winkris: May 2006

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Oops i forgot...

Yesterday i forgot to take my medication.

I was so pre occupied with trying to find my fucking cordless black phone that i used in Melbourne [which i'd like to add i have NOT found]. After looking through boxes and opening cupboards, i managed to find just about everything else except what i originally was looking for. I flipped through all photographs which sparked so many great memories. Captured images that had temporarily been erased from my thoughts.

Anyway back to my brain issues. A reminder that i have forgotten to take my Effexor XR, my brain decides to have these brain zaps/jolts... it's like a dull headache soon followed with a jolt to the brain. Difficult to explain if you have no idea what the fuck is going on. Believe me, when i experienced it the first time, i thought i was going crazy. I was freaked out cause i literally thought my head was being thrown about like rollercoaster.

Ok imagine your brain being a dishwashing sponge. You've just finished washing and you're squeezing the sponge to get rid of the excess water [this is how it feels, your brain is being squished at pressure points]. Then just before you put down the sponge, your automatic reflex is to shake the sponge that is in your hand [this is when your brain feels, for a split second. thrown about and back to its' original place, THAT's what the jolt feels like. Or imagine those mosquito zappers, shaped like a tennis racket, the contraption that ends a mozzie's life... it's like that but not fatal of course].

Yea, it's totally fucked up and puts me in a bad mood each time. It fucks up my concentration and creeps up on ya and the feeling just escalates the longer i go without it. I hate it. And obvious sign that i am not normal JUST YET.

I had weird dreams that were staged in my townhouse in Melbourne. Somebody was trying to break into my house. I had a cat and a big labrador, that kept crapping all over the place. And at one point a chicken. Then i was in a shopping mall and an announcement was made to look for this healer. Suddenly staircases heading towards the heavens appeared... which eventually lead me out to this pristine, mountain covered area... it was beautiful. It was picture postcard perfect. Which then lead to a banquet in a hotel ballroom that was packed with people eating desserts. So yea, eventually woke up around 1pm and felt like shit.

My eyes were itchy like fuck and my brain was feeling squished... yay, fuckin yea for me! I remembered after lunch, that i better take my meds otherwise imma pass out. My head was throbbing from a headache but i took those two pink coloured capsules with 75mg on it... and waited. I'm not supposed to stop taking my medication, as my current dosage is high and not taking my meds would result in such jolts [which is what my doc said]. She would rather get me off Stilnox and eventually off my anti-depressants. In 2 weeks i'm supposed to start being weaned off my meds... oOOooooer.

Since moving apartments and resigning from my job, the accumalated stress in the past year or so, is starting to catch up. Not only am i back to losing hair. But my moods are going all haywire. I know this feeling... it's not nice. I don't know whether it's the fact that i was late in taking my meds but i've been sooOoo lethargic and have no desire to even go outside. I even crawled back into bed just now for a good few hours.

But my brain jolts have stopped. As they usually do once i take my dose. I'm wondering how my body will react by the time i'm down to 75mg [half the dosage that i'm currently on]. I've read many horrific withdrawal stories of patients on the same medication. And honestly, i can't afford to have a relapse... not now, not ever.

Apparently, having a relapse is a lot worse than the climax of depression. Which is why i have to be weaned off the meds SLOWLY and allow time for my body to adjust to the reduced consumption. I've read stories of people on medication for years! I've only celebrated my first year, i wonder if by next year i will no longer be on it?

Maybe it's the anxiety of starting my new job or having to deal with such huge changes in my life. I don't know. Well i did a bit of a google search and came across this site. So for any of you who are on the same medication (Effexor XR) and are about to be weaned off... have a read ... Oh and an interesting site i came across, it's the person doing research on the drug and is currently getting off it. She blogs about each day and documents the withdrawal stages... http://stuffiwannasay.blogspot.com/

Well it's been 3 days staying at my folks place. Not entirely relaxed and trying to get rid of this fucked up mood his been a challenge. My mom gets excited when things aren't done properly and things must be done then and there. Our personalities often clash and with her impatience and my attitude, often yelling occurs. [But let's not get into that]. I've tried my best to keep my cool but sometimes it totally pisses me off and i just walk off... At times i'm like a melting pot for Anger.

I'm still in my wanky arse mood since yesterday and just got off the phone with my dad, who's in JB. If anything, he knows exactly when i'm not feeling up to par as soon as i say hello, he's just as worried as my mom i think. He gave me words of advice and once he was done preaching, i started to cry and i have no idea why.

And suddenly... i'm not really in any mood to talk to anyone.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Look before you Drink.

NOTE TO ONESELF:

When drinking from a glass that's half full of lime juice and syrup... CHECK to see if there's any foreign objects such as, FUCKING ANTS prior to taking a huge swig of it!

Yes i was naive to think that leaving my glass by my bookshelf would mean it would be protected... yes i know we are in the tropics. I mean i haven't seen an ant in my folks place in ages, so i thought hell, my drink would be safe. But noOOooo those little fuckers can smell sugar a mile away. I'm not talking one or two syncronised swimmers, i'm talking girls scouts troup size! [ok maybe not so drama as that but fuck, there were heaps].

So yea now my stomach is a graveyard for those pesty insects... LOVELY. Now i can't sleep cause i'm all itchy... gawd damn it!

Subconscious Invasion

Last night i was lying in bed and after taking my Stilnox, i flipped through old issues of Enquirer [my mom is obsessed with reading about the lives of the rich and famous]. I also managed to wake up several times during the night due to annoying issues like i was too warm, too cold, my doona got wrapped around me too tightly and my circulation was getting cut off. Then at one point during the morning, there was a power trip and i could hear the hustle and bustle of my mom's maid and mom trying to suss out the situation.

