Last night i attempted to do a 'Carrie Bradshaw' minus the published book, 3 female best friends and a weakness for footwear that are referred to by the 'designers' name' rather than the common term, 'shoes'. But the minute i popped open MattEbony... i passed out... yes, i'm useless.
Maybe the book is doable but i pity the editor who has to painstakingly sieve through my content, grammar and spelling errors. Then getting over the excitement that i'll get paid for some poor soul who seeks enjoyment in reading about my exciting past. But then there is that risk that within months of the launch, i find my 200 odd page story stripped of its' cover and used as practice origami paper squares.
And with regards to the 3 female friends. Majority of my friends... or should i say, the people that i see regularly are male. There was an episode, a few months back where i'd do the whole 'let's do coffee' and let's waste the weekend together and enjoy each others' company.
But I always envied those who had 'girlfriends' to do their girly outings with, most of my female friends ARE or WERE the girlfriends of my male friends. Even at times i was subject to their jealousy, for what reason i do not know. Could it be as simple as i am female therefore i am a threat? Who knows.
Then it got me thinking over the weekend. I've been in this country for over 3 years now and strangely, i still feel like an outsider. That's not to say i intended to be all 'Malaysianised'. But i lack the history that accompanies the friends that i have made. It makes me feel like the new kid at school that tries to edge her way into a particular group.
Could it be that language IS my barrier? Is it my fault that i don't speak any other language than English? Maybe. I remember i was chatting with some friends some time ago and was showing them pictures of my friends in Melbourne. And one of their comments were, they're all 'gwai lo' [in cantonese describing 'white' people].
And they're right. Practically all my friends were white. It's not like i did it on purpose, perhaps i was just on the same wave length as my Aussie friends. And as a foreign student that often got mistaken as Vietnamese but with an odd accent, i never saw myself as different. But clearly i was several shades darker and much shorter but it was never an issue. I never thought much about the fact that i didn't have many asian friends back then. It's not like i have anything against Asians and i don't think i'm racist, hell i'm Asian aren't i?
But now working in a country that i blend in practically flawlessly and i'm inclined to hover around people who have been educated overseas and perhaps not so narrow minded. But why is it that i find myself unsure of where i stand. Unable to speak any other language than what i've been taught. My passport states that i'm Dutch but i have only visited the country as a tourist. I call myself Eurasian but what i really mean to say is that i'm a 'useless Eurasian' as i don't speak Dutch or any chinese dialect.
Many times i find myself in a conversation that i don't comprehend. My solution is to tune out. Why should they all suddenly speak English just for one person. Why should they change their ways? Isn't that what friends are for? Accepting one other despite their gene combination or whether they are bilingual or not. Isn't it just a combination of factors and whether one can tolerate the other?
Then it comes down to material items. I don't own Manolo Blahniks or Jimmy Choo's, the closest i've gotten to them is looking at them in catalogues or sneaking a peak at manicured feet that ooze 'i-have-disposable-money-so-what'. And like most, i jump on the band wagon of sporting fake PRADA. Simply because anything more does not fit into my budget. Although i must admit it must be nice to own an item featured in those high end brochures and can pay close to a months' rent. I don't have the luxury of being born in a ridiculously wealthy empire that gives me that option... so i stick with what i can afford, even if it gives me blisters. But i am forever in my £9.99 GAP Jeans deep purple slippers, they're like my second skin that never shed... and i have no problem with that.
So at 26 and a half years old, i can proudly say i have a valid driving license since 1999, a MacBook that i pay RM500+/- a month for the next 11 months, a fully furnished rented apartment with electrical wiring that probably dates back to the 1970s, an oversized gecko that refuses to leave my kitchen and 2 plants that scream for TLC.
I wonder what the next 6 months will hold for me and beyond?
Maybe the book is doable but i pity the editor who has to painstakingly sieve through my content, grammar and spelling errors. Then getting over the excitement that i'll get paid for some poor soul who seeks enjoyment in reading about my exciting past. But then there is that risk that within months of the launch, i find my 200 odd page story stripped of its' cover and used as practice origami paper squares.
And with regards to the 3 female friends. Majority of my friends... or should i say, the people that i see regularly are male. There was an episode, a few months back where i'd do the whole 'let's do coffee' and let's waste the weekend together and enjoy each others' company.
