To Chook...

Who would have thought we'd still be good friends until now. That one fine evening up in Genting at the Kent Rave when Groove Armada came down to KL in Jan 2005. I saw this looni with a PHD Tshirt dancing like a spastic chicken on the dance floor and thought, my gawd where have i seen this person? Apparently we were both in Melbourne at the same time [both much younger and thinner]. We went to the same raves and to the same clubs but were never formerly introduced.

Do you remember your 31st? Where we tried to feed you all that alcohol at Atmosphere. Those days where Thursdays were reserved for happy hour at Atmosphere/Gerai and Ultimate Dance. Which then later moved to Zouk and Terrace bar. Hitting Mambo and Ghetto every week like it was going out of fashion. We went from beer to Johnnie Walker... and we have the many receipts and lack of 0's in our bank accounts to prove it. Not forgetting the Javanese massage, Cam Wars and cruisin' around... we have some funny arse times.

And to everyone else... i'd like to demolish all the rumours and gossip that got flown around... we were NEVER A COUPLE. There was NO hanky panky or canoodling going on [MATE! We're like brother and sister... ahahhah]. There was no alternative motive such as stealing him from anyone or trying to make anyone jealous... seriously!

We are just TWO different flocks that swim in the same dirty GUTTER!

So to my best mate, my trusted drinking partner in crime and smiling buddha... hope you had a great day! And do know that if you ever need advice that's straight to the point minus the sugar coating and bullshit... you know who to call buddy.

Hugs and summersaults,
Chrissie aka Rubber Duckie aka Queen P**do.

PS. I know i've distanced myself from you and everyone but well you know how it is... life goes on... We will catch up soon... i promise.

Captured in Time.

I had to runaway from KL this weekend. The thought of being at home lounging in front of the tv and having to tidy my place was not at all a reason for me to stay. Decided to go visit my folks and have some home cooked food. It had been 3 months since i was there and it was due time that i went down.

Spent a few hours rummaging through old photographs from 10 years ago and practically every photo album i browsed through had pictures of HIM and I. We looked so happy and so much younger. Memories are always bitter sweet. I came across a family photo of his, when we were in Melbourne and we celebrated his 21st birthday at Donovan's down on St. Kilda [he just recently turned 28].

I also come across photos of my uni mates and our many drunken loud house parties. And it occurred to me how much fun i actually did have despite HIM never accompanying me. [Although, it would have been nice if he was there to share my life. But he had his reasons, i guess].

But instead of throwing back the photos of him and i back in the box, i decided to keep them in the photo album and now they're in my rollaway bag. Sparking off great memories that only those present would be able to share. And one day when i have time and can be arsed, i'll scan a few and show you what i USED to look like back then.

In my dreams that i have of him and HER, that they are so very much in love. In my dream i am invisible in his eyes and i pass by like a stranger. And yes i know SHE will never have those 8 years that HIM and I had. And i can only guess they have the next 8 years to begin their collection of photos to look back upon.

And before digital cameras were the norm and having the option to delete on the spot to take the 'perfect shot'. I remember having to buy dozens of rolls of film to take snap shots that sometimes end up blurry or even NOT turning out perfect... but you know what? Those are the ones that make it so much more special.

Anyway, enough with frollicking down memory lane for now.

I told my folks that i'm going to adopt myself a cat and although my mom was a bit skeptical of me owning one. They both agree that i should. And i'm thinking that's what might be missing in my life right now. There's so much love i can give to Hardsequence and the BA boys but to know that someone, something can return LOVE is what i miss. Appreciation and unconditional love... is what i crave. And as much as i love MattEbony, there's so much this black beauty can show me without alerting me that she needs to be recharged.

Like College days + 10 years.

MissOrganiser picked me up from work and we made our way to the reunion dinner. The last time i saw her was at her wedding dinner, nearly 2 years ago. Which is when i saw a few of the others. Isn't it strange how weddings or funerals bring long lost friends/family together. Two extremes, opposite on the scale.

We arrived and we were the 3rd and 4th. The minute we got there the hugs began and the 'OH MY GAWD [insert name]! How are you!?' began. And as we were standing in the doorway of TGIF it was like a huge welcoming and the more of us that turned up, the louder it got. Then being introduced to the +1's and making small talk.

Eventually our table was done up and we went upstairs. The night was full of stories ranging from 'do you remember when..." to random ghost stories. Moving around the table to chit chat with various people and basically doing a short run down of what's been happening. The swapping of the name cards to self pimp one self [hey, that's where networking starts].

There was another table next to us that was celebrating a birthday/farewell/something and as the night progressed so did their alcohol consumption. And because majority of our table were non-drinkers or had just broken their fast, we compensated by our loud voices and fits of laughter.

Eventually i made my way to the other end of the table, sipping my 2nd beer and inhaling my cigarettes after stuffing myself. Sat next to one of the boofy twinz, the engineer NOT the doctor and madame Maya Papayas... eheheh. Updating each other whether we're seeing anyone in particular. Believe it or not, Papaya even remembered my ex's name! Damn, what a good memory. There we sat and chatted about random things. Bursting into laughter over BoofyTwinEngineer's stupid stories and his very little singlet/wannabe crop top breast supporter... ehehe.


Half way through we were excused as one of the staff wanted a poloroid photo taken with MayaPapaya and she graciously excused herself and later returned and signed the bottom of the photo. We continued to talk and cracked jokes and then the camwhoring began. It wasn't so bad seeing that it wasn't my camera, i didn't want to hog NazalNaz's camera.

It was inching closer to midnight and it was time to say good-bye. And as always the farewells were split in stages...

1. Standing around and updating our phones with each others' numbers
2. The hugs and promises to keep in touch
3. When and where we can meet up next for a drunken get together
4. Walking closer to the door and squeezing in last minute chit chat
5. Repeat Step 2

So overall, i had a fantastic night. And i promised to do another get together when Boo-Boo aka my sister and her husband flies down in December. Seeing that the last time they saw my sister was more than 7 years ago. As well as any others who need to take a flight down. We'll do another dinner/drinks... yay for happy hour.

Lessons to be learned

Yes STUPID me not only forgot my mobile phone at home this morning but realised that i had only one dose left of my medication. So i nicely asked MissSeniorPisces if she would be so kind as to drive me home during lunch and then to the hospital so i could pick up my prescription. In exchange i'd buy her lunch. Deal.

So i put my house keys and wallet in my little bag and off AnBloodyMum, MissSeniorPisces and i went. 40 minutes later we got back to the office and i was completely preoccupied with my new IWantAKittyCat mission and juggling to finish off a deadline. I grabbed my wallet and chucked it in bag.

Then at 6.30pm, MissOrganiser picked me up from work and we made our way to the reunion dinner...

[DETAILS and PHOTOS OF THE NIGHT will be in the next post].

By the time we said our farewells, hugs, kisses and had our last laughs. I jumped in the car with ForeheadFariz and his beau since they were kind enough to send me home. It was just past midnight and seconds before i reached my main door, i realised...

SHIT... where the fuck are my keys?

I had left them in that little black bag that's nicely tucked away in my drawer in the office! I couldn't call ForeheadFariz to make a U-turn, my office keys were in my OTHER bag INSIDE my apartment and there was no way i was going to camp outside because i have to catch a flight in the afternoon and i haven't packed.

So the only thing i could think of was QUICK... CALL MY LANDLADY!

*ring riiiing* ... *ring riiiing*

Hello?

Hi [insert SuperNiceLandLady name]. Sorry to call so late but i was wondering if you have my spare keys to my apartment. I accidently left them in the office.

Ohhhhhhh [insert pause] Ok, let me try and find it.

Great... thank you sooOooo much! *click*

[2 minutes/2 blocks later... i arrive at their front door, i hear some keys and a voice behind the door...]