Eventually i passed out again and entered my subconsious world. I dreamt of my ex... AGAIN. In my dream he was going out with his bestfriends [now] ex-girlfriend... mind you in real life we're all friends and once upon a time [way before he met me, they were together].

In my dream, they sat cosily next to one another... i would describe the scene but can't be fucked right now. Basically it was at night. I could feel myself getting worked up and making a scene when i saw them holding hands and canoodling. I threw sarcastic remarks and was yelling to them about something... my jealousy running wild once again... i swear, drama mama! She sat there staring at me, almost embarressed on my behalf and unable to respond to my accusations.

As i went on and on ranting and raving about how he left me for her. Their attention soon focused on each other. HellooOOoo, i'm still here! I was watching my ex fall deeply in love with her right infront of my subconscious eyes. Soon i managed to shut myself up and like one of those cheesy soap operas... some fucked up music came on and i faded out.

In real life, we don't speak to one another that much mainly because it brings back too many memories but deep inside i DO wonder how he is and miss our conversations. Hmmmph... maybe i'm still jealous that he found happiness in someone else? Fuck man, my green eyed monster lives on!

I woke up and for a moment felt like shit that my thoughts had been invaded once again. So i decided, i'll see what that dream means... and did the whole google it thang. And came across this...

"Just because the relationship ends does not mean that all is finished. As we go through relationships we learn and at times pick up "battle wounds." You will continue to dream about your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend until you "let go" of them on a very important level, or until you learned your lessons from that relationship."

It has only been 6 months that i've learned to understand the term, 'let go'. It's been nearly 2 years, i've lost count, since we officially ended it. Hurt that the relationship came to a halt and disappointed that i was stupid enough to let him back into my life after we broke up. And after a month of extreme happiness, it later turned to him fucking me over and telling me he found someone else. Mind you we were together for 8 years... *sigh*

I wonder what lesson is to be learned from THAT? That i shouldn't be so gawd damn gullible? And that i should keep my mouth shut and not aggrivate a situation? Hmmm... i wonder. Then i came across this dream analysis of some other persons' dream and it said...

"... If there had not been another man in the dream scenario, I’d say that you are still very hung up on this ex-boyfriend and that you’re having trouble moving on because you don’t want to..."

Well nooOOow, that's comforting to know! But interestingly enough, i read on and it said this...

"...It may not be what you necessarily want to hear right now, but I believe your dream is telling you that it’s time to let go, put this boy out of your mind, get out of your own way, and find happiness elsewhere..."

See... my subconscious self is damn fucking smart! Now i just need to learn how to listen to myself.

I've had enough of feeling inferior. And i'm tired of being around couples and their new found happiness. I envy relationships where they are infatuated with one another. I just don't need it, call me a bitter bitch but fuck, I don't need to be reminded of things i don't have in my life right now...

And something totally random, sometimes it's better to be alone and listen to ones' own thoughts churn. I am fucking impatient when people can't decide or are fickle minded... It drives me up the wall. MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND! Yes call me a fucking hypocrite cause i can rarely make up my own mind... and i hate waiting.

I don't know why but suddenly i'm damn fucking moody.

Monday, May 29, 2006

SOON to be my baby

Only because i can... i'm going to ramble on about how superdooper, fantabulously rawkin my black MacBook will be. It hasn't arrived yet [waits 1 more week damn it]. But trust me, by the time i whip out my HSBC credit card and sign for that baby... you'll probably have to surgically remove me from the keyboard. But for those of you who have no idea... you can go and have a perve [here]

Here's the official announcement... [check out the release date... woOOooh]
------------------------------------
Today, Apple unveiled the newly designed MacBook, the world’s most advanced consumer notebook featuring the Intel Core Duo processor and a gorgeous new 13-inch glossy widescreen display, all in a sleek design that is up to five times faster than the iBook and up to four times faster than the 12-inch PowerBook. Together with the 15-and 17-inch MacBook Pros, the new MacBook completes Apple’s Intel-based portables lineup and replaces both the iBook and the 12-inch PowerBook. [16 May 2006]
------------------------------------

Seriously, it'll be like christmas but in June... ooOOooer. Well helloooOoo there Santa! [Only thing is, i am my OWN Santa but FUCK IT... imma gonna have a new baby!!!]

Check this out...

2.0GHz Intel Core Duo
13.3-inch (diagonal) TFT glossy widescreen display
Apple Remote with Front Row
Up to 2GB memory⁽³⁾
Intel Graphics Media Accelerator 950
Slot-loading optical drive
Up to 120GB hard drive⁽³⁾
Built-in 54-Mbps 802.11g AirPort Extreme wireless
Analog and digital audio in and out
FireWire 400 and USB 2.0 ports
iLife ’06, Mac OS X Tiger

How sexy is that!? COME ONNNN... it's HOT! But WAIT... there's more stuff packed into that lil baby... [looky looky here] So in the mean time, i'm stuck browsing the Mac website and watching the videos online, they're pretty funny [click here] Oh the excitement i tell ya... i swear, i'm like bursting with fruit flavour.

Now the only thing i have left to do is get Streamyx hooked up [oh by the way, my phone line is fixed]... and i'm ready to go... YEA BABY, WIFI ME BITCH!

A club called, Ruums.

Last Friday decided to check out the new club, Ruums. Situated above TGIF and around the corner from Nouvo and Sangria. They were having their soft launch and was well excited to see what renovations were done. I believe the official launch is on Wednesday the 31st of May 2006. This club will eventually invite DJs from around the world and have their regular guest DJs hitting the decks.

EXCITING TIMES TO COME!

Well back in the day it was known as Warp and i remember going there back in 1993 pretending to be 18 and flashing my then fake ID [yes, that's bad kiddies... wait til you're old enough] and sipping beer after beer. Then later, Warp changed to Channel.

