doona [which of course gets a bit suffocating].

I am attempting to dribble out some excess thoughts into my blog, hoping it will help in the sleep department. I'm guessing all the stern "NO Smooks", "Smooks get off the escape/delete button" and "Stop fucking nibbling on ME" has finally tired the little fur ball. Because NOW he's quietened down and is curled on top of my lap purring. Which is probably something that i should be doing but tucked under my doona minus Smooks somehow finding his way curled on top of my back.

What's your number?

Hello?
Hey babe. You sleeping?
Yea, sort of. What's up?
Oh just wondered whether you want to chill with me and watch a movie.
Uhhh ok. Hang on haven't you slept?
Not really, i can't sleep.
Uhh ok, fine give me about an hour.
Alright, see you soon babe.
*click*

Extremely tired she arrives an hour and a half later and rings the doorbell. The door opens and the only light on is the one in the hallway and the light that emits from the tv. The rest of the living room is dark as the curtains are drawn shut. The smell of burnt tabacco stains the cold air.

They sit on the couch and chit chat about random topics. He lights a cigarette and gestures whether she wants one. And like an adult passing a child a lollipop, she nods and says thanks.

He then later shows her a stack of newly bought DVDs [still in its' original plastic wrapping with the price tag still on]. She browses through it, creating two stacks; Possibilities and No thanks. It's down to three and without hesitation UltraViolet is the chosen one.

He suggests bringing the pillows from the couch on to the floor to create a makeshift mini mattress. The doona is pulled from the bedroom along with the pillows. By which time she doesn't think much about it. And props up the pillow and covers herself under the doona to shield herself from the cold air.

Within minutes of lying there, he joins her under the cover and inches closer. And before the movie has already begun he's making his move on her. Suddenly she realises what's going on but doesn't fight back. And within seconds realises WHY she was called over.

The movie begins and she backs off to catch what the voice over is saying. And it doesn't take long for him to run his hands along her leg. She lays still, unsure of what to do. He sweeps his hand over her lightly as though caressing a docile cat. At which time the only thoughts running through her head is, Stay or go?

If she leaves, she has nowhere to go to except home... alone. She debates with herself as to what she should do. But comes to a conclusion that she is just another number AND he is only just another to add to her list.

...

Five or so hours later, she opens her eyes after having fallen asleep for an hour so. Only then to realise what she has done. Feeling empty and not satisfied she scrambles around in the dark looking for her articles of clothing hoping not to wake whom lies beside her fast asleep.

She stares at her reflection with disbelief and fixes her hair. For a few minutes she feels the detachment that prostitutes must feel. The only difference was there was no monetary exchange, only two lit cigarettes and two "thank you, it was nice".

She wakes him to say good-bye and shuts the door behind her along with her dignity.

Behind the scenes.

I sort of forgot what i had typed yesterday but it obviously wasn't very important.

Only to know that last Saturday was Hardsequences' last event at Ruums. As usual i arrived at the club just before 9pm to setup the presales counter. And like routine, ordered my jug and got the presales tickets [not much different from the previous weekends]. It was just past 10.30pm and still Drive wasn't behind the decks. WHAT THE FUCK!?

Getting nervous that those who actually paid for their presale would demand for their money back. A few punters kept asking whether we'd be playing and i could only reply with, "Of course we are... soon soon. I'm so sorry, don't leave, HS will be playing".

Then i noticed that the club was opening presales at the entrance. Which previously they never did and usually the cashier would direct people towards our counter. But noOOoot this time. Asked MaBoss what's the deal and decided that we'd pack up and just do the guestlist. We would sacrifice our preales and just give it straight to the club. So after only selling 3 presales at that time, i stood outside with the Ruums guestlist chick. [Trying not to get in the way of the girls who were promoting for bottle sales. But they took over most of the space anyway, like leeches they attached themselves to anyone who came near pushing for them to buy a bottle].

THEN i turn around to see that the club has decided to charge doorsale price of RM35 instead of the advertised RM25 before 11.30pm. It wasn't even 11pm. So i went a bit ape shit, saying it is unprofessional and not right, if we state the price in the newspapers and eflyers and then those expecting to pay a certain price to then have to pay 10 bucks more. Went up to my MaBoss who was trying his best to look calm but was obviously stressed and explained to him what was going on. Telling the cashier that we have a core group of supporters and i didn't want them to feel cheated. We can't advertise something and then change it.