*mumble mumble* It's ok, she needs her spare keys because she left them in the office.

Staying as far away from their grill door hoping she couldn't smell the beer on my breath and a dozen thank you's later, i left. Feeling VERY relieved that i had remembered to pass her my spare keys, i made my journey back to my apartment.

LESSON 1: Don't forget to pass your spare house keys to a trusted friend/neighbor for moments when your absent minded self gets the better of you!

LESSON 2: Check whether you have everything [keys, wallet, money, IC, bank card/credit card] before you leave your apartment and office.

I am on a mission...

I've always loved animals minus fish that do nothing but eat and forget [sounds a bit like me]. Then there are birds that just flap endlessly and molt when it's that time of the season, looking more like it's preparing for a roast dinner than renewing their plumage. Bird fanatics will argue that one can train it to talk and sit on their shoulder. But i'd rather save myself from having my ears pecked at and fluro coloured droppings on my shoulder... thanks but no thanks.

Growing up i've always had some kind of pet around me whether it was a cat, dog, hamsters, cockatoos, parrots, budgies, terrapins, turtles, rabbits, goldfish, sucker fish and a lady bug.

And when i was in Melbourne i had adopted a year old cat from the Cat Adoption centre. Such a little bitch but so independent, i loved her. She lived comfortably in my two-storey town house with her little cat flap. Spoilt by the top end food range and the various treats that the pet stores sold. But when my student visa ran out and i decided to put her up for adoption.

My ex drove me to this cat home and cried like a baby. Filling out the forms and donating all her toys and comforters. Then calling every week to see whether or not she got adopted. And because they couldn't release the information about the new adopted family, i was certain she was going to be put down. But just before Christmas i called and the woman on the other line said that my baby Gemini had found a new home.

But i still miss her even though she never let me carry her! And even those times she refused to sit on my lap when i was lonely. Or snubbed me when i need comfort. Or even hogged MY side of the bed. But she had the most beautiful face and the most adorable purr that sounded like a mini helicopter. *sigh*

And every day i walk past this carpet store near where i work. And there are these fat arse cats lounging near the window and my heart melts every time i see them.

I WANT A KITTY CAT! Not too young and not too old. Adorable eyes and one that will love me and vice versa.

So my mission is to check out SPCA next weekend and find myself a little something to keep me company and something to love. She can listen to my endless dramas and purr to the sound of hardstyle blaring from my TV... ehehe.

Sunway 1996

If anyone would ask me 10 years ago, what i'd be doing 10 years from then, i would probably have said something along the lines of, hopefully in a graphic design firm, earning a decent wage and in some European country.

Well i got the first two right. And i clearly remembered me telling my mates back then, there is NO WAY i'm working in Malaysia. At the time, the thought of being in this country was far down my list of places to work. And because i jinxed myself by saying i'll NEVER work in KL, my fate has led me to be in this country. And after living here for 37 months, i'm still here.

Even to the point of finishing one contract with a super dooper international advertising company and then to be offered a job at an acclaimed graphic design company [which i must say, is probably one of the best decisions i've made in my 26 and half years].

Then to receive a friendster bulletin calling all Sunway College 1996 intakes and friends, that it has been 10 years and reunion is in order. Has it been 10 years already!? It didn't surprise me who was the sender as this girl is always the one to be on the ball when it comes to organising get togethers, even back in the day.

So yesterday i sent a SMS to confirm my attendance and because i am vehicle-less, MissOrganiser offered to pick me up after work. Since the dinner is tonight, i made an effort to dress somewhat normal and put away my 3/4 shorts and baby T. And now sporting a nice black top [specifically bought for when i go to those Ghetto nights at Zouk], a denim skirt and not forgetting my GAP slippers.

I look at the confirmed list of attendees. They're the group of close friends that hung out together during the lunches and breaks. A collection of my sisters' friends and mine. The same people that hung out at my folks' house when we lived in Taman SA, Damansara Heights. The same people that celebrated my sisters' 21st birthday [now 31]. And another who happened to be the girlfriend of another at the time. I'm still trying to get a hold of one guy but he hasn't replied to my SMS... i'll try again later [i hope i got his number right and haven't just invited some random stranger to the dinner].

Nicknames such as Iggy Piggy, Maya Papaya, Bumjam and Boofy Twinz still echo in my ears. But how many of them i've lost contact with due to my schedule or how Time just manages to move on. And as predicted each one of us went our separate ways. All i know is a few got married therefore has '+1' next to their name, another got famous and adorns the covers of practically every local magazine in store and others remain single or have recently become single and continue to make ends meet.

But all in all, i must admit i am actually looking forward to tonight's mini reunion. I hope somebody was smart enough to bring a digital camera.

Go on... light their fire!

Strike the match [click on the image] and help light
One Million Candles by December 31, 2006.

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The innocent victims of Internet child abuse cannot speak for themselves. They have the power to work together. You have the power to get them to take action.

A date to remember...

There was a time when little miss chris would sit down weeks before a celebration, annual holiday or birthday and draw or make a hand-made card for a recipient. Even to the extent of writing a full blown essay on the inside of the card congratulating them and how much they mean to her.

The simple 'thank you' or 'happy birthday' did not exist in her card writing.

And as time moved along and my metabolism rate slowed down, my ability to remember important dates did so as well. One would say managing ones' time is the key and one would think my history of tight deadlines and hectic schedules would require discipline.

Unfortunately, i think all that craziness short circuited something in my brain and the urgency of being one of the first to deliver a present or card is not one of my priorities. So i apologise in advance to all those i have not given presents to or have wished you a belated. I honestly did forget even with the numerous email reminders and scribbled notes.

And yes there are no excuses because between each celebrated day, one has ONE whole year to prepare for the next. So again, i apologise.

One particular date is the 29th of September 2006. The day that my big sister [although there were times i was convinced she really was my brother but with flaps... ahhahaha... sorry, personal joke] has her big day. [Technically it is her second marriage but i never met the first guy and from what i hear he's a complete wanker].

But my soon to be brother-in-law and sister live happily in Germany in a town i can never pronounce or remember. All i know is it's a small town and very different to the life that i am used to. I hear about her homemade jam, wool dying experiments with kool-aid and how tidy and recycling conscious her neighbors are.

Much has changed since the last time i saw her, it must have been over two years ago. And the last time we lived in the same country and under the same roof was in 2003 and even then we barely spoke or spent anytime together. And it was only during brief conversations on the phone that we giggled over stupid jokes or past events.

But i remember it was 1996 when we spent most of our time together. Although 5 years apart, we went to the same college and shared the same friends. I had just entered my mid teens and she was finally legal. We did practically everything together from fighting to getting completed drunk while clubbing. Well SHE would get drunk and i would end up having to take care of her... ahahhaha.

But anyway, back to my point. I have finally found a little something which i am in the process of putting together. And have finally found something that i like and will probably be able to withstand the hands of time. So when she's old and wrinkly [which of course isn't too far from now =p] she'll still have it stored in some shoe box marked...

However it will be late but i intend to DHL her pressie over to her village/town/mickey mouse looking town... ehehe. And one day, i'll make my way over to her side of the world and inhale the crisp air whilst downing my 1 litre German beer with my soon to be brother-in-law.

Looky Looky...

The Fairy does a write up for KLue and it's all about HS turning ONE! **SPANKEW HUN!**

PS what you talkin' about? I gave you a HS package when Ruums had their opening. Too bad that it wasn't a baby T but at least now Adam can proudly wear it... ehehhe. Don't worry, we'll be making more baby Ts in the future. I'm always fighting with the boys to make MORE baby Ts. Girls look CUTER in them anyway... ehehe. Ain't that right ladies?

Read about it >> [HERE] *cheers to eRic for the notification*

Truth be known...