In the 90's, clubbers had a variety of clubs to visit such as Boom Boom Room, Back Room and the scene was slowly evolving. Dance music blared from speakers and punters were out to have a good time. House music was the flavour of the season at many venues and there was no one style of dancing.

But as time evolved, so did the attitude of clubbers. I have noticed in recent months, a lack of decent nightclubs in KL. I mean seriously, the choice in venues aren't exactly much to boast about. But as time rolled on, clubs like Atmosphere that once drew a regular crowd diminished. Eventually due to the change of management it closed down. It eventually moved and renamed itself but still, it isn't quite the same. It had rebranded itself and although efforts to make it successful a joint, somehow, i'm not quite convinced.

Well most of us have heard of Zouk, it has an established name and is known to bring all sort of DJs. But apart from their newly renovated Terrace Bar (which i might add is fuckin' rawkin' and ALSO has decent happy hour prices), there really isn't a venue that's up to par. Common complaints such as there isn't enough room, the ventilation is not good, it's too packed, the club itself is not nice or [insert bitch/whinge] are common. However, that was until Ruums arrived.

But anyway, back to my topic. Friday's weather was completely fucked up! It pissed down hardcore pretty much all day which only means one thing: serious flooding. It took Lainey about 2 hours to get through the jam and another hour til we finally reached KL. It was ridiculous! It seemed like everyone and their dog wanted to get home but the cars were bumper to bumper. Eventually we got to Ruums and noticed a bunch of people standing around outside [probably ushering patrons to their reserved tables].

As soon as you enter, you turn left and the entrance into the club is HUGE. You can hear the bass already... now that's impressive. The sound system was sensational! The venue boasts about their 26,000 square feet and as you enter, you're faced with a huge space and really high ceilings. As you look, there's a second level that over looks the dance area and stage. The cement ground is unpolished and smooth. Patrons were standing around their tables with bottles of liquor and beer... mmMmmm alcamahol is good.

Come let's ALL wear black and look like we're in mourning... ahahah.

We made our way upstairs [which i'm guessing is the VIP area but it seemed like more and more people were making their way upstairs]. As you peer over the glass banister you have a clear view of the dance area and stage. My first impression was that the place is massive and i couldn't get over how great the sound system was. It was like walking into a huge refridgerator... i was fuckin' freezing!

But by the time the place packs in a shit load of people, i'm SURE the place would be great! BE GONE SWEATNESS! Eventually Chook was there and soon followed was Kenn, Duke, Bruce and gang.

Lainey and i left before 2am. We were heaps tired and was in no mood to really party. [Probably one of the first times that i've ever left so early and on top of that quite sober]. I had enough of my heels and was looking forward to drinking some ipoh white coffee and making my omelette... ehehe.

Oh and as we were leaving the Japan GT Girls were standing around outside posing for photos. So Lainey and i decided, hell why not... let's get OUR photo with them too. [Thanks Lainey for sending me the pics].

Konichiwa!

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Effexor XR 1 year Anniversary

It had totally slipped my mind but on the 25th of May i've been officially on anti-depressants for 1 year. I had marked it in my filofax, much like i would have scribbled down an important birthday reminder or anniversary. With the words "1 year on Effexor XR" at the top... an important milestone and a reminder how fucked up i REALLY was a year ago. How much i've improved and how painful it is to remember the past.

I also saw my shrink last week too. I had run out of my medication and i was already going without it for a day and my brain was giving me these brain jolts that are uncomfortable and distracting. Telekom was late, so i arrived late for my appointment in a very pissed off mood. I called repeatedly to apologise and hoping that my doc hadn't run off to see another patient (which is what happened with my first shrink i used to see. I was late by 15 minutes and the fucktard had gone to the other hospital in Sunway... i was stressed and was in no mood).

So there i sat trying to recollect what the past 2 months was like. Whilst she scribbled some chicken scratchings in my file. I explained that i've been really busy moving and that i haven't really had time to do much else. It was as if i had cut away an imaginary anchor that had held me hostage. Leaving behind an apartment that only depressed me even more the longer i was there.

Plus having just resigned and officially no longer an employee at a company that only fed my anxiety and depression on a daily basis was a huge relief. Feeling unappreciated and over worked had steered me towards a burn out and eventually left me crying for help. Constantly having to remind myself on a daily basis to accept my failed relationship and to keep such negativity in the past. But how can you forget something that was part of you for nearly half your life? But lets not get into that shall we.

So with the new move and the new found motivation to actually get my life into order. I was informed that in 2-3 weeks time my medication dosage will be reduced by half... yay, fuckin' yea! Let's see how things go and i'm hoping for my own financial sake, i can continue on half my current dosage. My medication and consultation ends up being about RM800 each time and this medication only lasts me for a month. I can't NOT take it otherwise my relapse will be worse and because i'm on such a high dosage now, my brain can't handle not being on it.

It's all so fucked up, i just want it to be over. But as my doctor was talking to the nurse on the phone, there was these mini leaflets that caught my eye. In big bold type it said "Knowledge about Depression"... it was promoting a local site that deals with depression, it's called my.depnet.com so i took the liberty of taking one of them and poppin it in my bag for keepsake.

There are still moments when i think, i just want to crawl into a corner and just let time eat its way at me. I'm coming to a point where i want to believe that everything is going towards a positive side... which evidently it is. And to give up now on wanting such happiness and being able to free from myself from my daemons and my fucked up past, would mean i would have wasted all that effort. I just have to hang on JUST A LITTLE MORE longer.

I want to believe that i will find someone who cares for me and that i will care for him in return. That i will find someone who will accept me for who i am and have faith in my courage to battle it through. I like to think that being envious of others who seem to have it all, is just a way for me to be just that LITTLE bit stronger. But it is my past that has made me the person that i am today. Without it, who knows what kind of person i would have turned out to be.