MaBoss was back in discussions with the BIG BOSSES. Then MaBoss decides that anyone who had booked presales through HS would automatically get in free. And although this decision was only implemented for 5 minutes, we did manage to get about 7 people in. Meantime the BIG BOSSES must have freaked out and was then informed to reopen the counter. And all night, they kept a watchful eye over us.

Already stressed that the music wasn't playing and they had funky arse Ghetto music on, people were hanging out outside, i grabbed the presales list and reopened. And still the BIG BOSSES wouldn't let Roy play until midnight! By which time, people were getting a bit antsy.

Eventually we packed up and made it inside. Those of us who knew that this would be our last event at the club, you could feel the tension in the air. I was in no mood to dance and sat by the bar with Supastar, ChilliPadi and SK, pacing back and forth to chill.

At one point during the night, i made my way to where the BIG BOSSES were sitting and shared my point of view that people who come here, come for the DJs and Hardsequence. Put aside the fact that most of our supporters are clean clubbers that aren't drinkers and purely come in JUST for the music and the adrenalin. But the BIG BOSSES don't care, they're just looking at the dollars and cents. And all i could think was, fair enough.

Although everyones' sets' was halved, Drive, Nottifish, Dr Willis, Learn and Bass Agents had their turn banging out some tunes. And as i stood beside the speakers, i couldn't help but feel sad and think now we've lost our one home, we're going to take all these bitches with us to our new home [not yet found]. Good luck to them trying to fill up the place.

And it is true, HS and the BA boys are my family and we're a tight group. And wherever the BA boys go, rest assured i'll be following them. I don't think there's anyone like us, like HS. Much love to HS, Bass Agents and the crew.

And of course HUGE THANKS to all our HS loyal supporters and new found friends.

In short.

Can't be bothered to retype what i had saved and somehow mysteriously deleted. Will attempt to do round 2 and get into detail tomorrow when i've got more energy.

Sad because HS is forced to take a break due to the club now run by new management and their bright idea of doing renovations. But i'm confidant that we won't die and HS will find a new home... one day. Stressed because HS had to start late on Saturday and the club refused to let Roy play... instead they played bolicky Ghetto music aka RnB. And everything else irritated me because of how badly the presales were handled.

All in all, it's been a not so productive weekend yet it ended with a very spur of the moment kinda deal. Oh and i got my blood test results from the lab on Saturday, my levels are normal.

Alcohol 101

So Supastar's mini get together a la Quarter Century Old celebration was accompanied by a bottle of Black Label, tequila pop, graveyard and the traditional birthday package: double flaming lamborghini.

Supastar, chilli padi and i were late but Wing boy, Stoopidfish, Chook and Sengkar were already there. We all had work the next day, so it wasn't right to be completely wasted. Just enough to share a few laughs and increase the noise level by a few notches. Chook left relatively early but was soon replaced by Desmond. Who was then roped into having a double flaming lamborghini because it was his birthday a few days before.

Civilized as we were, there was none of that 'dentist chair' intoxication ritual where the victim is forced to throw their head back whilst liquor is poured down their throat and the 5 second countdown begins. Totally moronic and completely unnecessary in my opinion.

When i was teenager, my mother always reminded me before i went out clubbing, not to get drunk because being the drunk girl is ugly and not ladylike. [Which i have to admit is true]. And being the girl that's leaned over the side and spewing the nights' contents on the sidewalk does not project the 'well hellooOOoo boys' sentiment.

I never understood the need to get sooOOoo violently intoxicated that the mission for the night was to rant and rave like a complete baboon and then later to be covered in ones' own spew before the night is over. Then spread eagle like Death had just ran his boney finger down your back while you're passed out on the pee covered cement. Mmmmm lovely... now ain't that a pretty picture.

But then again, i guess we've all been there. And yes, even i have come home COMPLETELY off my tits and wishing i hadn't had that last shot. And not remembering majority of the night but the next day been given the run down of my stupidity. Ahhhh the beauty of alcohol, makes you stubborn as a bull and carefree.

And although i have been drinking regularly for the past thirteen years or so, i can say my only advice to all you ladies is to 'pace yourself and to know your limit'. And unless you know what combos don't go well together, i suggest if you're going with bubbles [beer, soda, champagne etc] to stick with bubbles. Otherwise, you're cooking up a recipe for a future hangover and hourly visits examining the toilet bowl. But then again, everyone's different but those are usually the rules i stick by.

Oh and happy Friday 13th.

It's about you BUT really it's about me.

