Last night i was lying in bed and after taking my Stilnox, i flipped through old issues of Enquirer [my mom is obsessed with reading about the lives of the rich and famous]. I also managed to wake up several times during the night due to annoying issues like i was too warm, too cold, my doona got wrapped around me too tightly and my circulation was getting cut off. Then at one point during the morning, there was a power trip and i could hear the hustle and bustle of my mom's maid and mom trying to suss out the situation.
Eventually i passed out again and entered my subconsious world. I dreamt of my ex... AGAIN. In my dream he was going out with his bestfriends [now] ex-girlfriend... mind you in real life we're all friends and once upon a time [way before he met me, they were together].
In my dream, they sat cosily next to one another... i would describe the scene but can't be fucked right now. Basically it was at night. I could feel myself getting worked up and making a scene when i saw them holding hands and canoodling. I threw sarcastic remarks and was yelling to them about something... my jealousy running wild once again... i swear, drama mama! She sat there staring at me, almost embarressed on my behalf and unable to respond to my accusations.
As i went on and on ranting and raving about how he left me for her. Their attention soon focused on each other. HellooOOoo, i'm still here! I was watching my ex fall deeply in love with her right infront of my subconscious eyes. Soon i managed to shut myself up and like one of those cheesy soap operas... some fucked up music came on and i faded out.
In real life, we don't speak to one another that much mainly because it brings back too many memories but deep inside i DO wonder how he is and miss our conversations. Hmmmph... maybe i'm still jealous that he found happiness in someone else? Fuck man, my green eyed monster lives on!
I woke up and for a moment felt like shit that my thoughts had been invaded once again. So i decided, i'll see what that dream means... and did the whole google it thang. And came across this...
"Just because the relationship ends does not mean that all is finished. As we go through relationships we learn and at times pick up "battle wounds." You will continue to dream about your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend until you "let go" of them on a very important level, or until you learned your lessons from that relationship."
It has only been 6 months that i've learned to understand the term, 'let go'. It's been nearly 2 years, i've lost count, since we officially ended it. Hurt that the relationship came to a halt and disappointed that i was stupid enough to let him back into my life after we broke up. And after a month of extreme happiness, it later turned to him fucking me over and telling me he found someone else. Mind you we were together for 8 years... *sigh*
I wonder what lesson is to be learned from THAT? That i shouldn't be so gawd damn gullible? And that i should keep my mouth shut and not aggrivate a situation? Hmmm... i wonder. Then i came across this dream analysis of some other persons' dream and it said...
"... If there had not been another man in the dream scenario, I’d say that you are still very hung up on this ex-boyfriend and that you’re having trouble moving on because you don’t want to..."
Well nooOOow, that's comforting to know! But interestingly enough, i read on and it said this...
"...It may not be what you necessarily want to hear right now, but I believe your dream is telling you that it’s time to let go, put this boy out of your mind, get out of your own way, and find happiness elsewhere..."
See... my subconscious self is damn fucking smart! Now i just need to learn how to listen to myself.
I've had enough of feeling inferior. And i'm tired of being around couples and their new found happiness. I envy relationships where they are infatuated with one another. I just don't need it, call me a bitter bitch but fuck, I don't need to be reminded of things i don't have in my life right now...
And something totally random, sometimes it's better to be alone and listen to ones' own thoughts churn. I am fucking impatient when people can't decide or are fickle minded... It drives me up the wall. MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND! Yes call me a fucking hypocrite cause i can rarely make up my own mind... and i hate waiting.
I don't know why but suddenly i'm damn fucking moody.
Eventually i passed out again and entered my subconsious world. I dreamt of my ex... AGAIN. In my dream he was going out with his bestfriends [now] ex-girlfriend... mind you in real life we're all friends and once upon a time [way before he met me, they were together].
In my dream, they sat cosily next to one another... i would describe the scene but can't be fucked right now. Basically it was at night. I could feel myself getting worked up and making a scene when i saw them holding hands and canoodling. I threw sarcastic remarks and was yelling to them about something... my jealousy running wild once again... i swear, drama mama! She sat there staring at me, almost embarressed on my behalf and unable to respond to my accusations.
As i went on and on ranting and raving about how he left me for her. Their attention soon focused on each other. HellooOOoo, i'm still here! I was watching my ex fall deeply in love with her right infront of my subconscious eyes. Soon i managed to shut myself up and like one of those cheesy soap operas... some fucked up music came on and i faded out.
In real life, we don't speak to one another that much mainly because it brings back too many memories but deep inside i DO wonder how he is and miss our conversations. Hmmmph... maybe i'm still jealous that he found happiness in someone else? Fuck man, my green eyed monster lives on!
I woke up and for a moment felt like shit that my thoughts had been invaded once again. So i decided, i'll see what that dream means... and did the whole google it thang. And came across this...
"Just because the relationship ends does not mean that all is finished. As we go through relationships we learn and at times pick up "battle wounds." You will continue to dream about your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend until you "let go" of them on a very important level, or until you learned your lessons from that relationship."
It has only been 6 months that i've learned to understand the term, 'let go'. It's been nearly 2 years, i've lost count, since we officially ended it. Hurt that the relationship came to a halt and disappointed that i was stupid enough to let him back into my life after we broke up. And after a month of extreme happiness, it later turned to him fucking me over and telling me he found someone else. Mind you we were together for 8 years... *sigh*
I wonder what lesson is to be learned from THAT? That i shouldn't be so gawd damn gullible? And that i should keep my mouth shut and not aggrivate a situation? Hmmm... i wonder. Then i came across this dream analysis of some other persons' dream and it said...
"... If there had not been another man in the dream scenario, I’d say that you are still very hung up on this ex-boyfriend and that you’re having trouble moving on because you don’t want to..."
Well nooOOow, that's comforting to know! But interestingly enough, i read on and it said this...
"...It may not be what you necessarily want to hear right now, but I believe your dream is telling you that it’s time to let go, put this boy out of your mind, get out of your own way, and find happiness elsewhere..."
See... my subconscious self is damn fucking smart! Now i just need to learn how to listen to myself.
I've had enough of feeling inferior. And i'm tired of being around couples and their new found happiness. I envy relationships where they are infatuated with one another. I just don't need it, call me a bitter bitch but fuck, I don't need to be reminded of things i don't have in my life right now...
And something totally random, sometimes it's better to be alone and listen to ones' own thoughts churn. I am fucking impatient when people can't decide or are fickle minded... It drives me up the wall. MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND! Yes call me a fucking hypocrite cause i can rarely make up my own mind... and i hate waiting.
I don't know why but suddenly i'm damn fucking moody.
No comments:
Post a Comment