Sunday evening

I have no idea what happened but when i came online to check my blog, i was faced with a blank screen! Somebody or somehow my whole template got ERASED... all the additional crap that i added to it had somehow mysteriously disappeared! Like what the fuck!? Pehaps i forgot to log out when i was at one of the public mac computers and someone had access to my template and decided to delete it... well damn, that's a bit rude, don't cha think?

But because i'm smart i had made a copy of my previous template and after a bit of copy + paste action. And a few little miracles of trying to remember what crap i added to it, I SWEAR is back to its original state.

---- Not KL ----

So yea, i am now in Johor (a bit of a pit stop seeing that my dad had to be at the hotel cause the Sultan was coming and he had to be here). I am making full use of the internet and i'm using my dad's IBM laptop. I've tried to hook up my ghetto laptop but for some reason the internet thingamajig doesn't respond. So i'm stuck using his PC *yuck* OH i can't wait for my MacBook... *sigh* But tomorrow i'm off to Singapore with my mom. Where i can go back to my parents' place and take back a few of my things that are collecting dust in my room... like my bean bag, cordless phone, random kitchen items and useless items that i think i need in my new apartment.

I didn't really do much today except accompany my folks to Giant supermarket. I swear, that has to be the most stressful supermarket i've ever been in. I've never seen a supermarket so jam packed with families and it seemed like half of Johor was doing their weekly shopping. Children of all ages were running around and aunties pushing their trolleys down the aisle at the slowest pace... it didn't take me long to whizz past them and hope that i didn't get run over by one of the staff pushing a trolley full of canned goods.

It was like peak hour in the middle of KL... MOVE BITCH, don't you even think of cutting in front of me! Families gathered in groups staring at items on the shelves and children screaming, is not exactly the environment that you intend to be in when one is on a holiday. So once we got our items and brought my mom to Guardian so that she could buy her toiletries, i made a quick exit to have a cigarette... the stess, i tell ya! I'm starting to really deteste crowds.

I am now listening to Jack Johnson on my iPod, which i have conveniently hooked up to my tv. I just had some pizza and i'm sipping a glass of red wine that my dad passed to me. In a strange way, i'm a little over the whole going out and partying. The thought of having a new place that is away from the polluted air and drunken patrons is more appealing. Fuck trying to pick up guys and having bitches giving me death stares cause i happened to say hello to their boyfriend... i don't need that shit in my life right now, i never did. Plus having to stand around in heels is not exactly what i consider fun. But then again, once HardSequence starts up... i'll be back into the clubbing scene minus the damn heels!

Oh well fuck it, i'll just be a hermit for a little while. Find a suitable person to entertain me and then maybe i can find my little dose of happiness. But on more important issues at hand, i'm supposed to start work in the 2nd or 3rd week of June. I'm trying to push for the 3rd week mainly because i want more time to relax. But like most people i know, financial issues is the hot topic of the season. My mom is going to lend me some money so i can at least pay for my rent in July and pay off my credit card. Which sucks cause i already owe her money from the 1st apartment deposit... *sigh*

I guess i really should finish writing my quotation for a possible freelance job *sigh* so i can pay for my expenses. I seriously gotta start building up on my Savings account *fingers crossed* what about my future!?

Pre-blog ~ 25 MAY

It's 12.52am on May 25th on a Thursday and i'm writing this entry because i have nothing better to do cause i don't have Streamyx yet. My ghetto arse computer has been having issues all day. I had my share of an espresso frap just now and my body is fueled with caffeine. This caffeine fix should last a few hours, so i'm releasing my angst and laying out my issues for you all to absorb momentarily [don't you feel like the chosen one].

But mainly cause my sleeping pattern is all fucked up [yes i know i shouldn't really be drinking coffee since that only prolongs my awake stage... oh well fuck it]. It doesn't really bother me what time i sleep, just as long as i see some part of day light and get most of the days' errands done.

Well the following short stories, is what has happened to me today and that is worth whining about...

----- Part 2 of Tales of a Ghetto Arse laptop -----

So after taking advantage of the Mac store's spanking new 19" wide computer screen, super dooper fast hardware and reading through various leaflets/postcards of new releases, I figured i'd check up on my ghetto arse laptop.

The guy at Mac Studio at BB Plaza [Look for Kar Kiet at Mac Studio at BB Plaza, he'll help ya out... THANKS SO MUCH] was kind enough to update my Mac and check why my D-Link USB adaptor doesn't allow me to connect to the internet. After pacing up and down the mac store wondering why my comp was having issues, eventually the store was closing for the day.

The dude was nice enough to walk over to the Starbucks to see if i could bludge off their wifi AND THEN when it finally did, the fucking' piece of crap would freeze! MOTHER FUCKER... not once but a total of five times in a span of half an hour. It was damn annoying [i swear, he has HEAPS more patience than me, i sooOo couldn't be a computer technician]. My patience as it is isn't good, imagine dealing with even MORE fucked up situations.

BUT i am determined to get my old skool baby in working order and despite the swearing and repetitive outbursts such as "i swear i'll grab this ONCE-WORKING-IN-PERFECT-ORDER bitch of a laptop against the wall!" [Of course, i wouldn't have the heart to throw this baby against the wall... are you mad?] i still love it dearly.

So yea, tomorrow i have to get my arse back to the store, so Kar Kiet can figure out why my computer keeps freezing and hopefully perform some miracle that will fix any bugs that linger in its' brain.

And only then can i finally start doing some work online!

----- TELEKOM loves being my BITCH -----

But if that's not a hassle, i'll tell you what is! My fuckin' land line is still NOT connected! There i was excited that the fucker decided to install my line but soon would have to wait for 24 hours for it to work. FINE,.. ok, i can deal with 24 hours.