So my cousin [on my mom's side] has got hold of my email address and after sending me forwards after forwards. And after looking through each and every one of them, i came across one attachment by Jim Warren and i decided that one grabbed my attention. There's something about it that looks appealing, thought i'd share it with show you all.

It reminds me of Escher's work... but still... i like it.

"It AINT over til the fat lady sings"

Due to the new management deciding to do some renovations to Ruums, HS has decided it would be great timing for us to take a break [for how long, we're not sure]. That is NOT to say that HS is gone for good, i assure you we are NOT goin anywhere! We're just resting momentarily.

So it would be great to see all our loyal HS supporters at Ruums this Saturday, 14 October night and let's show the club what HS is made up of!

Looking forward to seeing you at the presales counter and the dancefloor... Chrissie... xox

To Supastar...

Dearest Supastar Didi,

Remembering the phrase 'Never say Never' does indeed apply to all even if you know how to spell. But what can i say about this boy except that he's one helluva guy! Sorry ladies, this superstar is taken by the gorgeous chilli padi Miss Callie Tan. You mess with him and she'll go after ya with full force... ahahha.

And before i forget... "DON'T ISLAND YOURSELF!"

But in all seriousness, he is a champion of a friend and is a great laugh to be around. Do you remember that Kent party at the showroom and you INSISTED you were fine to drive but in reality you were swaying side to side? All so drunk and some funny arse shit! Our group holiday to the secluded beach in 2005 and losing ourselves on your screensaver. Our weekends pimpin' for BA boys and Hardsequence to a bunch of us hangin' out outside 7-11 to continue our alcoholic obsession. Some great times.

We have tried to take you down with alcohol but have yet to succeed. I really do appreciate our friendship but i have to say, TONIGHT... you're goin' DOWWWWN!!! Muahaha!

Much love and summersaults,
BA Pimpstress aka ChrisssSSSssie... xox

"Ahoy Matey!"

So the doc does the routine procedures and checks my heart rate... apparently it was going a bit too fast [one of many symptoms] but not enough for diagnosis. In simple terms it's like your body running a marathon but without moving. Your heart beats nearly twice as fast when resting hence the tiredness and the metabolic roller coaster.

And still i can't tolerate heat too well and i am forever sweating. AnBloodyMumNoMore can testify that i am forever complaining that i'm WARM in the office while she sits across from me freezing her tits off. Totally not fun when i live in a tropical country.

My new doctor has just prescribed me the same medication. Then picked up my prescription of my monthly prescription, paid my outstanding bill and went to the office a few hundred dollars poorer. Now having to wait til Friday to get my blood test results back.

But here's hoping my levels are normal *fingers crossed and waits for Friday*

On another note, Smooks has learnt the #2 way of waking up Chrissie; Let's snuggle up to her and then meow [more like whine like he's constipated] in her face. Then just as she wakes up, nibble on the tip of her nose! Then continue to that until she shoves me off and grunts NO and if she falls asleep, nibble on her earring.

Tonight he's had his repetitive claw gripping and free falling sessions from my shoulder onto MattEbony. And thankfully he's still very little because his favorite spot when i'm blogging is sitting on my shoulder. Like a green parakeet perched on a pirate curiously watching me type and keeping a look out.

So yea, this little handful of sneakiness keeps me entertained and gives me that much needed company even if i don't understand what he's trying to tell me and i am forever tripping up on him.

REVEL4TION confirmed @ AFamosa ~ 28 OCT 2006

Naughty by Nature, Christian Smith, King Unique, Bass Agents & SOUL-T

Info stolen from Joe;

REVELATION 4 is back on!

It will be held at the A’Famosa Resort in Melaka on the 28th of October, the very weekend after Hari Raya. Start booking your accomodation:

A’Famosa Resort: 06 552 0777
City Bayview Hotel: 06 283 9888
Renaissance Melaka: 06 284 8888
Riviera Bay Resort: 06 315 1111
Hotel Seri Costa : 06 281 6666
Tanjung Bidara : 06 384 2990
Riverview Hotel: 06 284 0881
The Emperor Hotel: 06 284 0777
Orkid Hotel: 06 282 5555
Tropicaville Hotel: 06 281 6137

Tickets will start to go on sale at ZOUK and selected Radioactive outlets from October 12th 2006 onwards. Presale is at MYR35. Suppose you’re one of those malas fellas who’ll take it for granted and decide to buy on the event day itself, it’s MYR45.

