Ohhhh i can feel it! You know that tension that builds up after every minute that passes. Knowing that if i don't get my arse into gear soon, my deadlines are going to bite me in the arse.
I currently have 3 jobs on my plate, it's not like i'm not used to the pressure. But knowing that if i don't get this CI guideline done by the end of the week. My hands are better off chopped off. OK i lied, i NEED my hands! I just can't get my head around one of my other jobs. Eager to have it completed even though i haven't even looked over the brief for the second time.
*breathe in*
Although not as extreme as what i USED to be like during my Agency days. I'm trying to keep my irritation levels down. And those extreme mood swings and outbursts were directly related to my Thyroid... it is a proven fact. With the added stress of my job just worsened it. [Damn those VULTURES who tried take me down and get me fired! I'M STILL STANDING] I have apologised to those individuals who happened to witness or be part of the crossfire. Still embarrassed and helpless since i feel like i'm losing control.
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning to check my thyroid. I'm slightly nervous of seeing that needle. Funny how i am perfectly fine sitting still to get inked but am chicken shit when it comes to having a trained professional stabbing me with a needle to suck out my blood.
Then it's the dreaded process of waiting for my results. Then determining whether i need to continue with my meds [which i am forever forgetting to take] or am i given a clean bill of health [kind of, not really]. And then there is the added worry of whether my AD are actually doing ANYTHING.
And on top of that, building up enough courage to get my arse to therapy. Especially since some of my days are much better than others. And people who i see on a weekly basis may even claim that i look fine and they can't shut me up. And then there are some days that i can barely look at anyone straight in the eye and not wanting to emerge from my bubble of Safety. Avoiding eye contact and keeping conversations to a minimum.
Suddenly feeling very self conscious and anxious. Wanting to run home and just slam my door on reality.
*breathe out*
I currently have 3 jobs on my plate, it's not like i'm not used to the pressure. But knowing that if i don't get this CI guideline done by the end of the week. My hands are better off chopped off. OK i lied, i NEED my hands! I just can't get my head around one of my other jobs. Eager to have it completed even though i haven't even looked over the brief for the second time.
*breathe in*
Although not as extreme as what i USED to be like during my Agency days. I'm trying to keep my irritation levels down. And those extreme mood swings and outbursts were directly related to my Thyroid... it is a proven fact. With the added stress of my job just worsened it. [Damn those VULTURES who tried take me down and get me fired! I'M STILL STANDING] I have apologised to those individuals who happened to witness or be part of the crossfire. Still embarrassed and helpless since i feel like i'm losing control.
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning to check my thyroid. I'm slightly nervous of seeing that needle. Funny how i am perfectly fine sitting still to get inked but am chicken shit when it comes to having a trained professional stabbing me with a needle to suck out my blood.
Then it's the dreaded process of waiting for my results. Then determining whether i need to continue with my meds [which i am forever forgetting to take] or am i given a clean bill of health [kind of, not really]. And then there is the added worry of whether my AD are actually doing ANYTHING.
And on top of that, building up enough courage to get my arse to therapy. Especially since some of my days are much better than others. And people who i see on a weekly basis may even claim that i look fine and they can't shut me up. And then there are some days that i can barely look at anyone straight in the eye and not wanting to emerge from my bubble of Safety. Avoiding eye contact and keeping conversations to a minimum.
Suddenly feeling very self conscious and anxious. Wanting to run home and just slam my door on reality.
*breathe out*
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