HelloOOooo it's been 37 hours now and still no dial tone. I've pressed every single bloody button on this caller ID phone that Telekom gave me [which i probably paid for but they conveniently say it comes for free when i install a line]... question is, WHAT LINE? So yea, i have a phone that plays 8 ringtones, a green LCD screen that requires 2 AAA batteries and has an inbuilt calculator BUT no fuckin dial tone. Please tell me what the purpose of that is!? I would probably get more satisfaction if i purchased those kiddie mobiles that play annoying high pitched nursery rhymes and have hidden candy inside... hmMmmm that's a thought.

Ok back to my Telekom drama, so the fucker tells me, if line DOESN'T work i should call him but says he hopes i don't call because that would mean that there would be something wrong with the line. SO YES FUCKER, BE PREPARED! Cause i'm gonna call ya and tell you what a fucked up job you did in installing my line [of course i won't say it in such colourful terms, i'm not thaaaat rude but he'll definitely be apologising like there's no tomorrow once i'm done telling him how fucked up this is]. Damn man, it's so fucking irritating when a company doesn't deliver their promises!

Where is the damn customer service when you need it?

----- BITCH you wasted my time -----

Oh and if that's not bad enough, i found out just now that the job that i was working on for weeks and was nearing FA stage (Finished Artwork, basically ready to go out and print), the client says that they have to cancel the job because of the cost. In lay man's terms: We have no more money to pay for your designery creations... WHAT THE FUCK MAN?

So not only did i waste hours on doing changes after changes and re-conceptualizing the whole damn thing... but NOW it's not going through to print. FUCK MAN, there i thought, i'd have at least ONE decent thing to add to my folio,

All i can say is, FUCKING WANKERS, if you can't pay for it, don't make us work like dogs to get it done on time and then say... ooOOops sorry, it's too expensive but thanks for spending hours making our stupendous changes and racing to meet our fucked up deadlines... when really, we just wanted to add to your haggard look.

Ok enough with the bitch fest, it's clouding my thoughts. I'm going to continue listening to Joss Stone on my new Kensington iPod TV player thingamajig... *happy thoughts, happy thoughts*

----- MY SANCTUARY -----

Oh but one last thing to add to my caffeine loaded dribble. Now [as of an hour ago], for the first time, in a long time it has dawned on me... I FINALLY FEEL LIKE I'M HOME. A cosy getaway that i can chill and feel somewhat at ease... for now that is, It's a strange but pleasant feeling as it's been a long time, since i've felt this way. But now that i'm thinking about all my BITCHES, it's starting to irritate me *sigh*

Well anyway, as i was telling Lainey in an SMS earlier, all that's missing is a lazy cat and a glass of WHITE wine... NOT red, i'm not feelin' thaaat seXXXay... ahahhaha [sorry, personal joke].

Thursday, May 25, 2006

THANKS-NOW-FUCK-OFF party

So seeing that i have this super dooper powerbook for half a day... i figured i'd blog, check my mail and do a little work. But an ex colleague (THANKS Cindipples aka Cindy) sent me photos taken at my THANKS-NOW-FUCK-OFF party on the 18th of May. They surprised me and invited a few of my mates who ai used to work with and it was good to see them. It's funny how, when people leave, they looks HEAPS fresher and for some odd reason, younger... hmmm... Well here they are...

Foonicles, Chrissie & Crowey

Minus Chloe in the grey singlet at the back,
WE'RE ALL EX-LB/ARC staff

Arc designers/art directors/ex bosses/Traffic/ex-ex colleagues :
WTF is goin on with my hair???

Thank you Mr Mac Store guy

So here i am again, this time using the very nice Mac store's PowerBook G4! What a fuckin' champion he is. I was trying to send out a quotation and a few emails, so he graciously offered to lend me his laptop while he checks in my ghetto arse laptop to the mental asylum momentarily. Hopefully by 9pm he'll be able to get it in a working order and HOPEFULLY he won't erase anything that's on it. But at this point in time, i just want my damn laptop to stop freezing and having mentals on me whenever it feels like it.

So until i get my old skool laptop back, i've downloaded msn messenger on the dude's computer [fuck using webmessenger... it sucks]. I'm sure he won't mind... ehehe. So at least i'll have some company whilst i try and do some work on this little table enough to fit on laptop, an espresso frap, cigarettes and an ashtray. I swear, they should really invent another little level where the ashtray can sit snuggly, so the ash doesn't fly all over the shop.

So last night i spent ages writing a pre-blog but i had saved it in a version that this laptop doesn't recognise... well now, that's a bit of a bitch eh? I sat on my couch listening to Joss Stone and trying to write up a quotation and be somewhat designery with my letterhead. So soon i'll have to get back to work, as i need to send it out before the end of the day.

Oh and to update you with my TELEKOM saga, well i woke up at 9am [after only passing out after taking a Stilnox at around 5am] and called the bitch and said, my line is STILL NOT connected. So she said she'd look into it... YEA FUCKIN' RITE! And that the fucker is on leave today... what the fuck? So i called the boss and he mumbled something but because i was half awake, i can't remember what i said or what he said. Eventually i got a call back and some other dude said he'll come by but i said i'd be busy today. Then after that... NOTHING.

So now i don't know when and if the dude is coming to fix my line. OH THE DRAMA i swear, it's fuckin' annoying.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Telekom is my BITCH!

I'm writing this on my ghetto arse computer at 4.15pm on a Monday 22nd May. I don't have Streamyx yet and i've been waiting for the past 2 hours for the gawd damn Telekom technician to arrive! Not only have i paid for the deposit and everything last week and had arranged for an appointment last Friday to install my line... the fucker didn't even bother arriving.

So this morning, the woman at Telekom rambled on about how i didn't make an appointment and when i debated with for a good 10 minutes that i waited for 4 hours and not a single phone call to say that they were going to be late. I continued on to say that i had other appointments and she went on about how last Friday was in the past so why am i bringing it up? I was well pissed off! Not only did that bitch call me at 10.30am and wake me up but had the nerve to tell me that i shouldn't bring up the past, when clearly THEY FUCKED UP and wanted to twist the story!