OR! On Thursday onwards, log on to http://www.rechargeroom.com/ to win free tickets for yourself and 3 friends. The deal starts Thursday only, so write a post it to remind yourself. 800 tickets are up for grabs there.

Expect to see;

• Vortex – a 40ft-high fan that’ll spin your guts out. The ride, unlike some other events, is FOC.
• CO2 Shower – a room where we’ll “inject” you with carbon dioxide, bring down the temperature and dispose whatever heat that’s bothering you.
• Spa – yup, same as last year, get FREE foot and hand massages as you lay back on deck chairs.

All of these on top of 2 massive stages, more than 20 giants screens and high-end lighting, fireworks, gargantuan industrial cooling fans, all the necessities that would compliment an event of this magnitude. I personally promise a turnout of no less than 10,000 party animals (to recap turnout: 2003: 9,000, 2004: 12,000, 2005: 20,000)

R3 in Port Dickson was sensational... i had an awesome time despite having to dance from 6pm-4am and having crippling cramps. But it was well worth it and definitely, one of the best nights of 2005. I am sooOOooo excited for what 2006 has in store...

Temporary Relief

My boss emerged from his enclosed 4 walls and swung by my desk to see how i was doing with my work load. And let me tell you, i can't be anymore happy right now because in that ONE minute, he has managed to pull out that ThornInMyArse project and has asked my AE to push my deadline to next week! YAY for me.

*big muthafuckin sigh of relief* So now i can work on my other deadline for tomorrow morning.

But knowing that my AE is going to shove that bloody mundane, tedious Thorn right back in next week is definitely not something i look forward to.

Breathe

Ohhhh i can feel it! You know that tension that builds up after every minute that passes. Knowing that if i don't get my arse into gear soon, my deadlines are going to bite me in the arse.

I currently have 3 jobs on my plate, it's not like i'm not used to the pressure. But knowing that if i don't get this CI guideline done by the end of the week. My hands are better off chopped off. OK i lied, i NEED my hands! I just can't get my head around one of my other jobs. Eager to have it completed even though i haven't even looked over the brief for the second time.

*breathe in*

Although not as extreme as what i USED to be like during my Agency days. I'm trying to keep my irritation levels down. And those extreme mood swings and outbursts were directly related to my Thyroid... it is a proven fact. With the added stress of my job just worsened it. [Damn those VULTURES who tried take me down and get me fired! I'M STILL STANDING] I have apologised to those individuals who happened to witness or be part of the crossfire. Still embarrassed and helpless since i feel like i'm losing control.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning to check my thyroid. I'm slightly nervous of seeing that needle. Funny how i am perfectly fine sitting still to get inked but am chicken shit when it comes to having a trained professional stabbing me with a needle to suck out my blood.

Then it's the dreaded process of waiting for my results. Then determining whether i need to continue with my meds [which i am forever forgetting to take] or am i given a clean bill of health [kind of, not really]. And then there is the added worry of whether my AD are actually doing ANYTHING.

And on top of that, building up enough courage to get my arse to therapy. Especially since some of my days are much better than others. And people who i see on a weekly basis may even claim that i look fine and they can't shut me up. And then there are some days that i can barely look at anyone straight in the eye and not wanting to emerge from my bubble of Safety. Avoiding eye contact and keeping conversations to a minimum.

Suddenly feeling very self conscious and anxious. Wanting to run home and just slam my door on reality.

*breathe out*

Let there be Peace... xox

I came home to a very noisy kitty. He meowed and meowed for a good 2 hours and feeling slightly abandoned because i wasn't at home to play with him. But little does he know that if i do stay at home, that would mean i would lose my job and we'd both starve. No more kitty biscuits for Mister Smooks or special treats for Chrissie.

Eventually he calmed down but finds it necessary to stroll between my feet when i walk. A sneaky way of making sure that i'd pet him every few minutes to reassure him that i hadn't run off. And this little fur ball has learnt to jump on my lap and finds it funny to latch on to me with his mini claws [sure sign that some serious nail clipping is needed... otherwise there will be some serious scarring].


And after making lots of noise and meowing with disapproval because i was paying more attention to MattEbony. Smooks has taken note of where the 'delete' button is and likes to pounce on that key ever so often.

But i think all the excitement and climbing on my shoulder so he can project himself off me like he's free falling, has finally tired him out [momentarily]. I will soon master the one hand typing whilst petting Smooks to keep him calm. He is now lying on his back on my lap dozing off and probably cooking up nasty thoughts of getting back at MattEbony when i'm at work.

