Majority of the time that i go back home to visit my folks, i spend hours sifting through my boxes and looking at photographs and scribbled notes. Even going as far as frolicking down memory lane, that no doubt conjure bitter sweet memories. However this time around, i did as much as grabbing the step ladder and positioning it below the cupboard full stop.
I'm not sure whether it was because i had pre-occupied myself with other matters but i didn't even bother to mess up the cupboards that my mom spends hours organising everytime i leave [i am convinced that she uses it as an excuse to keep herself busy as she no longer works and prefers spending her days at home re-arranging and lounging].
Opening the cupboard, i'm faced with a yellow shoe box that houses all the little raver knick knacks that i brought back with me from Melbourne raves. My collection of dummies and random toys that were swapped in exchange for a piece of chewie [ahhh, those were some good times]. Without even opening the box, i clearly remember finding some tinsel on the ground and thought it was worth keeping [and to this day, i have no idea why i thought it was so special. Possibly manufactured in China, stepped on several times in Australia and currently stationary in Singapore].
I didn't even bother looking at the photo album i had created of that ONE out of two holiday [beach getaways] that HIM and i went on during our 8 year relationship. It was tucked away underneath college notes and files that i will have no need for... funny how things seem to all fall into place over time and find its designated resting space.
This holiday was definitely not a reason to dwell in the past but had got me thinking about what it is i want to do with my future. Still a spring chicken and at my prime, i'm starting to think of where all of this is taking me. I have no PR anywhere and i am only tied down to this country because of my current job. But the question is, what happens after? What happens after my contract ends [even though it is in 2 years time... i am certain, that time will fly by in a blink of an eye].
One option is traveling once my contract ends. After having a deep and meaningful convo with my mom a few days ago, it got me thinking about how carefree and eager she was traveling here and there then earning a solid wage before she settled down.
Even though i have been very fortunate to have lived in various countries in Europe and even living in Saudi Arabia for the early years of my life but due to my developing brain cells at the time, i can barely remember any of it. I can only thread segments taken from photographs, major dramas and repetitive stories told by my parents and even then, there is little appreciation or emotion.
And of late, i'm starting to question what this country has left to offer me or what i have to offer it. Besides the friends that i have made and the contract that keeps me employed... there really isn't that much else for me. The uncertainty of when HS will get a club to play at, means that the past years' effort as a promoter and spokesperson is put on hold. And i find myself lost as to what i should do to fill up my time.
Have i really focused THAT much of my time on others and have forgotten about me?
Perhaps it is Life's little wake up call to tell me that my time here is nearing it's expiry date. The longest time i've stationed myself in one country is 5 years and that was in Melbourne. 2007 will be my 4th year in a row living in this country and already i am having doubts as to whether i will continue living here once my contract comes to an end.
But with everything, Time has a way of changing ones' perspective. I just hope boredom doesn't get the better of me and that my job isn't used as an excuse to keep me from addressing my main issues. Here's hoping i'll find something to fill up that gaping hole.
I'm not sure whether it was because i had pre-occupied myself with other matters but i didn't even bother to mess up the cupboards that my mom spends hours organising everytime i leave [i am convinced that she uses it as an excuse to keep herself busy as she no longer works and prefers spending her days at home re-arranging and lounging].
Opening the cupboard, i'm faced with a yellow shoe box that houses all the little raver knick knacks that i brought back with me from Melbourne raves. My collection of dummies and random toys that were swapped in exchange for a piece of chewie [ahhh, those were some good times]. Without even opening the box, i clearly remember finding some tinsel on the ground and thought it was worth keeping [and to this day, i have no idea why i thought it was so special. Possibly manufactured in China, stepped on several times in Australia and currently stationary in Singapore].
I didn't even bother looking at the photo album i had created of that ONE out of two holiday [beach getaways] that HIM and i went on during our 8 year relationship. It was tucked away underneath college notes and files that i will have no need for... funny how things seem to all fall into place over time and find its designated resting space.
This holiday was definitely not a reason to dwell in the past but had got me thinking about what it is i want to do with my future. Still a spring chicken and at my prime, i'm starting to think of where all of this is taking me. I have no PR anywhere and i am only tied down to this country because of my current job. But the question is, what happens after? What happens after my contract ends [even though it is in 2 years time... i am certain, that time will fly by in a blink of an eye].
One option is traveling once my contract ends. After having a deep and meaningful convo with my mom a few days ago, it got me thinking about how carefree and eager she was traveling here and there then earning a solid wage before she settled down.
Even though i have been very fortunate to have lived in various countries in Europe and even living in Saudi Arabia for the early years of my life but due to my developing brain cells at the time, i can barely remember any of it. I can only thread segments taken from photographs, major dramas and repetitive stories told by my parents and even then, there is little appreciation or emotion.
And of late, i'm starting to question what this country has left to offer me or what i have to offer it. Besides the friends that i have made and the contract that keeps me employed... there really isn't that much else for me. The uncertainty of when HS will get a club to play at, means that the past years' effort as a promoter and spokesperson is put on hold. And i find myself lost as to what i should do to fill up my time.
Have i really focused THAT much of my time on others and have forgotten about me?
Perhaps it is Life's little wake up call to tell me that my time here is nearing it's expiry date. The longest time i've stationed myself in one country is 5 years and that was in Melbourne. 2007 will be my 4th year in a row living in this country and already i am having doubts as to whether i will continue living here once my contract comes to an end.
But with everything, Time has a way of changing ones' perspective. I just hope boredom doesn't get the better of me and that my job isn't used as an excuse to keep me from addressing my main issues. Here's hoping i'll find something to fill up that gaping hole.
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