I took a deep breath in and it was followed by a hollow wheeze. Stubborn to go to the doctor since i already know what he/she will tell me. She'll feed me a list of anti-biotics, some gluggy tasting liquid and some lozenges. Nodd and dismiss me and i'm thrown into the waiting room until the nurse hands me even more drugs for my system. So instead i'm self medicating myself and sipping cough mixture out of the bottle, like those drunken homeless hobo's [minus the homeless, drunk and hobo]. Basically i'm just sucking down the non-alcoholic liquid that promise to "loosen & relieve chest congestion".

And whilst i was making my mocha in the pantry [yes i know coffee/caffeine is a complete NO-NO when one is sick but you know what... fuck it]. I need a holiday. The last 'real' holiday was in February in 2005 when i went to Melbourne for nearly 3 weeks. It wasn't much of a holiday since i spent most of the time reliving my raver days and venturing out meeting all sorts of people. I remember getting very little sleep because i didn't want my time there to feel like i had literally slept my way through. Time was running out and i had to meet up with friends i hadn't seen in 2 years. Even those friends i pushed away and those friends i lost contact with.

Melbourne holds so many good/bad/ugly/funny/great/sad memories.

And as we're inching towards the end of September, i can only hope that within 6 months, i'll have saved enough money to visit my 'gay-lil-fucker' Paulstar and stay up all night and sip glasses of champagne. And as selfish and somewhat self centered i thought my polly waffle was, i miss him so very much! Although we barely chat nowadays, i do occasionally think of him and our many crazy adventures. I love you honey!

But between now and then. I need to focus on getting better [in more ways then one] even if it means telling complete strangers my story so i can hunt down the source of my daemons.

Let it be known this is NOT meant to be an award winning moment...

I like paper + pretty pictures + words

I rarely read every article in those female magazines. Flipping past each page until i see a story that 'seems' interesting or review on a certain brand. But often you'll find me flip back and forth and lose interest until i find something else that stimulates my visual sensory. I was an avid reader of those teeny bopper mags that would list dozens of pointless quizzes that would define you into a category. Eager to dive into and learn about the latest gossip rumors, make-up techniques and 101 ways of attracting Mr. Right.

But then, just now, it dawned on me, you know you're getting older [wiser/concerned about the welfare of others] when you see stacks of magazines in the stationery store and without thinking twice you're inclined to pick up the one that screams for your attention. I guess that's why they hire designers to do the layout to attract a certain market.

There was the choice between picking up the beautifully photo shopped face with the embedded bold typeface that promises to share the 'what makes YOU more sexy' secrets. Versus another, more than twice the price and half the amount of pages sitting quietly beside it.

A crude black and white, untouched snapshot of a tribes man adorned with permanent facial artwork. With a simplistic yet thought provoking sub title ...Beauty or Art? I forked out my hard earned cash for the latter.

However i did fancy taking home the latest Wallpaper* 10 years; 1996 - 2006. It allows me to drool over designery fittings and furniture that is beyond my budget. And continues to put me in awe over cleverly designed architecture and product design that is just too cool and a must have, regardless whether it's worth its' hefty wallet damage. *sigh*

I guess that's what dreams are for.

Reminiscent

I think i am officially ill. I spent most of last night trying to silence my cough but i don't think it worked. I wouldn't be surprised if i woke up my neighbors. Was considering not coming into work that way i wouldn't contaminate my surroundings but figured, unless i'm bedridden or my bones can't stand up straight to carry my weight, i might as well make it to work.

Keeping my talking to a minimum and sitting cross legged on my arm chair, i listen to the PHARMACY CD 1: mixed by Hellraiser. What a shame that he didn't make it to KL cause i was looking forward to hearing and seeing him play. But in a way it's good cause i wasn't in top shape and dancing whilst he plays would require some intense concentration... ooOOooer the bass is absolutely bangin' ... it's dark and so dirty, i love it! [Gawd i miss Melbourne].

And plus i spend the first four hours of the night working the door and making sure everything is settled that by the time i DO manage to enjoy the music there's only less than three hours left.

Then i spend the next hour or so, running around taking photos and drinking as much as i can before i end up getting tired, that i end up going backstage to chill or lurk behind the console to take more pictures. And by the time i get the pics, it's way overdue. But nevermind, once i get the pics off Chook, i'll post them up.

I seriously need to buy myself a new camera, it's annoying having to rely on other peoples' camera, it's not like i'm The Uploading Queen, i'm even worse at updating my photo album since it takes me forever and a day to even be bothered and when i do manage to, it's usually in sudden bursts.

Infectious Sunday

So i made it through the night. And considering that i wasn't in much of party mood, i made extra effort to pull on a happy face and keep my mind occupied. Arrived at the club just before 8pm but only then realising i had forgotten my I.C. And going by the number of raids at various clubs in KL, the last thing i need is to be locked up cause i have no identification on me.

Imagine trying to convince the coppers that i'm not some illegal alien that so happens to be clubbing and forcefully declaring that i am above the legal age, when i could easily pass as a college student.

So being the gem that Goatboi is [and mainly because i kept going on about WHAT IF there was a raid] he took my house keys and drove all the way back to my place to get my Keypass and photocopied passport. THANK YOU! So while i [wo]manned the counter and chit chatted with BeerBaby, Llama Llama, Wing boy and stoopidfish, i eagerly waited for that plastic card that states WHO I AM.

And during which time was informed that Hellraiser was not going to be playing due to unforeseen circumstances [reason is known but i don't see that it's necessary to share, although i TOTALLY sympathise and know EXACTLY how it feels].

But Derb did an excellent job nonetheless. And i even scored a Pharmacy double CD [which i shamelessly asked Brad for cause it was JUST sitting in the dressing room]. Then taking advantage of the opportunity and got Derb to sign the CD, which made me feel like one of those groupies but fuck it... i got my pics taken with him and we all shared a few laughs backstage.

Unfortunately, i did not get slaughtered but found entertainment in watching everyone else drink themselves silly. Eventually it was time to say goodbye and although i had agreed to go to an after party and have another round of Chinese Tea. I decided in the end that i'd go home. Figured that i needed more sleep and didn't want to do another Passed Out session like last weekend.

By the time i got home i nibbled on some snacks and passed out. But woke up several times during the night because of my endless coughing! I already knew that i was getting ill on Friday when my voice sounded a bit scratchy. It didn't help that my nicotine addiction just made it worse and my inability to say NO to a nice cold beer continued throughout the evening.

So my Sunday has left me nursing myself whilst coughing like a seal and my lungs continue to have its' own issues [most likely bronchitus or some kind of 'itus... i'm prone to get]. Then rounding up enough energy to do my household chores but i've gone as far as chucking my bed sheets in the wash and wedging myself between the cushions whilst watching Steve Irwin's Memorial on Animal Planet.

I doubt i'll accompany Chook to bring Kai [one of two guys that make up Derb] to the airport... i don't think it's right if i spread my germs to an International superstar just before he jumps on his plane.

The sky cries all day.

I spent most of my morning in bed, did my laundry and attempted to sort out the presales for tonight. But i got half way and the thought of taking a nap for an hour or two sounded more inviting.

Two missed calls, two messages and a phone call woke me up and the voice on the other end asking if i had received their message regarding presales. I could only assume one of the messages on my phone was his.

By then it started to rain and it hasn't stopped for the past 2 hours. My place is an absolute pig sty and is in need of serious cleaning up. So between sorting out presales and organising the database for tonight, i should round up enough energy to make my place somewhat decent. Hmmm... we'll see.

Oh and i am seriously considering going back home next weekend. It's Chook's birthday on Saturday but to be honest, i don't think my presence would make much of a difference. I don't think i'd be very good company and i'm sure he has other concerns. Plus i think i really need to be with my family. I haven't had very good thoughts and before i do anything dramatic, i think it's best that i go home for a little while.