Intoxicated Sounds of the New Generation

I've finally got my bloody Flickr account in order... it's taken me this long to sort myself out. So i am in the process of gathering all my stolen pics and will painfully upload them. There's a few pics taken on Saturday, courtesy of Wendy.

If i can't sleep then Chrissie can't either!

Ahhh the wonderful smells of KL haze, can do wonders to ones' lungs. Emerging from my sanctuary is like walking into a badly ventilated room filled with smokers'. As i was walking towards the main road this morning, i opted to walk in silence sans the iPod and Sennheiser headphones. It was eery to see a blanket of tracing paper haze around me.

I put on hold my morning smoke and gave the environment/lungs a break. And jumped into a cab where the CabDriver and i bitched about how every year the haze returns.

I'm just hoping that Mister Smooks is OK on his own today whilst i'm stuck in the office.

I woke up several times during the night because i dreamt of HIM and HER again. This time they were packing to go on holiday. They were flying to Manhatten for a 10 day holiday and i think it was Christmas. In my dream i have many conversations with him and she's always in the background somewhere.

I kiss him farewell just how we kissed each other good-bye that last time we were alone. Only this time, it was not accompanied with tears of sadness. I remember we lay beside one another, holding one another one last time. I cried because he was leaving me for someone else. He wept because i was sad. And the next morning he left early because HIM and HER were planning on going to some beach getaway. Envious that their new found bond allows them to go on many holidays together but during our 8 years, Holiday was a rarity even non existent.

But according to Askmen.com dream analysis i am actually trying to rid them from my psyche... "By dreaming of your ex, your mind is trying to close the book...".

But back to the present, Smooks had a comfy spot beside me and not realising, i rolled over him... which gave me more of a shock than him. I rolled back and was lying on my front, which in Cat Language must mean, New Sleeping Pad. And i passed out but soon woke up with a kitten sleeping between my shoulder blades.

Then he decides that sleeping just above my shoulder and ear gives him full access of sticking his face in front of mine. And he has decided the #1 way of waking up Chrissie; Let's tap my front paw on her eye lid! And if that doesn't work then let's play with her hair.

I spent my first hour listening to him purr and trying to sneak in another 15 minutes of shuteye. But Mister Smooks likes shoving himself as close as possible to my nose, unaware that he is suffocating me with kitty fur. But eventually he calmed down and found himself a comfy spot. Which was when i decided to take a shower and get ready for work. But was soon followed by a furry grey ball of cuteness.

Hello world!

Was at Ruums last night for Sounds of the New Generation to support XT-Acid, Karma and Bone.. Made the most of the fact that i didn't have to work the presales counter and happily drank the night away. I took a dozen pictures of Smooks with my hand phone and showed him off like a proud parent.

Then was woken up this morning by Smooks finding its way on to my bed and curling up beside me. Feeling slightly hung over but unable to go back to sleep, i stumbled out to the living room and have spent the past 4 hours watching various programs. Smooks finds comfort in lying on my chest and falling asleep.

He follows me everywhere! I've brought MattEbony to my couch and am typing this on the floor whilst Smooks curiously looks over my shoulder and watches me tap away on the keys.

I'm so in love.

Smooks

So i made my way to the SPCA at lunch... eager to have a peep at all the kitty's. Jumped on the LRT and took a cab from Ampang station. And after spending 2 hours in the cattery and falling in love with two felines. One was aged at 6 months, beautiful looking persian with the most adorable blue eyes and another little kitten dark grey with grey/blue eyes.

I opted for the little one and is aged between 1-2 months. Apparently, he's a British Blue. I've decided to call him Smooks... Mister Smooks.

MissSeniorPisces and her friend were sweet enough to pick me up and we made our way to Bangsar, where i sipped on an Espresso Frap at Starbucks and kitty layed in his carrier.

I've tried to take pics of him in front of the iBooth but he won't sit still. Once he's calmed down, i'll get him to pose. He's currently sleeping beside my foot... awwwww. All this excitement and playing around with his little toy has made him sleepy. He is tooOoooo fucking cute.

Uncertainty.

Most of the time i'm either sprinting from the cab, down the hall and practically flinging my appointment card at the nurse, hoping that the previous patient was late because i was late. But today i was actually early and went straight in her office. As usual, initial chit chat went on and then the question, "So... how have you been?" gets mentioned. Which is then followed with a recap of what the past month or so has dealt me, paying particular attention to my mental state.

