Thursday, November 23, 2006

Blunt Pliers and Chicken Wire.

The main purpose of having a grill door fixed to my sliding glass doors was not to keep wildlife outside of my apartment but to allow air to flow through my place without worrying that Smooks will one day abandon me and join the hundreds of stray cats patrolling the area.

Previously i've had to practically chuck kitty in my bedroom when i need to keep all the doors open. I have adopted a four-legged shadow. But any chance he gets to be on the balcony to sniff the intoxicating smells, he takes full advantage.

The devils' spawn continues to lurk behind corners and strategically places himself behind an object and continues to practice the "Leap & Lock". And like a jack-in-a-box, he springs forward and lunges towards my ankle/calf/toes/whatever closest and wraps his jaws around the area he is attacking.

Of course those kitten teeth are harmless NOW but once those rice grains grow into fangs, imagine combining them with Captain Hook Claws! It'll be like the Animal Planet equivalent of Freddy Krugar on Nightmare on Elm Street.

So yesterday i went to the hardware store... again, with an invisible map engraved in the back of my head. I plucked out the items i needed and strolled through every aisle like i was on a tour and needed to stop at every section.

Seriously, i wonder whether in my past life, i was some overweight plumber or hardware man. Because honestly, you chuck me into Bunnings or its' equivalent, not only will i be a happy camper but i would probably find some D.I.Y item, a new set of tools and various things that i don't necessarily need but got suckered into buying because of the demonstration.

I admit, i can be as exciting as a spec of dust. And if you have only JUST realised my long winded-ness OR so happen to be a foreigner and finds that learning swear words is your ticket to being "cultured" you may be disappointed OR you so happened to be in a google kinda mood and got thrown into [I SWEAR...] and soon thought, "WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE ON?"

Well i may not be what you had expected but fuck would i know what people want to read... i write what filters through my brain and in the limited amount of vocabulary i have stolen, i'll create a vision in your head that closely resembles my world.

Anyway, back on topic... armed with chicken wire and random other items, i was eager to get home to start my Project BlockSmooksFromBaseJumping. Thinking it wouldn't be too hard to cut and twist wire, i was Miss Eager Beaver. But try doing all that with VERY blunt cutters. AND yes i did try to use a nail file and all that did was scrape off its layer so it was shiny.

So determined to get it done, i worked til the wee hours of the morning. I just hope my neighbors weren't too pissed off with all the metal on metal scraping and the occasional "OH FUCK!" coming from my balcony.

And with some additional scratches, sore shoulders/neck and a bruised right palm, i will now be able to give up my shift as a grill door watcher. And will always be prepared to repair the chicken wire that my four-legged feline wannabe caged monkey hangs from.

TO BUY LIST:
1) Kick arse sharp muthafuckin' pliers/cutter.

4 comments:

Ms. Redd said...

*inserting Tim "The Toolman" Taylor's grunt*

winkris said...

Oh gawd, that show annoyed me for some reason.

BUT ACTUALLY a tool belt would have been VERY HANDY last night. I was standing on my chair and sortin out the cage like door and tucked the pliers in my shorts [without pockets] and no matter what way i attached them, the thing kept fallin' out.

And when you're in that momentum... it sucks when ya have to break it.

Anonymous said...

i wonder how do u do it?
how do u get through ur depression
sorry if i am being rude.
been following ur blog for quite abit

winkris said...

anon: No no, you're not being rude.

Hmmmm... ummm i really don't know since as you said, you've been following this blog... i went through a really rough patch in july [i think] & coincidently that was when i got my dosage lowered.

And once my dosage increased, it took time for me to be stable. So i'm just HOPING that when i get weaned down in January, i'll be ok.

Plus i adopted cat & if anything, has helped quite a lot in directing my attention else where.

I honestly don't know. I want to try and stay positive [which is something very surreal for me to say now]. But i've slowed down on my whiskey intake and changed jobs in the past 6 months. SO maybe that's helped.

As for the thyroid issue... well that's just pure luck that the meds worked.