Anyway, tonight HS pres Pharmacy; Derb from Germany and Hellraiser from Australia but for some reason, i don't feel excited. This is what happened during HS' Anniversary, i fell into one of my dark clouds and it was more irritating than sad. The thought of being in public made me feel worse.

But as much as i'd like to stay at home tonight, i've made a commitment to MaBoss and HS that i'll be there tonight and work the door. I'm expecting a lot of people tonight, i'm just hoping everything runs smoothly and we manage to pack up the place *fingers crossed*

Behind the curtains.

Yesterday wasn't exactly one of my "good" days. Not only was i emotional, edgy and circulating around my dark cloud but the whole confrontation just put me into one of my moods.

So in times like those, i'd rather waste my time in the supermarket buying groceries so i can feed myself. Ended up cooking pasta + tuna + roasted tomatoes and sat in front of the tv. I didn't bother lurking around the internet or eavesdropping on blogs. I ate. I watched. I took my magic pill. I slept. I woke up. I slept. I woke up again.

Maybe i am very 'private' person. People in general make assumptions about others based on their looks and how outgoing they are. I'm no different, i do it out of habit. But in my reality, i live a semi-quiet life. Probably more quiet than anybody thinks.

I have a pool of friends that i consider close and i'm sure if i were in trouble, they would be there to help. Although, i probably only consider them close because i see them more than anybody else. What i tell them may just be the same as i tell anybody else, plus or minus a few facts and stories. But in the recent months i have taken a step back and excluded myself from them. Not because i feel sorry for myself but because i don't want the way i am to affect them and plus i feel that i'm in a different place in my life. I've lost interest in many things that i loved so much, for reasons i don't know. I'm not lazy, i just really cannot be fuct. If it weren't for HS or BAXX events, i doubt i'd see them at all. I don't blame people since it has nothing to do with them... it never did.

Which is where that sentence i loathe comes in... "It's not you, it's me".

Some of you may ask yourself but she looked fine yesterday. What's wrong with her now? Well i can't answer you. I don't know. If i knew, you think i'd be like this. I make every effort to surround myself with things i like, whether it's purchasing new luxuries or as simple as cooking myself dinner. Trying to take care of myself, just so ONE DAY i will bounce back and be the person that i am meant to be. [Maybe i should be hypnotised that way i can go deep into my subconscious and find out the source of all my issues].

I have even considered looking for a new shrink. I have come to terms that i don't fully trust anyone. So how much can i say to a total stranger? She's there to listen, pitch in her 2 cents and sign off my prescriptions, that's all. Maybe the whole 3rd time lucky approach, will help. That's not to say my current one is bad, if anything she's like a mother figure and she's comforting. But i don't need sympathy, i need someone to tell me what is wrong with me.

Impatient? Very. Frustrated? Definitely. Tired of it all? Yes. Lonely? I have my moments.

AM : PM

Do YOU have a sleeping disorder?

I do. Take the Sleep Test [here].

Sleep Test Results

This test may help you recognize and detect symptoms of sleep disorders. The test is intended as a general source of educational information and does not contain medical advice. It should not be used for diagnosis or treatment. Getting an evaluation by your own personal physician is the best way to determine if you have a sleep/wake disorder.

My Sleep Test Results

• You show symptoms of sleep apnea, a potentially serious sleep disorder. People with sleep apnea quit breathing repeatedly, often hundreds of times during their nights sleep.

• You show symptoms of insomnia, which is defined as a persistent inability to fall asleep or stay asleep.

• You show symptoms of narcolepsy, a life-long disorder characterized by uncontrollable sleep attacks during normal waking hours.

• You show symptoms of periodic limb movement disorder, a disorder resulting in uncontrollable leg or arm movements during sleep.

Great!

Must LEARN to sleep early.

Had planned to meet up with Chook for drinks after work cause Brad and Derb are in town. But by the time i got home and i had stripped myself of my clothes and took a shower, i was in no mood to beautify myself and put anything decent on.

So instead, finished off my bag of tomato crisps. Then polished off the bread and made two tuna-melt sandwiches. Blogged about my not-so-productive day and then sat in front of the telly like a slob.

It was just past nine when chook called and already by the tone of my voice, he knew... i had already made up my mind that i was NOT going to be leaving my sanctuary.

Bored of my day and slightly paranoid that i was going to be late for work today, i popped a Stilnox in my mouth around 10ish and waited for it's magic. [Yes, they are prescribed and have been on them for over a year but i decided to stop taking them for awhile cause it became part of my ritual prior to me lying down... self moderation]. And although my shrink did say it's not addictive and are not REALLY classified as sleeping pills but SLEEP INITIATORS... it helps me to shut down prematurely. But this little 10mg pill stays in your system only a few hours and i ALWAYS end up waking up a few hours later and rudely detaching myself from my subsconsious.

By 2am my eyes sprung open and i could hear the TV outside and my room had started to become stuffy. Feeling a little refreshed, went to the living room to switch off all the electrical appliances and unnecessary light sources. Crashed on my bed and didn't bother taking another Stilnox... two hours later, i was up again. And then two hours after that [typical and i've gotten used to].

By 8.20am [and 10 minute intervals] my alarm[s] started going off. Lay in bed listening to the radio, which i have yet to change the station because i'm so damn lazy, that i'm stuck on Hitz.Fm. Lay in bed past 9 and did the whole shower + beautification ritual after. Was out into the wilderness by 9.30.

Long story short... i made it to work ON TIME *wonders what TODAY has in store for me*

Is it over yet?

Today has to be one those, ISeriouslyCannotBeFuctKinda days. I'm not sure whether it's the increase in temperature but i already knew my day was gonna start off on the wrong foot.

I remember hearing that irritating beep from my phone but i managed to drown it out and passed out again. Next thing i know, it's 10.40am and i'm sprinting out of bed like it was on fire and raced into the shower. Then grabbing the first thing i saw in my closet [yellow Emily the Strange baby T and black 3/4 shorts]. I made no effort to accessorize or attempt to girl-lify myself.

Racing down the driveway and hailing the first cab that drove past. By the time i got to the office, i threw myself onto my chair and gathered my composure and still with a slight puffiness to my eye, i dived right into my work and pretended to be in deep concentration.

That was until the thought of food circulated in my brain. Which then distracted me and all i could think about was what to eat. It didn't help that i felt like i had ran a marathon and my exhaustion level had gone up another notch. Suddenly, i had become so very tired... i swear the bean bags beside me were screaming, "LIE ON ME!"

But i nestled myself on my chair and cushioned my ears with my headphones.

I think i'm getting enough sleep, even if it is disrupted and is STILL accompanied with vivid dreams. I definitely have a semi-healthy vegetarian diet [my average meal can feed at least two and i'm definitely not shy about finishing it all]. But my energy levels go up and down like a indecisive yo-yo. I'm not sure what it is but i'm slowly slipping back into this IDon'tWannaBeHere mode.

By mid afternoon, no amount of caffeine or my dose of medication could wake me up. Suddenly, i felt anxious, not sure what i could be anxious about. But everything around me suddenly started to irritate me. I SO KNOW THIS FEELING and i don't like it.

Made every effort to distract myself but it only got worse. It was already past 6.30pm, so technically, i could get off work. So packed up my stuff and MissSeniorPisces and i headed to Goss:ps and Cats Whiskers in search for something black that i could wear.

Couldn't find anything, so bought a bag of Tomato flavored crisps and got a ride home. And before i even got to my main door... i had already stuffed my hand in the bag to get another handful. Don't be surprised if i die a sad, medicated, lonely, single, potato stuffed wench!