Although i'm not completely down in the dumps, i have to admit, i'm feeling slightly down. And as usual, not knowing why.

It's been 16 plus months that i've been on Effexor XR and in MOST cases, there would be a significant improvement. And the meds are responsible for stabilising my moods. But in the past few months, i have noticed an increase of episodes where i find me back circling my daemons and dipping down on regular intervals.

My doc has a strong suspicion that my thyroid might be acting up again [i was diagnosed in February 2005 with Hyperthyroidism]. My T3 and T4 was tested and was normal in March 2006 but i haven't checked it since.

So she has referred me to an Endocrinologist at the same hospital and i have an appointment on Wednesday. Which is when i have to pick up my prescription. It's damn fucking annoying because the hospital only stocked 75mg when clearly in her notes, she states that i'm on 150mg. So every two weeks i've had to make my journey there and wait inline for the doctor on duty to sign off my prescription... which is more of an inconvenience since i have to go during office hours. But my doc is sorting out a deal with the Pharmacist so i can just go directly there to collect/pay.

Fingers crossed that my T3 and T4 levels are STILL normal. And if they are, that's great news but it may mean that my AD are not doing its job. I can only assume that i'll be put on some other medication. And i did mention that i will check out the group therapy... as ghetto as that sounds, i think counseling is the next step.

"Someday You Will Be Loved"

A song by Death Cab For Cutie - Someday You Will Be Loved. Some of you may have heard those words before. Words of comfort and reassurance that yes your Life is worth something and you will have love back in your life.

And oddly enough, it reminds me of when HE would reassure me that one day i'll be happy. How HE would try to convince me that i was better off without him. And maybe HE was right. Maybe that's what he needed so HE could be happy. Who knows. But then again, who can predict the future? Isn't that what people say just to make others feel better? I can't say much for the lyrics but the video speaks for itself.

The tide is rising...

I am sooOOooo exhausted! I'm not sure whether it's the polluted air or the fact that i'm now bogged down with more work. I can definitely feel the pressure coming on.

I'm working on a C.I guideline, which i fondly refer to as 'The Thorn in My Arse' Project. Primarily because that's EXACTLY how i feel each time i open the files and work on it... i know it's there and each day there's miniscule changes or additions... the damn thing just won't go away.

Then there are the changes to the X amount of lambda prints for another job i'm now handling. And this afternoon was briefed on ANOTHER job. Which consist of coming up with a concept and layout of an Annual Report. I've been forewarned that the client is ummm... anal when it comes to attention to detail [which i have no problem with, except that there is a substantial number of pages and majority of them are statistics and numbers]. COMPLETE HELL when it comes to editing and FA stage.

And... AND all three projects are to be done by the end of the month. Which doesn't sound so bad except the last week, i've applied for leave. Which means that i'll be working during my days off as opposed to chillin' back.

It's just one of those things where i just have to sit my arse down, concentrate and just DO IT!

...

Then tomorrow i have an appointment to see my shrink. She's been away for nearly two months. Her daughter [in the US] delivered a kid, so she took time off to be with her. Which coincidently was the time when i circled around my dark cloud for a few weeks, which didn't help one bit. But as of this week, i'm doing better.

It's so unpredictable, it's frustrating.

The past few months i've cut myself off from the core group of friends that i would normally hang out with. I'm not sure whether it was consciously but i do know that it's been quite some time that i've seen them. And to be honest by looking at their pictures online, it wouldn't have mattered if i were there or not.

However, i am seriously considering counseling as part of my treatment. I'm doing it because my family strongly suggests that i go. I have no idea what to expect and i think not knowing is what scares me.

Time ticks on and i'm used to see them fade in and out of my life.

My best mate has found himself a companion and naturally i take the back seat. Which is probably the sole reason why i stopped hanging out with them. They will argue that nothing has changed... but it has. It's the least that i can do and to be honest i don't need to be reminded of what i don't have. As bitter as i may sound, i am happy for him and for all those love sick fuckers out there who dance on cloud nine daily.

And each day i look at my reflection, i can't help but think i am damaged goods. I am no different than those strangers who seek affection and approval. Maybe i'm just like you. Patience has gone out the window.

But with my impatience and eagerness to be 'the one', i honestly don't see that day coming anytime soon. Maybe i'm losing hope. Leave me to my midnight conversations with my soon-to-be cat and my Mondays through Fridays working my arse off to pay for my addictions and luxuries.