So i said... FINE! I would like to make an appointment for today between 2pm and 3pm. She then gave me the number of the fucker that's supposed to install my land line. So i called him and at first he said he couldn't make it. So i was like well i have things to do what time can he make it? So he said 5pm. I said well can you make it earlier because i have another appointment. After i told him that i've been waiting since Friday, he then agreed to 2pm. WHAT THE FUCK?

By 3pm i called and the fucker switched off his phone and i left a message. I then called Telekom and the bitch who woke me up this morning answered. When i told her that the dude still wasn't here. She replied with, well did you make an appointment? I was like YES, I SPOKE TO YOU THIS MORNING! You gave me his number to make an appointment. She's like, well why don't you call him. I'm like... yesssss I DID and it's gone straight to voice mail. She then put me on hold [for what reason, i have no idea, probably to pick her nose or toenail].

The past 2 hours the locksmith has been busy changing my locks and fixing my balcony sliding door. And guess what!? The fucker is still not here and it's 4.35pm! Fucker pick up your fucking mobile! I've left messages after messages and STILL the fucker isn't returning my calls! The bitch at Telekom is a blur fucking case and pretends to not know anything despite me calling her every half hour. WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE SERVICE!? So once the clock hits 5pm, i'm soOooo gonna call that dude and say, HELLLLLLLooOOOoo i've been waiting for 3 hours, have you decided whether or not you'll actually fix my line? And on top of that i have to pay you RM30 for the service... WHAT FUCKING SERVICE?

I have to get my arse back to my old apartment so i can clean it up and get a few more things. Then around 8.30pm pass the keys over to my neighbor who'll pass it to my landlord.

I swear, that fucker is doing this on purpose! When i tried leaving a message again, the automatic voice mail service says that his voice mailbox is FULL! Probably from angry customers who's wondering where the fuck he is! So i'm calling the bitch again and she's like, yeah, he's not picking up his phone. So i'm like SO HOW? Am i supposed to wait all day again tomorrow for him? So she's given me his BOSS' number.

WHAT THE FUCK MAN!? So i went OFF! So now the boss will come in between 9am-10am to fix my line... Seriously, what the fuck man... i've got an appointment with my shrink at 11am and i can't be late and i need my meds cause i've run out! FUCKING BITCHES MAN... Telekom is stressing me the fuck out!

Tales of a Ghetto Arse laptop

Well i am no longer an employee at LB. I picked up my passport from the office because they had to cancel my work permit. And i had to return my key card. So for old times sake i decided to use the back door and use my key pass for the last time. Then said a few hellos and had a few chats with my colleagues who evidently looked even more tired then the last time i saw them. It's only been a week or so but already, the stress of one less designer in the office shows on the faces of my ex-colleagues... poor them.

The traffic outside was horrendous, as usual. So decided to make full use of their electricity and charge my ghetto arse laptop. The new HardSequence write-up is due, so i figured i'd sit down and get crackin'. Once that was done, i made my way to Low Yat Plaza (where i am now at because my D-Link USB adaptor is fucked up and has decided to have issues. It's only been 2 weeks! So i told my sad story to the guy at the Mac Store and because he's such a champion, he's updating my software. Hoping that the version that i'm running on doesn't support it. *FINGERS CROSSED*

So because i have no shame, i'm standing in the mac store blogging. Yes, i have been deprived of the internet and my only entertainment for the past few days is unpacking and my new Kensington Ipod dock that connects to the TV! The one item that i probably can't live without. I don't have a stereo but my 60GB Ipod photo packs in shit load of tunes ranging from Country to Schranz! Yes, i admit it... i can sit through listening to Country... NOT ALL... but some soppy country tunes are nice.

So until i'm hooked up to the internet, i'll be flouncing from Starbucks to Starbucks abusing their wifi. Oh and until my beautiful MacBook arrives in the second week of June... *sigh*

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Offically a Bangsar Chick

Just a quick update... i've moved into my new place! I am shamelessly using the iBook at the Mac Store in Bangsar Village... ehehe. Hey man, i have to inform you all that i'm still alive and haven't passed out.

Anyway, my move went smoothly... it took about 3 hours and much thanks to Lainey, Eddy, Jon, Jac & Ming and their cars! Without them, i would probably still be moving my boxes. I appreciate all your help... *huggles* After stuffing our faces with Dominos pizza and chicken wings (what i like to call skin & bones), the camwhoring began. Well THEY were camwhoring on my balcony whilst i was being domestic and making my bed. But we did manage to squeeze in a tired, sweaty yet decent group shot (minus Jon cause he ran off somewhere).

L > R: Jac, Ming, Chrissie, Lainey & Eddy

Oh and guess what!? I've ordered my Black 2GHz MacBook and JBL Ipod speakers! I figured that if i'm going to do some freelance work, i might as well get a computer that ACTUALLY works. My current obsolete laptop is totally ghetto and takes forever to load. Considering that it's the 1st generation of at titanium G4... it was the bomb once upon a time, i can't really complain. So yea will be doing the Interest Free Instalment Scheme, which won't be soOOo bad. But i still have to make quite a few sacrifices in the next few months.

Last night spent a few hours in Mont Kiara Starbucks rambling on about how my laptop is ghetto with Lainey, Eddy, Jac and Ming... then after some calculations and an adrenalin rush from my espresso frap. I figured that if i miss one Ghetto at Zouk or equivalent to RM150 a week on alcohol AND not buy unnecessary items... i COULD afford a new laptop and speakers.

So my decision is final... by mid June i'll be the proud owner of a new MacBook (can't afford the MacBook Pro, JUST YET so i'll deal with the 13.3" for now).

OK... i better go before the dude at the store chases me out.. eheh. Until next time...