Round 2 *ding ding ding*

Let it be known... the oversized granpa of all ghecko's that had found sanctuary in my kitchen has just crawled under the door, onto the balcony and into the wilderness...

10 minutes later: Just as i was celebrating and stuffing newspaper in between the gap, i saw it's baby cousin in the opposite corner of my kitchen... behind me.
.
.
.

I...
spoke...
too soon.

There is love...

6pm: It took 3 days for the bank to call me to remind me that my credit card was due. And before she could even say that i was late, i aplogised repeatedly and said i was going to pay by the end of the day.

Which worked out fine. Seeing that it was on top of my To Do list for Tuesday. So after work, i made my way into the city to pay off my bill, seeing that i had agreed on meeting the InterestedClubOwner this evening.

8pm: Having no idea what the person looked like, i scanned the place as though i knew who i was looking for. Sat outside and lit a cigarette and soon received a phone call. It was a male voice and as i looked around eyeing any person who was using their phone at the same time. A guy was standing inside and the voice on the other line said...

"Hi... Christina. Is that you with the glasses?"

I spent the next two hours chatting with the husband and wife team. And on first impressions, one would never guess they ran a night club. It was really nice to hear that my efforts as a promoter was being heard, not only to local clubbers that attend HS and BAXX nights but to others who have the same passion of introducing a genre to a scene that is virtually non-existent.

I chatted with them about how HS started and talked to them not only as a HS crew but someone who has a real passion for the music and pure dedication. And to hear from two complete strangers, that my efforts as a promoter on various forums is not only heard but is looked up to and commendable, feels really good. Being grateful and appreciated means a lot to me.

The role as a promoter for HS and BAXX, is beyond the number of clubbers i get under my presale list. And hearing myself speak to these two strangers, as to my reasons for putting so much of my time into it, made me realise that there are people out there who really do appreciate my efforts. Believe me, i'm not being forced to be a promoter and neither am i being paid a sum that i could live off of. I do it because i love it. If anything, the small amount i get, is like pocket money. Instead of ordering just a main meal, i can upgrade to the Large size or get the dessert [figuratively speaking of course].

Money doesn't grow on trees [as much as we'd like it to be]. But it just so happens i have a great day job that allows me to grow into a Creative person that i intend to become and fortunately, it pays for my bills, rent and luxuries. But it was never about money, although who wouldn't want a bigger bank account and have extra disposable income?

I admit, it's not easy being a promoter. As it involves a shit load of time. Whether it is rounding up enough confidence to speak to strangers, educating people about a genre, notifying media, speaking to contacts, convincing them that there is more out than RnB in this world or spending hours on end in forums to get to know the market and so on.

It's not as simple as rounding up your circle of friends. I've learned in the past year to jump out of my comfort circle and to show others, that we, i am just like them... nothing special and quite ordinary. And during which time, people can put aside the pretentiousness and the snobbery because honestly, that can get you only so far.

And with music, it was and still is my saviour. Although i wouldn't have a clue what to do if i were thrown behind the decks and what knobs to turn. [Deep in my heart, i am a wannabe DJ... i guess i fear rejection and making an absolute fool of myself].

So for the time being i will take satisfaction in promoting for what i believe in, whether or not the majority of clubbers in this country feel the same, i on the hand have complete faith not only to the genre, the Bass Agents but to the fact that the Power of Words can in fact influence and encourage ones' dream.

It all dePENds...

I am a sucker for stationery. Ever since i was a kid, my parents would wait for me patiently whilst i doodle on the scraps pieces of paper finding the ONE pen that would keep me happy.

And after drawing various smiley faces and scribbling the words...

THIS PEN IS NICE! HOW IS YOUR PEN?

Eventually i would trot along to the cashier proudly waving my soon-to-be new purchase. That was until we came across another stationery store and i'd be at it again.

Now at 26 with boxes full of pens, pencils of various sizes and shades, you will STILL see me head towards the multi-coloured section and testing out various kinds. And today was no different. Prior to lunch, AnBloodyMum declared that she had to go and buy a pen. Which was great timing since the pen i had come accustomed to had mysteriously fallen apart after i kept twisting it open and closed during my last HS meeting [serious habit, that i need to break]. And now it sits in my other bag without the warmth of my right hand cushioning it.

So anyway, after lunch we headed to Czip Lee's in search for my pen. Came across a fancy German "Lamy" Pen. Which i must admit was absolutely lovely. It sort of looked like a tampon but by clicking the top it extends. It came in matte red, silver and black. Very shwish but i can't justify paying RM180 for a pen that probably wouldn't fit in the loop hole of my filofax and i'll end up playing with it so much that it springs open and breaks. BUT STILL I LIKE!

So browsing at the cabinets, nothing grabbed my attention... hmmm.

That was until, i came across the Faber Castell section. And after fondling various ones it came down to two. I finally chose the Faber-Castell E-Motion Twist Ballpoint Pen - Black FBC148341. The whole body feels like it's rubberised [much like batman's suit] and has this smooth twisty-kind-of-motion... ooOoooer... fancy.

I just hope all that twisting motion won't lead to me breaking it but seriously, it is trés cool! And for RM80, i can fondle it as much as i want! It's little and fits my little hands.

Must get done today.

So i made it through the night only waking up once. And it wasn't the crying eye that woke me up but the sound of silence. Slightly confused about where i was when clearly i knew where i was but unsure how long i had slept.

It was less than 4 hours since i decided to go to bed. But i was glad that it was still dark outside which only meant i could get more shut eye.

I had spent my evening replying to emails that were way over due and doing the accounts for the presales. Which most of you know, takes me awhile because numbers and i don't mix well, it doesn't matter the calculater proudly displays buttons that could impress even a semi-blind person. Trying to match up the numbers with the outcome and trying to back track based on the markings on the sheet requires deep concentration.

But alas, i got it done... so that's ONE LESS thing to do before next week.

One thing that's bugging me now is that i STILL haven't gotten around to paying off my credit card bill. I'm USUALLY on time when it comes to handling my finances. But i've just been preoccupied with other things that it slipped my mind. SO I MUST GET IT DONE.

I received an email from an overseas club owner who has emailed me previously and apparently she has noticed the promotions that i've done in several forums for HS and BA and will be in KL for a short holiday. She wants to meet up for a chat. We're interested to see what she has to say, so i've agreed to meet up with her to see what her initial plans are. Sounds interesting.

BUT before i meet her... I MUST remember to PAY MY BILL! Otherwise, the bank will come after me with a butcher's knife and chop up my plants that i've painstakingly nurtured for the past year. And get started on this one tedious C.I job that i'm doing that is like an irritating splinter in my finger, that refuses to fuck off [pardon the language].

Eye cry!

Made a conscious effort to pass out before midnight but was distracted by Miami Ink and America's Next Top model [don't click if you don't want to know who won this season... because now i've just spoiled it for myself]. Next thing i knew it was inching closer to 1am and despite declaring my love for my bed, i found comfort lying on my couch in the living room. Eventually i picked up my lazy arse and made it to the bedroom.

And within seconds i passed out; lights on and specs still on my face. Then it was about 4am that i woke up to the rain pounding against the glass and my right eye deciding to be dramatic. Tears flowed one right after the other voluntarily and even having my bedside table light on made it worse. So me and my temporary mohawk stumbled out of bed to suss out the eye issue.

One word to describe it... PUFFY. Yes, a beautiful vision especially when the iris is surrounded by a seductive red vampire-ish tinge. So after repeatedly using the eye bath [in the dark] i was too knackered to pay attention to the stinging that i soon passed out.

That's when i dreamt i was in some play. I had a leading role in some school play but the costume i was going to wear was not yet ready and was about 4 sizes too big. It was probably one of the ugliest froo-froo dresses available. It was a cross between a bad 80's brides maid dress in white with yellow reflective material. Seriously, i would win the Worst Dressed Award in a minute and yet i still wore the damn thing.