But I always envied those who had 'girlfriends' to do their girly outings with, most of my female friends ARE or WERE the girlfriends of my male friends. Even at times i was subject to their jealousy, for what reason i do not know. Could it be as simple as i am female therefore i am a threat? Who knows.
Then it got me thinking over the weekend. I've been in this country for over 3 years now and strangely, i still feel like an outsider. That's not to say i intended to be all 'Malaysianised'. But i lack the history that accompanies the friends that i have made. It makes me feel like the new kid at school that tries to edge her way into a particular group.
Could it be that language IS my barrier? Is it my fault that i don't speak any other language than English? Maybe. I remember i was chatting with some friends some time ago and was showing them pictures of my friends in Melbourne. And one of their comments were, they're all 'gwai lo' [in cantonese describing 'white' people].
And they're right. Practically all my friends were white. It's not like i did it on purpose, perhaps i was just on the same wave length as my Aussie friends. And as a foreign student that often got mistaken as Vietnamese but with an odd accent, i never saw myself as different. But clearly i was several shades darker and much shorter but it was never an issue. I never thought much about the fact that i didn't have many asian friends back then. It's not like i have anything against Asians and i don't think i'm racist, hell i'm Asian aren't i?
But now working in a country that i blend in practically flawlessly and i'm inclined to hover around people who have been educated overseas and perhaps not so narrow minded. But why is it that i find myself unsure of where i stand. Unable to speak any other language than what i've been taught. My passport states that i'm Dutch but i have only visited the country as a tourist. I call myself Eurasian but what i really mean to say is that i'm a 'useless Eurasian' as i don't speak Dutch or any chinese dialect.
Many times i find myself in a conversation that i don't comprehend. My solution is to tune out. Why should they all suddenly speak English just for one person. Why should they change their ways? Isn't that what friends are for? Accepting one other despite their gene combination or whether they are bilingual or not. Isn't it just a combination of factors and whether one can tolerate the other?
Then it comes down to material items. I don't own Manolo Blahniks or Jimmy Choo's, the closest i've gotten to them is looking at them in catalogues or sneaking a peak at manicured feet that ooze 'i-have-disposable-money-so-what'. And like most, i jump on the band wagon of sporting fake PRADA. Simply because anything more does not fit into my budget. Although i must admit it must be nice to own an item featured in those high end brochures and can pay close to a months' rent. I don't have the luxury of being born in a ridiculously wealthy empire that gives me that option... so i stick with what i can afford, even if it gives me blisters. But i am forever in my £9.99 GAP Jeans deep purple slippers, they're like my second skin that never shed... and i have no problem with that.
So at 26 and a half years old, i can proudly say i have a valid driving license since 1999, a MacBook that i pay RM500+/- a month for the next 11 months, a fully furnished rented apartment with electrical wiring that probably dates back to the 1970s, an oversized gecko that refuses to leave my kitchen and 2 plants that scream for TLC.
I wonder what the next 6 months will hold for me and beyond?
5 comments:
to date my fav post of 'midnight intimate coffee sessions with winkris' :D
and ya know what? as long a u're happy and merry, who cares bout them choo's eh
Hey Chrissie!
I think you're cool and you totally rock!
Many people would die to live such a full life like yourself.
ms.redd: lol @ 'midnight intimate coffee sessions with winkris'. Yea it's a bit like reading one those short stories at some seedy coffee shop with 2nd hand furniture that smells of ground coffee and stale cigarettes.
leewah: Thanks dave... *hugs*
I'm not sure whether i'd call my life 'full' but yea, i'm not complaining... i was just stating facts =)
hi pimptress! gosh, what u wrote is/was exactly how i feel and the funny thing is..im malaysian and yet i sometimes feel out of place or people just dont connect and once u do connect with them they leave.. sigh.. i think it just boils down to living and travelling aborad.. or could it be .. just being an ISKL-ite. as for female friends..there are people out there who dont find u a threat.. like me.. and we both dated the same guy..ahahahahahah
Yea man, that whole 'i-dated-the-same-guy-as-you' thing still cracks me up! How freaky is that!?
Well i didn't mean that EVERY female speciman out there thinks i'm a threat... i'm not THAT damn special. But this world is too damn small with all these 'stray fish'... ahahhaahaha.
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