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Buh-bye LB!

So by the time i got home last night, i was stressed to the core. I sat amongst my boxes and piles of crap and looked over the amount i owe my new landlord. How the fuck am i going to pay for my new agreement. So in desperate measures, i remembered that i had stashed some foreign currency (for moments like these). The sun was going to rise and figured i'd get some shut eye.

I woke up feeling like shit and realised i had to haul arse to the bank. And to say buh-bye to more money. But i was relieved that i actually am able to pay for the new lease and i can only hope the move will be smooth. Didn't make it to Bangsar... there wasn't enough time!

Said a few farewells earlier and had a drink with Ivan down at Crappas. One last bitch and whine... just for old times' sake. I know i'll miss a few people... and of course being part of the Burnett family.

So now i'm burning my files cause i had a hissy fit last night and requested that they install Toast 7 on my computer. And i swear, it takes about 5 minutes to copy + burn a whole CD... where the fuck was Toast when i needed it at 3 in the fucking morning??? *sigh*

Well i should leave soon because my farewell-now-fuck-off party will be commencing soon... heard a few of my ex-colleagues will be there tonight... ehehhe... that's always good fun. But what's really on my mind is saying HELLO TO ALCOHOL =)

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Why won't you BURN!?

Had a quick bite with chook down on Jalan Alor cause i was starving. And also because he happened to be in the area cause his meeting ended late. I swear, that has to be one of the first times i've left the office around 10pm and actually returned! Usually my arse is stuck to my chair all day and pretty much all night cause i can't be fucked to get up... YES I AM LAZY but i get my shit done eventually.

It's just about 4am and i'm still in the muthafuckin office!!! I just finished my LAST JOB and emailed it to my AE so she can send it off in the morning to the client. And i'm trying to burn my files onto CDs but for some fucked up reason... the burner keeps fucking around with my CDs and just when it's about to verify... it decides to have a spazz attack and spits out my CD saying there's some error!!! I've restarted and reduced the file size... *cries* It was fine earlier and i managed to burn 4 CDs... WHAT THE FUCK!?

I have NOW wasted FOUR of my blank CDs and i refuse to waste anymore because this computer has decided to have issues! DAMN YOU!

Fuck it... i have to come into the office tomorrow avo to say my farewells and attend my good-bye-fuck-off-now dinner. So before i pass out, i'm gonna clear a few things off my desk and then sort this shit out later... grrrrrr.

Why isn't there a 24 hour technician who can help meeeee?? Where is my imaginary magic genie when i need him? Does he not know that WHEN I DON'T SLEEP, HE SHOULDN'T EITHER. *sobs*

Oh and should you see a pint-and-a-half individual lying on the ground somewhere between KL and Bangsar tomorrow, it's probably me passed out on the roadside from exhaustion. Or a result of me begging for money and some lunatic 16 year old driver, with her spanking new Learner's license, has mistaken me for a small bush and knocked me over! [Ok maybe not so drama as that]. But i do have a laundry list of things to do tomorrow and not enough time to do it in... I MUST WORK IN OVERDRIVE... i MUST pay for the rest of my deposit on my lease and sign my agreement by... tomorrow (Friday).

I swear, it won't be long til i lose ALL my hair from all this accumalated stress! Trying to think positive here, the plus side to that is i won't have to get my hair cut or redo my high-lights... hmmph.

Water vs. Alcohol

An email sent to me by my NOW ex-colleague:

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink one litre of water eachday, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than one kilo of Escherichia Coli Bacteria (often called E.Coli) found in water that contains faeces. In other words, we are consuming one kilo of shit. [mmmm lovely].

However, we do not run that risk when drinking rum, gin, whiskey, beer, wine or other liquors because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermentation.

It is my duty to communicate to all of you people who are drinking water, to stop doing so. It has been scientifically proven that it is unhealthy and bad for you. [ehehhe].

THEREFORE... It is better to drink alcohol and talk shit than to drink water and be full of shit!!!

Not so short farewell email.

Well hello there!

It seems like only a few weeks ago that I was nervously waiting to have my interview with iLeo for a position as a Graphic Designer (for the benefit of the new comers, that was the below the line creative department for Leo Burnett). That was on 1st of August 2003. As like most newcomers at LB, I was impressed with the grand entrance and the pool table (unfortunately, i can’t play pool to save my life and the pool table is gone but i do know how to drink).

Eager to make an impression in my first week I dressed up in heels, a collared shirt and trousers (those who were in LB in 2003 will remember). It didn’t take long for me to realise that dressing like an Account Executive was not meant to be. Eventually my dress sense had gone from corporate to extremely casual (the stereo typical Creative). A few will remember my oversized baggy jeans and cords and my long black hair down to my hips… Oh times have changed! I could go on and on but I know you all have work to get back to. So I’ll make this quick.

Today (17 May 2006) is my final day as a Burnetter.

To my AE’s (past and current): Thank you for raising my blood pressure and harassing me for work over the years... i'm only joking. It’s been a pleasure to work with you and I apologise should I have made your life as an AE hell. I wouldn’t be called Creative for nothing... ehehe. But i did get the job done!

To the Arc Creative & Design team: It has been a rough ride for us all but stick with it and you will succeed! I am grateful to have had the opportunity to be part of such a dedicated group of passionate/creative individuals and wish you all the success and happiness.

To Finance: I apologise for my late Timesheets updates and claims submissions. I'll be sure to complete them before the due date this time and before i leave.

To my friends that I’ve made over the years at LB and Arc: I will miss you and am making every effort to hold back my tears and emotions. But thank you all so very much for your wise words, company and last but not least your friendship.

---

But they say, the world is a VERY small place, I’m sure I will bump into you in the near future. Should you be bursting with fruit flavour and want to contact me... here's my email address christina.roozemond at gmail dot com.