And being pressured for time as my scene was coming up. The tailor was sewing ON these reflective yellow strips whilst the oversized dress was ON my body. Never mind that i was stabbed by the needle and the back felt like i had back pads [like shoulder pads but for the back... SERIOUSLY, i have no idea! The dress was fuckin' ugly, any additional elements would only enhance its' Originality element].

Next thing i know it's approaching 11am. Totally confused and unsure what day it was, it took me a few minutes to realise that yes, in fact it was Monday and YES i have that thing called work.

Was on my way to the office and still the crying eyeball was getting worse. It didn't help that the sun felt like lemon juice was being applied to my eye. So i sacrificed my eye sight and took off my specs and put on my sunnies. Made a quick pit stop at Japan Medicare and was later discharged with 2 eye ointments.

So here i am with my very sad eye and me wearing my sunnies in the office hoping that my eye will return to it's sparkly self SOON! Don't cry for me little one.

Three Gals and a Pau

So last night we had Bass Agents & Friends with DJ Bone and Poison Violet. It was a slow start but by 1am more and more people started coming in. Considering Groove Armada was playing for a Heineken event at KL tower, i'd say we managed to get in quite a few people. Although presales weren't so hot but nevertheless, the dance floor was busy and people were dancing. I am SO looking forward to next weekend's event... HS pres Pharmacy.

Not sure who's camera i used [i believe it was Violet's, so once she posts them up i'll shamelessly steal them from her and post them up] but i was busy snappin' away and randoms and taking shots of the crowd.

I was heaps tired all day but by the 2nd jug of beer, my attention span grew and i was feeling slightly more energetic. And in my slightly intoxicated state agreed to go to an after party. But within 15 minutes of getting there, i realised that drinking more beer suddenly made me more tired. I excused myself and said i just wanted to lie down.

Next thing i know it's 10am. Not sure what time i crashed but it was a good 5 hours at least. So much for the drinking. By the time i got home my bed was my best friend and slept for another 3 hours.

I had agreed to meet up with AnBloodyMum, Charsiew Pau aka SashaPau and MissSeniorPisces in the afternoon. And was feeling EXTREMELY exhausted and slightly ill. What happened to the days that i could party all night 3 times a week and still have enough energy to frolic all over the place?

Got to AnBloodyMum's place and SashaPau was there. SO FUCKING CUTE! But i am convinced that babies don't like me. And after MissSeniorPisces attempted to entertain her with random toys, SashPau quickly grew bored. Which was the time that i got my 2 minutes of holding the little thug and all was good until AnBloodyMum decided to leave the room to get her bottle... and she started to wail and two miniscule sized tear drops peeped over her lower eye lids in sync. It was so adorable.

We headed to BSC and did the whole baby outing with the girls. You've seen those young mothers in Bangsar that chit chat over lunch with their babies soundly asleep beside them. Only difference was, there was only one mother at the table, a recovering-drunken Fish and a Yoga-ing Pisces. But it was still good fun to watch SashaPau drool and make random grunts.

So after inhaling food at Dome whilst SashaPau had a nap in her fancy McLarren push buggy. Our little outing was accompanied by the random waiter and waitress oogling over SashaPau. And as we were putting the pram in the boot, i had the responsibility of holding the little thug and surprisingly, she didn't cry.

Looking at my reflection... it dawned on me... SHOULD i ONE day have a little thug of my own... i would look like those cool 'rocker' type mothers that rests my kid on my hip and proudly displays my tattoo on my arm which cradles and supports my own little pau. How strange will THAT be! Although that won't be happening anytime soon! There is no man/boy in my life or any huge commitments any time soon... don't worry. I have issues taking care of myself let alone another child.

So instead, i bought myself 2 potted plants. Don't ask... i have no idea why. Yes i do... impulse buying.

At least i know it won't keep me up at night and scream voluntarily if i don't pay attention to it. Is hell of a lot cheaper and i won't be accused of being a bad mother should i neglect or forget to talk to it. Best of all, the only poop i have to deal with are 2 scoops of fertilizer once a week.

Crazy

Gnarls Barkley: I don't know what it is, but i actually really like this song... The video is pretty neat too. Check out their website.

Half my day gone...

Yea well, so much for me waking up early and doing my errands. But i must admit... i had GOOD INTENTIONS!

I...
Just...
Woke...
Up...
Half...
An...
Hour...
Ago.

And i have NO excuse like "i was so slaughtered last night i can't remember what time i got home". I crashed at about 6am despite me grumbling all day that i was heaps tired and couldn't wait to pass out... ok, so i lied.

By the time my eyelids scraped open past my eye balls... it was 3.17pm.

SHIT.

My credit card bill is due today. Stress... STRESS i tell ya! It totally sucks that the money i need to get is from one bank and my card is from ANOTHER. And due to this country's clever planning. These two banks are no where near each other OR near me for that matter!

I'm sooOOooo lazy... hungwee and schleepy... *concentratration is NOT on MAX mode* Imma make some eggs on toast... WHY!? Cause i can and i'm hungry and i will.

Sober early morning.

It's funny how Time manages to change a person. What used to be routine and a habit that one thought would be hard to break, is suddenly something that is not on the top of my list of things To Do after a week at work.

I'm talking about my weekly, if not daily attempt to get completely shit faced and ramble on to with strangers about topics i can never recall the next day. And as much as i adore the taste of black label + water/green tea + the random conversation with some equally intoxicated stranger + the occasional drunken pash... nothing beats staying at home watching the first six episodes of Season 4 of Queer As Folk or whatever season of series.

There is no need to dress up, strike up [a] conversation/s, check whether my make-up is temporarily attached to my face, down glass after glass of beer to keep me entertained and best of all there aren't half a dozen wasted girls standing in front of me waiting to go to the loo.

I guess i will reserve all of that for what will happen in about *counts...* 20 hours minus the dressing up part... there will be no SlingBackPeepToe stilettos this evening... bring on the harder tunes, i say!

MY TO DO LIST [when there is day light]:

• Laundry: colours/whites
• Vacuum/mop
• Tidy: EVERYWHERE
• Do the dishes
• Water my already dehydrated looking plants
• Sort out Presales for BA & Friends [16 SEPT 2006]

PROPHECY: Chaos Theory in MELB ~ 29 SEPT 2006

Like it hard, fast and dirty?

We do too, so when the first Prophecy is introduced tio to Melbourne, we want you there for a sensational night of dancefloor demolition and crazy party antics. Bring a spare set of ears because you’re going to need them!

Prophecy Chaos Theory will be bringing out the big guns in the dark arts of dance hardstyle, hard trance, gabber, hard dance and everything in-between. The more fucked up and frenetic it is, the more we love it!

Already wearing their party hats for this momentous occasion are three of the Europe’s most formidable and iconic DJ/producers, the heroes of hardstyle themselves –Lady Dana, The Prophet and Gizmo and an A-Team of Aussie talent and you’ve got yourself a world-class event that will set your feet on fire.

All we need you to bring is your presence, so get your friends together and make a pilgrimage to Prophecy for one helluva ballistic bash.

Unleash your inner freak and embrace the Chaos theme – anything goes!

Main room LINE UP includes:
Lady Dana, Prophet, Gizmo , Bass Agents [Malaysia], Soul-T, Hellraiser, Jewelz and Karpe DM
+
Trix, Kyp, Voog & Pazzle, Sam Young, Otek, The Linquent.

------------------------------------------
VENUE
Room Nightclub
680 Glenferrie Rd, Hawthorn
Over 18s Only. ID is Required
Door Open 10PM

------------------------------------------

Pure Hard Dance PHD
Every Saturday from 7.30am @ Inflation.
For more info: www.pureharddance.com

$25 - 1st release
$30 - 2nd release
$35 - Normal

All tickets available through www.loadedentertainment.com.au

Ticketek - All stores 132849
Glue - Highpoint 9318 7277
Glue - QV Building 9650 7764
HMV - Chadstone 9564 7588
HMV Dance Dep - Bourke St 9654 8533
Inacoma Clothing - Ringw’d 9879 4944
Ministry of Style - Fitzroy 9419 4952
PHD @ Inflation [Saturdays]

--------------------xox----------------------

I soOOooo wish i was going to support my boys and rawk it to the Prophet, Lady Dana, Jewelz.. *sigh* but little me has to stay back and do that thing called WORK. I guess there's always next year. We'll see.

I have no point.

Isn't it strange how when female friends meet up for a social outing, an array of topics will be discussed over a caffeinated or alcoholic beverage. One may update the other about the latest gossip or how one has occupied themselves in the past X amount of hours. And in some cases, the subject matter may steer towards bagging the shit out of some other female. Whether or not the accusations are true or not is not the point.

And like a pack of savage beasts, women will verbally rip her to threads. Calling the victim various names from the common 'BITCH' to more extremes. And much like the collective powers of Captain Planet, each woman responsible for the destruction of the victim's reputation, their 'powers' grow steadily as a unit.

But why is that? Why do women [not all obviously] find it necessary to back stab or talk badly about others in order to feel better about themselves. Instead of silently fuming, they release their hatred and disgust by voicing it out and in fact, influencing those ears that happen to be eavesdropping.

I'm not saying that i'm an angel. I'm far from it. We've all bitched at one point in or lives. It could be as miniscule as commenting about a stranger that walks by to even pinpointing their very own friends' faults and blowing it out of proportion.

I remember back in the day when i was in high school. I so happened to hang around with a bunch of girls [later be informeed to be the 'popular' female group]. And thinking back to what i used to be like and what i am like now, i have changed drastically.

I remember i got into a heated argument with my mom. I'm not sure what the problem was but i was forever getting into trouble and doing the absolute no-no which was to answer back. Always trying to have the last word and standing up for what i believe in even if it meant i'd be grounded.

And i remember my mom said to me... Don't be such a Bitch!

And at the time, that just gave me one more reason to despise her. I continued to rant and rave about how i was never given any freedom. When clearly, my parents were very lenient despite me testing their patience on a regular basis. Maybe it was the adolescent transformation into a teenager syndrome.

I was later sent to boarding school [i'm only assuming it was so i could discipline myself and get a better education]. And at the time i took it as punishment and their way of making sure that i wouldn't see my 'then' boyfriend [whom they despised and didn't want me to associate with].

I had gone from TheDaughterWhoWasABitch and always wanted to be out of the house to ATeenagerWhoHadFallenDeeplyInLove with some other boy and spent most of her time with. This continued for 7 years and as each birthday candle blew out, my circle of female friends reduced and so did my collection of friends.

I had gone from one extreme to another. We both moved overseas and got the education that would allow us to wave our degrees. And it was those 5 years in Melbourne that transformed me.

And to the concern of my folks, they insisted that i go out more. Apparently, i wasn't going out enough. They wanted me to go out with friends. I momentarily forgot what it was like to HAVE friends. I had cooped myself at home or at my boyfriends' place and living in world that WE only knew. It was like playing Husband and Wife minus the ceremony.

But i look back to what we HAD. And it was like an Obsession and you know that saying... Always be with a Man that loves you MORE than you love him, did not apply to our case.

HIS priorities were always 1) Family 2) Uni 3) Work 4) Me/rockclimbing/friends.
Whereas, MINE were 1) HIM 2) Uni 3) Family 4) Friends.

Anti-social? Most defnitely. And then that's when the '7 year itch' changed everything. Things suddenly changed and it got only worse the longer it stretched.

Eventually, i learned that Death was not a solution to anything unless of course if i were suffering from a terminal illness but i forced to adapt to a new surrounding and with the help of medication scraped my remains and this is where i am at today.

My priorities have changed and are now 1) Hardsequence/BAXX events/Family 2) Work 3) Grocery shopping/errands. And should i bump into anyone i know in between any of those, that is when i'll be with company. I have little time for back stabbing, bad energy and jealousy. It's a waste of time and more importantly, i don't need that kind of negativity in my life right now. I don't want any part of it, not now or ever... it's draining and unecessary.

And i will continue to sail on the anti-social butterfly until something better comes along. And i remember telling someone i know, that i will float in and out of people's lives and just because i'm not there, doesn't mean that i have forgotten, i will be back...

I just don't know when.

Recharge: REVELATION 4 ~ 28 OCT 2006

28th October 2006 • Admiral Marina, Port Dickson • 6pm til LATE !

ooOOOoooo fuckin' er...
Give it up for my BA boys and Brendan aka Soul-T!!!
*i wonder whether Jill and the kids are coming toooOOooo... i guess i can just ask him*

Line UP : Naughty by Nature [US], Christian Smith [UK], King Unique [UK], Bass Agents [MAL] & SOUL-T [AUS].

*sigh* 25th November 2006

I WANT...

.
..
...
....

Am TOTALLY jealous that CommandoCunt aka MaBoss IS planning on going *cries* ... *faints*

I see white people...

So yesterday i held a short meeting for the promoters to pick up the Hardsequence presents Pharmacy flyers out of which only 4 turned up but never mind as long as they do their fair share of pimpin' i'm alright and if they don't, well a bit of arse kicking may wake them up... ehehe.

By the time we were done it was close to 10.30pm and after a few glasses of beer, i was ready to meet up with my colleague for the Superhero Charity event. I can't say much about it since the turn out was pretty bad and the high light was seeing the short capawera performance. Damn, one of them had a fully fit body *grumbles out of jealousy* And the next highlight was given free beer coupons... ehehe... MORE beer... yum.

Then MissSeniorPisces turns up with her entourage of Dutch friends [her ex/ the guy that i had 2 dates with, her ex's boss/friend, brother, his brothers' wife and their friend]. It didn't take long for us to consume the beer since we decided that i'd bring them to my much dreaded place: Velvet at Zouk. So before we left, i grabbed another bottle of Heineken and trotted along to their friends' car.

Arrived at Zouk and managed to use Chook's guestlist [THANKS bub] and after hugging the door chick [name i ALWAYS forget] and slightly intoxicated i pointed out that it's ME and *making a circular hand gesture like i was rounding up invisible cattle* the 'white people' and the dark one after... ahahha. Which i didn't mean, in any racist manner but until i heard those words spew out of my mouth, i realised how bad it must have sound.

Walked into Velvet and it was packed but not bursting at the seams. Found a table at the "VIP" area... in fact there were quite a few tables there. So out came the Black Label and the drinking continued. Had an intense conversation with the brother whom i just found out works with patients who suffer from depression. It was like an informal session except whilst i was jabbering on about my medication, i was taking sips of my whiskey + water.

Soon they wanted to hit the dance floor. European 'white people' dancing always cracks me up, they're all out there wavin' their arms about like there's no tomorrow, i love it. As for myself, i managed to stand BY the dance floor whilst my bag was behind the console and i continued to make silly faces at Terence C and Leonard T whilst they dropped classic 80's hits.

Eventually i returned to the bottle and chit chatted about something and it didn't take long for us to polish off the remains and downing double shots with water, just so they could 'shake their thang' on the dance floor.

So again i found myself leaning against the console and it didn't take long for my arm to be drenched with whiskey water and for some bloke to chat to me about something. I believe i was pimping Hardsequence and it must of been that time that i gave him my number. How i remember is when i received a SMS at 4.27am...