Cheers,
Chris

01 AUG '03 - 17 MAY '06

Yay! I saw my dad last night because he was in KL for business. I was in a pissed off mood because of what else, but work. So the first thing i did was ramble on about how shit my day was and how stressed i was with all the shit that i have to do now. Then he said it... "Chris, you look haggard" and my response was, "I KNOOOOooOoow... thanks. You don't look too hot either". Mind you, my 60 year old dad and 64 year old mom just returned from Europe last week or so to attend my grand mother's funeral. But with the joys of work stress, it has abled him to soldier on... what a fuckin' champion he is! LOVE LOVE LOVE. I had MORE caffeine [probably not so good, since i've been told to cut down] with my soon-to-be-ex-client and eavesdropped in on the "adults" business-to-business chit chat.

On another note: You would be so proud...

I have actually started packing my books in boxes that my dad managed to hunt down last night [kindly brought to my doorstep with love by my dad + his two colleagues]. THANKS DAD! I refused to let them see my place since i had all my stuff from the office layed out near the front. One could say it resembles the aftermath of a good frat party or a bizarre that sold things that no sane person would probably ever need. So my dad waited by the lifts to make sure that i got into my apartment, whilst i threw flattened and unflattened boxes inside my hell-hole. If i were practising for the 'Worst Shot Put Championships', i think i'd be in the Top 5!

Lainey: i think i'll STILL need them boxes, i still haven't gotten to packing my "warm clothes"... ehehe.

So there was my motivation... An apartment full of cardboard and barely enough space for my arse to fit on my sofa. So by 10.30pm i was busy wiping off dust and shifting books from one end of my place to the other into boxes. The boxes are quite small (originally used to transport Scotty Paper towels and HP printers) but DAMN those books carry a bit of weight once they're all together. I've already used up about 8 of them! I figured i'd save me and my friends spinal injuries if i reduce the weight in the boxes. I ended up passing out after taking some Stilnox at around 5am.

I've arranged for my neighbor to look over my place on Monday evening instead of tomorrow. There's no way in hell i'd be able to clean up by then. Plus since the place is fully furnished i have to separate what's the landlord's items and what's mine. Plus i know i'll just mess it all up once i clean it, so figured i'd do the hardcore industrial scrubbing on Monday. I'm like all decked out with black rubber gloves and bottles of cleaning detergents. I'm so glad the stereo, Astro and the tv will still be there when i clean on Monday cause i can't clean in silence.

By the time i settle in [this is after i've perved at all the "possibly" available guys + possibly gals], i bet my new neighbors will be wondering what all the racket is all about at 5am. There they'll witness a pint-and-a-half sized tattooed and pierced shadow somewhat intoxicated crawling up the steps to the second floor. Then listening to me fumbling around upstairs trying to turn down my JBL ipod speakers [YEA MAN! My future wishful purchase baby].

So let me go back in time for abit... I joined the agency on 01 AUGUST 2003 and TODAY [17 MAY 2006] is my last day. I nearly made it shy of 3 years! I am the longest running Design members left... next would be my Senior designer but he's got another year to go to beat my record... oh so much has changed in the last 2 years!!! I can't tell whether i'm sad or just damn fucking tired! My 10 minute walk down the hill to the office was accompanied by Ganjaguru's Bass Control [shamelessly pimpin' for ya Nick... ehehe...] blaring from my headphones.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

ONE MORE DAY!

JUST one more day AND traffic is still giving me changes that are due tomorrow! Do they not remember that tomorrow is my last day... HELLLLLLLo. I still haven't burned all my files and i still have a cupboard to clear at the office. STOP GIVING ME WORK DAMN YOU!

Oh my heart is racing [toomuchfuckingcaffeine].

I have to meet my dad for dinner soon... I'm running out of time! We also have to meet my soon-to-be-ex-client aka my dad's old friend from waaaay back for MORE coffee and chit chat. Apparently my soon-to-be-ex-client knew me when i was 13... woOooooh. I'm hoping to get wired on as much coffee so that i will be motivated to finish clearing my shit up at home!

CONCENTRATE... priorities!

My fucking landlord is on a business trip somewhere in China, Tokyo, [pick-a-fuckin-country] and won't be back for another two days... TWO WHOLE DAYS! Which means, WHEN the fuck will i get my deposit back? Oh please get back to me soon... pleaseee! I need to pay for the rest of my new lease/agreement...

I just want to crawl into a hole, vegetate and let the earth shield me from responsibilities. I want irritating AEs to quit harrassing me and making my Life more stressful than it already is!

Depleting Bank Account & Wishes.

Okay, it's official... i am getting poorer by the minute.

I JUST payed a deposit to apply for a land line at my new place. The bill came out to RM1175! It's fuckin' insane just because i hold an E.U Dutch passport. Then paid RM10 for officer on duty to submit my details and all that. So by Friday the technician is coming in to install my new line and i have to pay the dude RM30 for fiddling with the wires... *sigh*

THEN i'll only be able to apply for Streamyx, which will take a week for some stupid arse reason. So after tomorrow, i will be updating my blog, checking my emails, cruising forums, eavesdropping in blogs at random Starbucks whilst sucking down on an espresso frap or because i'll be poor, i'll be sipping on the free water... *cries*

THEN i have to call my new landlord and find out WHEN i have to pay for the remaining of my deposit and lease. Hoping that they'll allow me to move in prior to me parting with my hard earned cash.

But put aside my financial troubles... here's a few things that i'm keeping a VERY close eye on... CHRISSIE REALLY LIKES:

JBL Onstage ipod Speakers... [perve here]

oOOoooer how girly... [check it out]
I'm so sure it can fit a bottle or a few cans of beer... eehhehe

17" MacBook Pro [faint here]

Notice how a can of beer can fit OH SO nicely there tooOoo.
Oh i want the floating chair!