Hi Christina...nice meeting u at velvet...hope 2 see u at loft on friday nite...good9 n sweetdreams...

I didn't reply back and Friday night i intend to be lounging at home in front of the TV with a decent DVD shoved in my Wedgie player. So yea, sorry... there will be no booty shakin' at Loft on Friday for this young lass.

And upon exiting Zouk, APPARENTLY i was stopped by this Irish man with orange hair hence the mention of the 'orange leprechaun' by MissSeniorPisces in the previous comment. And apparently was mesmerised by my labret and MissDrunkenChatterBox went on and on talking about god knows what. And whilst the 'white people' and MissSeniorPisces tried to drag me out of the ever so exciting conversation that i don't recall. And if MissSeniorPisces had not told me this morning, i wouldn't have remembered i saw any orange leprechaun. But we bid each other farewell.

That was when i got into the car and in an intoxicated state found a bottle of water and happily drank from it and shared it amongst the sister and GuyIHadTwoDatesWith. And MissSoberSeniorPisces was our designated driver and we insisted that just because 3 intoxicated people had drunk from it, it was guaranteed that it was 'clean' and safe to drink. She didn't buy it and declined our offer.

I wake up this morning still drunk and confronted with a trail from the main door to my bedroom of my heels, jeans, hand bag and MatteEbony hooked up to the internet. I have no idea why i bothered to hook up my modem because it's clear that i was well intoxicated and in no state to type.

I guess living my life on the spontaneous side can in fact be entertaining and a hell of a lot of fun when alcohol is involved only problem is i wish i could remember ALL of it... ahahhaha.

Just Us Three

4 months has passed and my colleagues have come accustomed to seeing me in 3/4 shorts and baby T of some sort. BUT i made an effort yesterday to dress according to my gender. Even to the extent of my colleagues not even recognising me. Funny how ones' style can influence a persons' perception of another.

So yes. here are 2 of my colleagues... we chit chat, laugh, make numerous trips to the kitchen to nibble on crackers and update each other of the latest drama over a cup of coffee.

AnBloodyMum [name derived from one of her jobs that she's working on and let me tell you each day involves an array of colourful words]. A senior designer that sits directly opposite me and who has a 6 months old bub which i have yet to meet but have been shown numerous shots. She's like a little gangster thug and she's got this facial expression that screams DON'T MESS WITH ME BUSTER... ahahha... so cute. A true Eurasian baby girl that i am keen to nickname her as 'charsiew pau'... i don't know why... ahahha.

Then there's MissSeniorPisces aka CocoLatté who just returned from Perhentian and has serious tan lines hence the kopi + susu nickname< my shy attempt to introduce malay to this post. And not only she shares the same zodiac sign, works in the same office, was my Senior when i was a Freshman in ISKL but is the ex of this one Dutch guy i went on 2 dates with over 2 years ago. It still cracks me up... how fuckin' small this world is... six degrees of fuckin' seperation. We get along like a house on fire and she likes to smoke my Dunhill Lights.

And finally me... MadameTwoComputers aka Chrissie LikesToDrinkAlcoholAndForgetsEasily [reason will be told in my next post regarding last night's intoxicated mission] and the youngest of the three.

Pre-caffeine shot at Chimera

Still on the Superhero theme

Helpin' out my colleague spread the word... so if you're feeling charitable this Wednesday evening... do drop by Maison after 9pm. Proceeds go to charity. See ya there! [And no, i will NOT be in costume].

Super gay!

There are many benefits to sporting a short hair do A) Less drying time B) Consumption of shampoo and conditioner [if any] is reduced C) price of hair colour is much less etc. But with such benefits comes the hassles A) One must maintain the style by visiting ones' hairdresser regularly for trims B) Waking up with hair that has temporarily shaped itself into a mohawk C) Going through that 'in between' stage of neither short nor long.

So in a spontaneous mood i decided to get my hair cut. Dragged along Madame CocoLatté aka MissSeniorPisces since she wanted to watch a movie later.

And a quick pick-me-upper usually involves going under the scissors. Which probably explains the dramatic hairstyle change right after my ex officially dumped me for some other woman. I did the whole dramatic i-am-cutting-my-meter-plus-long-straight hair off just so i can cut away what was my past. [Let me tell you, my hair has gotten shorter and shorter in the last year unfortunately memories last longer].

So anyway, the humidity and the built up of clay that found residency on my strands was in desperate need of a touch up. So i hopped along to Inspiration Alan in Bangsar [same salon that cut my previous cut which originally looked like a mullet but i later got them to redo]. And was put in the hands of another senior stylist.

My first bit of instruction was... i do NOT want a mullet [long at the back and short on top]. Fine. So trusting this stranger with sharp scissors and me being in a i-cannot-be-fuct mode, i let him be creative. His answer was, "don't worry i won't make your hair look bad, i can tell by your style that you're creative..."

[And can i just say that to any of my readers who are in fact lesbians, please do not take any offence for what i am about to say:]

...and by "CREATIVE" i did not mean i want to look like a dyke. I may dress like a tom boi but i am certainly not butch or a full blown lesbian. I should be so lucky to even get individuals of the opposite sex looking in my direction let alone species of the same gender. And unless i am wrong but i am certain that the style he created is very much a Dyke haircut.

So Madame CocoLatté, myself and my dyke haircut ended up at Sushi King for dinner since we had an hour to kill before the movie started. And i'm not much of a film critic but let me just tell you that if there is one movie that goes beyond words, it's My Super Ex-Girlfriend.

Ok, the name in itself already hints it has to be a girly flick. And yes ladies, we've all been THE ex-girlfriend and for many we've seen the green eyed monster comes out to play once and awhile. And yes perhaps in our fits of anger and rejection, we might blurt out hurtful words like...

"oh what a bitch!? She stole my boyfriend... KILL KILL KILL".

When clearly, it takes two to tango and one would rather injure the 3rd party than the partner you were recently obsessed with.

Or maybe you've heard yourself say...

"...she's so beautiful, she makes me sick! I wish she was dead!"

Admit it, being the ex-girlfriend and having your heart broken can feel like you've just been stabbed in the back and had dozens of red ants poured over your open wound. The thought of seeing such a match made in heaven brings tears to your eyes and you would rather see their happiness bundled in a body bag than to live through the pain. And unless you have a psychotic streak in you and people would describe your attitude as Obsessive and deranged, the chances of doing 'real' harm is far from reality.

But going back to the movie, this script takes the whole ex-girlfriend to a SUPER new level!

I understand some movies may have a cheese factor involved. And by cheese i don't mean pornographic whizz off load. But this movie screams CHEESY to the max. I wonder what Uma Thurman [leading actress in Kill Bill] was thinking when she read the script. I can deal with Superman and Spiderman but to introduce G-Girl into the super hero picture, just doesn't cut it for me.

"G-Girl". What a lame arse excuse for a name for an arse kicking obsessive neurotic ex-girlfriend who has super powers from a fallen meteorite! And another thing, i wonder who G-Girls' stylist was and who he/she slept with because it is obvious that he/she needs to go back to fashion school. Enough said.

But honestly, unless you're into the whole combo package that involves a female super hero flying all over the city flashing her undies to the civilians down below just to save the city from a missile. And maybe you find it funny that this superwoman is able to break her boyfriends' bed and crack the plaster off the wall with the bed post whilst grinding in the missionary position... [i wonder why the audience found that part funny]. And if all that excites you, what better way to top it off but to add bad slapstick comedy into the mix.

Oh and for your information, according to Wikipedia it states... "The film has been viewed as a financial disaster according to Box Office Mojo, as the film took in a mere $8.6 million on its opening weekend and has made $21,408,693 domestically, and $25,425,750 worldwide as of August 13, 2006."